This is my first song-fic, and first fic to ever finish within one week, it was going to be a one shot, but I decided to make it into a 2 chapter one shot instead. the second chapter will also be a song fic. the song is "Kiss Me Fool" by Fefe Dobson, I got the cd a while ago and the idea for a story came into my mind. If this sounds like someones story, then sorry, but I haven't seen a fic with this song or story line. and I might update the last chapter Monday.. I haven't made up my mind if I want to make another fic based on this one, but with more detail of what's happened. but I'll just stick with this one for now... maybe... so, enjoy!
For 8 years. she's loved him.. she knew it was wrong, one sided. but she couldn't help it.
One day, when she managed to explain her feelings for him.. she was more then surprised when he didn't just walk away, laugh at her, or just tell her how weak she was, like she was use to.. but to say that he himself was surprised by her words would be an understatement. that was certainly something he hadn't expected.. but what only seemed to make matters worse.. is she was hit with a truth Jutsu four years ago when they were on their last mission together.. alone.
It only gave her the confidence to tell him everything that was in her heart at the time.. when she had passed out as a side affect of the Jutsu, she still remembered everything that had happened. though she tried to forget. it was to embarrassing on her part, and she knew it was on his to. because the whole trip back to Konoha was silent... as expected.
Sure, her heart broke even more with what she knew was rejection.. but again, she was sort of use to the pain that always lingered in her heart.
Though, even if she had many friends, and some friends that she even considered family.. to her, being alone meant having no one to love. so what was alone to him? Does he feel the same way she does?
She sighed as the thoughts raced through her mind.. all of this was to complicated for her to handle alone.. she just had to tell someone. and it had to be someone she trusted, who wouldn't go gossiping about her 'problem.' and it had to be someone that would guard her secrets with their life without hesitation. And she did just that.. she knew who she could tell. her roommate and best friend. she knew that was the only person who might be able to understand her situation. he was of course, like a Brother to her now.
Naruto..
It's been a full year to the day since she told him about that mission, and how everything went so horribly wrong. though, Naruto was utterly speechless to her little confession. he help her out none the less. And his latest solution/remedy for her current state of depression?
The bar..
Hey, she had no complaints with this.. and that's exactly where's she's been for the last two hours. sighing every now and then, staring at her second drink that's never been touched. even though it's been sitting in front of her for a while. She felt ok with just being there.. looking at her reflection in the clear drink, it was hard to believe that she was already 23.
But things only got worse when her finally content feeling automatically left when the one she tried to get off her mind was sitting at a table on the other side of the room, away from the 'dancing' side of the bar with some other people.
Now she was currently on drink number 4.
Though, she stopped after that.. for once she didn't want to drink herself into unconsciousness again. she stood up and pulled her jacket off of the chair, laying money on the bars counter, she was about to leave. when she turned around, her eyes met with his.
Tell me who should I be to make you love me?
Tell me what does it mean to be alone?
Can't you see me standing staring out from the distance,
hear my cry if you'd only listen,
Out of focus, into me & you...
He didn't expect to see her here.. even though he hasn't seen her in a few years. he never knew, or pegged her to be the drinking type.. Ino maybe, but not her.
Unconsciously, his eyes went from her own, to her lips.
She walked backwards slowly just before turning around when she seen him do this, going straight for the door. she was more then ready to go home..
But as it seemed.. the Gods were against her today. because someone else in the room had noticed the ever familiar pink haired kunoichi.
"Hey! Sakura, come over here!" called out a fairly drunk senbon user.
She gasped and snapped out of her little world of doom. she wanted to run out by this point. but seeing as how he seen her, she had no choice and walked up to the table she was called to.
"Hi." she said quietly.
Genma picked his drink up a little to quickly, almost causing him to fall off the side of his chair. "Why don't you join us!"
She sighed. "No, I'm sorry I've got to get home."
And as if finally noticing.. "Ah! Sakura, the spring time of youth as been so kind to you!" Gai all but yelled.
She sweat dropped and laughed nervously. "Hi Gai, Asuma." she nodded to them, then paused and looked to her left.. "Kakashi."
