Have fun reading this.
I DO NOT own Harry Potter or, Taras story.
Which is truely a peice of bull.
Have fun Reading this!
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Whitnee
2006-10-14
ch 13, anon. What the hell were you thinking when you decided to write this...whatever it is? I won't even give you the honor of calling this a story because it sounds more like a fantasy of what you wish would happen to you.
1st- Don't you know what correct grammar and spelling is, or were you born mentally challenged like it seems you are. Oh, nevermind, even mentally challenged people are better than you.
2nd- Self-insertion is NOT COOL. Only people with no life actually write a story with them as the main character and makes everyone fall in love with them (TALK ABOUT A LAME ASS ATEMPT AT A MARY-SUE). And if you hate pink so much, why the hell is the inside of your coffin pink?
3rd- Just about everything you say contradicts your so-called "goffickness". You say you hate preps and pink, yet one of your favorite movies is Mean Girls. I could feel my IQ drop 30 points reading this crap. Get a life, seriously.
4th- Draco Malfoy is a PUREBLOOD WIZARD WHO HATES MUGGLES. How in the FUCK does he know all these muggle "goffick" bands?
5th- Hogwarts students wear UNIFORMS and ROBES, they do not wear MUGGLE CLOTHING you retard. So stop giving us a desriptions of slutty clothing that you WISH you could afford.
6th- You said that vampires can only be killed with a stake or cross, so how in the hell did Draco commit suicide be slitting his wrists? If you slit your wrists half as much as you said you do, you would be dead already and I wouldn't have to suffer from this crap.
7th- The way this is written makes me think that you've never seen the movies, I feel that your IQ is too low to read the books so I won't bother asking if you have. It just seems that you heard of the basic plotline, saw a couple of the characters, and decided to make this pile of crap.
Seriously, get a life. Go to school and learn how to write, maybe then you will be capable enough to write something decent. Although if I were you, I wouldn't attempt writing another story because your pea-sized brain might combust from the strain of spelling gothic right.
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cyberwriter14
2006-10-14
ch 2, reply Ok first of all let me just say this, I am not a prep and i also dont like the way they judge people, but the thing is your writing makes no sense.
So I have some questions, for you and i wouldnt mind if you would email me at and explain!
1. Why do you write everything incorrectly, i mean its called spell check or common sense i mean come on you spelled not wrong, what are you 5?
2. Why are you upset about gerard having a gf, if you have a bf named justin whats wrong with you?
3. Why do you have so much against preps when you talk like one, i mean you said lol so many times its getting wierd?
4. You dont like being judged by preps but why do you judge them?
5. If youre such a satanist and goth why do you listen to stuff like blink 182, half the cheerleaders in my school listen to that?
6. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)" what you think we cant read or mentaly retarded like you?
7. "Hogwarts in England" its in Scotland!
8. "pink fishnets" "dislikez: pink" why does that not make sense to me? Oh and you said the inside of your coffin was pink too i mean, its like youre lying to yourself!
9. Oh and youre like, i hate being alive, so why dont you just kill yourself and stop writing this crap?
10.If you said you are very pale why do you put on white foundation, what are you color blind?
11. Vampires dont need black eyeliner, because they already have dark eyes, they dont sleep in coffins, they cant kill themselves, they dont slit their wrists,they cant be killed by a cross or dagger, they are extremely beautiful unlike your ugly face, and dont say i dont know what you look like because if you werent ugly you wouldnt be slamming good looking people and trying to make yourself all good looking in your story; unreal fantasy.
12. And youre writing is all over the place, are you like ADHD?
13. Why dont you read a book on some of the topics you write about?
Thats all, please consider these things, dont be stupid any more and stop writing! Oh and get a dictionary!
Gosh you make me sick!
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XxcontemplatingxXinsinuatin.
2006-10-13
ch 10, reply IF DRACO IS SLITTING HIS WRIST YOU STOP HIM LOSER! AND CORPS BRIDE IS AWSOME NOT DEPRESSING! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF WITH A PLASTIC SPOON! (Nny influances here)
XxcontemplatingxXinsinuatin.
