Disclaimer: "Figures. Bogart has Mary Astor. Russel Crowe has Kim Basinger. I have Lassie."

(An: Well, the beginning of this was a Nutboard request fic that spawned… I love doing angst, and the world is certainly lacking of Jamie angst. This is set five years in the future, making Jamie eighteen, Rahne nineteen, and Kurt twenty-two. Oh, btw, I am a Rahm shipper, but the original request was for a Rahmie love triangle… and besides. It's cute.)

My name is Jamie Madrox, a.k.a. Multiple. You might know me as "squirt" or "klutz" or maybe even "Hey, watch it!"

Even after I got better control of my powers and a growth spurt and the mansion got a new shipload of recruits, I was still the little kid. I was too young for any of the girls to look twice at me, too young for any of the boys to see me as anything but an inferior tagging along.

There was only one reason I hadn't flipped the entire mansion the bird and ran laughing madly into the sunset, and she was in love with another guy.

And people ask me why I'm a cynic.

O-o-O-o-O

"Hate my life. Want to die."

I didn't look up from my book. Rahne was more interesting than calculus, but I had a final in it tomorrow. I was going to graduate- me, Jamie Madrox, finally. Besides, I was used to her coming to me to whine when she was lovelorn. I wasn't exactly pleased with this arrangement, but I could, of course, never tell her why to her face. "No, you don't."

Rahne climbed on the table and sat cross-legged in front of my book. "I don't know why I talk to about this sort of thing. You never listen and you never care."

I would concede on the listening part, but the caring was a no. "Of course I don't. That's not my job."

"And yet I still consider you my best friend. I think that I must be nuts."

Considering that you've got a crush on a blue fuzzy guy who's four years older than you and won't even consider anyone more in your age range, I concur, I thought. I prided myself that it only had a hint of bitterness after the five years I'd had to get over my crush. I still wasn't over it, but I'd gotten used to not showing that around Rahne. Hey, bitterness was better than tripping and creating fifteen of myself, right?

Rahne sighed, stretching out and lying on her back.

Goddammit, I hate being a good friend… "So, what happened this time?"

Rahne closed her eyes and mumbled, "I fell on him."

Now I looked up, weirded out. "You fell on him?"

Rahne nodded morosely. "I tripped on a rug and knocked him into a wall, breaking a vase and giving him a concussion. Hank's picking china out of his skin as we speak."

I winced. Sure, I had tripped over a lot when Rahne had first started hanging out with me, but I'd never knocked her into a vase. "So you didn't use this opportunity to express your love to him?" My tone was mild- it had to be so I wouldn't choke on the words.

"Jamie, I nearly knocked him out and gave him several minor lacerations."

"Well, that is rather harsh… but still. It works in soap operas."

"Jamie, if this were a soap opera, I would have gotten killed off by now. It's been five years and nothing has happened between me and Kurt. I'm a boring character."

"You're a very interesting person, just a rather stupid and clumsy one."

Rahne, of course, took no offense. She knew that if every other word out of my mouth wasn't an insult, I'd explode. Rather, she replied, "I should just kill myself. I've never committed suicide before. I bet it would be very interesting."

After scrutinizing her for a moment to make sure no seriousness lurked beneath her usual angstiness, I muttered, "I may's well join you. My life would be even more pathetic without you around."

Rahne glanced at me, but I had already hid my face in my book again. I'd gotten pretty good at this lying thing. "Did you say something?"

"Nope, nothing at all," I sighed. See what I mean?

Rahne blinked. I would have been more concerned by the way she studied me, except that I had been dropping hints like this for years and she'd never wised up, so I had nothing to worry about. "You know what? I'm gonna go find Jubilee. At least she listens when I whine."

"Ah, yes, but you like my cynicism. It reminds you that you aren't the only depressed, disgusted person on the planet."

"And at the same time makes me more depressed."

"…True."

Rahne stuck her tongue out at me, hopping off the table. "I think I shall go talk to Jubilee. I wanted to talk to you cause I thought you could sympathize better with klutziness."