He nodded in acknowledgement lazily. "It's good to see you again Sakura.. it's been a while."
"Yes," she paused again. "It's good to see you to."
He finally looked up to her, eye creased up happily. "So.. I hear you moved in with Naruto, how is he?"
She was starting to feel uncomfortable at having everyone's attention on her. "He's doing just fine.. the same loud, hyperactive shinobi he's always been."
"That's good... I guess."
And as if the Gods finally took pity on her, Ino came jogging up and put an arm around Sakura's neck.
"Hey Asuma-sensei!" old habits die hard. "Sorry guys but I'm going to have to borrow Sakura for a while.. see ya later!"
They nodded and Sakura gave a quiet "Bye." before Ino pulled her away..
Kakashi glanced back to where the girls went and continued reading the latest edition of his book.. well, he would have if he wasn't so rudely interrupted.
"Didn't you say you haven't seen Sakura in a while, just how long has it been since you seen either of them?" Asuma asked.
He shrugged after a while. "Seen Naruto a few months ago I think.. last time I seen Sakura was a few years ago." he answered honestly. eyes still on the books contents.
He scoffed and started chuckling. "Lucky you.. I see all of my ex-students almost everyday. and that Ino still wont stop calling me 'Sensei' either."
"Yup.. lucky me." he said in a bored tone, turning the page.
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Sakura was forced to take her jacket back off and was being tugged through the crowded part of the bar. she couldn't believe he was still here, acting so calm. It was just mocking her silently.. and he never told them, any of them of what happened after that mission?
Her heart sank.. was.. he ashamed of her or something? is that it? was that the reason why?
She told.. and never regretted it. even if it was just one person. she wasn't ashamed.
After that mission where she got hit by that Jutsu. she wanted to explain a few things in her defense. and it ended up in heartbreak for her when he said that chilling, 'I could never be with you.'
Then it turned into an argument, until she kissed him.. and he didn't push her away. even when he realized she had somehow managed to pull his mask down.
He still kissed her back.. something told him that it was wrong. but he still couldn't pull away, and it got more heated. maybe it was because he had to much to drink? no, he knew that wasn't it.
When reality finally snapped back in he pulled away before it went to far, even though he had already pinned her against the side of a building.
It was four years ago, and it had happened during a celebration party for Naruto for becoming ANBU. Kakashi had just waved over his shoulder and walked out, that's when Sakura followed him.. The next day when he was asked what happened, since Sakura never came back to the party, he just replied. 'I didn't know she left.. I haven't seen her since the party.'
Which, unknown to him, Sakura was just around the corner when he had said this.. and it hurt her.
Kiss me fool, If ya care
If your words have any meaning
Playing it cool is so unfair
Why this veil of secrecy?
God forbid, your friends found out what we did,
Why can't someone like you be with someone like me?
Since Ino hasn't seen her friend in a while.. she decided that a little drinking was in order.
"Ino, I've already had more then I should to be able to drive home and I don't want to have to call Naruto."
"Oh, come on! have a little back bone, you'll be fine!"
Ino didn't catch Sakura glance over towards where Kakashi was, they were laughing (given they were pretty drunk) at a joke obviously sent towards Gai.. who looked like a dark cloud was over his 'youthful' head.
Ok maybe one more drink wouldn't hurt. she sighed and picked up the drink that was in front of her. Ino cheered her on.
After a few more drinks, Ino had spotted a guy she liked over on the other side of the room, dancing. of course, she conned Sakura into dancing to. though she wanted to avoid dancing with someone else, she was thinking about a certain someone again that still hasn't left her mind.. thoughts, she normally wouldn't have. either it was the alcohol talking or her over thinking, she wouldn't know. but she felt more brave on how she felt about him.. yes. would she tell everyone in the room because of it? hell no. she wasn't that drunk yet.
But she's always admired him, and he was with her the whole time the Uchiha wasn't.
It all started when she was sixteen, eight years ago, and she had finally gave up on bringing Sasuke back home to Konoha.
But it was easier said then done, that was for sure. because she felt like she betrayed herself, failed all she tried to change in her life. and she hated feeling so weak, that she couldn't help bring him back or change his mind.
