Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters blah-blah-blah… So no own, no sue, alright? Okay.
Summary: What if the one destined for you is also the one who you call brother? 'Fate never fails in finding a way to bring two souls together. It's just up to those souls whether they would choose to accept it or not.' NaruSasu, set in modern times.
Warning: Shounen-ai. You know what this means, so for all of you out there who's not interested with this kind of thing… Please do yourself a favor and click the exit button.
Now with all of that done, read and weep!
Oh, and before anything else: If you liked the story or you wanted to suggest anything or something, please tell me! Reviews, including educated flames, will be deeply appreciated so feel free! And this chapter would be a little confusing, so watch out!! And would it be okay if I wouldn't describe the physical attributes of each character that isn't important for the story? Since I would assume all of you have more or less an idea of what the anime is… well…
He didn't know when it started really.
At first, it was just the want—no, the need to protect him from everything. After everything he's been through, after everything that had happened, he deserved to be safe and taken care of. And then, it was the anger of not being able to get through the walls he built around himself—of not being able to give him the comfort he desperately wanted him to give. Then, it was the helplessness of watching him push people away and not being able to do anything about it except to watch and to hope that this is just a phase that he would eventually overcome.
And then after that… jealousy. Someone had been able to penetrate through his defenses and that someone wasn't him. They were always together, and he knew he should be happy about it. He had someone to take care of him now. He needn't worry anymore for he knew this someone would do everything for him. But he couldn't. He couldn't force himself to feel happy when the one he wanted to care for so much, who was supposedly pushing people away, is letting this someone stay beside him.
Instead of him.
And then… He didn't know when it started really.
But he knew whatever he's feeling towards the other boy isn't normal anymore—well, normal for them anyway. He was starting to notice little things, like how creamy his skin always looked, and the beautiful way his hair framed his oval-shaped faced. He was starting to dream of him every night, of holding him and…
No! He shouldn't think about that! It was immoral, for crying out loud! It was terribly wrong and sinful, and the fact that he's a guy doesn't even measure up to the utmost reason why he should bang his head to the nearest wall and dispel all his feelings.
They're brothers.
Though they may not look like one. While he was six feet tall, had blonde hair, tanned skin and sunny disposition, his brother had pale skin, dark hair and very dark eyes, a height that stopped at 5'7", and a quiet, sort of brooding, attitude.
But lately, that brooding quality acquired a cold and nasty edge. The quiet expression became blank. The eyes, freezing as an iceberg. And the smile that he had come to miss, gone. He knew it was only normal for him to act this way, after everything that had happened, and he knew it was his entire fault that his brother became what he is now. And he knew that no matter how much tears he cried at night and no matter how broken and torn he's feeling because of the guilt and regret swirling within him, he could never change what happened and he could never bring back what had been once.
And he knew all he can do right now is to watch him from afar, silently wishing he could turn back time… silently wishing he could see him smile again, even if the smile would never be for him.
And that was exactly what he was doing right now.
"You know, staring at someone never did solve any problems, Naruto," Nara Shikamaru, his best friend, told him while shaking his head, "He's your brother, isn't he? Why don't you go over there and talk to him? Get through to him."
They were currently sitting at their usual tree spot in the school front yard, waiting for their other friends to come. And the object of Naruto's observations was across the yard, eating lunch with a paler boy with equally pale eyes and long, brown hair.
Naruto plastered a fake grin for his friend but Shikamaru only shook his head again, "No. Don't bother trying to act around me, Naruto. I told you it won't work on me."
The grin instantly slipped, and a sad smile took its place, as cerulean blue eyes traveled again across the yard, "You know I can't do that anymore, Shikamaru. And you know absolutely why. All I could do right now is watch him, and tell myself he's going to be okay without me."
Shikamaru grunted and looked at the sky, "Tch. So troublesome."
This time, Naruto did grin for real, "Everything that isn't fluffy and white is troublesome for you, you lazy bum," he said loudly.
"That's not true, Naruto," a female voice said laughingly as both guys looked towards two of their friends approaching them, "There's one un-fluffy thing, or should I say, un-fluffy person, Shikamaru doesn't consider as troublesome."
"Tch."
Naruto chuckled, "But you know, he always says Ino is so troublesome too."
"But only when, Ino keeps nagging him to no end," Inuzuka Kiba piped in as the others sat beside the two.
Everybody chortled, save for Shikamaru, who just ignored them and continued looking at the sky.
"Where are the others, by the way?" Naruto asked.
"Lee's at the gym, training. Gai-sensei asked him to and you know how those two are," Sakura said as Naruto sweatdropped, "Ino, Tenten and Chouji are working on some chemistry project they needed to finish today. Hinata, well, she probably has some extra council work to do. And Shino… I don't know."
