Author's Note: You know, I honestly was very clueless about the fact that July 23rd is Sasuke's birthday. Really, I was. I kept seeing a bunch of Sasuke Birthday fics and the first thought to mind was "Okay, what the hell? A new fad or something?". So I went and did some research and BAM! I get smacked in the face with the words Sasuke's Birthday: July 23rd. Can you say, fan girl squeal? So, I decided to hop into the bandwagon and add my own little tribute to our dear beloved Uchiha and give him some sugar. (Chyu). So, Happy Birthday Sasuke-kun and don't let the fangirls get yah. Naruto will be uber pissed with yah. Oh yeah, did I mention that this is SasuNaru:3 Okay, it's more like implied, but still! It's sort of there!
Warning: Fangirls, shonen-ai, OOCness at times.
Notes: Teme is bastard, baka is stupid/idiot, dobe is dead last.
Disclaimer: Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto
It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to,
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to,
You would cry too if it happened to you.
Birthday Indeed
by Mint Pizza Queen
It was a nightmare.
Sasuke slammed himself against the building, heart pounding rapidly in his chest. His eyes, a shade red from the use of the Sharingan, shifted back and forth wildly like that of an animal being pursued. His body was coated in a thin sheet of sweat, and his hair was disheveled from his escapade. His clothes, dirtied from falling down several times and tripping over his feet in a panic, were torn in several spots and even bloodied from when he fell on some rough terrain.
Just what had he done to deserve this?
"Oh Sasuke-kuuuun!"
Oh yeah, he was born.
Cursing under his breath, Sasuke dared a peek around the corner only to be met up with a thousand blinking feminine eyes, wide with joy and mirth.
"There you are, Sasuke-kun!"
Ah, shit.
Before any of the rabid fangirls could grab him and envelop him in their tentacles of love, he scrambled across the courtyard on all four limbs. Yes, four limbs. He used his hands for extra propulsion, like that of any quadruped. The upside to using this technique was that he got away faster.
The downside was the ladies got a lovely view of his ass and was soon overcome with the yearning desire to grope said ass, and instantly took off like bottle rockets for their prize.
Ah, the joys of having a fan club that loved you.
Or in Sasuke's case, a fan club that wanted to molest him.
"Sasuke-kun! Stop running! We just want to celebrate your birthday!"
He wanted to yell back at them 'No thanks, I decided to skip my birthday this year so why don't you all just go away please and just leave my ass alone!' but that would be a waste of breath and energy, which at this point in his attempt to retreat, he could not afford. So, he just did the only thing logical at this point.
He ran.
Ran like a coward he did not, he was just strategically backing off in a hasty speed that resembled a retreat, but he was not running like a coward! As a member of a long-gone Uchiha clan, there were rules he still had to abide by.
Rule #2975: When an enemy is overpowering you, never flee. Use a strategic military maneuver called a temporary retreat, but strike back when the iron is hot. It is cowardice to flee like a coward. Any cowardice in the Uchiha clan will be punished severely.
Therefore, according to the rulebook, Sasuke was using a strategic military maneuver even though they weren't even in the military.
Only thing he wasn't going to do though was strike back.
After reading the book half of a dozen times, Sasuke never found any words that said "You must strike back.", therefore, it wasn't necessary.
Besides, even the other long-deceased Uchiha's would've understood his situation, so, they would've let him off the hook anyway.
Not that it mattered at this point, really.
"Sasuke-kuuuun!" Something latched onto his waist, stunning him from his reverie. A brunette with wide, doe like eyes peered up at him and a scarlet wave hit her face. "Sasuke-kun! Come to my house! I have a party all set up for you!"
"Hands off Sasuke-kun, bitch!" Another girl, a blonde this time, lunged at her, pulling at her hair as she fawned over the teen. "Hi, Sasuke. Why don't we skip the party and go right to the good stuff, you know?"
"Oh no you don't!" A pair of arms grabbed him and yanked him away from the blonde. He found himself face to face with a girl with green eyes and copper colored hair. "Hey, let's go out to eat. I know you don't like to go into other people's homes, so let's go wherever you want. What do you say? I'll buy, as a treat."
As thankful as he was for being yanked away from the scary blonde who just about gave him heart failure, and as tempting as it was to get a free meal, Sasuke wasn't really hungry at the moment 'kay, please, thanks. "Uh—"
"Oh, shy are we?" The girl giggled and closed her eyes with a smile. "Don't worry, it's not like I'm going to do anything to you. Just want to celebrate your birth."
