The scream didn't come. The Doctor was actually rather disappointed. He'd at least expected a well-placed kick to a wall or the door, but he didn't even get that. What he did get was three hours of numb silence, until finally he couldn't take anymore and went searching, towel in hand, with a suitably apologetic, puppy-dog look adopted for the purpose.

Rose wasn't in her room.

Nor was she in the library, the kitchen, the wardrobe, sulking in an overstuffed chair in the lounge, any of any number of gardens, or in any of at least a dozen rooms that didn't seem to have a purpose except to look pretty.

Twice as disappointed as before, he returned to the control room, managing to throw the towel back over the chair and get halfway to the console before noticing all the lights were out. A very faint glow managed to poke out from underneath the console, but it wasn't enough to see anything by except a few inches of floor. The overall effect was heavy, eerie and not without a certain element of danger.

Which was ridiculous, since they were inside the TARDIS.

They?

The Doctor gave a muffled shout as a hand clamped over his mouth, and a familiar voice muttered into his ear.

"I bet you think that was really clever, don't you? Light please," the voice added, and a small spotlight flickered into life below their feet, and the Doctor felt himself being manoeuvred round to sit on edge of the console. The spotlight was throwing a weird glow upwards onto the scowling face of his captor as she held her arm out to cover his mouth.

"Rose, what are you doing?" Finally finding the strength to lift an arm, he brushed her hand away, noticing for the first time that the position he was in afforded him a fantastic view.

"I don't know how things work in your head, but where I come from, it's far more desirable to just say it. No stupid remarks and no scaring me shitless."

The Doctor was trying, really trying to come up with a smart reply, but all that escaped his ever-gaping mouth was, "Why are you wearing my jumper?" Because that, he saw, was all she seemed to be wearing – an oversized red jumper that left very little from the hips downwards to the imagination.

"There's a Slitheen in the cupboard," she drawled, smirking mentally at the complete lack of sense she seemed to be provoking. "I'm bored."

"Eh?"

Rose just raised her eyebrows at him, and moved closer. "Like I said, much better if you just come out and say things. So here goes, and forgive my being so forward, sir, but I've wanted to shag you senseless ever since I got on this ship."

That did it. The Doctor's mouth hit the floor completely and he shifted uncomfortably against the console, looking anywhere but at Rose, peering into the darkness as though it was the most interesting thing in the universe. She coughed lightly, reminding him of her presence, and he couldn't decide whether he was surprised or horrified to find her face inches from his when he turned back round.

"This banana thing is getting out of hand, Doctor." Rose glanced down and up quickly and stuck her tongue out at him, watching the reaction with amusement, before closing the last of the gap with a kiss that almost made the Doctor stumble and collapse underneath her.

Perhaps that wouldn't be so bad, he thought, and the thought was discarded almost immediately as he felt the rest of Rose move closer and practically grind his hips into the console. She pulled back and stared him in the eye, breathing heavily, and the Doctor found himself looking at her swollen lips for far longer than was probably decent. She laughed at the way his eyes were nearly coming out of his head, and he couldn't help throwing his most lopsided grin back.

"You need to be taught a lesson. Don't mess with Earth girls' heads."