Hidden Village Union: Genin Beauty Pageant

Part One: Mission Statement

Hyuuga Neji had a sickening suspicion that he wasn't going to like this day all. His intuition had rarely failed him, leading him to believe that today was the beginning of a series of events that would eventually cost him his life… and if not his life, then at least his sanity, or, barring all else, his dignity. He really wasn't comfortable in any of those scenarios.

It was his birthday… and his teammates remembered. He was fourteen today and he had to get up early to meet them. His teammates knew he hated early mornings just as much as he hated cowards, quitters and cheaters (of which, he considered most people guilty). But it seemed that today wasn't about what he liked and disliked: Lee and Tenten intended to celebrate his survival of another year whether he liked it or not…

He wouldn't get the opportunity to voice his dislike or even make another appearance of the Hyuuga Glare of Disapproval™ (He had secretly been working on a Dai-version of it, the working title being the Hyuuga Neji Glaring Glare of Death and Promised Pain – it was still a bit rough).

The arrival of that Uzumaki Naruto interrupted what Neji knew was going to be a Grade A sulk.

"Neji!" Naruto shouted, running up the stairs to the meditation post that had, until thirty seconds ago, been a sanctuary from noisiness. Neji sighed, all good things were fleeting.

"What do you want?" The Hyuuga asked.

"Tsunade no baa-chan has a mission for you! Specifically for you!" Naruto couldn't keep the mischief out of his voice.

"The Godaime does?" Specifically for me… normally I would think it important if specially ordered, but something about Naruto's face tells me that I would be better off waiting for Tenten and Lee to show up for my… Neji sighed, he was damned if he went, damned if he stayed. He was really choosing between two evils. He decided to take the one he had never tried before: he went with Naruto.

"What is this about?" Neji asked, as the two made a run for the Godaime's office.

"I don't know."

Neji knew Naruto was lying.

Indeed, Naruto was lying. He knew exactly what this was about; it had been explained to him twenty minutes previously.

/Flashback/

The Godaime Hokage sat behind her desk looking both anxious and displeased. She was reading over a paper that made her anxious, she was forced to listen to Uzumaki Naruto's ranting and that caused her to be displeased.

"Tsunade no baa-chan, you've got to let me go look for Sasuke!"

"Naruto, we've been over this a hundred times, there are no clues to Sasuke's whereabouts. You don't have anything to search."

"That doesn't matter, dattebayo! I'll find something! I'm good at finding things!"

"Then find your common sense and listen to me, you baka. Konoha has other missions that need to be accomplished, missions that you're capable of."

Naruto snorted and turned his face to the side. "You only send me on boring missions these days. I think you're just trying to keep me busy, dattebayo."

"If I am you should be thankful that I give you missions at all. I wish that Jiraiya would come back and take you off my hands… but until then, I'll keep giving you missions… like this one." Tsunade handed Naruto the slip of paper that had caused her anxiety.

Naruto took the sheet and read the big letters while Tonton oinked and Shizune looked on.

"First Annual Hidden Village Union Genin Beauty Pageant… The Village Hidden in the Haze is hosting a competition to demonstrate the talents of Shinobi Genin in a friendly competition of Beauty, Brains, Breeding and… Bounty… This is an invitation to the Godaime Hokage to send Konoha's most talented and attractive genin to participate… The Boys are the fifth B…" Naruto was confused by the last line but got the drift when he thought about it.

"Ah! Tsunade no baa-chan! You want me to be Konoha's representative! Sugoi! Sugoi! Me, Uzumaki Naruto, am sure to win for Konoha!"

Shizune sighed as Naruto lost himself in a daydream. In Naruto's head he could see himself crowned as the winner of the pageant with girls flocking over him shouting and swooning how cool he is. Boys were behind him, slumped over in defeat, praising Naruto for being so much cooler than they were.

"I'll win for sure and then even Sakura-chan will want to date me!"

Tsunade burst Naruto's thought-bubble by throwing a paperweight at the Genin. The block struck the blond shinobi in the head and knocked him to the floor. Tonton squealed as Naruto pulled himself to a sitting position. He could feel his cheek swelling under his bracing palm. "Tsunade no baa-chan! How could you do that? You'll ruin my face before the pageant!"

"Baka! I'm not sending you to the pageant. I'm sending you to collect Hyuuga Neji. He's going to be Konoha's representative."

"Naaah!" Naruto shouted. "Neji? Why him? Why not me?"

"The flyer says the contestants are talented, handsome and smart. In all those you fail. Now go get Hyuuga Neji and bring him back here! And don't tell him why."

"Why not?" Naruto asked.