Better than you know. This time, I was unable to restrain my sigh of disgust with myself. I didn't want to continue this discussion with her- about her embarrassment about the man she was in love with, not when I was unable to shake my crush on her- but I didn't want her to leave, either.

"She also doesn't do that."

"Yes, but Jubilee blabs." This was a bit of a lie- after all, Jubilee knew about my thing for Rahne, and she'd never told, but I think that was more out of pity than anything… after all, Jubilee was also a matchmaker. Since Rahne had come back before Jubilee, she had never learned of Rahne's crush on Kurt. Rahne actually had a shot with Kurt, so Jubilee would skip with glee at the opportunity to fix them up.

"Not about stuff like this, she doesn't!" Rahne replied, with the unshakable belief of one who has put their hope in something they don't quite know to be true. "She understands unrequited crushes! Just look at her and Bobby!"

She had a point there, but I was unable to contain my exasperation in sighs and mental commentary any longer.

"What? You look like you just ate a lemon."

Dryly, I said, "Believe me, if I wanted to, I could bitch 'til the cows came home about unrequited love. Except I understand that if I'm too chicken to admit I have a thing for someone because of the embarrassment and awkwardness that would undoubtedly occur, I have no right to complain because it's my own frickin' fault!"

Rahne looked at me. "Did you have a bad day, too?" She was honestly concerned. It was endearing, really.

"Try bad life," I muttered, slumping over the table. She eyed me, frowning, until I sat up again. "Are you finished, then? Because I have a final to study for."

Rahne threw her hands in the air and walked out.

I sighed, pressing my hands to my temples. I really do need to start being a better friend. Maybe next time I can send a dupe to do this job… maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be the gay me. He won't have this problem. Nah, he'll enjoy it, since Rahne won't be the least bit attractive to him… pfft. As if I'd ever be that fortunate. I reopened my book, lacking the fervor I once had for calculus- not that I ever had much, mind you.

The moment I did, of course, was when someone entered the library via a bamf. "She fell on me. Am I happy or in pain?"

I frowned at Kurt, then stood up. My patience was extremely lacking at the moment, so I clapped my hands. Three dupes appeared. My dupes are different shades of my personality. They show sides of me that tend to be dead giveaways for what I'm really thinking. One instantly began ripping pages out of my book and eating them, nearly foaming at the mouth. The second dupe pried it out of his hands, shaking his head. The third sat on the table, his expression one of absolute misery. See what I mean?

Kurt blinked at me, hanging upside down from the ceiling light.

"Make one of them listen to you," I snapped, walking away before he could reply.

O-o-O-o-O

"Are you in a better mood now?" Rahne asked me at dinner. "Or do I have to sit by Amara?"

"I won't be too chipper until I've passed my calculus test," I replied, smiling a little. Or until I finally get out of this place…

Rahne scowled. "You've got that look on your face."

"What look?"

Rahne passed me the mashed potatoes with a look of distaste. At me, not the mashed potatoes. "It's the 'I wanna leave' look. That look you get when you discuss your 'future plans'." Her displeasure with my dream of shaking the dust of the Institute from my shoes forever was a common note of discord between us. "Rahne, we've been over this. I hate it here."

"But I hate not having you around."

The statement, combined with the look in her green eyes, made me want to bury my face in my potatoes so I wouldn't do something stupid. Why couldn't she look at me like that, like she didn't just want me around because I was her friend, under different circumstances? It was a longing sort of look, but I knew the only person she longed for was Kurt. That was why I didn't say anything for a moment, settling for moving my food around my plate, trying to think of an innocuous reply that wouldn't drag us into the argument again.

"Jamie…" Rahne muttered.

"Please don't," I replied. "I really don't want to fight with you. I wanna get out of Bayville, Rahne- to everyone, I'm just the squirt. I wanna be somebody, and if I stay here, everyone will always think of me as the young one, the little kid who can't take two steps without falling over his own feet."

"I don't think of you like that."

