Super Mario Bros. VS Planet Earth!

Mog Anarchy

A very important A/N:

If you are a resident of the wonderful blue planet, known as Earth - you may be offended by this fan fiction.

If you reside in Europe, America, Asia, Australia or any other continent - this fan fiction might enrage you to the point of combustion.

However, if you were crazy enough to even click on this fan fiction, knowing that it was authored by the psychopathic Mog Anarchy - then you must have a sense of humour!

All of the riffs, jokes and piss-takes contained within this fan fiction, are purely for laughs. I'm not a racist, an atheist, or any form of anti-government anarchist. I am purely a bored authoress, wanting to make my readers laugh, by having the Super Mario Bros. Invade Earth and try to conform with everybody's cultures.

I shall say this one more time: Everything is a joke! Please do not take offence from anything contained within this fan fiction :)

Let's cut to the chase already!

- Dixie Stonehall

One

"Oh dear Mario, we're not doing good with our current sales." Peach sighed, whilst sadly glancing over a video game sales chart.

"I think the Mario Party idea got a little bit stale after we released Mario Party 23." Luigi added, taking a swig from his coffee.

"At least MY games are selling well…" Wario snickered, taking a bite from his enormous hamburger.

"Yeah right." Daisy said, pointing at a graph. "Your Wario Ware ideas are getting staler by the second. I mean, what's fun about solving a simultaneous equation?"

"Yeah Wario, Wario Ware Touched: 6, it was getting just a little outdated." Waluigi laughed, poking his brother in the shoulder.

"Speak for yourself," Peach cut in, "Waluigi Land barely got off the ground."

"At least it sold better than Super Princess Daisy." Mario said, cracking his knuckles irritably.

"Our games stink." Peach sighed. "I mean, I thought I was onto something when I suggested Super Mario Ice Hockey."

"Yeah, and the only ones who bought it were those lousy, stinkin' Canadians." Wario interrupted.

"At least it did better than The New-New-New-And-Improved-NEW Super Mario Bros. for the NS." Luigi said, putting down his mug.

"The NS!" Daisy sighed. "What were Nintendo thinking? You can't look at nine screens at once - and I could barely fit it in my backpack!"

There was a sudden loud beeping sound, which filled the entire room; making everyone jump - followed by a flashing red light.

"Oh, we've got a call." Mario said, pushing a button on his wristwatch.

The cavernous bookshelf on the east wall, suddenly folded up, and a huge plasma-screen monitor appeared before them all.

Upon the screen, appeared the grinning face of Satoru Iwata - the president of Nintendo. He was surrounded by several other humans, all of them laughing.

"Konnichiwa, Super Mario Bros." Satoru said, bowing.

Mario bowed back, to show his respect.

"Well, do you know why we've called you?" He asked.

"No sir, why have you called us?" Luigi asked, walking up to stand next to his brother.

The camera panned left, to behind Satoru. Several members of Planet Earth's monarchy and government were seated around a long table.

Queen Elizabeth II, George W Bush, Jacques Chirac, Giorgio Napolitano , Tony Blair, Stephen Harper and several others were there, all of them attempting to keep straight faces, but every single one failing.

"Come on you guys, you haven't made a single decent video game in over seven years!" George whined.

"One is not amused." Elizabeth sighed.

"Yeah, how can we carry on this way without a cool game to play on our NS under the table during a meeting, eh?" Stephen asked.

"Sacré bleu!" Jacques exclaimed.

"Mama-mia, Mario! You're a disgrace to all of Italy." Giorgio tutted.

They all laughed, as Mario ground his teeth irritably.

"Ah, Mario." Satoru sighed. "You have exactly three months, to give me something good." He paused. "And if you don't…"

"We'll bomb the hell outta you guys!" George exclaimed, waving his arms excitedly. "God bless America!"

"Now, now, George, let's not get too carried away now dear." Elizabeth said, trying to calm him down.

"Sayonara."

The screen went blank.

