Title: If tomorrow Never comes

Autor: Dayz Sollers

Spoilers: Set After Last episode. Based on the speculation that someone is sick on the show.

Subject: Brooke Davis had it all. She was beautiful, with great friends and a loving boyfriend. But what happens when the very person she's running from is the only one that can help her through what she's going through?
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with One Tree Hill and although I came up with the "Brooke dates the teacher" storyline (in Back to You) I really would like Mark to approach Brooke's storyline something like this. Sophia would rock emotional scenes and I would love to see them.

Prologue:

April 25th

I never wanted to keep a journal. Truth was, it was something more my best friend Peyton Sawyer would have done. Or ex best friend, however that goes. Haley was always trying to get me to sit down and writer. She told me it was what helped her get through the times that her and Nathan were apart and she was scared of losing him.

Lucas writes as well, even though we've been broken up for a few months I still see him from time to time in front of his laptop, busily striking keys. I wonder what he's writing, words of sorrow and dispair over his loss of his uncle? Is it love that shines through his writings, words that he no doubtibly whispers in my ex best friends backstabbing ear? Could it be of pain over his break up with me and the anger that resides in him since my relationship with Nick?

Nick.

Now there's a name that can bring a smile to my face. We've been dating for a little over a month now and suprisingly I am not bored. I find comfort in him and I don't have to pretend anymore to be somebody that I'm not. He accepts me for what I am- a fiesty, beautiful 18 year old girl.

Who's dying.

I know what you're thinking. Brooke Davis is being melodramatic and making things up but the truth is, I'm not. I've been diagnosed with leukemia and even though the doctors are insisting on the kemotherapy, I myself am not so sure.

I've always been the model for strength, no one ever saw the lost and lonely girl who felt abandoned by her parents. Brooke Davis was a girl who had the world in her hands and found comfort in playing with fire. She was beautiful, with gentle features and chocolate brown hair that drove boys crazy.

Who was I without that hair?

I'm only 18 and at the begining of my senior year of highschool, I thought I had the world in front of me. And now, on the verge or my prom and then graduation-I've lost sight of things.

I want to live my life. I don't want to be stuck in hospitals going through session after session on stuff that might not even save my life. I want to feel warm skin beneath my fingers and live in the moment.

So in less than two months, I'll say goodbye to my friends.

To Haley who's been more of a sister to me in the last year than Peyton has been my entire life.

To Nathan, who took one look at me and didn't give up hope that the two of us could come around to being better people.

To Rachel, who as much as I hate saying this has become a good friend.

To Mouth, the only one who knows my secret and has kept it quiet this long.

To Nick, who seems to genuinely care for me.

To Peyton, who I've tried so hard to try and forgive. It was hard at first, seeing Lucas and her was like a constant memory of the pain. But since her accident with Derek (can you believe I kissed that guy?), I've seen her in a new light. She couldn't help who she was in love with. Just like I couldn't.

And to Lucas. The boy who's had my heart since that first day in the backseat of his car. I remember telling him his life would be different now, better because of popularity. Things were deffinitly different for Lucas, but I'm not sure they're better. After all, he's lost so much this year.

I was so afraid of everyone leaving me after graduation, that I never realized I would be leaving them before they had the chance to leave me. And so, I started this journal. In part to help me get through the changes I'm going through but also to let them understand once I'm gone.

To remind them, who the real Brooke Davis really was.

Chapter One

"The sick soon come to understand that they live in a different world from that of the well and that the two can not communicate"
-Jessamyn West

Brooke fiddled with the pencil on her desk, trying her hardest to pretend to be listening to what Mr. Summers was saying. English wasn't something she had much interest in but she knew she had to try. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a note being passed between Lucas and Peyton and she tried her hardest to block them from her view.

As the bell rang, Brooke jumped up in excitement. School was over for the week and that meant no more run ins with her ex, or his new girlfriend. As she busily shoved her folders into her bag Lucas pushed past the people in the room and bumped into her desk.

If it had been another time in their two year relationship, she would have thought it had been on purpose. But his girlfriend was staring at him and the look on his face was as if it had been on accident.

"Sorry...Brooke." Lucas muttered before heading out the room.

Brooke rolled her eyes and continued grabbing her things when Haley came to the hallway door. "Brooke, do you think you could give me a lift?" She asked as Brooke nodded.

Haley looked back and forth between Brooke and Peyton, who at one point had been the best of friends and shook her head. She wondered quietly to herself if there was anything that she could do, anything that could bring the two back together but knew it was useless. Peyton lost all rights to her friendship with Brooke the moment she got together with Lucas.

For a moment, Brooke felt guilty. She knew Peyton was looking at both her and Haley. Brooke wondered if Peyton thought it was worth it. If Lucas had really been worth losing a friendship over. "Where's Nathan?" Brooke asked, hoping that thinking about something else might actually make her forget her pain.

"He took the car to work, he had to be there at 1:30."

Brooke nodded her head as she linked her arm with Haley's. "How's the Tutor baby?"

"We're going to go to the doctor's tomorrow to see whether it's a boy or a girl..." Haley said. She rested her hand over her stomach and smile slightly. "That's one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you. I know that I've been kind of out of it recently. It's been really hard the last couple of weeks. First with Nathan finding out about the baby and then you know the morning sickness and stuff..."