"Just go!" Tsunade yelled before throwing everything on her desk at Naruto. The blonde Genin scrambled to his feet and covered his head before fleeing from the room.

/End Flashback/

Hyuuga Neji stood in the Godaime's office effectively stupefied. The buxom leader of the Village Hidden in the Leaves had just explained his mission specifics and Neji was quickly re-evaluating his decision to skip the celebration his teammates were planning. He could deal with Tenten's cooking and Lee singing off key, but this was certainly beneath him.

"Do you understand, Neji?" Tsunade asked.

"Forgive me, Godaime-sama, but I must refuse this assignment." Neji responded.

"Hyuuga Neji, you are telling me there is a mission you are not capable of?" Tsunade asked, hoping to goad him.

"Iie, that is not true. However, this does not constitute a mission. It's a pageant." The Hyuuga responded, still as cool as ever.

"It's an order."

"Forgive me, but I still refuse." Neji responded, preparing to walk away. He was considering activating his Byakugan as he walked away; he knew the Godaime wasn't above throwing things at his retreating back.

"Oh well," Tsunade sighed. "I already registered you as Konoha's representative. I'll just have to send someone in your place… under your name. Uzumaki Naruto, you wanted to attend the pageant didn't you?"

Naruto felt like he was being set up. "Yeah, I did, but Tsunade no baa-chan, you said I was too ugly and dumb."

"Well, we can't do anything about the dumb part, but the ugly we can fix. Use Henge no jutsu to transform into Hyuuga Neji."

Hyuuga Neji stopped in his retreat, exasperation drawn over his forehead. Tsunade smirked as she watched the Hyuuga's shoulders tense up. Naruto completed the seal and transformed into Neji.

"Well, you look like him, but can you act like him?"

Naruto as Neji smiled menacingly. He put his hands on his hips and stuck his butt out just a little. "How's this? I'm Hyuuga Neji, number one cool guy. I use Juuken. Hyuuga is the strongest bloodline. Hakke, Hakke, Hakke. I block tenketsus."

Shizune shook her head while Tsunade watched Neji silently fume where he was. Naruto as Neji strutted around the room repeating his mantra. He had gotten to his third time around when Neji extended his right arm and hook uppercutted him in the stomach. The henge wore off as Naruto crumbled to the floor. The blonde genin gasped and sputtered for breath while Hyuuga Neji remained impossibly still, his back still facing Tsunade, his front still facing the door.

"As damaging as it would be to have Naruto impersonate me, it still isn't enough to make me change my mind. If there is nothing else…"

Tsuande sighed and sucked her teeth, before picking up a sheet of paper and offering it to his back. The sound of the gesture turned Hyuuga Neji around to address his superior. "Nani?"

"I was hoping you'd agree immediately like a good subordinate so I could dismiss Naruto and explain the real mission objective. I knew if he heard he'd definitely want to go and complicate things, but it seems this is the only way to get through to you."

Neji walked forward and took the slip of paper from Tsunade's hand. He looked over it briefly, remembering it within seconds. "This is my true objective?"

"Hai, the pageant is being held in the Village Hidden in the Haze, but is being sponsored by feudal lords from the Village Hidden in the Grass, a village whose ties with Konoha have become stressed. All other participating countries were given invitations to have spectators, except Konoha which leads me to believe that there is a second ambition for this gathering."

"A plot to strike Konoha?"

"Possibly, but I know nothing. I need someone who could realistically be involved in this pageant and able to high levels of reconnaissance work simultaneously. Do you understand now the importance of your participation?" Tsunade asked.

"I understand."

"The pageant is this afternoon. The Haze is only an hour's run from here, so you have plenty of time. You can bring two companions to assist you on this mission."

"I only need one." Neji replied coolly.

"Ike."

"Hai." Neji left the room soundly.

Tsunade slumped back against her chair, wishing desperately she had some warm sake. "Why are the prodigies always so difficult?"

Shizune turned her head to her mentor. "Tsunade-sama, I didn't know that the Grass was making aggressive movements towards Konoha."

"They aren't." Tsunade replied. The light shifted over her face revealing her mischievous smile. "That part of the mission is fake."

"Nani?" Naruto and Shizune shouted.

"I really needed Neji to participate and had to fake a reason to convince him, so I gave him a mission that would satisfy him." Tsunade replied.

"What's so important about this pageant?" Shizune asked.

"The people running it aren't Grass feudal lords… they are loan sharks that I have a debt to. Hyuuga Neji is sure to win and the prize money will be used to clear my debt."

Tonton and Shizune dropped their heads. Naruto fell over. "Tsunade no baa-chan, you're really evil."

End of Part One.