Chapter 1: Remembering is Sometimes Forgetting
Sub-part I: The beginning…
He flipped back from the attack, grabbing his progressive knife and dashing at the EVA in blazing speed. The progressive knife pierced the beast, and instantly he ripped off the head, the blood pouring out. There, the EVAS eyes had shown with rage, anger, passion, but it wasn't the true eyes of the EVA, but it was the pilot's own eyes. It was him, the boy who was the coward who always ran away. Slowly, he felt himself giving up, dying inside with every passing second, to where he felt the power run down, and his life dwindling in what could happen to him. The other EVAS, the ones SEELE had sent, smirked and begun the ceremony, everything to bring humanity's destruction.
They began the true purpose, piercing the EVA Unit-01's hands, Shinji screaming from the pain of the piercing. Slowly, it began to descend, the EVA in the middle of a formation of what the other EVAs were creating.
"It's the beginning of the end…I'm sorry everyone…" was the thought that ran through Fuyutski's head, watching as every passing second of this wretched sight would only give birth to the end.
"No! This can't be happening, AAH!" snapped Shinji while he tried to move the EVA, a pointless move as it stayed immobilized. However, what the formation was meant for began to shine, and the eye's of everyone in the NERV headquarters opened in dread…
"The tree…of life…" muttered Maya as she continued to watch in dread. To think, one second it seemed life would be fine, the typical Angel fighting stuff, to now where the world was in the hands of a fourteen year old boy.
"Let God save us all…" muttered Fuyutski under his breath, still watching while waiting for what he predicted to come to happen.
Shinji sat there, trying to get it to move and bugging out in his mind, and what he saw next made his ego break the border of sanity. There, in the cockpit of the EVA, through the eyes of it, he saw Rei's eyes and face pass his EVA in height, the smile that showed malice and destruction. His eyes opened in shock and fear, a piercing scream could be heard throughout the room.
"No dammit! This can't be happening! This can't be happening!" began Shinji sitting there frozen to how he was, not being able to move from the image that was burning into his mind.
The mission continued on, everything seeming to go perfect, SEELE was hailing this moment and waiting…waiting for the boy to run away and send humanity to become one, to enter God's domain.
Inside his mind, Shinji sat there in a fetal position, the darkness and the emptiness were the only things that could be felt, sensed. Suddenly he heard a voice come from out of nowhere.
"Help me SOMEONE! HELP ME! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
He could feel the tears sweeping, a spotlight focusing on his as he sat there alone in this dark abyss.
"Help me please, Asuka…help me…Asuka please! HELP ME!"
"Sir, the pilots mind is contaminated and unstable! The pilot is going beserk!" snapped Aoba while they continued to watch in udder horror and silence. It was unbearable to watch even if they had to watch, who knew what was going to happen next.
"That's it, I can't rely on anyone, I understand now. I have to be the one to fight, I have to be the one to fight for everyone, protect them, make sure they stay alive. I have to be brave and not run away! I'll fight it! I'll help myself!" screamed Shinji in his mind as the EVA roared with the madness and strength the pilot had found.
"Sir, the pilot's mind is back to stable, his ego border is back to normal, everything's pulling through…" said Hyuga, causing Fuyutski to smile.
"Now, what is it that you want?" asked Fuyutski in his mind, watching and knowing what was going to happen next.
"What is it you want?"
"I don't know, I don't know what to think anymore! I mustn't run away, but I do anyway, I'm still a coward, pathetic, someone who hates himself in every way! I don't want to be here, no one will help me!"
"Do you believe that? Is that what you truly think of yourself?"
"Yes dammit! I hate myself, no one loves me either! Everyone hates me, they only recognize me when I pilot EVA, that's when I feel my purpose for existing!"
"Do you feel your existence when you pilot EVA? Is that the only time? Or is that what you choose to believe? You want to believe that you have no one who cares for you, You tell yourelf that you mustn't run away, but in the end you do…"
"Then it should be a world without me…"
"Do you think it will be the same world without you?"
"Could it still be the same? After everything that's happened, could it really change? I thought I could change, but for a world that's already decaying in its own problems, I need to leave. The world should live, but I need to leave, people can live without me being here…I'm sure of it…plus, those who died or had injuries, let them be healed and not remember the cause of it"
"Are you sure that this is what you truly want? To allow them to live while you die for the sake of others?"
"Yes, it's better if I die knowing I kept them alive…my father, Misato…and…and…"
"Asuka…"
"So you wish for her too to be back alive? For her to live on while you die?"
"Yes, knowing that I've helped her and that she's alive is what I wish for…in fact…erase her memory of me, so that way she forgets me…"
"Why do you seek such a wish? Didn't you care for her? Don't you want her to remember you?"
