Ok, must remember, never allow yourself to get stuck in a closet with anyone, let alone a boy who is just big enough to take up most of the room! Remus Lupin was very uncomfortable. He could barely fit into this closet by himself, but add Sirius Black and he could barely breathe.

"Oh come on mate! Someone will come along sooner or later." Sirius said in his usual casual tone.

"That's easy for you to say, your lungs aren't being crushed by a wall!" Remus retorted angrily.

"Well, for your information my lungs are being crushed! And by something a bit lumpier than a wall!"

"Oh fine. So we're both uncomfortable! At least you aren't crazed by small spaces."

"Just close your eyes and think of something else, like being back in your room who one of your old books."

That's just what he needed, to be dreaming of books! Every other boy his age would put his mind at easy by dreaming about a girl he liked, but not him. It always made Remus feel like some big freak when his friends would be talking about the girls they wanted to shag and he would be quietly reading his book. What disturbed him more is that they had all stopped trying to engage him in the conversations. There had to be something wrong with him, but at the same time he felt that he was perfectly all right.

"Why do you do that all the time?" he asked Sirius

"Do what?"

"Assume that all I ever think about is reading my books?"

"Do you not? Are you insinuating that you think of girls? Has our moony finally grown up and hit puberty?"

"Oh never mind. I should have known you would say something like that!"

"I'm not the one who brought it up. So tell me moony, which girl is your favorite?"

"I will not dignify that question with and answer."

"Oh, so there is someone, that's the only reason to answer like that, come one moony, tell me, who is you think about late at night when you-"

"You can stop right there, because there isn't anyone! You have a severely demented mind you know that?"

"Maybe I am demented, I prefer to think of myself as a hormonal teenage boy though. And don't try to tell me that you've never thought of anyone while you wank-"

"No I do not! and this isn't really the conversation I want to be having while I am in this very uncomfortable position!"

Which was true they were both facing the back of the closet, Remus' front was plastered to the back wall while his back was pressed very firmly against Sirius' front. He didn't exactly want to be discussing such a personal thing at this exact moment.

"But you do do it, right, I mean we always assumed that you just didn't talk about it as freely as most people."

"Well, I don't think that is any of your business. What I do when I am alone is private and I am not going to discuss them with anyone."

"Oh my God! You haven't have you!"

"It is none of your business!"

"Yes it is moony, when I see a young boy who has never know the pleasure of a good wank before, I feel the need to help him especially you since you are one of my best friends. As soon as we are out of this closet I am going to find you a girl to give you a good toss."

"Thank you but no, I don't really think I would like that."

"Oh trust me moony, you will, now the question is only who… Narcissa isn't bad, I speak from experience."

"Yes, that is just what I need, to sleep with Narcissa and then lose some necessary part of my anatomy to the anger of Lucius Malfoy, no thank you."

"Well, if you are that worried about it, then you should just go do it yourself in the showers, or in bed, though that is a bit messier."

"Thank you for putting that thought in my head, now I will have nightmares for months!"

"Oh come on, you need to give in to your hormones, they are there for a reason."

"Yes, and sleeping with anyone, even myself, just because I feel like it just isn't me ok." God why was he having this conversation here in this very tight broom closet with this very male boy this close to him.

"Come on moony, don't tell me you've never even thought about it. Some willing bird underneath you as you press closer and closer."

"Can we please change the subject, I really don't need to know about your sex life."

"My sex life, moony we're talking about your sex life here! Or more importantly the lack there of! It's unhealthy for a boy of your age to have never had sex before! I mean really you haven't lived until you've been inside a birds tight-"

"Seriously! We are not having this conversation here or now. And I am not feeling what I think I am feeling against my bum. God why does this closet have to be so small!"

"No moony this is what happens when you think about sex, it is perfectly normal and even natural, and you need to experience it first hand…. Haha get it?"

Remus really wasn't in the mood for Sirius' bad puns, especially since he did get, in a very uncomfortable way at the moment. He always had, he just had never felt the need to give in to those urges.

"Oh God where is James?" moaned Remus in a desperate tone.

"Oh fine, be that way, but it isn't healthy."

"What isn't healthy is having this conversation here, where I cannot run away."

