It's Raining Poop in Konoha!!! By Sexee Kakashi
This is probably the MOST DISGUSTING, MOST REPUSLIVE and the FILTHIEST fanfic I've ever made… IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. This fic can make you either laugh your head off, or make you barf. Or maybe even both! Whatever happens, I hope you'll like it. ;-) SK
WARNING: You might want to get a paper bag ready before you start reading this… ;-)
Here goes…
Our story begins in Orochomaru's lair. Unfortunately, he is no longer inside that huge, dark, scary lair that we usually see in the Naruto series! He now plans his evil schemes inside a tiny cardboard box, labeled "TEMPORARY EVIL LAIR". His real evil lair was bombed by Bin Laden!
Kabuto: Orochimaru-sama, we could hire some construction workers to build you a new lair, you know. Seeing you in that tiny box is discriminating.
Orochimaru: Shut up, Kabuto! I can't hear myself think!
Kabuto: (sighs) You need to cool-down a little, dear master.
Orochimaru: Cool-down?! How can I possibly cool-down right after that annoying blond ninja from Konoha blew up my lair into pieces?!
Kabuto: Tell me again how he did it.
Orochimaru: He farted! His fart contained some toxic gas that melted the walls of my beautiful lair! It had acid in it!
Kabuto: (sweat rolls down his face) I did tell you we could hire someone to build you a new lair, right?
Orochimaru: I DON'T HAVE ANY TIME FOR THAT! I'm too busy planning my revenge!
Kabuto: Okay, if you insist.
Orochimaru: (continues thinking) Hmmm… Now, if only I can think of what my revenge will be…
Kabuto: Master, if I may suggest… Could you make it just as disgusting as Naruto-kun's farting?
Orochimaru: Huh? (smirks) Sure, why not? Kabuto, what do you think is worse than fart? Surely, you must know.
Kabuto: Worse than fart? Poop, of course!
Orochimaru: (evil grin) Good! Good! I have finally thought of a way to destroy Konoha and at the same time avenge myself!
Kabuto: (smirks) So, then, tell me, Orochimaru-sama. What is your clever plan?
Orochimaru: Before I tell you, get my private jet ready…
Kabuto: But, master! You don't have a…
Orochimaru: …HIRE SOMEONE WHO HAS ONE, THEN!!! This plan cannot fail…
Kabuto: Yes, sir!
Minutes Later…
Kabuto: Master, the jet's ready.
Orochimaru: Good… Now, I want you to tell Kimimaro and the others to feed Jiroubou lots and lots of food…
Kabuto: Yes, sir!
Kabuto: Master Orochimaru requests that you and the others feed Jiroubou lots and lots of food. Stuff every single inch of that guy's intestine, you got that?
Kimimaro: Okay, but why is he asking us to do that?
Kabuto: Huh? Whaddya mean?
Tayuya: Like, can't Orochimaru-sama want us to assassinate anyone, or…
Kabuto: …JUST DO AS HE SAYS!
Sound 5: Yes, sir!
Jiroubou: WHAT?
Sakon: Yep, Orochimaru-sama told us to feed you… And stuff-up every part of you. Don't ask why.
Jiroubou: WOW! THAT'S GREAT! OROCHIMARU-SAMA IS SO KIND!
Tayuya: Yeah, whatever. Let's just get this over with! I still have to brush and blow-dry my hair!
Jiroubou: YEAH! Bon appetite!
Kabuto: (walks into the room) Oh, yes… And Orochimaru-sama also requests that you give Jiroubou mushy food like mashed potatoes, vegetable salad, jelly…
Jiroubou: BUT THAT'S HEALTHY STUFF!!!
Kidoumaru: Mushy food, huh? Well then! Maybe we could give you some ice cream and brownies for dessert! You like that?
Jiroubou: YUM!
Kabuto: Yeah, I guess that's good enough… Oh, and make sure you feed him some beans as well.
Tayuya: BEANS?! Just what is Orochimaru-sama planning to do with Jiroubou?!
I mean, feeding him all that stuff!
Kabuto: Feeding Jiroubou those kinds of food is part of Master Orochimaru's brilliant plan to defeat Konoha.
Sakon: …part of his plan? (smirks) I'm starting to like the sound o' this!
Kabuto: Once you're done stuffing him up, call me. (leaves)
Kidoumaru: Okay! You heard him! Let's stuff up the fatso! (feeds Jiroubou)
Jiroubou: MMF!
Tayuya: Here, have some beans! But don't fart yet!
Jiroubou: AGKH!
Sakon: Mashed potatoes for the fat boy!
Jiroubou: OOF!
Sakon: Hey, Kimimaro! Aren't you gonna help us feed him?
Kimimaro: Huh? Me? Nah, I'll just watch you guys here. (yawns)
Jiroubou: HEY!!! WHEN AM I HAVING MY DESSERT?
Kin: What? How ridiculous.
Zaku: Why the hell does Orochimaru-sama want us to get really long ropes ready?