"The pain of leaving her alone is bad enough, it's better if she forgot me, I was nothing but a pest to her, and no matter how much I cared for her…my feelings for her made me run away from her…I feared her touch…her emotions…her possible feelings for me too…so I want her to live happily without me there…"
"But she could also live in sorrow finally remembering you and wishing you were alive…"
"I know, but knowing her, she would never remember me…so forget that I ever existed in her mind, because the feelings I have for her is that I want to be with her but I would only pester her. If I do care for her, then I will cease to exist to her along with everyone around me that knew me. My life is my struggle, theirs their own. I am nothing but one person in a world containing billions of people, No burden can then truly be placed on them…"
Part I: Forgotten
It had been 10 years since the failed Third Impact, and everything seemed to be a hazy memory. Fighting angels, SEELE being destroyed, her father dying from an EVA attack, it was as if she had lived a life only so long ago.
Now look at her, she was twenty-four, built beautifully in every aspect and seemed to be something any guy would want. That was, until they met her personality. It wasn't the same one that she had remembered in little bits and pieces to where she would be feisty, insulting, angry, having an unstable ego that manifested itself into actions. Instead, it was this sense of loss, sense of pain, as if she was empty, but she couldn't describe it. She didn't remember anyone that would make her feel this way because she remembered everybody. Even she and Hikari were best friends after school ended and they became adults working full time.
Life had become normal, or to her in times it was always normal. The typical romance, drama, laughter, everything seemingly monotonic and routine in this world to where normalcy could barely describe it; but she could only feel one emotion that she quickly hid inside like she would always do; pain of someone she lost that meant a lot to her. Luckily, she found a picture of a young boy who she felt had been there for her but now was gone, disappearing with a trace from history and records. Even when she asked the people in NERV about this boy in the picture, they couldn't tell her.
Now, she still will look at the picture now and then, feeling this feeling of regret, curiosity, wondering who he was. It bothered her as much as a guy trying to hit on her just because of her looks.
She stood on the balcony looking at the picture of this black haired blue-eyed boy that seemed to never exist, yet if he did, why would there be a picture of him? Sure, someone could have made up the picture with the technology they have, but this picture was real, everything about it. Even the date on the back that read "2015" gave a clarification that it was real.
"Who are you?" she thought to herself, remembering the fateful day 10 years ago…
Ten years ago…
"Uh…" began a faint voice from the red-haired, sapphire-eyed beauty who had lied in bed in a state of comatose. Her eyes opened slowly, the light blaring into her eyes to where she was swearing she was going blind. When she finally adjusted to the light, she sat up and looked around the room, the bland color of white causing her to already hate the place. What was going on? Last thing she remembered was her EVA being torn into shreds…until…
Suddenly, she immediately began to feel for any appendages around her body, feeling her forehead wrapped covering one eye, along with an arm around her body and she felt some small bandages around her ribs. How did she get all of this?
The door to her room slid open, and a purple haired woman who seemed in her twenties walked into the room without looking and getting ready for her famous "Asuka…I hope you wake someday…"
"Asuka," began Misato while walking in and having a depressed look on her face, "I hope you wake from your coma some --," she stopped in mid-sentence and saw Asuka staring at her with a puzzled look, a gleam in Misato's eyes began to brew.
"A-A-Asuk, you're awake! Man I thought you wouldn't be awake for how long you were out!" exclaimed Misato while practically lunging at Asuka and hugging her, Asuka staring into emptiness with a look of dread on her face. How long was she out? How long did she stay in this hell of blackness and emptiness, not to mention the fact that she was alone once again.
"What do you mean by that! How long have I been out?" snapped Asuka immediately while pushing off Misato, causing Misato to smile at it all.
"She's back to herself after being in a coma…funny…it feels great to have you back…" thought Misato while she sat down next to Asuka on her bed, Asuka turning to face her.
"You were out for at least three weeks…possibly a month, but then again I wouldn't expect you to be awake now. I mean with what happened to you and your EVA…" began Misato while Asuka's eyes opened even more. What the hell had truly gone on?
"What happened to me and my EVA?" asked Asuka with an innocent tone to it. It seemed the injuries she sustained were more damaging than they thought.
"Well, you were torn to shreds by them after killing them everytime. However, they had an S-2 Engine, so they could revive and not only that but we found them to be dummy plugs also…however, we don't know what happened to them. Or we think we know, because we know Unit-01 had disappeared…" began Misato while Asuka sat there staring elsewhere into the distance, the memories seeping into her mind, the insanity of it all was hurting her inside, the wounds began to feel a sharp sting to them.
"How am I alive then? And who piloted Unit 01? Wait, there was a Unit 01?" asked Asuka while Misato looked at her with a look that said she just realized something.
"I'm wondering too, you should've been dead since the neural connections were still working, and your EVA is just about dead, and somehow your alive. I swear that there was an EVA Unit 01, but you're lucky your alive now…" said Misato with a smile to try and relief Asuka, but it worked to no avail.
"This doesn't make sense Misato…this really doesn't…" said Asuka while Misato putting a hand on her shoulder.
"I know, but hey, at least life can be normal for you now. No more EVA, no more SEELE, no more Angels…we can live a life that is like the ones who live in Tokyo-3, a normal healthy life." said Misato as Asuka took Misato's hand off of her shoulder, Misato giving a perplexed look.
