Pairings: None. As of yet.
Warnings: AU, Bondage (LOL! Not what you think), Language, Crack
Author's Notes: Hey there. I'm taking a break from Flowers for Gaara because I just can't seem to write for it lately. All my humor is sapped up and I'm a bit tired from writing in the style of that fic. I don't plan to abandon it, however. This fic was born to help inspire some humor in me again, and get me writing for Naruto. I was just thinking of writing a cute cracktastic story and this came to mind!
Now, this fic is centered on Ino again. (Can't you tell I love her?) It has no main pairings yet, but I have some ideas. You guys are free to give your input on this matter. Characters will be gradually introduced into the story. There will be a lot of them! Aside from whoever is paired with Ino in the end, the other characters might have their own romances. It's possible these may be of shoujo/shonen-ai nature. BUT! I promise those won't be explored deeply (if I have them at all) because I know how easily turned off people are by that sort of thing (unfortunately). I hope you can stomach at least a few subtle hints, though. Just in case. I'm pretty sure this fic will stay in the PG-13 range regardless of the couple. Language and stupidity should remain the most offensive part of it.
As noted above, this story is AU! Set in some Western/European-styled kingdom. Think fairytale castle, dragons, cute bodices, knights in shining armor, white horses, etc.
A New Literary Hobby
Hello, Diary. My name is Ino. Yamanaka Ino, and I am a young and beautiful girl.
A smiley face was drawn in the corner with a small crown on its head.
However, no one else may call me just a "girl." Anyone who calls me a "girl" will be swiftly chastised in the appropriate way. You, diary, may call me as all others do. Princess.
Many hearts and stars decorated the word "Princess."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Daddy!" the cry of a young girl filled the vacant castle halls. Satin shuffled and small feet in delicate slippers tapped gently against the polished, wooden floors. "Daddy! Where are you?"
"P-Princess!" a servant cried as Princess Ino almost toppled him over.
"Ohh!" she gasped. Ino was about to continue her hurried trot, when she stopped completely and demanded the servant's attention. "Servant."
"Yes, Princess?" the man responded promptly, not fazed that for the entire time he had served at the castle, the young girl did not address him by his name – nor did she even seem to know it. He bowed his head slightly and avoided gazing into the royal blue eyes of the Princess. "How may I be of service?"
"Have you seen my mare?" The blonde looked desperately worried. It was a look affected even the most insensitive person. "I-I went out to the stable and she wasn't there and now I'm worried. Daddy always says he wants to sell her because she's too old! Or that he wants to give her away! GIVE HER AWAY! Do you t-think that maybe, maybe he – "
"Princess, please don't worry. Come with me and we'll find her," He smiled politely. What a sweet Princess he had the privilege of serving. From now on, the servant would be sure to always defend the lovely Princess when others spoke of her as being selfish, spoiled, and ill tempered. She was a gentle soul that deeply adored all creatures, if her attachment and love for animals was any indication.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
As the Princess of the Westlands, it is very important that I write down all my thoughts. I have hundreds of diaries, but I have chosen you for my most secret of thoughts. You will actually be the first dairy I have ever kept. Congratulations.
Now, you may be wondering: "What does a Princess do with her spare time?" And I am dying to tell you. While much of my time is dedicated to my Princess duties and education, I am always sure to take time for myself. A Princess that over-works herself is destined to get wrinkles and go grey before her time. That sort of Princess would probably also be insanely boring! Heehee.
Personally, I have developed an interest in keeping animals. There is a sunroom in the West End that houses all of my lovely birds. The colorful and exotic ones are my favorite!
There was a small sketch of a bird smiling with the name "Peaches" next to it.
I also adore fish! It's true! They're so fun to watch swimming around in the fountain next to the garden. My mother says water and the creatures that live in water calm the spirit and bring good luck. Since it's good luck to keep fish, I've made sure to have at least a few hundred of all sizes and colors.
My mare, Jill, is the most gorgeous horse in existence! I've had her for as long as I can remember and I don't plan to ever let her go. I really don't appreciate my father's cruel jokes about giving her away to the peasant girl down the road.
The writing was suddenly more angry and hurried for the next couple of lines.
If THAT girl wants a horse so badly, she should get her OWN. Of course, I'm fair to all the peasants, but there is a fine line between "generosity" and "idiotic carelessness". Besides, I wouldn't trust anyone with ratty pink hair to take care of my beloved Jill. The glare of the sunlight from her massive forehead would probably frighten the poor thing.
Anyway, you must be wondering: "What is your favorite pet, Princess?" That's an easy question. I have the most adorable pet dog. I keep him in a room near mine to always have him available if I desire his company. My cute pet dog amuses himself with keeping an even smaller dog to play with. IT'S CUTE!
A doodle of a large brown dog and a small white one decorated the bottom of the page.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ino walked through the fields with a sunny hand-picked bouquet of flowers in her small hands. The hem of her violet dress brushed against the fresh green grass.
These are so pretty! The princess giggled to herself and sunlight lit her golden locks to an even brighter hue. With excitement, she rushed back into the castle. Her chest rose and fell with her exertion as she entered and closed the heavy door behind her.
At times like these, she liked to bother her treasured mutt.
Ino tapped her way up the stairs to her floor. (Yes, an entire floor was dedicated to the Princess.) She knocked on the door of her favorite pet's room and waited for the excited response.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!" he barked.
"Kiba!" the Princess squealed and entered his room without further ado. A boy was sitting on a large, scarlet cushion on the floor. His ankle was bound by a heavy chain and tied to a post on the opposite wall. He glared freely at the Princess as she approached with a bouquet in hand.
"Hey there! Who's my cute little boy?" She laughed as she sat next to him. Her grin was teasingly cruel as she eased closer.