'Seems like everyone wants to do that to me today. Why couldn't I be born on a leap year?'
"Hey! Back off!" Sasuke was stunned to see a small fist fly across his line of vision and punch the green-eyed girl in the cheek, sending her crashing to the ground.
Another set of arms reached to latch onto him, but taking this opportunity to reach freedom from the demon girls, he lurched over the crowd and dashed down an alley.
'Screw military strategies, I'm running for my life and I am NOT going back! I need to hide, and now!'
He rounded the corner and found an establishment of apartments. Most of them had closed doors except one, which was dark inside. Grasping this as his newly found temporary sanctuary, he dashed across the courtyard and bounded up the steps without a thought. As soon as he reached the door, he swung himself inside and slammed the door, pressing himself against it and peeked through the peephole.
His fan club had reached the courtyard and had split up into teams, each going to a different building for different floors. Noticing how each team knocked on the door and each time the door opening to reveal the occupants, he panicked. What would he do if they came to his door? Would he ignore it? Surely if he did they'd knew something was up and come crashing in.
"Excuse me, but what are you doing here?"
It was rather amusing and rather out of character to say the least, but it was so damn funny seeing Sasuke's reaction. Sasuke squeaked in fright. Nay, in terror. Turning his head slowly, he let out a loud sigh of relief when he realized it wasn't a fangirl, but it was just the dobe sitting at the table eating a bowl of ramen.
Sasuke, putting on a brave yet cool as a cucumber pose, leveled a glare. "I could ask you the same thing."
"I live here, baka."
Ouch. Negative points to his ego and his come back skills. "Oh."
Naruto glared. "Yeah, oh." He twirled a noodle on his chopsticks and slurped it up. "What the hell are you doing here, baka?"
Sasuke let the insult slide because really, he did feel like an idiot for asking that question. "Uh, hiding."
There was a pause, followed by the clicking of chopsticks as they picked up another noodle. Naruto replied with a simple hum, which was followed by the sound of more slurping.
Sasuke's fangirl senses began to tingle and he lunged back for the peephole. A team of girls was next door. Scrambling away from the door, he ran across the room and hid behind the counter.
"Fangirls?"
"Yah."
There was another slurp, followed by the smacking of lips. "Don't worry. They know this is my house. They wouldn't come in here even if they knew you were in here." There was another slurp, but much louder, signaling he was drinking the broth.
Sasuke poked his head up and blinked. "Really? Why?"
Naruto wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket, dropping the chopsticks into his bowl. "I think it's rather obvious, baka. It's because they know I live here."
The Uchiha's mouth formed a small circle as he let out an 'ooh' in response. He watched as Naruto scooted his chair away from the table and went to the sink with the bowl, dropping it into it without even bothering to clean it.
"I'll be leaving now to go train. If you want to stay, I don't care. I've got nothing special here, and everything anyone would snoop for is in plain sight, so I really don't care," Naruto snapped agitatedly. Sasuke frowned at Naruto's bad mood. "But if you want to leave, I don't care either. Just don't lock the door. There's no point in doing it."
At the mentioning of training, Sasuke perked up. "Training? I'll go with you."
The blond gave him a coy expression. "Are you sure? Isn't that a little risky, teme? After all, they are still looking for you."
"I'll use you as protection."
A vein began to throb on Naruto's temple. "Really, now? That's what you think."
"What would you do to me, beat me into the ground?"
"Nope!" Naruto grinned. "I'd throw you back at them and watch them maul you to death. Ah, that entertainment will last me probably a week or two, and then I'll have to find something else to amuse me because then you'll be dead. I can see your epitaph now; it'll read: 'Uchiha Sasuke, mauled to death on his birthday by rabid fangirls.' It'll be great."
Sasuke let out a sigh of annoyance. "Thanks, really. I am so overwhelmed with your confidence in my demise."
"Don't worry, I'll put my two bits in onto your stone," Naruto grinned.
"I'm sure you will." The Uchiha snorted.
The blond merely grinned more, and then grabbed his weapons pouch. "Well, I'm off then. Stay or go, whatever you please. Cause really, I don't care." With a spin on his heel, he started to whistle a tune as he marched for the door, flinging it open to be welcomed with a bright wave of sunshine.
Sasuke watched him, and hesitantly, he followed, not sure what had overcome him.
"You're either really brave or really stupid, teme." Naruto folded his hands on the back of his head as they went on their way down the alley to their training area. Sasuke wasn't as relaxed. His senses were on red alert, sniffing out, hearing out, feeling out, looking out, and even tasting out for danger.