There was an eerie silence in the room, as everyone didn't dare to speak.

Eventually, Peach plucked up the courage to say something.

"Umm… How about Super Mario Curling?"

Wario glared at her. "What is it with you? Had macaroni for breakfast this morning? Jeez, think of something that someone who DOESN'T have maple syrup with everything would like."

Mario shook his head. "No, we'll never make a decent game in three months… Looks like our kingdom is a goner."

"Don't say that Mario…" Daisy whimpered.

"Looks like that little blue planet down there is gonna destroy us all." Waluigi sighed. "I knew it was only a matter of time."

Mario suddenly snapped. "No! No they're not!" He yelled, jumping up onto a table.

"Mario!" Peach protested, "Take your shoes off, I've only just washed that tablecloth!"

Mario growled at her, and bent down to take his shoes off. He threw them at her, before continuing.

"Like I was saying." Mario said, frowning at Peach, who was rubbing her forehead, where one of the shoes had collided. "I'm fed up with having to listen to order from those bastards down there." Mario spat, "It's about time we gave them our orders for a change."

There was a silence.

"Think about it, they force us to do all kinds of shit, don't they?" Mario said. "Like Peach - did you actually enjoying having to set yourself on fire, over and over?"

Peach shook her head, "No… I singed my dress seventeen times."

"And Luigi, do you realise how much of a berk you looked, running around with that vacuum cleaner?"

Luigi blushed. "Umm, no. I didn't. Was I really that bad?"

"Yes you were." Mario responded. "And what about-"

A cavernous rumbling filled the room, as pictures tumbled from their hooks on the walls, and books clattered down from shelves. The lights became dim, as the grotesque form of Bowser appeared in the fireplace.

"And what about me?" Bowser roared. "Ow, YOWCH!" He yelled, jumping out from the fireplace. "My tail's on fire! My tail's on fire! My tail's-"

Bowser stopped, as Waluigi threw a vase of flowers over him, extinguishing the flame.

"Heh, thanks Wal." Bowser grinned. "Anyway, as I was saying. Ahem:" He began, clearing his throat, then laughing manically. "Gwarharharharhar! And what about me? How do you think I feel - being blown up in practically every single game, huh? And how about my severe burns I got, when you pushed me in the lava pit, back in 1986?" He asked. "I just want to be loved…" Bowser sobbed. "It's no fun having to play the bad guy - nobody gives you any candy, nobody invites you to parties, and nobody will give you a hug…" He sniffed, several tears sliding down his scaly cheeks.

"Aww Bowser, we love you really." Peach said, as everyone gave each other a huge hug.

Mario coughed. "So… We're all together on this one, huh? Let's go and destroy Planet Earth!"

Everyone cheered, jumping up and down.

"Don't forget about us!" Came a voice from the corner.

Everyone turned, as squadrons of Boos, Goombas, Koopas, Shy-Guys and Bob-Ombs all leapt from the Warp-Pipe in the corner, and began cheering too. They were closely followed by Donkey, Diddy and Dixie Kong. Behind them, Toad and Toadette were bounding along happily, waving their arms cheerily, and following them, were Yoshi and Birdo, chanting various things.

"We're sick of hosting Mario Parties, and getting stomped on by you brothers!" Called out a Goomba. "We want a bit of the action too!"

"Yeah, and we may have gotten our own games, after the Mario Party blitz – but they're all the SAME!" Diddy Kong whimpered.

"And us!"

Morton, Wendy, Iggy, Larry, Lemmy, Ludwig, Roy and little Bowser Jr. all thundered out of the pipe.

"Yeah, we wanna piece of Earth too - after they made us stay in those icky castles, back in 1991!" Roy exclaimed, waving his sceptre.

"And I wanna get back at 'em for what they made me do in 2002 - I hated that Mario suit! And that paintbrush was really heavy!" Bowser Jr. whimpered.

Mario looked like he was about to burst into tears of joy.

