Walking down some steps

(Film 3)

Take one: As the trio descends the steps to care of magical creatures…Dan slips and bumps into Rupert and Emma. Golden trio sandwich tumbles down steps.

Emma: Fk!

Dan: Ooh! Emma said a naughty word!

Director: Cut! Let's try another one shall we? And Dan, try not to trip, ok?

Take nine: Rupert is obviously checking out Emma's ass.

Director: Rupert! Stop staring at Emma's butt!

Rupert: Heh! Sorry! (Uneasy laugh)

Dan: When's lunch?

Emma: You just had it.

Emma turns and slaps Rupert round the face for staring at her ass.

Rupert: Okay, who gave Emma her cranky pills today?

Unsurprisingly she slaps him again.

Director: Cut! (Snorts with laughter)

Take twelve: This time they dance down the steps.

Director: Cut! Who hired these kids? They're hopeless! Can we please get it right? How hard can it be? You're only walking down some steps!

Director gets up to demonstrate … and promptly falls down them. He gets up quickly and attempts to fix his facial expression into a "Nothing Happened" guise. Rather unsuccessfully. Trio point and laugh at him.

Director: Shut up you mangy kids! Look forget it, we'll forget this scene and put the silly little bluebird in.

Rupert: Not the bloody bluebird again!

Dan, Emma and Rupert share a look and then speak together.

Dan/Emma/Rupert: No! We'll be good! We'll do it properly! Just don't put the bluebird in!

Producer: (whispered to director) I knew that would work.

Director: Stop taking MY credit! It was MY idea!

Producer: And no one likes the bluebird anyway!

Director: They don't?

Producer: No. You cut out all of the Marauders story and replaced it with a bluebird flying through the school. The thing with Sirius and Lupin makes no sense now. Only fans of the books would know the history of the Marauders.

Director: But only fans of the books go to see the films. Besides almost the whole world is a fan of the Harry Potter series. Anyway I'm not taking the bluebird out.

Producer: I don't know which is worse…talking to the children or talking to the director. They're as bad as each other!

Director/Dan/Emma/Rupert: I heard that!

Chased by Basilisk

Film 2

Take one: Dan is running through chamber, trips…

Dan: OW! Owwies! Ow! Ow!

Director: Cut! Someone get him a matt to fall on. Same thing only better please.

Take two: Dan falls again, this time onto a matt. He starts crying nevertheless.

Director: Cut! (hands Dan some chocolate)

Dan grins then gets up and does it perfectly, unfortunately visual effects have to remove the smudge of chocolate from his chin, although they miss one which only just passes as a bit of dirt.

Director: See, I told you chocolate solves everything…and that it works on boys as well as being a girls biggest weakness.

Harry meets Ginny

Film 2

Take one: Bonnie rushes down the stairs and slips on the bottom one.

Bonnie: (Whispered) Ow!

She gets up smiling but none of them can continue due to laughter.

Take two: Bonnie gets down the stairs without falling and does the surprised stare at Dan. They hold it for a moment and then crack up with giggles before he can say his line.

Ten takes later they manage to do the scene without screwing up.

Hermione hugs Harry

Film 2

Take one: As Emma runs between the tables she trips over an extra's foot.

Extra: Oh my god! I'm so sorry!

Emma just laughs from the floor as the extras help her up.

Director: Same thing only better please.

Take two: Emma completes her little run…but knocks into Dan with too much force. He falls backwards and she falls on him. Both get the giggles as Rupert roars with laughter before hauling them to their feet, still chuckling.

Take three: This time when she hugs him they impact with a little less force but they still manage to fall sideways onto the table sending fake food and goblets of orange squash (pumpkin juice) flying, making those hit by the juice scream.

Director: Cut!

Harry hugs Hagrid

Film 2

Take one: When Dan got up to hug Robbie he pushed him backwards and Robbie, unsteady on his stilts, fell straight onto the next table. Extras scream and dive out of the way, just in time. Dan looks up sheepishly.

Dan: Umm…timber? (Trying to make light of it)

Director: Same thing only better please.

Stuntmen are seen hauling Robbie back onto his feet.

Sirius closes door

Film 3

Take one: When Gary swings the door closed in the Shrieking Shack…it bounces back and hits him in the face. Like a true professional he closes it again. And then he has to do it again because it has hit him in the face again.

Gary: Fing Hell! Will someone please fix this bldy door because it clearly doesn't like me! And whose idea was it to put the house on hydrolics so that it MOVES? That's what's making the door misbehave. You hear that door? You're a bldy pain in the arse! (Starts shouting at the door for it's misbehaviour. Door chooses not to respond at this time.)

It is not until twelve takes later that the door realises that poor Gary has suffered enough and decides that it will do it properly.

Dumbledore's Dementor speech

Film 3

Take one: Turning off/on lights bit. Michael swishes hand over candle and then again…and again…and again…and again.

Michael: Hey! This is fun! I haven't done this in years!

He continues, laughing like a little boy.

Director: You'd never think this was Sir Michael Gambon, would you? He's as bad as the kids.

Harry falls out of flying car

Film 2

Take one: Dan, Rupert and Pongo the neater car are against the ugly green screen. Dan is hanging out of car door. Cue annoying Nokia ring tune. Dan takes phone from pocket and answers it.

Dan: Hello? Oh hi Emma. You've caught me at a bad time, can I call you back? Yes I know every time to talk to me is a good time but I'm in the middle of a scene. Not the best time for a call from anyone. (sigh) Okay, what's this big news that can't wait? He didn't! Not again! I hope you told him to sod off. Good girl. If he asks again then I'll sort him out. Don't worry 'bout him. He's an idiot anyway. We'll talk later. Come to my dressing room after filming and we'll discuss it. Yes I'll bring Rupert. Okay, bye.

Hangs up phone. Replaces it in pocket.

Rupert: What was that all about?

Dan: Tom asked Emma out again.

Rupert: And you said you'd sort him out?

Dan: Yeah, so?

Rupert laughs briefly.

Dan: What?

Rupert: He's bigger than you.

Dan: Not by much.

Dan takes both hands off car and flexes his tiny biceps.

Rupert considers him for a moment.

Rupert: You've got as much chance of beating Tom up as you have at beating him in tennis.

Dan: So you think I have a chance.

Rupert: No, Dan. You have no chance whatsoever.

Dan crosses his arms and pouts, making Rupert laugh. And he's not the only one.

Director: (Through laughter, barley able to get word out.) Cut!

Knocking Crystal ball off desk

Film 3

Take one: Hermione storming out of divination knocks ball off desk. The first time Emma does it, it smashes as it hits floor. Trio laugh.

Dan: Someone call the props guys!

Rupert laughs even more.

Take two: Emma hits the new ball with her knuckles and cannot continue since she is hopping around shaking the pain out of her hand. The ball has not moved.

Take three: This time the ball lands heavily in Rupert's lap. He yelps as it lands in a delicate area. Dan promptly falls off his chair with laughter.

Rupert: Shut up, man!

Dan does not stop laughing so Rupert shifts the heavy ball onto Dan's stomach. Dan releases a squeak of surprise.

Director: (chuckling) Cut! Cut!

No one is listening so Director shouts it through a megaphone the second time round. Cast and crew drop to ground, dropping all they're holding, as megaphone emits high pitched beep, as they tend to do when someone shouts through it.

Director: Same thing only better please! And any broken equipment is coming out of the culprit's wages…so for god's sake be careful!