Under Recommendations Chapter 1: Freedom United Post Board, a stargate: atlantis fanfic

Title: Under Recommendations

Author: Lady Valmar

Genre: Humor/Romance

Rating: T

Archive: SGAHC, FF

Spoilers: All Seasons are likely fair game

Written: August 15, 2006

Summary: Someone on the Atlantis Internet sets up a posting site for fun. Trouble ensues because of it. Companion to Innocent Ren.

Warning: There are some silliness and some wrong happenings. A slight mention of a possible romance between my OC and Sheppard but I don't delve deep into it so have no fear…or feel discourage in the least little bit.

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis. I only own this story and any original themes, concepts, ideas or characters in it. So please refrain from infringing or stealing my stuff.

… .LV. …

Under Recommendations

By Lady Valmar

Pegasus United Mail Service (brought to you by Dr. Radek Zelenka and Dr. Rodney McKay)

Welcome Gamergirl!

You have 200 unread emails. You have 36 bulk emails.

Inbox (200)

Draft

Sent

Bulk (36)

Trash

Check Mail?

Compose?

"Check mail please. Ouch darn it! Stupid paperweight!"

You have 200 unread emails. "Yes, yes I know that. Ow that really hurt."

Click

List of Emails unread:

Quickhour News: Quickhour News: August 11—Movies, music and more at the recreation room. Saturday. Don't be late.

Line and Doranooks: the shortlist: 50 percent off any Athosian clayware and leather bound book. Hello (again) from Marta.

Change the way you clean: Get a free Athosian broom with participation in the Tava bean collection. Only while supplies lasts. none

Veggiereport: More than six out of five people on Atlantis eat meat without giving the veggies any thoug…

FreedomUnited: Dazzle your friends, impress your co-workers, bug your enemies. This the place to post anything and everything. We welcome everyone.

Click for more email…

"Hm Freedom United… Darn it's bleeding. I'm going to have to invest in a medical kit I swear! Okay let's check out this my post board…"

Click

URL: www dot pegasusgalaxy slash atlantisexpedition slash freedomunitedpostboard dot com

Welcome to the Freedom United Pote Board.

Please read this document before proceeding to pote. All users who abuse the pote privilege will be in trouble with Wier. We'll sick Ronon on you!

Fredom Untied Poters Rules:

Be kid and courtituous too fellow poters.

No slashing of any people oar anythang Less

Disgreemets are fun but no warring

Kleep them hort and to the dot

Have fun, endoy and do't forgot aboot grams ers.

Please log in here:

Password:

If you have not yet logged in please do so now to pote.

If you do not have an account please click on this link to get one. Link

Supported by Dr. Heightmeyer and all senior staff.

Advertising Promotion (flashing sign): Now you can learn to fly a jumper! All you need is to check with Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Weir. Requirement: ATA Gene.

Fill out the directions below to get an account…

User Name: (can be anything as long as it does not exceed 25 letters and must not contain profanity or obscenity)

Password: (Anything that contains six letters. It is suggested you use letters, numbers and signs.)

Name: (Your real name.)

Occupation: (What do you do on Atlantis?)

Age: (How old are you?)

Birthday: (When were you born?)

Dating status: (Married, single, divorced, available, in a relationship?)

Profile: (What do you look like from the side view?)

Description: (What do you look like?)

Biography: (Tell us a little about yourself.)

Information: (Anything you might want to add about someone you know)

Secretary: (if any)

Location: (Where can you usually be found)

Time: (What time is it right now?)

Height: (How tall are you?)

Weight: (How much are you exercising?)

Attitude: (Do you cry a lot?)

Notes: (Anything you wish to add)

Sex: (Male, female, zogoyte, parasite-Gou'ld, Wraith, energy being etc)

Preference: (Male, female, Wraith, Vampire, Black haired, blonde, deadly, cute?)

Relative Style: (What floats your boat?)

Quote: (Can be something original, something you heard or something someone said on Atlantis)

Avatar: (Picture of something to represent yourself)

Personal Picture: (What do you look like?)

"Okay I suppose I could do this… Come on bandaide, come on. Please…ouch! Why does it have to stick to the wound!"

Click

User Name: Gamergirl

Password: "Are you kidding me? You want us to put our passwords out for everyone to see?"