2006-10-13
ch 9, reply This shit makes me want to go christian and prep. this is an insult to satanist, harry Potter fans, and Vampires. (SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT LASTAT!) what is wrong with you? may Lucifer have mercy on your soul... NOT!
XD
2006-10-13
ch 1, anon. Reading this story makes me want to douse you with gasoline and set you on fire. And 99 of you reviwers would throw a parade.
)
2006-10-13
ch 38, anon. Hahahahaha! This is so hilarious . I really really hope that you are not trying to write a serious fic- you are making fun of bad fic, right?
Either way here is a link that has to do with this fic. It is super funny, check it out!
http/groups.
btw, if you are serious... than you need to seriously rethink who you are and what you believe. You are being more of a poser than any of the characters in your story. The bands that you keep refering to are not 'goffik,' neither is hot topic. Please, stop embarrasing yourself.
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Hyperactivechick 2006-10-13 ch 2, reply Okay, this is what has everyone mad at you my little MCR loving buddy. You've made it unclear weather they were still in the bathroom when Draco asked Ebony to the Hogsmade, and you used a muggle band which Draco would even be bothered with. Also I love the way you describe things, or raven descibes things. It gives me a clear look at what you were sleeping in. But you did not, however, describe the room. Was she and Willow sleeping in a regular girl's dorm? or because of her "condition" is she in a special room? Just so we can fully picture the scene. For the band, I wouldn't do GC just because there muggles and can't really see hogwarts or the hogsmaid. Try to make up your own Wizarding band that's similar to GC. and if people flame you about that well just tell them to kiss your GC lovin ass. . I don't remember if I said this last chapter but Ebony seems like she's a Mary sue. The more Gothic you try to make her seem the more she seems way too perfect. No one likes a Mary sue. Also I would like to thank Raven for helping you with your spelling.
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Hyperactivechick
2006-10-13
ch 1, reply ... holy fuck. You have a horrible friend. A very horrible friend. I'm a fanfiction Author, and from reading your story so far I have to say that either you your self is under the age of twelve or you flunk english class. If I were your friend you're so greatful for, I wouldn't let you post this up until you had a major revision. it's all just a jumbled mess. Though I'm glad you started a new paragraph when your characters talked . not many people remember to do that. Also how many harry Potter books have you read? because I can already tell that everyone is going to be out of character.
Another thing, you didn't read your Hogwarts a History. They have uniforms. So unless it's the weekend, she can't go flauncing around like a "Goffik" wanna be hooker. Also Draco Malfoy isn't shy. Never, Not in a million years. Not unless your doing an AR fic. Maybe you should read up on the Characters a little bit more. Get to know them like the back of your hand so you don't get flamed and so you can be satisfied with how your readers love your story.
BTW MCR ROXS MY RAINBOW SOXS!
Sara
2006-10-13
ch 38, anon. Is it weird Im crying and luaghing at the same time?
Its shameful to know that this person lives in the same city as me...
cries
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Bizzle007 2006-10-13 ch 7, reply By the way, Homophobes fear gays, I simply hate them. Why should I fear someone who lowers themselves to that level
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trashcan.Xx 2006-10-12 ch 34, reply Wow. i sent this to all my friends. we all made fun of you. like alot. and please please please please please dont say u cut. because thats bullshit. because i know people who DO actually cut. and its spelleed wrists. idiot. uve had no tragedies in ur life. ur an idiotic poser. ur always talking about how much u hate posers, u obviously must have some self esteem issues. and maybe if u spent five seconds THINKING u wudnt be made fun of. get a fucking life and go commit "suicide" i know people who tried suicide multiple times. heck even i did. u didnt. ur a gangster emo goth peice of shit. go get a life. and burn in a whole. because, sista, ur not wanted. -------------------------------------------------------
LovelyPriestess 2006-10-12 ch 38, reply Here, I going to be nice. I'll give you constructive criticism because(:Stares down at other reviews:)I highly doubt anyone else will, lol:
1.Develope Ebony better. I don't excatly care that she's a Mary-Sue but the readers can't get a feel to her.