"He didn't come to school," Kiba said absently, "A swarm of insects had a rampage of some sort this morning when their case crashed to the floor."
Sakura and Naruto looked at each other mischievously.
"And how would you know about that, dog-boy?"
Kiba turned to them in surprise and gulped at their expressions, "N-nothing. I—was just walking to school and I, I decided to check on him… You know, because I'm a good boyfriend and all," he chuckled nervously, "And I knocked and I saw him, with shattered glass. Yeah, that's right. That's what happened."
"And you wouldn't happen to know how the case crashed, would you?"
Kiba flushed to the roots of his hair.
The others laughed merrily, even Shikamaru gave out a small chuckle.
"Kiba, you are such a sore liar," Sakura giggled, "But tell us, really, how you manage a crashed case, considering how Shino treats them as some treasure chest?"
"I could think of one thing," Naruto grinned teasingly.
"Shut up! I don't wanna hear a damn thing, you pervert!"
"Hey, when was I a pervert?"
"Since now! I may have spent the night at his apartment, but it doesn't mean—"
A fresh tomato would have looked pale as snow compared to Kiba's face. Naruto and Sakura hooted loudly.
"Whatever, man," Kiba sulked, "Stop being perverts because nothing happened."
"You almost sound as if you're disappointed."
"Shut up already!"
Naruto laughed waving his hands in front of him, "Okay, okay. But if you two really wanted to be with each other from your waking time to your—ehem, sleeping time," Kiba glared, "Why don't you move in with him?"
"Yeah, Kiba," Sakura inserted, "You spend every minute of every day together anyway."
Kiba sighed, "Not that easy, you guys. You know how Akamaru gets around Shino's pets."
Some pets, Naruto thought, more like pests.
"Like I said, troublesome," Shikamaru said lazily.
They were all studying in Konoha University as sophomore college students. But they all have been friends a long way back before Konoha U. They were one big happy group back in high school: the newly adjusting couple, Kiba and Shino; the chubby and food-is-god, Chouji; the shy yet very determined and very smart, Hinata; the eternal rivals for everything, Sakura and Ino; the don't-mess-with-me-or-you're-dead, Tenten; the fuzzy eyebrows, Lee; the lazy yet genius bum, Shikamaru; and the polar opposite brothers, Naruto and…
Sasuke.
No one was saying anything for awhile. And Naruto's gaze once again found itself across the yard, where his brother and his friend were now beginning to leave.
Sakura noticed his gaze and her own eyes saddened. Kiba noticed it too but remained silent.
"Ne, Naruto," Sakura said quietly and Naruto looked at her, "When are you going to do something about your situation with Sasuke-kun?"
Naruto inwardly sighed.
Shikamaru and Sakura was Naruto's and—his brother's kindergarten playmates. And for as long as Naruto can remember, Sakura has always had a deep affection for his younger brother. Back then, Naruto had a crush on Sakura, but never noticed him since he was older than her by a year in comparison to Sasuke who was just her age. But Sasuke never noticed her either. He was always thinking, brooding—always quiet, though there were rare times he would play tag with them, excluding Shikamaru, who'd rather watch clouds, and Sasuke's rare smile would not be so rare anymore.
Instead of letting Sakura see his distress, he grinned, "What about it, Sakura-chan?"
Shikamaru shook his head, sighing.
"What do you mean, 'what about it', Naruto?" Sakura was upset, "It's already been five months since—everything and just last week you were telling me you'd do everything to make him return to his normal self."
"It seems he's okay now, Sakura-chan," Naruto smiled, "See, he has a friend, doesn't he? And you don't see Sasuke pushing Neji-san away, don't you?
"But, what about you, Naruto? What about us?" She sighed and bowed her head, "What about me?" she whispered.
"Don't worry, Sakura," Kiba said, finally deciding it was okay to say something, "Sasuke will get over it in time. Naruto did. All we have to give him right now is some space, I think. Besides, Neji being there is helping him in coping up and recovering from—"
Naruto visibly flinched. Sakura glared and Kiba winced.
"Sorry."
Naruto gave them a forced smile, "Nah, it's okay. Kiba's right. In time, Sasuke would be able to get over what happened and we'd all get along then and be a big happy family. Yay!"
Both Sakura and Kiba groaned. Shikamaru remained silent but fixed his gaze on his bestfriend, and after probably deciding it was too troublesome to think about it, returned his gaze to the endless sky.
And maybe then, he'd be able to forgive me… Maybe.
"He was watching you again a while ago, Sasuke," Hyuuga Neji looked down at his stoic friend, as they walked towards the student council office, "Naruto-kun was—"
"I know what his name is, dumbass," the dark-haired boy said coolly, "Do yourself a favor and don't put garbage in your mouth by saying his name."
