This is my first fanfic so please cut moi some slak! Reviewers will be sent imaginary cookies and chocolate by my djinni (yea I hav 1) and flames shall be used to make hot chocolate for me and my djinni (no I am not insane, just hyper from aaaallll that chocolate)….umm. yea…..Whatcha lookin at?

Disclaimer: I would luv to, but I don't own Bartimaeus and his awesome book. runs away sobbing but I do get to order Beezle around! (perks up a bit)(Beezle is my djinni)(no, for the last time I am not insane!)

The Chocolate Obsession

Chapter 1: Summoning

Ya see, I was floating around in the Other Place minding my own business, when I felt some mother fudging (I am strictly against

using cuss words so I basically just change them into something much nicer and better.) magician try to summon me (The Great

Bartimaeus of Uruk, Serpent of Silver Plumes…and other great and awesome names…, I'm sure you've heard this before!) and order

me around to do his bidding and all that other annoying stuff. And as the magician finished the summonings, and the last fish-hook like

thing hooked into my essence, I felt myself being dragged down into the world that you live in.

Sigh this was getting seriously annoying. Every time a little pipsqueak in an overly tight suit and smelled like a herb shop uncovered my

noble name, I was forced to do whatever they wanted me to do, or suffer extremely painful consequences. It sucked. It really did. Ya

know, come to think of it, I think the longest time I've ever been on "vacation" is……..4 years in your world. It's really short. Just so you

know.

Omg! I'm getting off track. Again. Sigh dang it I hate my life. Sort of. Not really. I mean after all, I am Bartimaeus, Sakhr al-Jinni,

N'gorso the Mighty and many other names in thousands of different tongues; I have fought hundreds of battles and won them all! I have

destroyed great spirits far greater than you can imagine! Ramuthra fled and bowed down to my majesty! Tchue cowered in a crack in the

Earth! Heopo the Thunder Snake decided to eat his own tail then to face my wrath! Amseria the Strong quailed beneath my feat! I have

more power in my little pinky than Farquarl and Jabor put together!(No, I am not lying or bragging) And now some measly human dares to uncover my noble name and face my wrath! Exacta, exacta.

Well while all these wonderful thoughts were going on in one part of my wonderfully smart head, the other part was thinking about wh

at shape to materialize in. (I can think, oh about, 4-5 different thoughts. Unlike you, all I can do is repeat my thoughts to you, in a way

that you can understand them) so here it is: As I got pulled down faster and faster towards Earth (it's almost like the water going down a

drain to the sewers and twice as unpleasant…….and the sewers being Earth…so unclean!) I had to decide on a form to show up in, I

wasn't feeling all that scary, and I know its lame but, hey, I might get some reactions out of this. My other 2 boxy shaped-like thoughts

were full of other equally brilliant thoughts: box number 3 was busily keeping and ear out for mispronunciation and spelling errors, and

box number 4 was full of grief and anger of having to leave home again and at the magician for making me leave. (I wasn't sobbing. Just

so you know) I decided to go for some special effects and such, nothing to too dramatic.

Loud thunder boomed into the room, lightning bolts struck down and set a pale blue fire onto documents and papers setting them on

fire, sulfur filled the air giving it a deathly yellow tinge, the fire licked at the edges of the pentacles and crackled with the sound of breaking

bones, moans of hundreds of tortured souls sang through the air, as invisible feet pattered across the wooden floor. Then something

(me) (and I was rather mad if you can't tell) began to take shape in the middle of the circle, slowly began to take the form of a---------

Me: Ooooooooh cliffie! I'm sooo evil! Mwhahahahahahahahahachokechoke darn my evil effect is gone. Dang it! Beezle, what do you think? (yea i know it's short, but it's my first fic, ok?)

Beezle: It's ok.

Me: evil stare

Beezle: ummm……it's wonderful….the greatest fanfic in centuries of fanfics, the wonder of the universe and the most greatest masterpiece of all time! How's that?

Me: Good.

Beezle: extra evil stare(hey, he's a dem- srry Bartimaeus…djinni, and can do more eviler faces than me k?)

Me: Ok, ok, that was perfect ok?

Beezle: Ok

Me:whispers Beezle, tell everyone to review

Beezle: She told me to tell you to review

Me: Hey their not supposed to know that it was me who said that!

Beezle: Hey it's written right there, everyone who read this knows.

Me: Oh right, where's my chocolate?

Beezle: You ate it

Me: Oh. Right.

Bartimaeus: Review my story or else

Me: Or else what?

Bartimaeus: burns Chocogrl to crisp

Me: oh right…..

Beezle: ummmm….review?