The Damage is Done

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and its characters.

Summary: Itachi has a twisted and convoluted mind. ItaNaru. One shot.

A/N: Saying that this fic is retarded is an understatement. It's nonsense and apart from that, the style is very personal. Romance doesn't exactly fit the picture but I don't know how to call this otherwise. Maybe this should be a parody. If you can bear it, go ahead and read.

Warning: Nothing good will come out of this. Simply put, this sucks.

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So falling in love was to be that easy for Uchiha Itachi, and breaching the laws of the Akatsuki Organization that final. Never mind that it was least likely to happen, because it already occurred. All he really had to do was to open that door and let surprise seize him like a whirlpool.

What he saw, actually, was nothing like the higher dudes from the Akatsuki had briefly described. They said it was a boy. Yeah it was a boy alright but details? What Itachi saw, in truth, was nothing like logical or should we say what happened there—which he witnessed firsthand—was not at all logical. To him. And none of it was in the realm of his control. Just so you know.

They came there for the express purpose of siphoning the Kyuubi out of the kid who, by some freak of fate, was trailing after Jiraiya for some Jutsu lesson and was consecrated in a cushy little inn. Yeah it was that kid. Falling in love wasn't included in Itachi's contract with the Akatsuki, right? And neither was it a bonus, right?

So as far as he could remember he and Kisame knocked gently and politely at the door; gently and politely because for some reason they wanted to take things a little at a time. Otherwise, the cool factor would escape them. They had by then disposed of the epical pervert companion to the boy, Jiraiya, with whom Itachi had no particular thing to say or to reminisce, least of all about Konoha. They wanted it that way, the better to spend some quality time with the kid. You know, self-introduction and all that jazz. Something like, "Flaunt to us your identity before we murder you right out!"

As a matter of fact, Itachi had already prepared his script, which would've gone something along the lines of…nothing. He really wasn't going to say anything because, duh, his Sharingan already pretty much spelled anyone's doom. Death. What was there to say to that? And boy, did he hate talking on principle? More than anything.

So the door was pried open, with enthusiasm as the last front in display. This is going to be corny, Itachi told himself repeatedly when lo and behold! There was the kid.

360 overhaul.

Whatever it was that Itachi trusted in immediately got lost. Vanished in thin air. Just like that. Without reason or rhyme.

In his dazzled state of mind, Itachi continued staring at the kid. Kisame, his consort, did all the talking which Itachi no longer has mind to recall. Kisame was probably pulling his cold-as-death one-liners on the kid…

Yes, the kid. It was then when Itachi saw such lushness in a blond head and such brightness in any eyes. The likes of which he hadn't laid an eye on for quite a long while. Well that is, since the Fourth Hokage who was now six feet under, ashes to ashes, rendered forever single. Besides, Itachi was too young when the Fourth lived and hence not yet that gay. Or not yet too romantically aware and precocious and all. Whatever, it was forever ago and he was quite sure Yondaime was grateful to be dead and rid of tiresome Konoha.

Now, however, a full grown man caught with such childish cuteness in Naruto, Itachi was in love. As insane as it sounds.

He privately thought Naruto to be very beautiful, or perhaps he was just too used to Kisame's unlovely sight, too deprived of aesthetic provisions in a manner of speaking. It should answer why the shock that arrived along with Naruto came in excess. Gosh! And to think that he almost slept with Kisame! Only vast amount of desperation would make anyone capable of that. He almost committed bestiality! For fuck's sake! That is, if Kisame would bother to say yes, which he wouldn't, Itachi was sure. It was beneath Kisame's dignity, as a renown and respected shinobi of the red light districts to sleep with a fellow criminal. But that's all beside the point. In the meantime, Itachi had to handle Naruto.

Well that's about when he rediscovered his zest for dear beloved Konoha. Finally, re-trudging on its grounds was worth the trip, because right now Naruto was a full-time resident! Withdrawing his former disdain for his hometown, Itachi made a point of keeping himself extra far from the boy, lest he disappeared by merely coming close to Itachi. And of course Itachi wouldn't have any of that. No, not when his newfound glory was just a stone's throw away. All he really had to do was to outstretch his arms…

"Who are you?" The boy asked.

He was, at first sight, a loudmouth, and judging by the contortions now executed on his face, a great deal else. Hearing his voice only drummed up Itachi's excitement further. As a consequence it became a major difficulty to shed it off his head. Naruto's voice indeed played on and on inside him.