"Oh Moony, you are so innocent and young in so many ways. You won't think that way for long especially after you've-"

"What in the world is going on here?" James' voice came from behind Remus as a blinding light came through the open closet door.

"Oh thank God!" Remus said under his breath

"Oh, thanks mate, we got locked in there while we were looking for a broom to clean up the mess we made in the common room." Sirius explained.

"The mess, we made in the common room? I believe you were the culprit and I was going to be doing most of the cleaning!" Remus said as he exited the closet into the wonderfully large common room.

"Well, yeah, but that's just because you like it so much."

"I.. I'm going up to bed!" Remus growled and headed for the staircase.

"Yeah moony and take care of that little problem while your there ok." Sirius called after him.

Remus turned to glare at him. If there was one thing Sirius Black did not have it was tact. He always said exactly what was on his mind whenever it came to him. It was one of the things that had attracted Remus to him and James in the first place. They were so free, they weren't embarrassed by anything. Remus had always admired that part of them; he wasn't like that at all. If he did something embarrassing he would try to quietly slip out with out anyone noticing, them would draw everyone's attention to it and make it seem like they did it on purpose.

Sometimes however it was embarrassing to him. Ironically Peter was never a part of it, he was never involved in their escapades that ended in humiliation. Of course these days Peter was rarely there anyway, he would disappear for hours at a time, and no one knew where he went.

Remus decided that he needed to rest for a few minutes, so he crawled into bed. The problem being that he couldn't seem to get to sleep, he kept going back to that closet and what Sirius had said. Was he really a freak? He had to get his mind off of this. He grabbed his book and began to read.

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Sirius felt a little bad over what he had said to Remus. He couldn't stop thinking that he had hurt his feelings; that made him feel even worse. If Remus wanted to be a prude that was his own business, in fact that was one of the things Sirius liked most about him. He wasn't afraid to be himself, even though that didn't go along with what the majority of the male population did.

He supposed he should go and apologize for what he had said, maybe that would stop this feeling he had in his stomach.

He walked up the stairs to the boy's dormitory and opened the door. He found Remus asleep on his bed with his book open on his chest. This was not an uncommon moony pose. In fact the boys often found him like this, everywhere. And since you should always let sleeping dogs lie, which they had found out the first time they had tried to wake him up and he had pounced on Peter, they usually tried not to wake him.

Sirius reached for the book that was laying on his chest to put it away, but as he did so Remus caught his wrist and jerked him down onto the bed. Now this was awkward, he wanted to get up since Remus was obviously having a very vivid and erotic dream and his hands were beginning to roam, but if he tried to move and he woke him two things would happen, A) Remus would be mortified that this had happened and B) he would probably kill him on instinct. So he guessed it would be best to wait for his moment to run.

Unfortunately Remus wasn't giving him much opportunity since he had Sirius on his back and was looming over him. Sirius just feared what would happen when Remus realized who he was trying to snog at the moment. Before he knew it Remus' lips were on his, he opened his mouth instinctively and the very asleep Remus took full advantage. He deepened the kiss, shoving his tongue inside and rubbing it against Sirius'. Remus' hands, which had been on the other boys waist, now moved up his shirt and began to caress his skin.

Sirius couldn't believe this was happening, he was being molested by Remus Lupin. That was, of course, the only thing he could think at the moment since Remus was in fact kissing him silly. His hands were on Sirius' stomach and then they were on his pants. Remus undid the buttons and slid his hands inside.

It was when he felt Remus' hands on his cock that Sirius realized how hard he was, and that his own hands where firmly gripping Remus' butt pressing their groins closer together. God Remus knew what he was doing, he was massaging Sirius from tip to base like he had been doing it for years. Sirius was delirious with the pleasure of it. He couldn't stop himself from coming, especially when Remus thrust against him again and again. He cried out as he came in Remus' hands.

He heard Remus laugh as he claimed his mouth for another long hot drugging kiss.

Sirius' head was swimming with what had just happened and what was still happening to him. He had to get out of here and clean himself up. Remus pulled back for a split second and whispered something that made Sirius' eye go wide.