"Thanks a lot guys." He said, smiling.

He turned, jumping back onto the table. "Come on you lot - DOWN WITH EARTH!"

"DOWN WITH EARTH! DOWN WITH EARTH!" Everyone chanted, bouncing up and down.

In the midst of the hyper-active screaming and jumping around, one voice was suddenly screaming above the rest.

"HOLD ON A MINUTE!" Peach was yelling, repeatedly, until everyone stopped to look at her.

"Umm… How are we going to get to Earth?" Peach mumbled.

"Aw, shit. Never thought about that." Mario muttered.

"Aww man…" Luigi moaned.

"There goes our plan…" Wario growled.

"Straight outta the window…" Waluigi added.

"Pessimism!"

Everyone looked around, confused about who had just yelled into the room.

The lights suddenly flickered, and the bookshelf rattled.

"W-W-W-What's going on?" Luigi whimpered, clutching onto Daisy.

"Oh come on Lu." Daisy sighed.

The enormous oak doors suddenly burst open, and a whirlwind of cackling ghosts flew in, screeching with laughter. They began knocking paintings from the walls, ornaments from the shelves, and they shook the chandelier so hard that it rattled eerily.

"Ah ha ha ha ha."

Everyone turned, to see a short man, dressed in a white lab coat, covered with various chemical stains, and a pair of extra-thick framed glasses. He chuckled warmly, and clapped his hands hard. At the sound, all of the ghosts stopped their terrorizing antics, and flew back to him, standing obediently behind him.

"Hello Mario Brothers, and friends." He smiled.

"Professor Gadd!" Peach exclaimed. "We haven't see you around since Mario's Mansion Six!"

"Ooh, don't remind me." He winced. "I couldn't help but hear your predicament."

"Were you eavesdropping?" Wario growled, cracking his knuckles.

"Ah yes, I confess, I was watching you over my camera-monitoring system I have back at my lab."

Daisy looked horrified. "You were watching us on a camera?" She asked, in disbelief.

"I do apologize Daisy, but I must keep surveillance on you all at all times; you did sign up for my protection policy four years ago." Gadd smiled.

There was a silence.

"Anyway, as I was saying, I couldn't help but overhear your problem. You say you wish to visit the blue planet?" Gadd asked, whipping out a globe.

He scuttled over to the table, and placed it down.

Bowser chuckled. "That's Earth?" He asked. "Don't make me laugh, I could crush it with one hand." He said, placing his paw on the top of the globe, ready to squeeze it with his gargantuan claws, until it shattered.

Gadd snatched it away, out of Bowser's grasp. "No Bowser, this is not the scale size of Earth. This is a miniature model."

"Idiot." Peach mouthed at Bowser, stepping closer.

"If you would care to follow me outside, everyone… I think I've invented something that would greatly assist you."

"Presenting… The Star Box!"

Professor Gadd tugged down an immense red sheet of fabric, that had been covering, what revealed to be, an enormous white space shuttle.

"You totally ripped that design from Star FOX…" Mario muttered.

Gadd ignored him. "Come on inside." He said, approaching the open entrance. He beckoned for the others to follow him.

Within the interior of the Star Box ship, the windows were as clear as crystal, the floors were covered with a plush red carpet, and all of the surfaces were polished to perfection.

Gadd led them along, giving them a tour of his wonderful new creation.

The sleeping quarters were warm and comfortable, the beds were fresh and downy. The main central lounge was large enough to fit all of them, and even came equipped with a large plasma-screen T.V, a Nintendo Gamecube and various other consoles. (Excluding the crap ones: coughXboxcough.) And even the bathroom fixtures were so clean, you could eat your lunch off them.

Everyone stared around in awe, their mouths hanging open.

"Do you like it?" Gadd grinned, looking at everyone.

"And of course, you haven't seen the best part yet…"

Gadd turned, leading everyone down a narrow corridor, towards a sterile steel room, the green electronic panel above them read: 'TRANSPORTER.'