"But the rest of the team does!" I managed not to raise my voice, but the kid next to me- Jono? Was that his name?- still goggled at me like I'd just jumped on the table and started stripping to Weird Al's greatest hits. "Kid, you've got nothing to stare at." So maybe it was a little mean since he was missing half of his face under his scarf, but I was in a bad mood.

I'm not staring, sir, he thought-said. It was rather hard to speak normally when you were missing most of your mouth, after all. I'm trying to calculate the decibel level of your voice.

"Screw you, small fry."

I'm only two years younger than you.

"Which doesn't make a difference to anyone else. Don't you have someone else to annoy?"

Rahne snapped her fingers in my face. "Now is hardly the time to displace your anger."

"Displace my anger?" I asked.

"You're mad at me, but you're taking it out on the British kid." Jono leaned around me and sneered at her.

"You're already on thin ice, Jono. Don't push it."

She's Scottish. It's my obligation.

Rahne nodded.

I groaned, swearing under my breath. I pushed my chair back and left, underthrilled by the prospect of further conversation.

Behind me, I heard, Did I say something or did you?

"I did. And it seems like I do every time I open my mouth."

If only you knew… I thought.

O-o-O-o-O

The next day, I ran out of Bayville High grinning like a maniac. It was my last day there. I would have to show up tomorrow for the graduation ceremony to make it official, but as of now, I was no longer a student. I decided to walk to the mansion. Let someone else drive the squirts for once. I'm not one of them anymore.

This was a fine thought, and I felt much better about being me the whole way home.

The problem with being me, though, is that things like that never last. As soon as I stepped into the institute, there was a bamf, and Kurt appeared in front of me. Holding hands. With Rahne.

Ignore that roaring sound in the background. I've heard it's quite common when your world is ending.

My first thought was, I knew this would happen eventually. It's not so bad since I was expecting it.

Well, not really. My first thought was incoherent screaming. Thankfully, that died down enough for semi-logical thought.

My second (well, third, if you must be so specific) thought was, I hate lying to me.

I think that smile I had plastered on my face as Rahne and Kurt explained the hand-holding was worthy of one of those little golden statuettes.

"So, um, what's up?" I said, initiating the conversation. I was hoping to cover for the good minute and a half I'd spent staring in shock. "Did you two finally get half a collective brain and hook up?"

"…I'd hit you for that, but I'm in a generally amicable mood at the moment," said Rahne.

"So you did?"

"If you insist on putting it that way, then yes. We did."

"Did you take advantage of the vase thing like I told you to?"

Rahne stuck her tongue out at me.

"So you did? Jeez, I should open a business."

"I didn't."

"Well, then, what?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, grinning, and grabbed my arm. He bamfed us all into the kitchen.

O-o-O-o-O

"…Well, we finally figured out what idiots we were making of ourselves, and I asked her out. We figured you should be the first to know since you were the one who listened to us rant about each other." Kurt grinned as he finished his story. Ok, he'd been grinning the whole way through (and glancing affectionately at Rahne), but then, despite all odds against it, it widened.

I have no idea how I managed to return that grin. I have never been one for theatre, but I must admit, I discovered a talent for it that day. "That's great, guys, really!" I said, nodding and hoping that would bring more truth to my words. "I mean, really, it's only been, what, three years?"

Rahne and Kurt looked at each other and laughed. "Yeah, give or take," Rahne admitted.

O-o-O-o-O

After a while of talking, I excused myself, using some lame line. They only had eyes for each other, so once I was out of sight, I was out of mind. Handy, really. I created a few dupes banging my head against the wall and sent them off to leave false trails.

As for myself, I headed for the most peaceful place in the mansion.

Technically, Ororo's garden in the attic was off-limits to students, but Storm had never begrudged me coming up here before. She understood I would never do anything to her precious plants. I dunno, there was nothing more soothing when I was bummed than lying on the floor up there and breathing in all the plant-y smells.

After a while, I heard the creaking of the stairs and closed my eyes. I could feel a migraine beginning. I knew it wasn't one of my clones; they were all downstairs. As far I could tell through my link to them, none were anywhere near here. As the footsteps came closer, I figured it was Ororo; her bare feet were as quiet as a cat's on the boards.