But before itachi could further indulge himself and shower Naruto with praises, the boy shut his eyes and revealed instead those slanting eyes, which weren't so gratifying. Itachi meanwhile found himself mentally racking for those blue eyes.

Blue eyes. Yes. So addictive.

Kisame, now virtually forgotten and neglected by his partner in crime, announced Naruto's death sentence. Itachi remained enmeshed in his silly trance. In Kisame's frustration, he made cautionary signals for Itachi to proceed with their agenda, with their mission! But all was in vain.

"Hey Itachi…" Kisame's voice wasn't sharp enough to penetrate Itachi's eardrums. In the hodgepodge of his present sanity, or simply lack thereof, rivulets of sweat began rolling down Itachi's skin.

At close range inspection, he realized that the boy didn't simply just resemble Yondaime, but that he was cute in every thinkable way. Even unthinkable ways. Too good to be credible, in fact.

Something went awry just then. Or no; everything fucked up on its own just then, the mess being perpetrated by the now wide awake Jiraiya, who just minutes earlier fell for the Akatsuki tandem's cheap ploy. How he finagled his way out of the trick remained a mystery. For all everyone knew Jiraiya was as gullible as a pervert could get.

Jiraiya stood at the far end of the corridor, his coming to the rescue just a few seconds short of being overdue, his steps booming as the ground seemed to shake beneath their soles. The unconscious woman was limp on his shoulder.

"I'd never known I'd be the subject of such dirty joke. I'm so sorry but you two will die here." Jiraiya enunciated as he lay the girl down.

Sobered by the news, Itachi glared at the hermit. What a bug. As if anyone was going to believe that when a flying kiss from a woman knocked him out flat.

CRASH!

And as if there weren't an end to all this jumble, here came Itachi's sneaky scene-stealer of a brother. Uchiha Sasuke, yours truly, in whom incidentally Itachi wasn't interested enough to kill. To be quite frank he had patience for any other occasion but this. There.

"I'll kill you." Sasuke said to Itachi without a trace of hesitation.

Itachi unfortunately waxed unaffected. It was true that he and Sasuke hadn't seen each other in donkey years but hell, if the timing wasn't off just eat him alive please. The brat doubtlessly got wind of Itachi's homecoming—so much for making it as clandestine as possible—and immediately scouted the area soon after. Sweet.

"Sasuke, I'll take care f it." Jiraiya volunteered.

"I'll kill him. He's mine!" Sasuke bellowed. Itachi didn't venture to move despite the obvious fact that Sasuke carefully chose those words to make Itachi listen, talk back or even flinch. Itachi retained his cool to further upset his brother. Apparently he'd begrudge him even that satisfaction. Poor kid.

Consequently, Sasuke charged at Itachi half-force, or so it seemed to Itachi, for there was deficiency, a large one, in the attack in terms of force. But Sasuke bolted forth only to be grabbed at the neck by his brother. With an easy hand, Itachi pinned him against the wall quite mercilessly. Sasuke let out a moan, which was curtly followed by a series of choking which made it all the more difficult for him to liberate the curses he so reserved for his dear mass-murdering brother.

Itachi on one hand would've commented on how cuter Sasuke had become if he didn't sniff out how weak the boy was. Naturally, for Itachi, the urge to insult was heavier than that to praise. He snuck his head towards Sasuke's face. Upon gaining enough proximity to lick the other's ear, he muttered, "Why are you so weak?"

Ha! As if Sasuke, hurt as he was, had a ready answer for that.

Itachi said it in a way that didn't matter to him one way or another. But it sliced through Sasuke deep enough. He glared at Itachi whose glance was empty as though he could just easily disregard Sasuke and rest his gaze on anything more worthwhile. It raged Sasuke such that he'd explode at the least provocation. One more time.

"You know what you need? More hatred." Itachi whispered. And as if there wasn't enough of it in him!

But Sasuke, made immobile, just gritted his teeth in pain. It was all he could do to demonstrate his anger, deep seated and ripe as it was. The memory of the night of the blood fest on which patricide and matricide and genocide were committed was thick upon him; in fact he still had everything so entirely in his head, hounding him like a bothersome ghost. How come Itachi thought that there wasn't enough anger in him? Impossible. In the downpour of hate and motivation, Sasuke tried to jerk free from the clutches of his brother. Only nothing he ever did was enough.