Kabuto: It's part of his genius plan!
Dosu: Uh-huh, and what is his genius plan?
Kabuto: He hasn't really told me yet, but he says he's positive that it's gonna work!
Zaku: Okay, then!
Dosu: Kin, Zaku, let's go shopping.
Kabuto: Oh, and while you three are at it, could you get me some Playboy magazines?
Dosu, Kin & Zaku: --''
Kabuto: Huh? What?
Meanwhile, in the village of Konoha…
Tsunade: It's been a while since Oto last attacked us! That's good!
Shizune: Yes, I know! Which means you can spend your time finishing your work and reading these reports!
Tsunade: Why are you always so hard on me?
Shizune: I'm not being hard on you, I'm just reminding you to do your job as Hokage, Tsunade-sama.
Tsunade: (Yawns) Then if that's so, I think being Hokage sucks.
Anko: Hey, Shizune! Wanna get some dumplings?
Shizune: N-no thanks. I'm still a bit full…
Jiraiya: (Barges into the office) HEY, TSUNADE!!! WHADDYA SAY WE GO ON A DATE TONIGHT, EH?
Tsunade: No, thanks. You're not exactly my type. And you really have to do something about that huge zit on your face…
Jiraiya: Darn it.
Anko: Hey, Jiraiya-sama! Would YOU want to get some dumplings with me?
Jiraiya: You want me to get dumplings with you? Or for you?
Anko: Huh? Heheheh…
Gai: Hey, Kakashi! Whaddya say we head over to Ichiraku and have some ramen?
Kakashi: No, thanks. I'd rather stay here and read.
Gai: Okay, then! How about you, Asuma? …ASUMA?!
Asuma: Did I ever tell you how beautiful I think you are?
Kurenai: (blushes) Only a hundred times!
Asuma: You're so pretty…
Gai: Huh? Okay! I'll go… I KNOW! I'LL ASK LEE TO COME WITH ME, THEN! LEEEE!!!
Back, in Oto…
Zaku: We've got the ropes you sent us to get… Anything else?
Kabuto: Did'ya get my Playboy magazines?
Zaku: Arrrgh…
A few minutes later…
Zaku: Here's your cruddy magazine…
Kabuto: Thanks a lot!
Zaku: Anything else?
Dosu: Can we please have our break now?
Kabuto: Yeah, yeah… Sure!
Tayuya: Hey, four-eyes. We're finished feeding the stupid, idiotic fatass.
Jiroubou: Tayuya, you're not supposed to speak like that!
Tayuya: Shyaddap, fatass!
Sakon: (with a nose plug on) …what do you want to do with him now?
Kabuto: Just give him to Orochimaru-sama. He'll explain.
Dosu: Hey, Sakon! What's with the nose plug?
Sakon: We gave Jiroubou some beans. He won't stop farting…
(Jiroubou farts)
Kin: Ewww!!! It smells!
Zaku: Darn! Bring him to Orochimaru-sama right now!!!
Tayuya: OKAY! OKAY! Haaaargh!
Orochimaru: So… Have you fed Jiroubou like I told you to?
Kimimaro: Yes, master. We stuffed every inch of his monstrous intestine like you told us.
Orochimaru: Good. Did Dosu and the others get those ropes I asked for?
Kidoumaru: They sure did!
Orochimaru: Alright… Everything is now ready. Now… I need all of you to come with me! I will show you just how brilliant my plan is!... Konoha has been on top for far too long… It's time to bring them down! Oto will reign!
Sound 5: YEAH!!!
Everything Orochimaru needed for his evil scheme was ready. Now, it was time for him to put his plan into action… Can Konoha defeat him this time?
Naruto: (yawns) Wow… I'm hungry… I KNOW! I'll head over to Ichiraku and get something my stomach desires! (starts walking) Tralalalalala…
Shikamaru: Oh, Naruto. It's you.
Naruto: Huh? Oh, hello, Shikamaru! Hello, Choji.
Choji: Hi! (CRUNCH!)
Naruto: Huh? Look! Up in the sky!
Shikamaru: Is it a bird?
Naruto: Nope, it's a plane! And Jiroubou's tied to it! And he isn't wearing any pants!!!
Choji: Wow… And to think I had the biggest butt!
Orochimaru: Let's go, my loyal companions! Together, we will defeat Konoha!
Tayuya: Yipee…
Kabuto: Jiroubou! Are you ready?
Jiroubou: Ready! And… BOMBS AWAY!!! (Poops)
Then, huge balls of poop start falling from the sky! Poop descends and fills the whole streets of Konoha with Jiroubou's poop. The whole leaf country start to stink-up with Jiroubou's gigantic balls of poop…
Sakura: Ewww! Disgusting! Poop is falling from the sky!!!
Gai: What the hell?!?!
Kurenai: What?! Poop?! This is just sick!!!
Asuma: Here, Kurenai! Let's share this umbrella!