"Something happened Misato, and I'm going to find out…and what do you mean SEELE? What was going on with the EVAs? What was the attack all about?" asked Asuka, Misato sighing and getting ready for the long speech. It didn't seem right to talk about, but for Asuka the sole survivor, it seemed that she needed to know.
"SEELE was the one-up over NERV, and tried to create the Third Impact, also known as the "Human Instrumentality Project", in which we as humans would become one, a singular instead of the different people alive today. We were going to become a god ourselves, and that's why the EVAS were sent here by SEELE and the JSSFD had attacked, However, since the attack was defeated, SEELE was charged for "inhumane crimes against humanity" and now majority are in jail, some committing suicide. NERV is now going to be shut down as it bears no more purpose to the world, and now you don't even have to work a day in your life, you're getting money for all the work you did as an EVA pilot…" said Misato while Asuka sat there, the words soaking in slowly, why did this seem to all make sense. However, the look of sadness succumbed, and for once Misato felt Asuka opening up to her.
"Misato, we won't be able to live a normal life. We, Rei and I, experienced hell when we fought the angels, we had to live to get ready to possibly die the next day. With what we saw and went through, how the hell do they expect us to live normal lives! It's idiotic and wrong, and no matter how much money they give me to live on, doesn't mean I'll live a day in my life feeling normal, knowing that I died in the EVA unit and that I fought and killed beasts of a different realm!" snapped Asuka as she sat there, trying to calm herself down after her argument.
"I understand Asuka, but we have to live a normal life now, we have to act as if what we went through was nothing. That it was history, and you know textbooks won't claim this as anything nor will they remember years from now. You will be a silent hero only known to my generation and the next, but in the end you will be forgotten. Understand Asuka, when we live normal lives is when history finally loses its light, but we still have to. For your sake, for our sake, we have to ok?" said Misato while Asuka sat there, resting her arms on her knees.
"I guess Misato. Still, it doesn't feel right to live a normal life with what we did. That would be asking me to live in a self-created hell and to try and forget everything that's happened. The violence, the trauma, the fact that I was mind-raped by an Angel…everything…" began Asuka while bringing her knees up and hiding her face under her arms and knees, her body trembling.
"Asuka, you'll be fine now, no more of that…ok?" said Misato in a soothing voice, not affecting the young pilot at all.
"Not only that, but I exist truly when I'm in EVA! That's where I feel alive! What am I supposed to do without it? Can you tell me Misato, can you tell me!" yelled the trembling fourteen year old girl, feeling arms wrap around her frail body, her eyes opening in shock.
"Start a new life Asuka, become something else, find your true reason for existence, not the one that you created with EVA. That's what we all have to do, be reborn with a new chance at life and make it worth its while.
Slowly Misato let go and began to walk off, Asuka's head slowly rising and watching this woman who had shown so much compassion to her walk out the door, however what caught her interest was what happened next. A picture that was inside of Misato's jacket slowly fell to the ground, and without even noticing it, Misato walked off out to the door, but just as she was about to go she turned around and said.
"Goodbye Asuka, you'll be out of here tomorrow k?" with that, Misato turned and walked out of the doorway. Asuka stared at this picture that was face down, and she wondered of who it might be. She blushed a little as she thought about Kaji, hoping that she would find him as the picture. Quickly, she got up and bent down to pick up the picture, turning it around with much anticipation that it would be her ill fated "love".
"I miss you so much Ka--," began Asuka, seeing that it was someone else in the picture, "ji…?" she looked at the picture, getting up and walking back to her bed and sat there. There he was, a blue-eyed boy that had brown hair and gave a sense of innocence to him with the smile he had. He seemed like someone familiar, but she couldn't remember. However, she was feeling something inside that she couldn't describe when she saw this picture. It made her heart jump and gave some tint to her face. She had to admit, he was kind of cute, but still who could it be?
The rest of the day was just spent as trying to relax, wishing to get the hell out of there, and here and there of wondering who it was and trying to solve it. She doesn't remember him in school, or even during the EVA fights. However, he did remind her of the now deceased commander Gendou Ikari.
"Who the hell are you?" snapped Asuka while looking at the photograph, hell it was bugging her really badly. She set the picture on the table next to her and sat there, staring at the afternoon sky and sighing. Tomorrow, she would be out of there and gone and live a "normal" life.
"Whatever, I don't care now. They can all just kiss my ass!" snapped Asuka while decided to sleep. She did feel a little tired and exhausted so she simply lied back onto her bed and pillow, letting sleep take over her fiber of being…tomorrow, she would find out who he was no matter how much it took…
The Present…
Now look at her, ten years later and still no answer, nothing. No one knew who he was, Kensuke, Touji, Hikari, Misato…it was as if he never seemed to exist at all. How could someone just disappear without a trace like that? Even to this day she questions how could someone cease to exist and the only thing seemingly left of him is this simple photograph of him.
"Like that promise I made ten years ago…I swear I'll figure out who you are…" she thought as she looked up into the sky, the wind blowing into her hair. Little did she know that sometimes finding out the answer to everything isn't always the best thing to do….