So to clear her own mind and take out her frustrations, she went off into the middle of the forest to train.. but ended up in tears two hours in, on her hands and knees.
Kakashi was just returning from a mission when he felt her familiar chakra signature. curious as to why she was this far from Konoha's gates, and by herself no less. he followed it and seen her there in the middle of the field. yelling to herself about how weak and worthless she was, that she means nothing.. what shocked him the most was when she said she was better off dead the to be a kunoichi.
But ever since he left, she always seemed ok with it over time, sure she missed him. but it wasn't like when she was obsessed with him when she was younger, and talking about him every waking moment. she even seemed fine with how she didn't love him anymore. but when he seen her there, he realized that it was all fake smiles and lies just to keep everyone from worrying about her.
Tell me who should I be to make you love me?
Tell me what does it mean to be alone?
Can't you see me standing staring out from the distance,
hear my cry if you'd only listen,
Out of focus, into me & you...
And in a way, it kind of hurt him to see her like that. so, he did the only, and first thing that came to mind. he had walked up in front of her and knelt down.. and hugged her.
She gasped and had stopped crying almost instantly.. cursing herself mentally about not noticing him there sooner. and for showing weakness.. so openly to. but when he told her she wasn't a kunoichi for nothing, it meant a lot to her.
'Your stronger then you're giving yourself credit for.. Sakura, if you haven't noticed, you aren't that weak little Genin anymore.'
During her 'mental break down' that day. those were the only words she remembered him telling her. and she never wanted to forget them either.. but the more she looked back, he's always helped her through situations like that.. and it was round then, the Hokage ordered that, since Kakashi was severely injured during his last three missions and had never went to the hospital, a medic nin was to be his teammate until his missions in Suna were complete.. and since Sakura was ex-student, teammate, and knows how he ticks (and also for the Hokage's amusement) she sent her. but, Kakashi of course wasn't so thrilled on the idea that he needed to be assigned a teammate... and medic.
It took a whole year and a half to finish these missions. and through the whole time, Sakura noticed just how strong he really was. not just physically, but mentally as well. because like her.. he's lost his family, and his original teammates, sensei. and who knows how many friends and comrades also. he's dealt with a lot of pain from the years. and having one of his own students turn on Konoha for power, she knew had to hurt just as bad.
She never knew how much her feelings for him changed.. she only told herself that it was just because she admired his strength, nothing more. until one day during a mission they were assigned on, he was injured badly before she got there and he was knocked unconscious. which scared the living hell out of her.. the first thing that ran through her mind was that he was dead because he wasn't moving.
Inner Sakura came out that day.. though she hated having to kill people, being a medic. but she just snapped. so when the other nins were.. disposed of.. Sakura checked Kakashi, and found a slow steady pulse. she immediately worked on healing him. and when he had finally became conscious, she nearly crushed his ribs again when she gave him a hug.
That night, when she was taking watch, she wondered why she snapped when she seen Kakashi.. and that's when it finally hit her... hard.
She loved Kakashi... and not Sasuke.
She looked around to see Ino.. a little to close with the guy she was dancing with. once again, she sighed. because not even drinking phased her when it came to him.
Touch me fool, if you're allowed
I'll be dancing in the corner
It's so cruel to play it proud
Take your hands & cover me
I'm aware, that all in love is fair
But that's no reason to make me feel this way...
It had to of been thirty minutes later that Sakura had to go sit down.. the room was spinning a little and her head hurt. but to her stupidity, instead of getting water, she just drank more sake..
An Hour Later...
Ino had found Sakura, asleep on the table.. she snickered and left the guy she was dancing with.
About A Half Hour Later...
Kakashi sighed at the sight of the pink haired girl with her arms crossed on the table, head on them.. he tapped the corner of his book into the back of her neck.
She groaned after a few more pokes. "Uurrgh.. go away." she swatted and missed, eyes still closed she re-crossed her arms.
"Sakura.. I'm sure when the manager closes he doesn't want to leave you in here."
She turned her head the other way. "Fuck them.." she mumbled grumpily, not wanting to move.