I got an affirmative answer when small rainclouds appeared and began watering the plants. "So, care to talk about it?"

"About what?" If she didn't know, I sure as hell wasn't going to spill all to her. I'd done it when I was younger, but when I was younger, Rahne had never been a direct problem. Rahne had been the solution to most of them, actually; she was only a year older than me, so she understood what it was like to be overlooked, and she was sympathetic about my klutziness, not amused. It was kind of natural that I'd developed a crush on her, really; I was just a kid when I came to the 'stute. I just never managed to shake it and get on with my life.

"I assume that something's bothering you. I encountered a few of your dupes. One was trying to kill himself with a spork, another was staring at the ceiling and asked me my feelings on the pointlessness of life… and one of them was trying to find the whipped cream, oddly enough."

"Oh, great, you mean the evil me got out? I'll never hear the end of it."

"The evil you?" Ororo looked over at me, her lips quirked.

"Don't ask. Remember that one time we found Ray strung up the flagpole?"

"How could I forget? It took Forge three days to fix the wiring."

"That was him. All him."

"So is Ray the problem again?"

"Nope, different chick."

"I don't think Berzerker would appreciate knowing that you called him a girl…"

"His problem, not mine."

"Well, what is your problem, then?"

"I'd really rather not talk about it…"

"Might it have anything to do with Kurt and Rahne?"

I sat up, looking at her incredulously. "How do you always know?"

Ororo smiled- as close as someone as serene as her could get to a nefarious smirk- and shrugged. "I pay attention. It doesn't take telepathy to pick up on some things."

"Hoboy." I laid down again. And suddenly, I found myself spilling out the whole story. How I'd accidentally ended up being a sounding board for Kurt and Rahne because I was such a cynic that it made them feel better (with no actual expectation of seeing their crushes come to fruition), how I'd followed Rahne around like a… well, like a lost puppy, and how absolutely and utterly crushed I'd felt. "It kinda feels like the last straw, you know? There's nothing for me here anymore."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Jamie… I'm sure Rahne will be upset to hear that you're not going back on your decision to leave us after you graduate…"

I scowled. "She can deal with it. She's got a new boyfriend to help her through, remember?" I paused, then groaned. "Ah, I didn't mean that. I want Rahne to be happy, I really do. And I guess… well, if I'm not the one making her happy, then I should be grateful that I had a hand in getting her with someone who is."

"That's surprisingly mature."

"I still feel like stabbing my eyes out so I won't see them together, don't you worry."

"Please don't resort to anything that drastic. It's very easy to avoid someone in the mansion… although I wouldn't suggest that either. If your stay here is going to be short, you should at least reconcile with her, don't you think?"

"…I extremely dislike it when you make sense."

Ororo bent over to look into my face, beaming at me.

I sighed, getting up. "I'd best go curtail my dupes…"

"Good idea."

O-o-O-o-O

I did end up taking Ororo's advice. Not the good advice, though. I went with the one she ended up advising against- avoiding Rahne.

It's been two days since my graduation, which is the last time I saw her. I like the image I have of her- standing and clapping and smiling her heart out. It's something nice to take with me. Despite all my griping, there have been some times I've enjoyed at the mansion, and that mental snapshot of Rahne like that is kind of iconic of them. Hopefully, I'll get to a point when the good memories will cover up the bad. Hell, I might even end up rejoining the team one day, or at least helping them out.

But that won't be for a long time. Right now, I'm headed to New York. I've saved enough money for an apartment (I've had a long time to think this out, you see), and once I get enough money, I'm buying a building and starting a detective agency. With my powers, I'm my own staff.

What, you were expecting a moral? Sorry to disappoint, but the only meaning to life that I've found so far is Twinkies, and I think that's a personal thing. I'm no telepath or precog. I don't know if I've made the right decision or if any of this will work out, but who does? …Besides, at least I'll never get lonely.

(Not the best fic I've ever written, but I think it'll pass. This is a oneshot. Meaning, I refuse to let it spawn. Oh, well, review!)