"NOT ME!" came the heated reply. The dog named Kiba turned his head away, "You're a sick, sick woman."
"Kiiiiiiiiiiiiba!" She poked his chest. "Can I pet you today?"
"No."
"Pleaaaaase?"
"No."
"But I came here just to see you!"
"NO!"
The Princess was quiet for a moment. The "dog" turned back to look at Ino and recognized the look on her face readily. He crossed his arms over his bare, well-muscled chest and refused to let the look faze him.
"Pfft! Don't give me that I'm-so-freakin'-pissed-I'm-gonna-get-my-Daddy-to-behead-you look."
The Princess scowled even deeper, and spoke through gritted teeth. "Kiba. Who's your owner again?"
"You know I'm not gonna say it! You took advantage of me and locked me up for your nasty little games!"
"That's right. It's me. And I demand for you to let me pet you."
"Never! And that's final!" Kiba turned fully away from Ino. The other dog – the one Ino's dog kept – walked over and sat on his lap. Kiba closed his eyes and stubbornly waited for the Princess to leave.
Instead of leaving, Ino dragged her fingers over the boy's neck and trailed her hand up through his spiky locks. Yellow flowers fell on Kiba's lap, scaring the white dog out of the place he had just gotten comfortable in.
"I wanted to show you the flowers I picked today," Ino's hand moved to scratch behind Kiba's ear.
"H-Hey...! You…MMmnnn…..aaahh…" Kiba fought the urge to blush and momentarily leaned into her caresses and scratches. Man, that feels good! But it's wrong! She's just using me, the bitch! He pulled away from Ino. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!"
"Wheeeeeeeee!" Ino ignored him and tackled him to the floor. "YOU'RE SO CUTE!"
"Ahhhhhhh! LEMME GO! STOP TOUCHING ME! YOU CRAZY BITCH! I AM NOT A DOG!"
"Hehehehehehe!" She cuddled against the boy, "Yes you are. You're my dog."
Kiba pouted angrily and reluctantly placed a hand on the young princess's back. It was the most convenient place to put it, he told himself. Moments passed that seemed to last forever, and finally, when Kiba looked down he saw the selfish girl completely passed out.
"Aww, Hell. Akamaru! Get over here and gnaw at her face so she gets offa me!" Kiba glanced to the white dog. He pleaded with his eyes and Akamaru only whimpered softly in response. Kiba looked offended. "What! I do NOT like being here! She's an evil, cruel, sick, twisted, crazy person! She locks us up! She tortures us all the time! Why would I like her – I…I mean…Why would I like being here? I don't like her…"
"Good boy," the Princess giggled and brought Kiba's attention back to her. Horrified that she had heard him, Kiba tried to wiggle out of her Iron Princess Grasp. Strange that she only showed strength now and not when work had to be done.
"Gaaaaaaaah! I really, really hate you."
Ino kissed the dog's face. "And I like you."
Kiba's face flushed completely. As a dog. She likes me as a PET.
"I like to torture you…" She narrowed her eyes and bit down on the flesh of Kiba's shoulder.
"OH MY GOD! YOU WHORE! YOU BIT ME!"
Many objects were broken as the master and the pet chased each other around the room.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
To be honest, my dog isn't actually a dog, but that's a secret. When visitors come, I tell them I have a hound with a chestnut-colored coat. No one would dare think he was a boy, but nobody has really seen him apart from my servants.
Kiba (that is his name) was a boy I ran into a long time ago. I was walking through the city with a friend of that time and there was this dirty, ragged thing next to a rickety fence. He seemed so abandoned and gloomy. As a good kind person would, I went to talk to him, but he spat in my face. Literally.
I bet he regrets that now.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Princess! I'm gonna beat you…with…with this – " Kiba looked around for any sort of weapon he could wield against the girl. She had already bitten him several times and the shackle on his ankle was starting to cut painfully.
"This WHAT?" Ino grinned, predatorily.
Before Kiba could answer, he was on the floor again. Ino was hissing above him with a face that said "I'm going to bite you!"
"Ino! Come on! STOP ALREADY!" He shoved her back and she landed unceremoniously on the cushion beside him. Strands of blonde fell over her flushed face. "Stop playing around like this. Why won't you get this damn shackle off my foot?"
"It's your punishment. You ruined my favorite dress and I was just – "
"Come on, Ino. Please," His words reached her ears softly, and it was obvious all the pleading was agonizingly honest and desperate. Kiba didn't say everything he was thinking because it was too depressing. He didn't want to let the Princess know how much he was under her control, or how much it ruined his life. "Take it off."
"Okay! Okay! Fine!" She moved to him and pulled the chain roughly to have access to his foot. She looked down at the ankle and noted the deep red marks. "Hmmm…"
Kiba waited. "Well? Unlock the thing!"
Ino lifted her head slowly and smiled sweetly. She looked on the verge of howling laughter. "I….I lost the key!"
"SAY WHAT!"
Ino sprang up like the most graceful acrobat to escape Kiba's claws and ran out of the door, cackling madly as she left the boy in the room alone.
"YOU! Y-YOU! I HOPE YOU DIE!" Something was flung at the door, "DIE, YOU NASTY BRAT! YOU STINKING, TERRIBLE – "
Kiba's curses continued for the rest of the day.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I always hope that my pets are as disciplined and gracious as I am. Perhaps that's one of the reasons my dog amuses me – because he falls so grotesquely short of my high-standards. Although terribly impolite and rebellious, he always manages to make my day more exhilarating.
You know, I think I'm starting to like this diary. I'll write as often as possible!
Your Owner,
Princess Ino
End of chapter one! Tell me what you think. Does it suck? I hope not. D:
Please tell me what you would like as pairings! I'm open to write almost any guy and Ino. The more unlikely, the better. XD