2.Most of the characters are OOC(Out-Of-Character).
3.I you write:"u" or "2" instead of to, it means that you are either lazy or this is "your talk". Write like a real writer, please.
4.Develope the plot better, and try not to make things utterly ridiculous: Example- Satan?
Good Things:
1.It is entertaining to read.
2.There are paragraphs(I hate when a writer don't create a new paragraph once someone starts a new sentence, or when they just don't even bother.
3.Ebony's a kick-arse name:D
Now, this is what I'm going to tell you: Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, " Is this who I really am?" I understand that you want to be goth, but what you don't realize is that you are VERY sterotypical. You have to learn to repspect other's opinions, and have tolerance over others. I like PINK, I listen to HILARY DUFF, EVANESCENCE, AND especially LINKIN PARK. But, if you haven't noticed, I am BEING ME. You say you hate posers, but what you don't notice is that you are one. Just because you like black, listen to Linkin Park(Which is not "goth" music), and hate pink doesn't make you a "goth".
Don't hate a person for being different, hate a person for their actions. Being your "true-self" is being able to like what you like, and not trying to be someone else. And, even thought you "hate" Hilary Duff, you should listen to her song "Fly", or " Someone's Watching Over Me". Just a thought.
THIS IS NOT A FLAME! I still love you, even though I don't know you :D AND I DON't CARE IF YOU ARE A SATANIST BECAUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SATAN! You like suicide? Trust me, suicide and depression are not "fun". I am depressed(Runs in the family), and I find myself crying ever night, and feeling hopeless...
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WolfStar 2006-10-12 ch 1, anon. If this story was supposed to be a parody, then you succeeded, AMAZINGLY!
If this story was supposed to be something other than that, you failed, MISERABLY!
Reading the reviews is more entertaining than reading the actual story...
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Amazed 2006-10-12 ch 1, anon. There are enough flames here to count this as an internet bonfire! Bwhahaha breaks out the marshmallows
M, but yeah this story sucks so bad it almost wraps around enough to be considered good, which I'm not sure if you should be proud of or if you should allow yourself to drown in a sea of shame and self-loathing.
Man, the flames of hatred and anger make marshmallows taste better..
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blasphemous-moose 2006-10-11 ch 1, reply lol. This is such a pathetic attempt at writing.
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showmetheSQUEE 2006-10-10 ch 1, reply ...
right. if you have read the books (i doubt it), you remember that part in order of the phoenix where draco steps on harry's face? he'll want to do that to you, once after reading this atrocity.
draco hates you. along with all of the harry potter world right now.
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The Oddity 2006-10-10 ch 1, reply I loved this story and how "excellently" it depicted a Gothic student attending Hogwarts in a serious light. Seeing as this was such a smashing success, I encourage you to write more of these such stories. Good job!
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The Anime Freak 2006-10-10 ch 38, reply Do you want to know why it sucks?
Here you go...
1. People don't like stories that have people talk lyk dis.
2. You don't bother writing out words, resorting to 'u' and 'OMFG'
3. Your plot is weak.
4. Ebony is a Mary Sue. Don't know what that is? Look it up on Wikipedia or something
6. Everyone is too far out of character.
That's why everyone hates it. It's completely useless. Except for laughing from the OOCness and Mary Sue-ness.
And yeah, I don't think preps would be into the whole fanfiction thing.
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unkraut 2006-10-10 ch 12, anon. I really hope this is a parody and if it is writing it must have been a lot of fun and reading all those reviews, too... If it's not you should really consider deleting this and take the other reviewers' advice to throw yourself off a cliff or anything...