Name: Not telling

Occupation: Computer Science (software)

Age: Wouldn't you like to know

Birthday: If I had two cents for everytime someone asked me that

Dating status: In your dreams…

Profile: A bit petite?

Description: Does cute mean anything?

Biography: Really do I have the time for something like that?

Information: Refer to my secretary as he is still writing up something for biography

Secretary: A lovely chap named Bob…the Wraith.

Location: Usually being scrutinized by Dr. McKay in the labs

Time: Why do you want to know that?

Height: Petite

Weight: Well if you count up from 1 you'll get the idea

Attitude: Mobile and talkative

Notes: The pote should really be spelled post and a bunch of other words are misspelled. Please Kitty really, you should use spell check before posting a website on this thing.

Sex: Of unknown origin. J/K Female.

Preference: Men (Exclude Kavanagh and Gill off that list). Military smart and cool Geeks.

Quote: "It's not fair! That was not fair!" – Dr. Rodney McKay

Relative Style: What does that mean? Relative style? Why should I even respond to this? I guess Klutz?

Avatar: Okay you put this in but there's no where I can put an image Kitty. So I guess I will write up one. Left-handed Monkey Wretch

Personal Picture: Again with the…sigh…okay fine. Petite. Brown hair and eyes. Wears glasses. Sports a datapad and a small mallet just for McKay.

First Post:

User: Gamergirl

Title of Entry: Recommending Someone get on this stat

Music: The voice of McKay haunting me in my sleep

Location: Mess Hall

Emotion: Hungry?

I thought since I was on break in the mess hall, I might as well bring some important information to everybody's attention. Please note that this is simply an advice posted per request of someone who wishes to remain anonymous. Please refrain from trying to ball this post into a wad of paper…hehe seeing as this is electronic I highly doubt you can but yeah don't try anyways…

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

3) Even a smooth talker like Sheppard has his days where he slips up and doesn't get the date. Don't feel bad, everybody has this problem sometime. (Please seek STA if problem persists. STA – Smooth Talker's Anonymous)

4) Dating your co-worker or ehem…co-workers…(Zelenka you sly guy!): Okay think twice. You work with these people. As great as they are, should problems arise between the two of you will your personal relationship or ehem…relationships (Radek I swear!) become a problem? Just think twice before you do it.

5) Eating dirt, though said people on news that it is healthy, is in no way tasty in my belief. So I leave that one up to your imaginations… (Mutters flabbergasted…why people think eating dirt is such a wonderful thing…)

6) If the cat got out once, it will get out again. (Curtsy of my own cat…who is turning into quite the escape artist)

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

8) Okay…just because Ronon twirls his gun around doesn't mean you should! Who knows what kind of accidents you could get into. (Saw a lieutenant doing that today. Really people think before you act!)

9) While it is fun to taunt a Wraith behind a cage, I wouldn't recommend taunting one that isn't behind a cage. (That means you Rodney, I heard about taunting Oberoth …no wonder he wanted to choke you! It's okay we all love you Rodney!)

10) Okay as cute as it is to poke Sheppard, remember he pokes back! (This means you.)

11) Slapping someone's butt is either going to land you in the brig or with a punch to the groin.

12) Squealing like a little girl doesn't make you any less of a man. Unless you include Kavanagh in the equation.

13) Teyla smacking someone with sticks isn't the best way to prove a point. Man I heard you knocking around Sheppard the other morning.

14) Road Kill is just another word for you screwed up. Or being smashed by a paperwork stack. (Thanks a lot Dr. Bruett! You almost got me yesterday!)

15) I do not make goo goo eyes at my co-workers! Nor does anyone else Dr. McKay.

16) Dr. Weir doesn't need to know about your restroom problems…period. Or anyone else for that matter…

16) Stay away from all little green pills. I have a sneaking suspicion something is going on with them. I just wish I knew what.

End of Post

Yawning, Sheppard ran his hand through his hair. Today had been a hard day. He'd worked with two teams on hand to hand, had a rough stick lesson with Teyla and he'd had to act as mediator for two Marines in the mess.

Thankfully though he now had a chance to take a shower, get some food and check his emails. One in particular caught his eye a post board. Not that he really had anything better do at the moment he decided to check it out.

Fill out the directions below to get an account…

User Name: Flyboy

Password: I agree with gamergirl on this

Name: Lt. Col. John Sheppard

Occupation: Airforce. Head of Military on Atlantis. Leader of first Off-World Team for Atlantis.

