Remember the last chapter when I said "THE END" in the previous chapter? I LIED!

Okay, I was bored one day, and this idea just hit me from nowhere. Since there are still some good reviews, I've decided to give this a shot. Once again, I thought of a different angle, but the end result is still satisfying. Before I go on, I want to clarify something: this isn't meant to take place within any kind of PW timeline, if you're wondering. Don't ask questions on it.

Also, Phoenix Wright the game series and any of the characters are not mine. But why the hell do I need to keep writing that? I mean, it's not called for nothing!

Phoenix Gets His Driver's License (Part 3)

Phoenix had come to last time and was face to face with Maya, who had been sobbing and very angry at him for getting a DWI after having his license for only one day. Unfortunately, when Phoenix had awakened, he still had a fair alcohol level, which is probably why he didn't seem completely like himself.

Phoenix had a plan to get himself and Larry off the hook from prison, but since he was still under the influence, his plan didn't seem very good… or logical at all. When he gave Maya his attack plan, she seemed very disgusted with him. She left with only a short sentence and a look of scorn.

"You're on your own, Nick!"

Later on, Phoenix was released so he could have the chance to go to the Wright and Co. Law Offices to work on his case for himself and Larry. He had been driven home in a police car, and stumbled inside the building after getting out of the car.

Before even getting to any actual work, Phoenix went straight inside to his beer supply. He had at least 23 longneck bottles left. After grabbing his first ice-cold bottle and taking the first refreshing gulp, he muttered to himself what he had said to Maya earlier that made her leave feeling repulsed toward him.

"It's alcohol that got me into this; it's alcohol that's getting me out!"

After drinking as much as he could hold down, Phoenix got to work typing a document that he was sure could get him off the hook. He continued typing it on his computer, then leaving to use the bathroom and coming back every 7 minutes.

After 20 minutes, Phoenix printed what he had. It was the only ammo he had for court. The case was tomorrow. He put all his hard work into a single document. It was all or nothing for him.

The courtroom was abuzz with spectators talking about how the Phoenix Wright was defending himself again for the first time since Mia's murder case, and he was also defending Larry at the same time. The judge slammed down his gavel and spoke.

"Court is now in session."

Franziska stood at the prosecution table.

"The prosecution is ready, your honor."

Phoenix, still being slightly drunk, was nervous.

"F-F-Fran-an-z-z-ISKA?! Yo-yo-you're pros-prose-"

Phoenix was trying to say prosecuting, of course, but he pronounced it just a bit wrong.

"You're pros-prostituting me?!"

WHIP!

"YEEEEEOWCH!"

"Yes, Mr. Phoenix Wright. If I can't simply beat you at court, maybe I can at least get you into jail. That would be just as good."

Franziska put her whip under the table as she noticed how much Phoenix was wobbling. Perhaps this would be easier than she thought.

"Ms. von Karma, your opening statement?" the judge asked her.

"I would normally do just that, but I think Mr. Phoenix Wright has something he wants to say first," she said smiling fiendishly.

"…okay. Is this true, Mr. Wright?" the judge inquired the defense attorney.

"Mmm… mmm… YES! Uh huh! I have something to say!"

Phoenix took out his miracle document and read it orally. He was confident this essay would get him off the hook.

"Yay verily,

"A friend of mine and me are under fire by the court system for drinking happy fluids, mainly because the court system is controlled by douchebags. But I have a very good reason why we are not guilty.

"It all began at the beginning of time, when the Greeks lived in harmony believing in their pagan gods and such. But they went to war with the lava men of Tigeria, who wiped them off the face of the planet. Meanwhile, Oedipus was rubbing his body down with colored pigments. But it wasn't good enough, so he placed the powders into a coffee maker and rubbed himself down with the resulting fluid. This sticky fluid became the first toothpaste known to man.

"Unfortunately, this was one of the greatest inventions known to man, and it was in incredibly high demand all around the world. Everyone in the known world at that time (the Eastern hemisphere) went into war, and this plunged the world into World War ½, which was known to all at the time as 'the war to almost begin the end of all wars.' It continued for a couple of centuries, and many historians know it as The War of the Roses now.

"But that's not where my point is. You see, the war finally drew to an end in 2014 when George Washington and Napoleon allied together and discovered the automobile at the bottom of the Amazon River. This was a turning point in the whole war, and we ended up having the entire world blame the Dutch, because they weren't there to defend themselves.

"Unfortunately, we were entering a dark time. Women, along with getting the right to vote, banned all alcohol when the war ended. This was bad for Napoleon, as he used to cruise day and night with opium dealers all around the world. But lest we forget the impact he's had upon the world, he did cure polio when he stumbled upon-"

"I'VE HEARD ENOUGH!" the judge yelled out angrily as he slammed down his gavel, realizing that Phoenix's defense was a complete waste of time. "Mr. Wright's defense has made a mockery of this court for the last time! This court finds Mr. Phoenix Wright and Mr. Larry Butz 100 GUILTY!"

Phoenix and Larry were being removed by the bailiff as Phoenix cried out loudly with whale sounds, hoping a whale would burst through the wall and save his life. But no amount of alcohol in the world would make that happen.

THE END (for real this time)