Kurenai: Thank you, Asuma! (blushes)
Here, we see Kakashi walking along the poopy streets holding an umbrella…
Kakashi: Oh look! It's raining poop today! I have to tell Tsunade-sama!
(Jiroubou farts)
Kakashi: HUH?! WHAT? NOOO!!! A TORNADO!!! (flies into the air)
Everything was stinky. Orochimaru laughed as he saw the people of Konoha sinking into Jiroubou's poo. Disgusting, but it made him happy anyway.
Orochimaru: Oh yeah! Who's the best now, huh!? HUH!? Feed him some more.
Sakon: But of course, Orochimaru-sama… (pours a gallon of mashed potatoes into Jiroubou's mouth) Eat it and digest it, big boy!
Jiroubou: (muffled) I think I'm gonna be sick…
Kabuto: Good. You could puke too, if you like. That way, Konoha will be even more miserable, ne, Orochimaru-sama?
Orochimaru: That's right, Kabuto! Everyone must be as gross as possible… Heheheh…
Suddenly, Orochimaru's best day ever was turning into a big disaster…
Kabuto: Um, Orochimaru-sama, we have a problem…
Orochimaru: What is it?
Kabuto: Jiroubou's too heavy… I think the plane might crash!
Orochimaru: You idiots! You fed him too much!
Kin: But I thought we were supposed to stuff the old pig up!
Tayuya: Darn it! You stupid fatass! Because o' your big derriere, we're all gonna be dead!
Jiroubou: Why am I always being blamed for being fat!?
Kidoumaru: (sarcastically) Gee, I dunno! Whaddya think!?
Kabuto: Orochimaru-sama! She can't do it any longer! We're going down!
Orochimaru: Aw, crud…
The load was getting far too heavy that the plane they were riding in was starting to smoke… Then, the engines blew up and the plane went falling fast like a shooting star…
Ebisu: Look, Master Konohamaru! A falling star! Make a wish!
Konohamaru: (closes his eyes) Okay, then! I wish…
The sound ninjas were in deep trouble. Their lives were at risk! Luckily, Kabuto installed parachutes in the plane before they took off.
Kabuto: Orochimaru-sama, I just remembered I put parachutes in this thing!
Orochimaru: Why didn't you say that sooner, stupid!? Activate the chutes now!!!
Kabuto: (pushes the red button) Activate the parachutes now.
Then, by Kabuto's command, parachutes poofed up and saved their lives. They were now floating in mid-air, waiting to reach the ground. Then, as the plane swooped higher, it suddenly exploded with a big BOOM!
Zaku: (sighs in relief) Thank goodness Kabuto put parachutes in that plane! We would've been toast!
Dosu: Argh. I hate toast. It's too crispy!
Kin: All hail the great Yakushi Kabuto!
Orochimaru: HEY!!! You're supposed to praise ME!!! And ME alone!!!
Kin: Right… (holds up a tiny purple flag with a letter 'O' on it) Yay, Orochimaru-sama… Hoorah.
Slowly, they floated until they finally reached the ground… It was brown and squishy.
SPLORT!
Orochimaru: Why does Konoha have poop all over their place!? Who put all of this icky-stucky poo here!?
Tayuya: Um, Orochimaru-sama, it was your idea!
Orochimaru: And exactly what was the idea again, Tayuya?
Tayuya: Aye, aye, aye… And he calls himself a sannin…
Ibiki: Over there!
(ninjas come up to them and surround them)
Sakon: Whoops. They got us.
Kidoumaru: Dun! Dun! Dun!
Ibiki: Orochimaru… I should'a known… Are you responsible for this?
Orochimaru: Huh? What? No! It was Jiroubou who pooped all over your place, not me!
Jiroubou: Aw, darn it! They're blaming me again!
Ibiki: I see. Young man, was it you who pooed all over our beautiful village?
Jiroubou: Yes. It was me.
Ibiki: Okay. Orochimaru, Kabuto, and the rest of you Oto freaks, you're free to go.
Zaku: Right on!
Ibiki: Izumo, Kotetsu, have this fatty arrested at once.
Jiroubou: What the… But it wasn't my idea! It was his!
Orochimaru: Nani?
Izumo: (chains up Jiroubou) Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say… Tell it to Tsunade-sama.
Jiroubou: No! No! I'm innocent! I-I was only following orders! I am not guilty! Not guilty, I tell you! You do not have the right to lock me up in jail! Release me at once!
Kotetsu: Keep it down, fatty. You could wail all you want in the institute!
And Izumo and Kotetsu take Jiroubou away to the institute. There, he is being tortured but hey, at least he meets two new friends!
Fuujin: Oh, look, Raijin! A new friend!
Raijin: Yipee!
Jiroubou: Awww, man! This is annoying!
And what happened to the poopylicious streets of Konoha? Eventually, the people of Konoha had to clean everything up. Orochimaru and the rest went on their way back to Oto…
The End.
Well, how was it? I was bored, so forgive me if this fic is really disgusting… Review please! Thanks. –SK ;-)