Naruto was getting a kick out of it too.
Several times on their trek Naruto had decided it would make a fun game to freak out Sasuke by screaming "OH MY FRIGGEN GOD IT'S THE FANGIRLS!" and emphasized with the faux expression of horror with a pointed finger towards Sasuke's back. Sasuke, not willing to take any chances, ran up the nearest wall...
...leaving the blond rolling in the dirt laughing each time.
Each time, though, Naruto got a face full of dirt, but seeing Sasuke run up a wall like he was about to be eaten was just too good to pass up.
"Eh, it's no use hiding," Sasuke attempted his 'cool as a cucumber' routine, but was failing miserably as his fangirl senses began to tingle. His eyes shifted back and forth wildly as he sought for some form of protection in case the inevitable occurred, which was the running into the groupies. His only source of protection at that time, unfortunately, was Naruto, who was still giggling like mad. "I've got to face the music some time."
Unbeknownst to the two teens, two other figures were on the rooftops watching with curious expressions. After opening their doors to a giant wave of balloons and banners, all bright pink and exclaiming their love for the Uchiha, they decided to investigate the cause of the sudden exposure to the eye-blinding scenery.
They watched wordlessly.
"Well listen up bucko, you're about to hear a lot of music." Naruto grinned demonically as said groupies charged forward, waving their arms madly with voices shrieking through the normally peaceful atmosphere.
"Sasuke-kun! Come with me!"
"Don't go with her, stay at my house!"
"Sasuke-kun, don't be shy! It's okay to be nervous the first time!"
"Sasuke-kun!"
"Sasuke-kun!"
"The first time?" Naruto made a face as Sasuke's own pale complexion tinged pink. "I don't even want to know what they've got planned for you."
One of the figures began to giggle until the other one kicked him in the side, causing him to topple over and nearly fall off the roof.
"Don't you talk to him, Naruto!" One of the girls shrieked. "You're not worthy to even breathe the same air as our precious Sasuke-kun!"
Sasuke was somewhat miffed by this outburst, but was even more surprised by Naruto's retort. "Well excuse me for living! Why don't you bitches just get a life, will you? God, you are so annoying!"
"Shut your trap, Naruto!" Several girls screeched, picking up objects and were about to throw them at Naruto but held back when the blond turned and began to stomp away.
"I'm outta here, if I'm gonna be treated like dirt I'll go where the dirt is much more pure than this that has been tainted by their ignorance."
Sasuke watched as the blond left, and then turned back to the girls who instantly became bedazzled when he looked at them. Those holding objects dropped them and became starry-eyed angels once more.
'Angels my ass,' he mentally commented as they took a step towards him, causing him to take two steps back. 'Just look at what they did to Naruto. Sure, he's an idiot but that was just too much.'
The figure that had kicked their partner was now attempting to dive into the crowd and beat them senseless for saying such cruel words to the blond. Said partner was holding them back, but just barely.
"Come on Sasuke! You can't run!"
"Pick one of us now!"
"We're not leaving you alone until you pick one of us to spend your birthday with!" Several girls snapped their jaws like piranhas. They even had the pointy little teeth, which made Sasuke slightly unnerved.
Coughing once, Sasuke straightened himself out and leveled a glare. "All right, just shut up. I have to pick one person, that's it?"
"Right!"
Sasuke closed his eyes and whirled around. "Sorry ladies, but it's not any of you." He marched towards the exiting Naruto and slung an arm on his shoulder, stunning the blond and the fangirls. "I'd rather spend my birthday with Naruto because he's the only one capable of making my day interesting."
The figures on the rooftop began to wave "We love Sasuke!" banners. Well, only one of them had a banner that read that. The other one said "We love SasuNaru Yaoi!". When the first figure finally glanced up at the sign, they punched their partner in the head, rendering the victim unconscious.
The Uchiha smirked at the fishlike expressions on the girls' faces before turning to look at the one that was settled on Naruto's. "Coming? I think an order for some training would do, and maybe some dinner at Ichiraku's. You don't mind if I spend the night at your place, do you?"
Naruto couldn't find the words, so he blinked. "Uh—"
"I thought so. Let's go." Sasuke practically skipped away with Naruto in tow.
The only conscious figure on the rooftop was now proceeding with the point-age and laugh-age at the girls who were just owned by their "true love".
"You know, dinner wasn't actually that bad," Sasuke commented as he followed Naruto back to the blonde's apartment. "For one, the ramen wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and two there weren't any girls lurking over my shoulder like last year."