Brooke smiled. "Haley you don't have to apologize. You've got to take care of the baby and Nathan, they're your family."

"I'd like you to come to the doctor's appointment with me," Haley said quietly. Brooke turned towards her friend and nodded her head.

"There's no place I'd rather be."

Haley hesitated for a moment but then decided it was best to warn her. "Nathan asked Lucas to come too and I know it's going to be hard... you guys haven't exactly been talking to each other since the breakup. But I really need you there."

"Haley, I'll be there. Nothing would stop me and besides, Lucas Scott does not scare me," Brooke said. She tried her best to sound convincing and she was sure that it had worked judging by the look on Haley's face.

There had been a time, where Haley would have seen the lie. She would have been able to uncover the pain that Brooke would try her hardest to mask. Brooke questioned when it was that Haley stopped noticing. Was it after her and Lucas had broken up? Was it before?

She wasn't sure but the secrets that Brooke carried that she once would have confided into Haley, were carried on her shoulders alone. Something that she wasn't sure just how long she'd be able to carry on.

Peyton was sprawled across Lucas's bed a few hours later, her pencil etching over the sketch pad. She was so busy in the picture that she hadn't heard Lucas re enter the room, with both dinner and a flower in his hand. He laid the flower down on the bed beside her and bent down. "What are you working on Peyt?" He asked.

She shrugged her shoulders and flipped closed the picture she was working on. It would be akward, telling her boyfriend that she was working on a photo of his ex girlfriend. She knew that if he had seen the photo, he would not have been able to keep his mouth shut and he would find flaws with the photo. It wasn't the right color brown for her hair, or there wasn't enough life in her eyes... something that would make her hurt with jealousy. "Nothing, it was nothing. What's for dinner tonight?"

"Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," Lucas laughed. Peyton raised an eyebrow and Lucas sighed. "Mom's out with Dan again and to be honest it was the easiest thing I could fix."

Peyton sighed, looking down at the sandwich and carefully reached for it. She put the plate in her laps and patted the bed beside her. "This is great Lucas, really. Thanks for letting me stay here tonight. It's still weird, going back to that house and not knowing where..."

"It's okay Peyt, you don't have to talk about it." Lucas leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I told you, you're always welcome here. Even if we're not... you know."

Peyton nodded her head and took a bite of her sandwich. "This is really good, wait...what did you use?" Peyton asked, lifting the bread off of the top. She glanced down to see the strawberry jelly and she looked up at him.

"You eat peanut butter with strawberry jelly?" She asked with a laugh.

Lucas nodded his head and smiled. "Yeah, it's one of Brooke's favorite things," he replied quietly. After he realized what he said, he turned towards her. "I'm sorry...I should have asked if you wanted strawberry or grape."

"No Luke, it's okay. It's just a sandwich, right?"

Silence filled the room as they continued eating their dinner. Lucas wasn't sure what he was supposed to say in response to what she had just said. It wasn't just a sandwich and even though he realized it, she didn't.

"I missed you at school today," Brooke said as she wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. He looked up at her and smiled gently.

"So did I, teaching at an academy for teenage boys isn't exactly a dream come true."

Brooke laughed as she sat down on the couch beside Nick. "Well at least I don't have to worry about you cheating on me. Wait...I don't right?"

"Don't you worry your pretty little head about that," Nick said as he flipped off the television. "I wouldn't cheat on you with Pamela Anderson..."

Brooke leaned over and kissed him. "Well if you get a chance with Carmen Electra, don't pass it up okay? I'll forgive you." Brooke winked at him and he just shrugged his shoulders.

"None of them do it to me like you."

Brooke nodded her head, fully understanding the feeling of someone standing above the rest. Someone who could do no wrong in your eyes someone you loved without conditions. "So...where were we?" Brooke said, pulling Nick by his loosened tie. "Right here," she whispered, bringing her lips crashing onto his.

"Did you talk to Brooke?" Nathan asked as he entered the bedroom. Haley was on the floor, with what looked like the directions on how to put together a cradle. She looked up at him and he noticed the tears in her eyes. "What's wrong Hales?" He asked, bending down.

Fresh tears fell down Haley's face as she tried her best to push them away. "I've been working on this for an hour! An hour Nathan and I haven't put it together yet! What am I doing? I can't be a mother, you can't be a father!"

"Haley it's okay baby," Nathan said as he wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his shoulder as he did his best to comfort her. "Don't worry about putting this together, I'll take care of it okay? Why don't you go take a shower and then we can go to bed. I'll do this and then I'll join you."

Haley's tears had managed to stop and she tried to smile. "Okay..." Haley began to step up as she looked at Nathan. "I just wish..."

"What do you wish?"

Haley sighed. "I wish I knew what was wrong with Brooke."

Nathan nodded his head, knowing full and well that his wife had been worrying about Brooke for a month or so now. He tried his hardest to stay out of it, Brooke Davis had always been the type of person to keep her life to herself. If something was bothering her, she wouldn't let you know. Not until she was ready.

"You just have to be there for her until she's ready to tell you. That's all."

TBC.
How was that?
Any good? I have the next chapter of my other story, I should post that tomorrow night or Wed morning at the latest depending on what time I get home from Trick or Treating with my two year old. Enjoy the update and as always, feedback is greatly appreciated!!