Neji looked at his friend and inwardly sighed. He knew why Sasuke was being like that. And he understood. How could anyone not? After everything that has happened to his friend, no one could really blame him for everything he does, for everything he's feeling or not feeling.
Nevertheless, he wanted to tell Sasuke to think of his brother's situation. He knew it isn't easy for Naruto as much as it isn't easy for Sasuke. He didn't know why Sasuke was too closed up when it comes to his brother. He didn't know if Sasuke had a deeper reason for acting the way he does. It seems he did.
All the same, he wanted to tell his friend to at least acknowledge his brother's presence.
But Sasuke didn't need correcting now. He needed a friend. And at this moment, it was all what Neji could give him.
They reached the office but before Neji could open the door, a pale girl with eyes similar to Neji's came rushing out.
"Neji-kun… Uchiha-san."
Neji stiffened slightly and his face grew expressionless, but he bowed politely to the girl.
"Hinata-sama."
Hyuuga Hinata blushed and looked mortified, "Please don't call me Hinata-sama anymore, Neji-kun."
"Forgive me, but I can't possibly abide by your wish, Hinata-sama," Neji bowed slightly, a little sardonically and he saw Sasuke's sneer as well as the girl's uneasiness, "I am a member of a lower class after all."
"Please, Neji-kun, I—"
"I am, Hinata-sama. Nothing you can say would change it," His tone was hard, his eyes flinty. And then, "So where will you be going, Hinata-sama?"
"Oh, I was just going to go see Naru—"
"Hyuuga," Sasuke interrupted, his tone freezing as he addressed Neji, "Will we be standing here all day talking crap," Hinata recoiled noticeably, "Or will we be going inside to work?"
"Yes, yes, Sasuke," Neji said, amused beyond measure, "Gomen, Hinata-sama. I must be going."
"O-of course, Neji-kun."
They entered the office and left her there, staring sadly at Sasuke and Neji.
"What should we do, Jiraiya?"
A white-haired man sighed and looked at his blonde wife. She was stirring her cup of tea absently as was staring at it as if it's the most interesting thing in the world.
"I think we should just let it rest, Tsunade," he said at last, "At this point in time, all we can do is watch. We can't interfere with anything lest the situation might worsen. And those boys are big enough. We may be their legal guardian but we can't just impose ourselves on them as if we are—as if we are…"
The teacup crashed to the floor as she slapped it away, "I hate it when I feel so helpless."
Jiraiya looked at the shattered cup and couldn't help compare it with the Sasuke's and Naruto's relationship. He sighed and got up to clean away the mess Tsunade's frustration made.
School's already over and Naruto and Sakura are walking together.
"I still can't understand him, Naruto," Sakura told the blonde, "Why is he holding so much grudge against you? More than anyone, you should be the one who's by his side right now."
Don't you think I know that?
"Sakura-chan," Naruto said lightly, "Sasuke's not holding a grudge against me. And I'm sure he already got over—what happened."
No one would be able to get over that, Sakura-chan. No one.
Sakura sighed, "I know. He's finally stopped pushing Neji away, that must mean something, right? What I can't understand is why he's still ignoring us, especially you, Naruto. I mean, even after everything, you're still his brother!"
It's so easy for you to say. I abandoned him. I abandoned the one thing that's so important to me. And now, I'm…
No, stop it! I told you never to think about that again! You've got enough problems, Naruto. Don't make it worse.
Naruto feigned a chuckle, knowing Sakura would buy it, "But everybody needs a break from their big brother sometime. Maybe the guy's just hitting puberty and experimenting with his friend."
He suddenly felt a wave of unwanted jealousy at the thought. It felt so strong that he must concentrate so that it won't show in his face. So intent was he in focusing on hiding his feelings that he forgot Sakura's own feelings toward Sasuke.
He also didn't notice Sakura stiffen after what he said.
"Naruto, what do you mean by that?"
He snapped away from his thoughts and turned to her, dismayed. Oh, god. I forgot.
"Hahahaha," the blonde laughed, "I was only joking. Take everything seriously, why don'tcha?"
Yeah, Sakura-chan, I was only joking. Sasuke's straight, right? He wouldn't be playing around with Neji, he wouldn't. That would be totally disgusting, right?
Yeah, right. He scoffed inwardly.
"Mou, Naruto," Sakura said annoyed but at the same time relieved, "You shouldn't joke every time we're having a serious conversation."
It's the only way I can keep my sanity, Sakura-chan. It's the only way I can keep my inner thoughts at bay.
"But that's me, Sakura-chan," he answered instead, "I always joke."
The pink-haired girl rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay. Oh, this is my stop, Naruto," they stopped at Ino's house, "I need to borrow something from Ino."
"'Kay, Sakura-chan," Naruto grinned, "Say hello to Ino for me."
"Okay, bye, see you tomorrow!"