As Remus went down for another kiss Sirius slipped out from under him and dashed for his bed where he closed the hangings and righted his clothes. When he was once again put together he walked to the door and opened it. Remus' head came out from the pillow it was buried in and he looked around groggily.

"Sirius? Is that you?"

"Yeah, hi moony, I just came up to apologize for what I said in the closet, but you were asleep so I was just going to go back down to the common room and wait."

"Oh, ok then, well don't mention it. I'll be down in a minute."

"Alright."

Sirius closed the door and stood there for a full minute. He had to have heard wrong, but he could have sworn that moony had whispered his name.

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Remus lay in his bed for a few minutes thinking about his dream. It had been so real, as if he had really had Sirius right there underneath him. Obviously, however, that was ridiculous. He just hoped he hadn't given away the fact that he had just had a sexual dream about Sirius. Why had he had an erotic dream about Sirius, that had never happened to him before.

Well, he'd never had an erotic dream period, let alone about a boy! It must have been because he had just been trapped in very tight quarters with him and been discussing this very thing. Yes that was it; there was nothing more to it.

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That had to have been the reason. Sirius had been thinking about it for a good ten minutes before he realized that it had to have happened because he had been pushing Remus to do just what they had done. And Sirius, horny teenager that he was had just been reacting. Yes, that had to be it. That's all there was to it.

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Remus finally got up the nerve to go downstairs and face Sirius. Though he ended up more facing Sirius' hair, as the other boy didn't look at him, and he was fine with that since he had no need to look at Sirius for fear of giving something away about his dream. He sat down in one of the chairs near his friends and started to work on his homework.

"Hey, Moony, Padfoot, have you seen Peter anywhere? He asked me to help him with his Potions homework, but I have a date with Lily tonight and I can't be late. I forgot about our last date and she has me on probation." James posed the question to his two friends who were mysteriously silent, well moony wasn't, but Sirius was never this quiet, or this intent on his homework.

"She has you on probation? What's that, no treats for a week or something?" Sirius asked.

"Something like that, so have you seen him?"

"I haven't. what about you Moony?"

"No, I haven't, maybe he snuck into the kitchens again; you know how he likes to do that."

"Well, I have to go, so if you see him can you tell him where I am. And maybe help him yourselves, you know, so that he doesn't end up tracking me down and interrupting me in the middle of something." James asked

"I don't know Prongs, that only happened once but it was very amusing, and I must say I wouldn't mind hearing about it again." Sirius teased.

"Yeah, alright, fine. Moony, please?"

"Sure."

"Oh pfh, neither of you is any fun at all! What will the world come to with the likes of you two in charge?" Sirius ranted to thin air as James walked up the stairs to the dormitory.

"Don't worry Sirius I do believe you will keep the both of us in check."

"Damn right I will, until the day you both die I will corrupt you and keep you dirty, until they day you die." Sirius repeated emphatically.

"Did it ever occur to you that we might out live you?"

"Never! The Black family has a long history of survival; nothing can kill us until we are ready to go! Nothing at all! And I have extensive plans for your funerals. It involved strippers and clowns."

"Lord save us both from that. And I don think that, if James died before you, Lily would appreciate strippers and clowns at his funeral."

"Oh, please, you really think James can hold on to her? I give another week tops. Trust me I am never wrong about these things."

"And on there golden anniversary I will remind you of this conversation."

"And when they break up I will remind you that I predicted it. Me the great Sirius Black."

"Dealer of death and relationship destruction."

"I do not bring about death or the end of relationships, I am just very good at telling when both will happen."

"Yes, you have an uncanny ability to predict when things will happen and then forget that you said anything when they do not come to pass. Trust me on Lily and James' anniversary when I remind you of this you will have conveniently forgotten the whole thing."

"Ok, well maybe they will make it, but I know that I will out live you at least."

"That isn't a morbid thought at all."

"Oh yes, very morbid, and you will have stripper and clowns at your funeral."

"Please no."

"Yes, and do you want to know the best part? Do you moony, here it is. The Strippers will be the ones to give out balloon animals! How great is that! I know, I am a genius."

"You are disturbed that is what you are!" Remus said with a laugh. He looked up to see Sirius smiling at him and their eyes met.

Sirius looked startled and looked away just as Remus returned to looking at his homework.