"Happy families are all alike, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,"

That sums up my family. We aren't really supremely happy or unhappy, but every day, there's always a different problem to tackle. Sometimes it's trying to decide whether to go to Savannah's ballet recital or to Charlie's soccer game. More often than not, it's something deeper, more life changing for a close family member or friend. Once in a while, it involves me.

This particular week, my brother Simon officially got divorced from his wife of several years, Cecilia. The problem is that Simon and Cecilia both want custody over their son, Andrew and are unwilling to share. I guess I would understand Simon not wanting to share if my wife had cheated on me for five months with some French dude named Paolo.

So my dad is currently trying to fan the smoke away and help soothe both parties. He and Mom are more worried about Andrew than either Simon or Cecilia. You see, Andrew isn't a normal five year old little boy. He's special in that he has a disease called spina bifida and has to use crutches or a leg brace to walk around. Everyone likes to call him "Little Forrest Gump," because Andrew, quite honestly looks a lot like Forrest Gump with the leg braces. So you can see why this is a sort of life changing problem that has everyone throwing in their opinion, because the Camden house is not known for silence. Well, that problem is the only one everyone knows.

Then there's my sister Mary. She's expecting triplets even though she has four kids with Carlos- Charlie, Jenny, Janie and Freddy. Only, Carlos was just fired from his job and is worried about making ends meet, so he's not going to look forward to three more mouths to feed. I'm not sure if my mom and dad even know about Mary's dilemma, but she's freaking out about it.

That's another life changing problem, because what's most likely going to happen is that Carlos and Mary will move in with the kids until after the triplets are born in which Carlos will have managed to find another job and save enough money. Well that, or Carlos' family in Puerto Rico, and Mom doesn't really want to loose her Mary again. I know this via the little mouth of Freddy, one of my many spies who work for milk and Oreos.

Of course, there's always Lucy to consider. Lucy, who has the perfect marriage with the perfect husband-Kevin and their six perfect kids, Savannah, Thomas, Topher, Gregory, Monica, and Jacob. Perfect pastor Lucy is working so hard with her kids, particularly her twins who wants to start dating and Savannah who wants to add a few more dance classes to her already full schedule.

Then there's Gregory and Monica's fighting and Jacob crying about how nobody ever wants to play with him. Not to mention her congregation with couples having marital problems and girls wanting to know why they should wait until marriage. It's no wonder that her marriage with Kevin is crumbling. That would fall in gradual life changing if Kevin hadn't chosen this week to start sleeping at a hotel. Of course, I only know, because of Jacob's naivety.

Now, three life changing problems sound like enough, doesn't it? Enough for one week, anyway. But my dad once told me that God gives to you as much as he thinks you can handle. Apparently this wasn't enough for us to handle.

No, God just had to throw in my older brother, Matt, moving back to town with Benji, Brandon, Bryan, Annabel and Sarah to open a practice. They just discovered that Annabel has diabetes and haven't told anyone yet. I only know this, because Bryan doesn't know how to keep secrets just yet, the sweet little six year old.

I know I should be ashamed of using little children for my own devices, but I am using my own money to supply them with cookies and milk. Now there's only two more life changing problems, one from the mouths of Aaron Brewer and Nicky Morgan.

Nicky is the little boy from down the street. More specifically, he is the kid brother of a Mr. Jack A. Morgan. The Jack A. Morgan that my sister Ruthie spent half the year trying to get a date with, just to go out with a different guy. Anyway Mr. Jack A. Morgan (I should stop the full name thing before you bean me over the head, shouldn't I? Last time, I swear.) is coming home for the entire summer, single and still looking for someone "he could really care about". Ruthie is also coming home for the whole summer, fresh off a rebound with some Canadian dude that she just broke up with. This can only mean disaster, with Aaron's little news:

"My daddy's coming home! He's gonna live here with Mr. Reverend Eric and Mrs. Annie! And Daddy's gonna be a baseball coach at your school again! But I can't tell anyone, because it's a secret. Course, you don't count, Mr. David,"

Yes. This is bound to end in some sort of disaster. Then there's Sam, who being the twin brother of, I usually know all his secrets off the bat. Sam's dating three girls at once, and they all know it. He's starting to be painted on as a 'player' a 'pimp' at school, and doesn't really care. Someone that would care though, would be our parents. Especially when they discover that this little arrangement has been that way for five months and Sam is looking into polygamy on the Internet, not to mention a fourth girl. A fourth girl that I'm having mixed feelings for.

So I think it's safe to assume that a nuclear bomb would be the equivalent of my parents if they knew as much as I did. Then there's one more little life changing secret: Mine. I suppose I might as well say it now and get it over with.

My name is David Camden and I am a bisexual.