"Bye, Sakura-chan!"
Naruto watched his friend walked up the front steps and sighed.
"Tadaima!"
Naruto entered his guardians' house and noticed that it was too quiet. Normally, his aunt would be noisy as hell, pestering him about school and such the moment he got home. And normally, his uncle would be asking him about young college girls that would earn him a loud whack from his wife.
He heard voices from the living room. He approached it quietly and saw his aunt and uncle sitting on the sofa, with identical grim expressions, facing Sasuke, who had a cold and stoic one.
"What's wrong?" Naruto asked, a sense of foreboding claiming him.
Tsunade and Jiraiya looked at him in sudden surprise, but the expressions quickly returned to their grim mode. Sasuke remained silent and acted as if Naruto wasn't there.
But that's nothing new, he thought, grimacing, ever since—no, Naruto! Don't think about that. Think about what's happening now. Think about why Tsunade and Jiraiya look so dismal. Remember?
"Hey… what—"
"Sasuke's leaving."
Oh, god, no. Please, Sasuke. Don't do this…
But deep inside, he was expecting this—dreading this moment. He knew Sasuke was turning eighteen soon. And though he tried to deny it many times during these past weeks, he knew Sasuke was going to try and get away from them, forever.
But he'll be damned if he's just gonna let his brother go like that.
What are you talking about? He scorned himself, You promised yourself you're going to leave him alone, didn't you? He's fine, now. Neji would keep him fine. Neji'll be always there for him.
Unlike you.
"What—what do you mean by leaving," he clenched and unclenched his fists, "exactly?"
Jiraiya sighed as Tsunade looked as if she's going to crash the house soon, "He wants to move out. He's going to be eighteen next week. He told us he wanted to move in with Neji in his apartment."
Naruto didn't want to hear anymore. Nothing was getting through his hazed mind anyway. He looked at his brother as he silently willed his tears and frustration away. It wouldn't do good to explode on Sasuke now, even though that's what he'd been craving for recently. It wouldn't do good to tell him everything he'd wanted to tell him, to ask for his forgiveness endlessly until he gave in. It wouldn't do good to tell him the hell he's been experiencing, no one would believe him anyway, especially Sasuke. Naruto knew his hell is nowhere compared to the hell his brother is experiencing right now.
That was why he decided to give him some space, instead of nagging him and trying to rebuild everything by forcing Sasuke to open up to him.
"I'm going to be leaving as soon as I turned eighteen. I'm not asking for permission," his voice was piercingly arctic, his gaze similarly so, "I'm just telling you as my respect to my guardians."
"What about me, Sasuke?" Naruto asked angrily, not being able to contain it any longer and uncaring of his previous resolve in giving Sasuke some space. He marched towards Sasuke and pulled him up by his collar, "Never even thought of telling me? Huh? Goddamit, I'm your BROTHER!"
His hands were shaking badly as he gripped Sasuke's shirt.
"Naruto—" Tsunade and Jiraiya immediately stood up and tried to mediate.
Sasuke only stared at him, no, stared through him… as if he wasn't there. The temperature of his gaze turned even lower, if that was possible, and all he said was: "Really."
He slapped Naruto's hands away and walked out the living room, probably up to his room.
Naruto slumped on the couch Sasuke had been sitting on earlier and buried his face into his hands. He could feel his aunt's and uncle's hands on his shoulders and was deeply grateful for their concern. But he didn't have the strength to face them tonight, to put up his mask of happiness and confidence that everything will be alright. So he went up to his room and there, did what seems to be a growing habit and something he vowed never to do in front of others—he buried his face in the pillows and let the tears he had been willing away awhile ago, fall. And as minutes ticked by, the silent crying turned into a full sob as a thought keep on recurring in his head.
Sasuke… Am I really going to lose you?
Tsunade heard the sob. And it took all her willpower not to sob herself.
Get a grip, woman. These boys need you to be strong. You have to be strong for them, you have to be!
She went down to the kitchen where she knew her husband was waiting.
"I'm a doctor, Jiraiya," Tsunade said sadly as she sat across the man, "A hell of a good one. But why can't I heal them? I can heal every other people who come to me, why not them?!"
Jiraiya sighed and silently wished for the cigarettes Tsunade had forbidden him to have, "You're no god, Tsunade. We're no god."
"I know… It's just that—"
"I know, love, I know," he stood up and cradled his wife's head on his chest, "But it's not a doctor that they need right now. It's not a doctor that could heal every wound."
"Then what will?" Came the muffled, miserable voice.
"Time, Tsunade… Time."
Was it good? I'm going to stop here because I wanna see the reactions. If it's crap, please tell me and I'm not going to continue on to the next chapter. It's okay since I haven't made following chapters… yet. As I said, I wanna see your reactions.
Arigato gozaimasu.