Disclaimer: I do not own any part of FFX-2
A/N: Sorry for the abysmally long wait folks. Here is the last chapter!
Chapter Five
"Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real."
Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999)
Rikku
I'm here, right in front of you. And I don't know what to say. Neither do you by the look of things. In fact, you look pretty uncomfortable. And, yes, there you go; you're rubbing your hand over the back of your head. Funny how you always do that when you're feeling awkward.
Looking at you now, I'd like to take you in my arms and soothe that unhappy feeling, but I can't.
"So, you came." I said, rather inadequately. Way to state the obvious, Rikku. It's like going up to Kimarhi and saying, 'Hey, you're really blue!' Pathetic.
"Yeah, well, you asked me to. And I – we, Yuna and that, I mean, were worried about you. Where have you been?" You ask, not unfairly.
I don't know if I really want to tell you, so that I'll always have a bolt-hole. And it's not fair to Clasko either, because I know if everyone finds out, some of them will give him a right telling off, namely (cough) Yuna (cough).
"Oh, around, you know? Here and there. It doesn't really matter where specifically, does it?" I reply and you shoot me that frustrated and exasperated look that makes you seem so adorable. Not that you know it of course.
Gippal
What do you mean, like, around? What the hell kind of answer is that? Like you think it's alright to just disappear without telling anyone, and what the bloody hell have you done to yourself? You look… normal. And my Rikku is not normal!
Waaait a minute! I did not just call you my Rikku. Oh, right, I did. Two minutes with you, and already things are not going well. This just isn't my year.
"Yeah, it does. But you don't have to tell me, if you don't want. How are you? Are you alright? You're not hurt, you know?" I ask, trying to resist the urge to shake some sense into you. And judging by your face, it's earning me some brownie points. Huh, I'll have to remember that one.
"No, I'm fine. Um, thanks for asking." You reply looking as uncomfortable as I feel about now.
I pause.
"What happened to us, Rikku? Why do I feel like we're strangers?" I ask quietly, surprised at myself for the question. It's as if this, other, mature Gippal is in charge. Or maybe, it's you. I certainly don't behave this way around anyone else.
I wait for your answer, wondering if you have any idea what it is, because I know I certainly don't.
Rikku
You're looking at me so intently. I know you're waiting for an answer that I just don't have. Not a complete one anyway. What did happen to us?
"We grew up." I reply with a shrug, and you flinch as if I had slapped you.
"That's not all it is, though right? I mean, I know I…distanced myself from you when we were teenagers, but that's normal for guys right?" You ventured hesitantly and I shrug again, knowing it annoys you, but I want to irritate you right now. What you and Cid arranged between you… well. I know I told you in my letter that it didn't matter – it does. And is pissing you off appeases the need for vengeance in my heart, well. You should just count yourself lucky my knives are safely tucked away right now.
You do that thing with your hair again, before continuing with whatever it was you were saying, or trying to say. Neither of us is expressing ourselves very well today.
"Please, don't just stand there and shrug. It's like you're dismissing anything that stood between us. Like you're dismissing us." You say in a plaintive voice, and I feel sorry for you.
"Us? Since when was there ever an 'us' Gippal? Because if there was, I sure never got the memo. We were friends, of course, but we grew apart. We've barely spoken two words to each other over the last three years! Please explain to me why you think that would make a good foundation for a successful marriage, because at the moment, I can't see anything that would make us suit." I reply, a touch scornfully, but I still feel like you deserve it.
You step back a moment, looking at me incredulously for a moment. Then something in you seems to snap. Oh dear. Bad Rikku! No biscuit!
"By the Gods woman, there's this!" You declared hotly, before stepping forward again, and in one solid movement, sweeping me into your arms.
Gippal
I don't know why I did it – why I just grabbed you like that.
All I can say is, that it hurt. Really hurt that you were standing there denying that we ever meant anything to each other. We did! We do... don't we?
I admit I never thought we did before, at least, not more than our childhood friendship. And the Gods know, we've been at odds for a long time. But still. I... really thought you liked me.
Thinking about it now, I don't know why I assumed that. Maybe you did at one time, but it's entirely possible that you've outgrown it, that you've moved on. The idea fills me with a sinking feeling of dread. And I find myself unable to voice the question that I suddenly and so desperately want to know the answer to.
Have you moved on from me, Cid's girl?
I pull away from our kiss, and hold your face in my hands. As loath as I am to let you go, I have to know. I can't - I can't just kiss you and hope that all of our problems will be swept away.
Though, if ever a kiss could blow a body away, it's yours. I don't know why I kept you at a distance for so long. If I'd known kissing you would make me feel like this, I would have done it long before now. Though, the rational part of my brain tells me I probably wouldn't have reacted so strongly if I hadn't admitted my feelings for you. If that's what I've done, of course. I think I have. At least, to myself.
But the idea of admitting them to you...
Rikku
You're looking at me now.
Dead in the eye.
And I can't look away.
Why do you look like I just broke your heart? Since when did Gippal, Leader of the Machine Faction and Ladies Man Extraordinaire, ever even have a heart? Because, surely, you must first possess a heart to have it broken. And even if you did, I never thought you would give it away to me, of all people.
"Wha-Why did you kiss me?" I ask, hating the quiver in my voice, and the nerves which make me stutter. I've dreamt of this, of being in your arms and being kissed by you, for so long, that the part of me which still loves you, is in almost complete control of me now.
"I – don't know." You hedge and something in my face must tell you that that was not a good answer, because you immediately start speaking again before I can say anything.