Age: Older than Gamergirl

Birthday: No comment.

Dating status: Available

Profile: Muscular but Athletic

Description: Tall, rakish hair (from what I've been told), Hazel eyes.

Biography: Well after filling out so many mission reports I really don't feel like writing but I guess I could say a few words. I spend most of my time…off-world, bugging McKay, training with Teyla, running with Ronon, bugging McKay, eating at the mess hall, playing on video games on people's laptops, bugging McKay.

Information: Refer to my secretary as she is still writing up something for this. – I think I'll stick with that one.

Secretary: Rodney (He wears these pink outfits when he's doing my paperwork)

Location: Puddle Jumper?

Time: 0600 hours

Height: Tall

Weight: Haven't checked recently.

Attitude: Relaxed and charming.

Notes: Rodney really needs to fill one of these out when he can't play Half Life 2. Hey whatever happened to my save by the way McKay?!

Sex: Male

Preference: Women (Take Wraith, Asuran, Genii and any other annoying Alien race off the list)

Quote: "Not so arrogant now are yah…hm!"– Dr. Rodney McKay (Who then proceeds to be choked by that replicator guy)

Relative Style: Annoy Rodney, play on laptop, Annoy Rodney.

Avatar: Okay you put this in but there's no where I can put an image. So I guess I will write up one. Left-handed Monkey Wretch. – good one. Bucket of Steam.

Personal Picture: Tall. Brown hair and Hazel eyes. Sports a gun and a stick to poke Rodney with.

Response to Gamergirl's post:

User: Flyboy

Title of Entry: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

Music: Smooth Operator by Sade

Location: Room

Emotion: Bored

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

Rodney you need to start eating better. You are on my team and the last thing I need is for you to…faint while off-world.

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

Hey. Well just because she's a writer doesn't mean she knows what she's talking about!

3) Even a smooth talker like Sheppard has his days where he slips up and doesn't get the date.

Smooth Talker? More like charmer. Really have we met somewhere before?

Thought twice. So who are you gamergirl? I have a sneaking suspicion who it is.

Been there done that. I'm pointing at Rodney. He made me do it.

6) If the cat got out once, it will get out again.

"I gave an order to a cat, and the cat gave it to its tail" - Chinese Proverb

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

Pookey? So I'm guessing this person is your boyfriend?

Which one? I'm trying to discourage the big guy.

No comment. I think the situation spoke volumes all in itself. I think I know whose post this is now.

10) Okay as cute as it is to poke Sheppard, remember he pokes back! (This means you.)

That's right. This means everyone.

11) Slapping someone's butt is either going to land you in the brig or with a punch to the groin.

Really? Who has been doing this? Might I remind everyone of the sexual harassment meeting we had last week.

12) Squealing like a Rodney doesn't make you any less of a man.

13) Teyla smacking someone with sticks isn't the best way to prove a point.

Yeah that hurt too. Still have a mark too.

14) Road Kill is just another word for Rodney.

15) Goo goo eyes? I'll bet he said that because he was making goo goo eyes. Really mature Rodney.

16) Dr. Weir doesn't need to know about your restroom problems…period. Or anyone else for that matter…

Wow. That's really funny.

16) Stay away from all little green pills. Green pills…are those the ones I saw you trying to pass out yesterday Rodney?

17) Clowns are evil. Period. End of Story.

End of Post

Response to Flyboy's post:

User: Gamergirl

Title of Entry: Re: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

Music: Alone Tonight by Above & Beyond

Location: The roof of Atlantis's highest tower. J/K.

Emotion: Curious

1) Yeah well…neither do you. Military Nark!

2) Yes, we have met but I'm not saying where. Not telling. You'll have to figure it out.

3) Really you think you know who I am.

4) Ewww…you've eaten dirt before? Yuck!

7) Never! Not my boyfriend. Just a friend. Earl's the name.

10) Aww so we can't poke you? makes sad face.

11) No one has been but I just thought it was funny to add.

13) I can only imagine.

16) Yes he's the culprit. Dr. Beckett is on it.

17) Wait a minute clowns? Hate em.

End of Post

Fill out the directions below to get an account…

User Name: Blueeyedgenius

Password: Blank

Name: Dr. Rodney McKay

Occupation: Astrophysicist

Age: Younger than Sheppard.

