AN: Hello readers. As you shall soon figure out, this is a parody. I couldn't help but notice a few, how should I put it? Similarities, in yaoi fan fictions all together. And my friend dared me to write a yaoi fan fic.

Please don't take this seriously, I myself adore Allen\Kanda and reading a story where this paring is unbelievably believable.

What else? Let's see… can you pinpoint all of the yaoi stereotypes I made fun of?

Oh! And I don't hate Linali, she's awesome.

Enjoy and don't forget to review.

Riding the train takes forever.

At least that's what Kanda Yuu thought. For Allen Walker, the ride was usually pleasant. Linali… doesn't appear in this fic so she's not a problem.

Back to the two boys, they were going to meet up with Rabi in Paris and were on their way by the only transportation cheap enough during the 19th century. The train.

Let me start by saying that Komui is a cheap bastard.

He's cheap since the hotel room he ordered the two boys to sleep in was a dump. And a bastard since they only had one bed.

"Why didn't you order Allen and Kanda two beds? It's not like it costs extra or anything" asked River, a pile of finish paperwork in his hands as his boss focused his entire attention on a finger trap he recently received from his younger sister.

She's still not a part of this story.

"Well, my dear River, you just don't understand the rules of fanfiction" said Komui, abandoning the toy in favor of a more interesting game.

"What rules?" River questioned, dumping the pile of papers on his superior's mess… I mean desk.

"First of all" Komui began, "what ever the fangirls want, the fangirls get. No matter how stupid, impossible, non canon it is. In this case, the fangirls, who we call God, want to see some boy on boy action. And since there is nothing yaoi fangirls love more than a young, innocent, pure and beautiful boy being taken by a dark, bitter, sinful and sexy older boy, I gave them Allen and Kanda".

River was about to protest how cruel his boss is, selling two of his friends! When Komui continued, "it was either them or us" he gave River a seducing smirk, a guilty glint in his eyes hidden behind his glasses. "The fangirls also like romance in the work place. With dirty, detailed, gay sex on the office table".

River flinched in fear at the thought of how unhygienic it would be to have any kind of love making on that unclean desk. He could catch something! Is that a mouse?

Komui returned to his happy pappy self. "Second rule" he declared with his finger stuck in front of River's nose, "if you put two straight males in a fanfiction and force them to sleep in the same room they will develop emotions to one another. And if they spend the night in the same bed…" Komui trailed off, feeling a nose bleed coming.

River blinked twice.

"Then what about Ravi?"

"What about him?

"Why did you send him too?"

"Just in case Allen won't get with the program. He is rather slow in that department. You can say Lavi is back up" no pun intended.

"But aren't they supposed to retrieve innocence or kill akuma?" asked River, getting confused.

"Rule three, a fanfic doesn't need a plot. As long as there are sex scenes, written by virgin fangirls, there is no need for something as canon as actually doing tour job"

'I wonder if that's why you're stuck in this mode" pondered River as the head of science laughed like the mad man he is.

After a long laugh attack, Komui turned to see a sighing River.

"Don't worry River my boy, I sent Sakura Long-ass-fake-last-name to take pictures for us" "who's that? I've never heard of her?" "She's the youngest, most powerful, prettiest exorcist. Another two paragraphed Mary-Sue" but since insulting Mary-Sues isn't original anymore we're moving on.

"This sucks" complained Kanda, pissed, because he always starts pissed in faifics.

"I don't know" said Allen as he dropped his suitcase on the old fragile floor, "this place looks a bit nicer inside".

Kanda raised a perfectly described eyebrow. It seemed as though the white haired exorcist hasn't noticed yet. Or maybe he's just too stupid.

But this is a fanfic, and therefore Allen's stupidity shall be called: 'the cute way the boy thinks'

Kanda shuddered at that thought. 'Great, we've started the romantic gushy stuff. I refuse to be romantic!'

The raven haired exorcist turned to his friend

'We are not friends!' um… lover to be?

'Fine, we can be friends'

So the raven haired exorcist turned to his friend with a bored look on his face.

"Hey bean sprout, let's have sex" he said flatly, refusing to be romantic.

"Hu?" Allen asked in a stupid… I mean cute and pure way.

"You know, sex. We kiss for a very long detailed paragraph and then I ravish you. So take your pants off and let's get this over with before Labi shows up and the fangirls get an idea of a three way"

There was a nervous pause as Kanda expected Ravi to show up through the magic of plot holes and jump him.

"But I'm 15 years old, I don't think I'm ready for sex. And you're a guy" Allen explained in a matter of fact.

"Doesn't matter. The fangirls want us to do it. Beside, you do kind of look like a girl"

The white haired exorcist frowned at this statement.

"So said the one with the silky long hair" he retorted.

Kanda squeezed his eyes angrily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is stupid" he muttered to himself feeling irritated.

"No matter how much I hate you, and trust me when I say I hate you a lot! Until this fanfic is over we will have sex and it will be detailed and dirty!"

You know, for a guy who clams he hates Allen, Kanda sure tries hard to get into said boy's pants. Is it because the authoress had written him OOC?

No, it can't be. He's just discovering he's a hormonal teenager… by the age of 18.

Allen sighed. He knew Kanda's words were true. And deep inside he felt that maybe letting an older boy play with his feeling might not be such a bad idea.

Great, now the fangirls are going to make him fall in love with Kanda thus turning him into a pathetic, weak, clingy uke.

"Don't worry, bean sprout" Kanda said softly, doing a 180 with his unstable teenage emotions. "Most yaoi fangirls are virgins themselves. This symbolizes how they want their first time to be with, only with two guys" I know, what he just said made no sense, "the sex scene will probably be sexy but sweet and soft" he finished, stroking Allen's over described white hair.

"Oh, ok then" Allen smiled his usual carefree smile, not worried at all for some reason.

"In that case, Kanda, I love you and I want you to take my virginity"

"Yeah sure, I love you too. Now shut up and take off your pants.

10 paragraphs later (which only lasted for 5 minutes) Lavi sighed.

Grumpy that he didn't get any action in this fanfic, the orange haired horn ball caught the first train back to Head Quarters. "Well readers" he began talking to himself, scaring the other passengers, "don't feel sad about me. As long as there are at least two pretty\ hot\ beautiful\ sexy males in a story, there will be yaoi fanfiction. I'll see you all naked and sweaty in the next one"

And so we end this story where it began. On a train.

Boy, that's a stupid way to end.

AN: So? What do you think? Do you know all the stereotypes?

Click the purple button and tell me.