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scarlet-child 2006-10-10 ch 38, anon. i honestly dont know what to say.
even if i wanted to give constructive critisicm i couldn't. there just wouldn't be enough space to fit it all in.
i've reported this fic. not that i'm the only one.
by the way, i'm not a prep. & i bet most of the people who review this aren't.
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tellabobella 2006-10-09 ch 25, anon. AH! I love you passionately... or should I say PASSIVELY, like the way Enoby and Draco frenched in this chapter, yuk yuk yuk! This story is flame-retardant. I adore it. I hope you write more soon, as you are my hero.
much love:D
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Sabi
no.
2006-10-09
ch 1, anon. please tell me this is some kind of cruel joke. i can't even comprehend anyone writing such things unless it WAS one. and i question your sanity as well if you think goth is what you just wrote, not to mention mary sues should burn in hell and so should OCness. how old are you? i suggest-
1. growing up
2. getting a mind of your own
3. taking some lit. classes
then you can come back and look at this story and cry.
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He Who Owns A Brain 2006-10-09 ch 1, anon. Note To All Reviewers: THIS SISTERSHIP IS A TROLL UNIT! By giving them reviews, you give them attention. By giving them attention, you give them what they want. By giving them what you want, you ENCOURAGE them to repeat this again and again and again.
People, honestly. You are smarter than this.
Stop giving this thing attention. And maybe it really will slip when it slits its wrists (for more attention, might I add).
Rethink everything people.
You cannot trust anything this creature/sisterhood says. For all we know (after all, we can hardly take someone's word if they make enough typos to be mistaken for another language), 'bloodyrists' (har, har, har) and 'bloodykisses' could be the same person. They could be a fourty-year-old pedophile who masturbates to the sound of other peoples' screams. Hell, it could be a clown. The thing is, you never know.
So, ignore them. They aren't worth your time. This is deliberate, people. They WANT you to watch and stare and gawk 'til your jaw hits the floor, because it's attention.
Ignore them, ignore them, ignore them. If this is an honest writer, the are past the point of no return on constructive critisism. You can't help them. Discourage them now, and maybe they'll stop writing. Maybe they'll get conselling. Maybe they'll learn how to spell their own name. And if they're not who they say they are...
All the better for us. Their little corner of the world does not tie into ours. We can't change it for the better. However, paying attention to them is giving them sick entertainment. We are their lab rats.
Trolls are like chain letters. Break out of the cage, and they'll dwindle little by little. They'll never really be gone, but you can improve your own life by ignoring them.
Thank you very much for reading this. I hope you break the chain.
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MysteriousDarkSoul 2006-10-09 ch 1, reply omg! wow reading this and then reading the most recent reviews u got, makes me laugh too hard! seriously, take their advice.
i won't be mean, especially because all i've read is the first chapter, but seriously...amy lee?...draco being shy...?
get it correct, please, and really, it's not a good idea to put american goth (life) in HP fics, as most people frown upon it because it's too unreal
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blargo no lunbox 2006-10-09 ch 1, anon. I would strongly suggest taking English grammar classes, in addition to some basic creative writing courses.
Also, try to stop portraying your own ambitions and fantasies in your writing. The fact that the main character is simply an extension of yourself living in your version of an ideal world comes through quite clearly in your writing.
If you deliberately composed this piece of... literature to be a shining model of how people should NOT write, then congratulations, you have succeeded. To an amazing degree, in fact.
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Verdana sushi. 2006-10-09 ch 38, anon. This fic is WIN. XDD I haven't laughed this hard in MONTHS. Thank you for the awesome read!
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XxWhiteThunder15xX 2006-10-09 ch 1, reply You ask is it good?
I can say this:
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Simple as that. Can't you tell by the 30 flames that it SUCKS? Hope you're not that stupid and innocent. Aaron 2006-10-09 ch 1, anon. If this is real, then it must be true that gods don't intervene in this reality, otherwise ONE of them would have either burned you alive or killed me the moment I tried to read this.
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I hate goths 2006-10-09 ch 1, anon. Ha, what a piece of shit!