Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts and all related characters are property of Square Enix. I claim no ownership to them.
Warning(s): crack
Note(s): Ahaha. 'Got the idea for this while I was using my neighbor's pool. (While they weren't home, of course. ;D)
The bit of Lexaeus x Zexion is totally for archy the cockroach, because she helped me with this. xD
One Trillion Degrees
By Oblivion Sky
It was like one trillion degrees.
And the power was out.
Demyx sighed heavily, flopping back against the curb he was sitting on. The pavement felt like a stovetop against his back, but he was too drained to stay upright. Hell, he could barely keep his eyes open. Sweat was coating his entire body, and the hair gel he used to style his mullet was melting.
Ugh, gross.
Of all the days for the neighborhood to lose power, it just had to be today.
He could see his friends outside as well, trying to find ways to fight the blistering heat. Axel and Roxas were running through sprinklers. Lexaeus was lying in the shade with Zexion. Xigbar and Xaldin were eating popsicles. Marluxia was trying to drown himself with a garden hose. Vexen had his head stuck in a tub of ice. Larxene was trying valiantly to work a battery-powered fan without using batteries. Luxord was fanning himself with a deck of cards. And--
'Oh, gods, Xemnas is sunbathing naked!'
What was even more disturbing, though, was that Saïx was watching him from behind a row of topiary.
Hurriedly turning away and blushing wildly, Demyx returned to his previous dilemma of trying to figure out a way to stay cool. His own sprinkler system wasn't working, and neither was his freezer... The air conditioning had long since been wiped out, and every fan he owned was completely useless...
But wait! He had a pool, didn't he?
Yes, yes he did!
Grinning ecstatically, the blond clambered to his feet and headed back down the street to his house. However, once he was on the porch, he paused. Shouldn't he invite everyone else over, too? It wouldn't be fair if he kept his nice, blessedly cool pool to himself, right?
'Pool party, baby!'
And with that, Demyx frolicked off.
...Yes. Frolicked.
---
The plan was a success. Fortunately, the pool was large enough to fit all thirteen of them, and then again, not everyone was in the water at once. (Which, they supposed, would be very, very interesting. No one objected to the idea, at least.)
Everyone stayed away from the deep end, where Xemnas was obviously getting jacked off underwater by Saïx. Not that they didn't want to watch, of course; Saïx was just intimidating and overprotective, so the others wisely remained in the shallow end.
Larxene, Marluxia, Axel, and Roxas were having a chicken fight, with Marluxia and Axel supporting the other two. Roxas and Larxene were in a deadlock until Roxas drew back and elbowed her in the chest. She reeled backwards, screaming 'MY TITS!' and then hitting the water with a splash.
The boy dismounted from Axel, and the two burst into laughter as both Marluxia and Larxene resurfaced. Marluxia promptly threw a fit about his hair and how it was ruined, not noticing as the girl next to him was knocked over by Xaldin and Xigbar, who were beating each other over the head with noodles.
Larxene resurfaced again, sputtering angrily at the two men. "You assholes! Watch where you're going!"
Xaldin glared. "STABBAH STABBAH."
"TO THE X-TREME!" Xigbar hollered, waving his noodle around like a maniac.
"Oi, would you pricks keep it down?" Luxord shouted from where he was tanning, lowering his sexy specs to leer at the other man. "Some of us are trying to relax!"
"Shut up, wanker!" Xigbar yelled back, gesticulating wildly with his noodle and thus smacking Xaldin in the face with it. "Nobody cares about the Brits!"
A second later, Luxord had jumped into the pool and started strangling Xigbar while Xaldin whacked him with another noodle. Larxene and the other three edged away from them, trying to avoid being splashed.
Zexion wasn't so lucky, as a huge wave of water drenched him. The lilac-haired teen only sighed, continuing to apply heavy amounts of suntan lotion over his pale skin.
Turning around to face Lexaeus, who was sitting on the deckchair next to him, he held up the bottle. "Can you put some on my back?"
Once the taller boy had taken the bottle, and Zexion faced forward again, starting to wring the water out of his dripping hair... That is, until his eyes widened.
"W-Wait, stop touching my ass!"
There was another splash as Demyx dove into the pool, though he was a safe distance from where Xemnas' writhing form was pinned between Saïx and the pool wall. The dive was absolutely perfect, earning a mock-polite applause from his 'spectators.'
Then Vexen tried to dive. His form was just as great, but the ending result… wasn't. Apparently, his shorts hadn't been tied tight enough, and they had slipped down quite a bit.
Axel squealed in disgust. "EW, OLD MAN COCK!"
Vexen glowered at him. "SHUT UP, YOU'VE SUCKED IT."
The redhead sank lower in the water, cheeks matching his hair. "Vexy, you weren't supposed to let anyone know about that--!"
"NNNGH, SAÏX!"
Everyone froze and turned to look at Xemnas, whose tan features were darkened with embarrassment. Saïx simply withdrew his hand from the other's Speedo, ignoring the stares they were receiving.
Demyx was the one to break the silence with a mortified wail.
"Oh, gross! Xemnas ejaculated in my pool!"
"EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WATER!"
- fin.
oh god. D: