Ron Represents

or

The Power of Mom

Number 4, Privet Drive is not the type of place that made outsiders feel at home. This is especially true for people that were slightly abnormal. The inhabitants of Privet Drive (i.e. the Dursleys) made sure that "abnormal" people felt as little welcome as possible. So I take this time to personally advise the following people to stay away: the handicapped, midgets, circus performers, people with a unibrow, and last but not least, Michael Jackson.

However, there were three very abnormal people living in Privet Drive who could not have felt more at home. Their names were Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger and this is their tale. (While it is really not all of their tales, it's more Harry's tale than anyone else's. Who really cares about the "best friends" anyways?)

Harry potter sat on his four-poster bed looking out of the window feeling depressed. It would be his birthday in mere hours and he would finally be able to leave Privet Drive forever. He hated this place with a passion, and couldn't wait to leave, even if the door did hit him on the way out. His friends, however, did not seem to hold the same level of contempt, nor the same desire to leave.

From the moment Ron Weasley set foot in the house he had become somewhat of a king among men. Once the Dursleys had seen that Harry had brought company for his last summer stay, they had protested immediately.

"They're staying and that's that!" yelled Harry defiantly.

"I will not have anymore crazies living under my roof!" yelled a purple faced Uncle Vernon. "and there's nothing you lot can do about it!"

Ron smiled wickedly and pulled out his wand.

"Mr. Dursley, there is plenty we can do about it," he said mischievously.

Dudley Dursley, who had been cowering behind his porky father, whimpered with fear.

"B-but you can't use that outside of your bloody school!"

"I'm of legal age now so I can do whatever I please."

And with no further words he pointed his wand at a teapot and blew it to smithereens. He then pointed his wand again and the teapot repaired itself.

"Now imagine that you are that teapot, Mr. Dursley," said Ron still grinning from ear to ear.

Needless to say, the Dursleys had few objections to Harry having houseguest after Ron's little display. With the dispute settled Ron relaxed in the comfort of the Dursley's living room and bewitched the radio to play Weasley Is My King (the Gryffindor Version of course). However he could not turn it off for hours and the song began to grate on everyone's nerves. At least until Ron begged Hermione to remove the spell.

From that moment on Ron was on what some may call a bit of a "power trip". He helped himself to all the food and conveniences of the Dursley's home, and made use of all their electronic devices. He even learned how to use the Internet where he communicated with his new friends gangster4life and LilShoRty247. Despite his "power trip" and his newfound friendships, Ron was still bothered by the depressed state of his friend.

(A/N :Ghetto to English translations in brackets)

"What up H-Dizzle?" What's wrong Harry? asked Ron concernedly. "Why you bes lookin' like somebody done capped yo mama?" Why do you look so down in the dumps?

"You wouldn't understand Ron," said Harry glumly.

"Harry, you my number one player. If anybody bes understandin' it bes me." Harry, you are my best friend. If anybody understands you, it's me.

Harry was touched by his friend's desire to help him, but he still didn't want to trouble him with his burdens.

"Well it's really a lot of stuff… it could take a while to explain."

"If yous gots the rhyme I gots the time." I've got plenty of time on my hands. I'd be happy to listen to your problems.

"Yeah," said Hermione. "You know we're both here for you, Harry." Both Ron and Harry ignored her.

"Well it's like this," said Harry finally giving in to his friends offer to listen. "We've been stuck here all summer and Voldemort has been wreaking havoc on the wizarding world. I mean he killed all the insignificant characters, besides Neville and Luna."

Harry took a pause in which they could honor the loss of the dead… which really wasn't much of a loss at all.

Ron popped open a bottle of butter beer.

"One for me," he said as he took a sip of his beverage. He then poured a small amount on the carpet. "and one for my hommies."

He then took two more sips and said "two for me." Again he poured a small amount of liquid on the floor and said, "two for my hommies."

"Ron," said Hermione reproachfully. "You've been getting a lot more than your hommies."

"Yeah," said Harry angrily. "and you're messing up my carpet!"

"Sorry dog, won't happen again," said Ron as he used a spell to cleam up the mess. "you can continue what you were saying." No more of Ron's drink went to his hommies.

"Thank you. Tonight I finally get to leave this place for good, and we've already decided that we'd go to Bill and Fleur's wedding. (a prospect that doesn't please me because I shall have to see Ginny again and the angst could very well leave me emotionally scared for life. That is if I'm not already.) Then we said we'd go to Gordric's Hollow."

"Righ', righ'" Right, right.

"But my problem is where do we go after that? The only lead we have is a fake horcrux that doesn't do anything, but is quite pleasant to hold," said Harry exasperatedly as he stroked his phony horcrux like a pet of some sort. He had grown obsessively attached to the necklace and anything that resembled what he thought would be a horcrux. He had been secretly collecting and destroying all lockets, cups, and snakes that he came across and whenever he saw something that bore the Gryffindor or Ravenclaw crest, he would rend it asunder. His first act upon arriving at Privet Drive was to cut his own school robe into tiny pieces.

"I see what you mean Dog," said Ron sympathetically. "But you gots to understand, what bes gonna to happen is what bes gonna to happen. And wes gonna do and all we can do to be ready incase some serious mess goes down. Ya herd?" But you have to understand, whatever is going to happen will happen. All we can do is be ready for it. Right?

"You're right mate," said Harry. "I'm glad I talked to you and I'm glad you're my best friend."

"Fo' Shizzle," you know it! said Ron as the two friends hugged.

"And you know that I'll be there for you both whenever you need me," said Hermione encouragingly.

"That's nice," said Harry in a syrupy voice usually reserved for small children. He then turned his attention back to Ron and said, "it really does mean a lot knowing that you're there for me."

Hermione did not speak to neither of them until Harry's birthday, which luckily was only hours away.

The alarm clock on Harry's nightstand struck midnight and the trio knew it was time to leave Privet Drive for good. They held hands, clicked their heals three times and chanted "there's no place like the Burrow, there's no place like the Burrow, there's no place like the Burrow" and before they knew it they had apperated in the middle of the Weasley's living room.

Instantly they were brought into a bone cracking embraced by a concerned Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh my poor babies!" cried the disconsolate woman. "You all look so pale and skinny. I can't wait to get some proper feeding in you."

"We ain't need no food mama," We do not require feeding at this time, dear mother. said Ron in a deep gangster voice. "We cool." The food that we have already consumed shall suffice.

Mrs. Weasley recoiled in fear. It was extremely unlike her son to turn down food. Worse yet he was speaking in tongues. So faced with the possibility of having a possessed child she did what any mother would do in this situation. She totally freaked out. Using her wand, she bound Ron to a chair and gagged him. She then began to sprinkle holy water on his head while yelling, "the power of Christ compels you!" over and over again. Harry and Hermione tried to calm her down but she would not listen.

Awakened by the noise, Mr. Weasley came down to investigate.

"Molly, what is going on!" he cried franticly.

"Arthur, our son is possessed! I always knew something like this could happen, but never in my wildest dreams did I think it would happen to us!"

"Come now honey! There's got to be some logical explanation."

"There is Mr. Weasley," explained Hermione. "Ron was just speaking street. He's not possessed!"

A light bulb went on over Mr. Weasley's head. This was quite surprising since the Weasleys hadn't managed to pay their electric bill in over three years. But at the same time that this light bulb went on Mr. Weasley understood the situation.

"Molly the kid is just speaking slang," said Mr. Weasley calmly. But Molly wasn't having it. She continued her exorcism.

"Ronald, I know you're in there somewhere. Please speak to me!"

"How's he going to speak to you when you've got him gagged!" said Harry at the incredulity of it all.

"Listen Molly," said Mr. Weasley in an attempt to take control of the situation. "There is nothing wrong with Ron. He's just talking street. It's all the rage among the muggle kids. Nothing to worry about. It's just a phase."

Reluctantly Mrs. Weasley untied and un-gagged Ron.

"'Bout time ya'll suckas let me loose!" Golly-gee-wiz! I thought you would never untie me. said Ron in a huff.

"Now you listen here, Ronald Weasley," said Molly in a roar of furry. "I don't care what you call that heathen talk, but I will not have it spoken in this house!"

"Please woman! I ain't gots to listen to you! I is my own man and I dos what I wants!" Don't make me laugh woman! I don't have to listen to you! I'm a grown man and I can do as I please!

As is the case with many tragedies, no one saw it coming. One moment Ron was glaring at his mother defiantly and the next he was rolling on the floor holding his broken jaw. No one actually saw the exchange of pain, but from the look of the damage, Mrs. Weasley had cast a deadly "Witch Slap" curse. Hermione quickly rushed to Ron's side to mend the wounds as everyone else stared at Mrs. Weasley in disbelief. She did not seem to be affected.

"I don't care what you say when you're out there in the world. You can speak your road language or whatever the heck you want. But when you are in my house you will speak proper English or you will have no jaw with which to speak at all!"

"Yes, ma'am" muttered Ron through his not-quite-fully-healed mouth.

After this tension filled dialogue was through, they all went into the kitchen where they had a small party to celebrate Harry's birthday. There was very little conversation and everyone threw anxious glances in Mrs. Weasley's direction. After the food was all gone everyone pitched in to clean up, without being asked. When the cleaning was done they silently went upstairs without a word spoken between them.

No one had any objections to anything else that Molly Weasley said that night.

A/N:First chapters are always a bit slow for me, but rest assured it will pick up. Like a fine wine my humor gets sweeter with age... or so I've been told... well no one actually told me. I sort of just assumed.