Birthday: It's April 18. Sheppard's is January 5.

Dating status: Available (For Samantha Carter.)

Profile: Well-fed but muscular.

Description: Medium, short hair, vibrant blue eyes.

Biography: When I was in sixth grade I once built an atomic bomb for my Science Fair exhibit. I first started off working for a small town teacher at one of the universities I attended and from there I worked my way up in the field. Until I was posted at area 51. I was contacted by the SGC to help on a little problem involving a…

Information: Hey that is not fair. I didn't even get a chance to get into my equations and calculations. This is a waste of my time why am I even…

Secretary: Sheppard (If he doesn't do it, I'll get Ronon to make him do it.)

Location: My lab

Time: Relative

Height: Medium

Weight: Is this really important?

Attitude: Professional and a Genius

Notes: I deleted it Sheppard. It was getting annoying that you were wasting so many health packs.

Sex: Male

Preference: Women (Take Cadman, Wraith, Asuran, Genii and any other annoying Alien race off the list) Blonds, smart ones.

Quote: "They found a way to soup up their space guns." – Sheppard (One of his more brighter comments. Real mature)

Relative Style: Sick Ronon on Sheppard, work on important information vital to our survival, sick Teyla on Sheppard.

Avatar: Sheppard's expression when I told him I tried out Luscious' potion on him.

Personal Picture: Why am I bothering with this. It's just a repeat of what I said up above. Carries a laptop, chocolate bar and a cup of coffee. Oh and a radio to sick Ronon and Teyla on Sheppard when he bothers me.

Response to Flyboy & Gamergirl:

User: Blueeyedgenius

Title of Entry: RE-Re: Re: Recommending Someone get on this stat

Music: The sound of Sheppard's ouches as Teyla smacks him with her sticks.

Location: My lab as usual

Emotion: Aggravated and annoyed with stupid questions…

Hey why is it everytime I write something it cuts me off. That's a complete misrepresentation! It says biography! Some people have longer ones than others I think it's only fair you take into account all of those things.

1) Eating a bunch of power bars and coffee does not constitute a healthy meal, despite what Dr. Rodney McKay thinks.

Sheppard's post: Rodney you need to start eating better. You are on my team and the last thing I need is for you to…faint while off-world.

I am not a child and I do not need anyone telling me what to eat and drink.

2) Just because he's cute doesn't mean he doesn't have issues. (Lt. Colonel Sheppard)

Yes, I agree Sheppard has issues. Anyone who spends three hours in the morning on his hair has issues.

Sheppard's Post: Thought twice. So who are you gamergirl? I have a sneaking suspicion who it is.

Same here.

Sheppard's Post: Been there done that. I'm pointing at Rodney. He made me do it.

Doesn't surprise me at all. Didn't make him do it either.

7) If there be dragons there be smoke. (This is includes you pookey…yeah I saw that fire in your office the other day. What were you doing anyways?)

Sheppard's Post: Pookey? So I'm guessing this person is your boyfriend?

Fire what fire? Oh that idiot Earl Bradhurst? He'd going back on the Daedulus first thing tomorrow.

Yes please don't twirl you guns around. I hate it when Ronon does that. I wish people were smarter about this sort of thing. I'm tired of the glares I have to give every time some idiot decides to make a fool of himself and put all of us in danger.

12) Squealing like a Rodney doesn't make you any less of a man.

I do not squeal like a little girl. Get your facts straight Sheppard.

13) Teyla smacking someone with sticks isn't the best way to prove a point.

Sheppard's post: Yeah that hurt too. Still have a mark too.

Gamergirl's post: I can only imagine.

I don't want to know.

14) Road Kill is just another word for Rodney.

Road Kill is just another word for stupid. Seriously where do people come up with these assine comments to things that are a waste of my time and other people's time?

15) Sheppard's Post: Goo goo eyes? I'll bet he said that because he was making goo goo eyes. Really mature Rodney.

I think I'll show my maturity level and not respond to the goo goo eyes comment both of you are claiming I said.

16) Stay away from all little green pills.

Sheppard's Post: Green pills…are those the ones I saw you trying to pass out yesterday Rodney?

I have nothing to do with the green pills and pointing your fingers at me will do no good.

End of Post

A/N: A diversion/companion fic to Innocent Ren (formerly Innocent Sue) fic.