Naruto shrugged, still a bit stunned by his predicament. "Y-yeah, sure. Right?"
The Uchiha stepped up the stairs as the blond ascended and waited for the blond to open the door. He frowned when Naruto failed to go for the handle. "Uh, are you okay?"
"Just—curious. Did you come with me just to get away from the girls or did you seriously want to spend it with me?" Blue eyes stared up at him.
Sasuke blinked. "Eh? That's somewhat stupid to ask. Of course, I wanted to spend it with you."
"After seeing you fleeing from those girls all day long, can't blame me for asking." Naruto snapped. "Plus it's not like you spend days like this with me anyway." The teen grabbed the handle but felt a hand grab his own and pull him back.
"Naruto, what they said was harsh. I didn't like it one bit. I'm sorry that they were stupid enough to say it too, but I'm also sorry I didn't actually bother taking time to hang out with you, you know? That's something I want to fix," Sasuke released his hand and messed up his hair. "So, yeah, I'm sorry. I was an ass. Forgive me?"
The fish face from earlier made its cameo again.
Sasuke put on a weak smile and opened the blonde's door. "Eh, after you?"
The blonde shook his head, but walked inside nonetheless. The Uchiha closed the door behind him only to get a stare down from the blond. "What? Do you want me to leave?"
"N-no, it's just—it's your birthday and all and I didn't get you anything." The boy cringed.
"You spending your day with me is enough," Sasuke tilted his head.
"Nah, not for me. I want to do something else, get something more for yah."
The devious side of Sasuke kicked in. With a small smirk, he approached the blond with a dark twinkle in his eye. "Well, there is something else—"
"Name it and you got it." The blond retorted hastily.
"I want a kiss."
There was a deafening silence. The blonde's face burnt crimson, and even his other exposed flesh began to turn red. "A k-kiss?"
"Yeah."
"W-why?"
Sasuke pursed his lips. "When I said that I wanted to hang out with you more, I didn't mean just at the ramen bar or for training—"
"Wait you—"
"I meant more than that, dobe."
Blue eyes widened, the crimson darkened, and Naruto's voice came out as a squeak. "...but...with me?"
"Yeah."
Sasuke watched as Naruto took in deep breaths before approaching. "O-okay then..." Leaning in, he placed a simple chaste kiss onto Sasuke's lips.
The Uchiha leaned into the connection, enjoying every second.
When they separated, Naruto was still red. "Erm, yeah, uh..."
Sasuke smirked. "Yeah, it'll take some getting used to, but you'll get the hang of it." He quirked an eyebrow, smirk still in place. "Ready to go to bed?"
"EH?"
"Just bed, sleep, nothing else." Sasuke reassured, amused by the implications of what the blond suspected.
After sorting out who's laying where and getting some spare clothes out of the back of the closet for Sasuke to wear, the two laid side by side, staring up at the ceiling. The light remained on still, because the blond had failed to reach over and click the chain to swarm the room with darkness.
"Goodnight, teme." Finally, after a moment, he reached for the chain and clicked it off.
The bed sheets rustled as Sasuke twisted in them, searching for Naruto's face as he placed a kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight."
The silence of the night filled the room. The breathing got softer, and arms snaked around waists. It would be a good sleep indeed—
--until the bedside light suddenly clicked on and the two boys were faced with the irate expression of one Iruka sensei.
"Naruto! What are you doing?"
The blond flew up, grasping the blankets. "I was just trying to sleep sensei!"
The brunette eyed Sasuke, who too was clinging to the bed sheets with an arm still snaked around the blonde's waist. Noticing his arm being eyeballed, Sasuke drew it back to his own person and waited for the bomb to go off.
"I'm stunned, Naruto. Seeing you in bed with someone else, furthermore, that someone being your rival! Although it's nice to see you two getting along, you will not be having a relationship until you are informed of the dangers!" He stuck his fingers in his mouth and blew out a whistle.
The door flew open and a chalkboard was soon pushed in by one Kakashi, who looked quite amused. "Yo."
"What do you mean I can't have a relationship, I'm not allowed to go out with anyone?" Naruto exclaimed, surprised and annoyed.
"Oh, you can go out with someone, but you're not to get intimate until you have gone through my Sex Education Course first!" Iruka flipped the board to reveal a drawing of the male's nether region and drew out a ruler. "Shall we begin?"
"Sensei!"
"All right! This part right here is called the—"
"SENSEI!"
"Happy birthday, Sasuke." Sasuke looked up to see Kakashi with his eye upturned in a smile.
The lesson wasn't finished until four in the morning.
-End-