He chuckled. 'Plan B.' he thought with amusement. this would be interesting. "Ok then Sakura.. I'll just.. get Jiraiya and Genma to try and wake you up."
She had her jacket on, money on the table and was out the door in less then a second.
He followed suit and watched her dig through her purse for her car keys.. she felt his eyes on her, and she was still fairly sober. drinking didn't effect her as much any more, she's had one to many contests.. and won.
Kakashi sighed again.. that distant look in her eyes always bothered him. he seen it even when Genma had called her over to their table.
Why does it seem like every time he was near her everything would just go out of control.
"I can drive myself home thank you, I don't need you to supervise me." she still couldn't find her keys.
Tell me who should I be to make you love me?
Tell me what does it mean to be alone?
Can't you see me standing staring out from the distance,
hear my cry if you'd only listen,
Out of focus, into me & you...
She was about to throw her purse by this point. "Damn it! where in the hell-!" she paused when the sound of something metallic started jingling behind her. she turned around to see Kakashi holding her keys, still shaking them. "Why you! give me my keys back!" she demanded, stomping her foot impatiently.. or rather, childishly.
"And haven't you had to much to drink? you could get a DUI you know."
She bit her bottom lip.. she didn't know if he was just teasing or toying with her.. either way, it really pissed her off. "Give me my damn keys Kakashi." she said firmly.. despite how she felt. 'Please.. stop doing this to me.'
He looked from the keys, to her. "Mmm... nope, sorry. can't do that."
She was full out glaring at him now. "I'll take them by force if I have to." she twitched. 'Why are you doin this to me..' she thought weakly.
He put the keys in one of the pockets in his vest. "You could try.. though I doubt you'll get them back."
She took in a shaky deep breath.. "Don't make me do this again, Kakashi." she breathed out, failing to keep her tough facade. she cursed herself mentally again for it to.
"Sakura.."
"Damn it, stop playing games!" she yelled.
Shit, there it was again.. guilt.
And it hurts me so bad to deny it,
These feeling are out of control
Do you know what it's like to want something so bad...
And then having to let it go?
Her head was down, both hands in a shaky fist at her sides. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"
He put his hands in his pockets. "What?"
She turned around and crossed her arms.
"I don't know what your talking about, but I'm talking about how you're going to get home." he lied.
She shivered against the cold winds.. being in the fire country, it was always rare to get a cold winter, even one with snow. though it was hell when one would come.
He looked up at the slowly falling snow, then to Sakura. "Let me just take you home, you'll just catch a cold out here, and I know Hokage-sama wouldn't like that."
She felt his arm around her upper back, guiding her towards his car and away from her own. she didn't argue, only because it was next to freezing out.. and he still had her keys.
Though, she still felt weak..not in the medical field, being a kunoichi, or even just being human. but whenever she was around him. she always felt weak. and she hated it, hated caring what he thought, hated him for making her feel this way...
And it hurts me to know that this time in our lives
So soon will be in the past
And you spend it pretending, you're playing it cool
Never Knowing
Never knowing
Never knowing what
What we should've had.
Tell me who should I be to make you love me?
Tell me what does it mean to be alone?
You've got me wondering if I'm good enough,
Pretty enough,
Giving enough,
Special enough,
Tell me who should I be to make you love me?
Who should I be, who should I be, yeah, to make you love me?
Who should I be, who should I be, yeah, to make you love me?
Who should I be, who should I be, yeah, to make you love me?
Who should I be, who should I be, yeah, to make you love me?
Though, she'd just be lying to herself if kept agreeing with Inner Sakura's rant. she could never hate him. and it killed her.
Sakura stopped at the passengers side door, looking across the roof at the silver haired Jonin. "Are.. you sure you want to do this? I mean it's all the way on the other side of Konoha."
"I don't mind."
"Yeah, but-"
"Honestly.. get in."
She sighed, but still got in the car.
She watched the snow when they pulled out of the parking lot.. maybe this winter wouldn't be so bad.. maybe this time, just maybe. something good could come out of this winter in Konoha, at least something other then death and pain.