"It was just, I – when you were missing, initially I was angry and frustrated. I thought… I thought that you were taking valuable time away with your childish tantrums." You gulp, and I'm not surprised.
If I had a mirror on me right now, I would be able to see the kind of look that makes people say, 'If looks could kill…' Because the words 'childish tantrums' do not sit well with me.
We both know that's not what this was. But again, you cut me off and carry on explaining.
Gippal
Uh-oh, I think I've well and truly put my foot in it now. You don't look pleased, not one little bit. But I was only being honest.
And it's just occurred to me, that being honest and upfront with you is probably the only way I'll ever stand a chance with you. And I want that chance. I need that chance, I realise that now.
"You see, I was so wrapped up in myself and my work that I didn't once take time to spare a thought for what you wanted, what you needed. Or any plans you might have about your future. I just assumed you would fall in with whatever Cid and I wanted, since you always had done before."
I pull you closer, but hold you gently. To me, you feel like the most precious thing in the world. The fact that I sound all mushy doesn't even cross my mind, well, maybe a tiny piece of it. But I dismiss it out of hand. Everything I never even realised I wanted is standing right here in front me.
And it's you.
"I was wrong, Rikku. So wrong. I know you went along with things in the past, but that was different. I'm sorry we bartered you between us like some chocobo or scrap metal. That's not how I feel about you, and I'm sorry it took you leaving your home to make me realise it."
The look in your eyes is encouraging, but I don't stop there. I can't help but feel that if I let this chance pass me by, I'll never get another. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened. I'm sure no one else would be able to either.
Rikku
To say I have been blown away by the last few minutes would be an understatement.
I never thought I would live to see the day when you admit that you're wrong about something, Gippal. And then you went and used my name at the same time. It's all so overwhelming.
A voice in the back of my mind makes me question whether I can believe in this new you. I certainly want to. When you pulled me closer and held me like I was made out of glass, I could not help the love I've hidden from you from escaping its bonds and flowing through every cell in my body.
Every fibre of my being wants this, wants you. And it's a battle not to surrender completely and damn the consequences.
But I can't, I mustn't.
Because you haven't said it to me. You haven't told me you love me, and until I know that you do, I can't risk placing my heart in your hands. You tore it to pieces once before, even you weren't aware of it. And I know I must not give you the opportunity to do it again. I don't think I would survive, if I did.
You kiss me again, slower this time, your lips warm and gentle on mine. I don't believe that I am imagining the tenderness and the depth of feeling in the way your mouth caresses mine.
You break away, and hold me to your chest, your words flooding out in a torrent of emotion.
Gippal
Deep breath, then let it all out.
"When we couldn't find you immediately, I began to worry. Just a little bit. And then gradually, as the days wore on and there was no word, it started to eat away at me. It got to the point where I was terrified that we would find news of you, only to rush there and discover your torn and mangled body."
Your head is against my chest, but your face is upturned towards mine. You're looking into my eyes while I speak, and I hope you can see that I'm not making any of this up. I was really scared for you, Rikku. Really scared.
I press on, desperately needing to get all this out in the air.
"It took me a while, going over our times together, putting it all straight in my mind. I realised then what I had done to you, how I treated you. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I'm sorry. You trusted me, and I took everything we meant to each other and threw it away, like some discarded plaything. I was hiding, Rikku. Hiding from feelings so strong I had no idea what they were, or how to deal with them."
I disengage you from my arms and sink down to the turf on one knee. I know this is impulsive, but if this is what it takes, well, then this is what it takes.
"I-I love you, Rikku. I always have, I just didn't know it until you weren't there anymore. I wish I hadn't had to lose you to realise the truth. But I did. I love you, and I need you. I don't want to live without you. I want to marry you, and I would ask you this very second, but I don't think I deserve it – please, given time –"
Rikku
I don't care about the past anymore.
You just told me you love me, and I believe you. Yes, I wish it hadn't happened the way it did, but it has, and that's all I care about.
I should make you suffer more, I suppose, but what would be the point in that? We'll have enough problems in the future without me adding to them now.
So, I should make you wait, but I'm not going to. It would only mean making myself wait as well.
Therefore…
"Yes." I cut you off. "Yes, I will marry you. I love you too, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." See, simplicity always wins out in the end. Not that I haven't enjoyed making you grovel, but I'm also finding the gaping, fish-out-of-water expression your face at the moment highly entertaining.
"Y- You will? You do?" You breathe, as if you can't believe your own ears.
"Yes, I do and I will. As long as you'll have me?" I reply, slightly more nervous than I show.
Gippal
"I just said so, didn't I? Oh, Rikku! I'm so happy, I want to shout it out for the whole of Spira to hear! I won't though, don't worry." I reply, even more jubilant inside my own head.
In my mind, I've been doing some crazy, Brother-esque happy dance since the moment you said yes.
I've had some good days in my life, some all-out fantastic days. But this tops the lot. I don't care about image or my overdeveloped machismo anymore, (yes I heard you telling Nhadala that one time), all I care about is you, and I don't see that changing, ever.
"You realise what this means, don't you?" I say, with a smile so broad I think my face might split in six places.
Your smile is about a large as mine, and almost puts the sun to shame.
"What does it mean?" You reply, your hands restless as they roam over my body, as if learning it by touch alone. I'm more than happy for you to continue with that.
"I can't call you Cid's girl anymore. I'll have to call you my girl."
My Rikku.
You laugh, and it's the most wonderful sound I've ever heard.
The End