Amidst all this, Jiraiya took action. The walls of the corridor wriggled, morphed into flesh and became alive. With one last look at his brother, whose face was too pathetic to bear, Itachi yanked him, pretty hard, and let go. For reasons yet to be explained Itachi felt sorry for Sasuke. He was always the one thing, other than the past, that Itachi took for granted. He was aware that Sasuke devoted all of his time to improvement just to get back at him, at Itachi. And seeing his brother this way, making a show of his limitations and meager skills, somewhat saddened him. It almost subdued his cruelty. It was a pity he could never surpass Itachi. But even more so, it's a pity that Sasuke was nothing to him but a symbol of a bygone time. Past.

The walls continued moving, compressing and belching out disgusting fluid. Declaring that they were now inside his stomach, Jiraiya made a motion to attack and picked up from where they left off prior to Sasuke's interruption.

In the long run though, Itachi and Kisame had to retreat. Itachi, faster than Kisame, spotted trouble coming. It was not among their expectations to encounter a problem as large as Jiraiya and it certainly was not anticipated that the old man would see through their peace offering, i.e., that hot woman, and take things from there.

"He isn't something to take in a stride. We had better go." Itachi warned Kisame and beckoned to him to head to the exit hole which was now disappearing. So they ran to the portal as a rough and tumble with the legendary ninja proved out of the question. Partway, they dropped a smoke bomb to divert the enemy's pursuit and thus left the burn on the ground as the only vestigial sign of their visit.

Having thrown Jiraiya and his renegade off the scent and now safe from prying eyes, Kisame turned to Itachi.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Things went out of hand. That's all."

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

Kisame kept quiet. What was wrong is that Itachi was being a compulsive break-neck jerk. Kisame couldn't read him at all, couldn't understand why the latter would stay mum and hypnotized in the very upswing of things. They had their chance at the Kyuubi! Instead, Itachi delayed everything. All he did, literally, was to ogle at the kid and to poke fun at his brother, both of which had no point insofar as the general mission of the Akatsuki was concerned. Even now that unsavory, inconsistent behavior persisted in him.

Seeing that today was more or less a disaster, and nothing but headache could be profited from debating with Itachi, who apparently wasn't himself at the present, Kisame stomped away. Perhaps to seek answer for the other's aberrance and sudden incongruity someplace else. Also, he was annoyed at an extreme degree and seemed to entertain the unfair notion that the failure of the mission was indebted to Itachi's unpredictability and mood swings.

Arggh. Kisame heard himself groan.

"So yeah, make a scapegoat out of me all you want." Itachi mumbled out of earshot.

At the ensuing moments, Itachi meandered off to the darkest domains of his mind. Restrained for a little while now, his thoughts came traveling back to Naruto. What transpired just now as seen in a certain light were the terms of endearment. And what swept over him, unmistakably, was love. He was successful in regard to identifying what he felt; overall though, he knew he lost. How Naruto became an exception from the rule remained to be seen. For all Itachi knew, his heart had been kidnapped, mischievously or otherwise.

Then as if let in on a little secret, his body went stiff with apprehension. It dawned on him that the Akatsuki desired the Kyuubi that was inside Naruto. Whether or not they planned it, the container of the monster would eventually die in the process of extracting the thing form the body. How could he let that be? When all the grim intentions of killing the holder of the Kyuubi already went out of him? This is inconceivable, he thought. He loved that damned holder of the Kyuubi for crying out loud.

Thoughts lashed at him one way and then the other; thoughts that lay dormant came alive, rushed forward to him in his emotional travail. Confronted with the dilemma, with the choices falling on either extreme, he came up with the inevitable solution.

He'd leave the stupid Akastuki. The prospect came clear to him now. And if he was scared of it, it would only testify to how much he'd changed in such a short and drastic notice. Which wasn't true, unless the subject steered to Naruto's direction.

Alas! He was a changed man. A man who had finally conquered his personal demon, thereby putting an end to the exaggerated saga that he was a cold-hearted, blood-thirsty, loveless man. No more, no less. The stone-frozen heart melted, crumbled and was renewed. Alas! He had paid a hefty price.

As the day wore on with anything hardly coming to pass, Itachi felt exhaustion creep up to him. After endless rumination, everything in his head settled into place. He would leave Akatsuki, that was that. The only trouble now was the Kyuubi which was still inside Naruto. Of course it would be dangerous to love a person with a monster boarding inside him. Itachi could use force application but…

"To hell with the Kyuubi!"

What's the thrill of love if there's no challenge, if there's no hitch? Itachi reflected. He'd rather have the Kyuubi--all of it goddamn it--than to have it removed and Naruto dead. Just like the love that is blind to any flaw, Itachi would love Naruto, monster or no.

END