Way of the physco path

Disclaimer: Percy Jackson belongs to Rick Riordain

You know, you'd think it's stupid that evil people always sacrifice their large armies of weak guys, who fall like flies before the good guys. But really, they probably want them to die. See, those guys outnumber us, and pretty much kills off the good guys morale and tires them, without losing anything the evil guys mind losing. Cause really, all evil guys have this vision of the perfect world they want to create, and it rarely, if ever, includes a lot of stupid and easily killable morons who helped them rise to power. Man, I hate going up against that kind of thing. Back to my life!

Luke's army moved forward. I'd like to say they moved with discipline, and we stood firm and held against their onslaught. In reality, they charged us like maniacs, the first wave falling to the Apollions arrows and the second waves literally climbing over the first waves bodies to get to us. And then it started. "Hold the line!" I yelled. A hellhound jumped at me, and I was pushed backwards into the dirt. Damn. Not the heroic start I really wanted.

I swung my sword at it's move when I noticed that a spear was right through the things head. "Get a move on Prissy!" yelled Clarrisse. "They're not stopping!" I'll so dis her back later, but now, now it's time to do what I do best. In public. I jumped up and slashed the head off a lizard guy with Riptide, and, still spinning, hit the sword of one of Luke's half bloods.

"So you're leading this rabble!" he yelled, catching someone's spear with his sword and kicking that guy away.

I swung Timothy, and he let it lengthen in my arm, using the increasing weight to let it swing hard, leaving a massive gash in the bronze monster side and cutting of the head of another lizard guy before I returned it to it's normal length. A hellhound, who really should've been paying more attention woke up dead to find Riptide in it's side. "I could say the same thing. Have you heard of a thing called tactics?"

He grinned like a maniac. Which he probably was, the bastard. He had dark hair like mine, but he also had freckles and a weird weaselish face. I so wanted to punch him.

"Your outnumbered, out positioned and out of luck. Is that what you mean?"

Dammit I hate him. I noticed there was almost a sort of circle forming around us, and most of the monsters and co were anxious to get away from this guy. This didn't bother me, since my guys now had less ground to defend. I got just about make out Thalia surrounded by the non regenerating monster parts out of the corner of my eye. They seemed to be attacking the other side now.

"Now, I mean actually teaching your guys to fight. At this rate all we'll have to worry about is cramps." I said, changing my footing slightly.

"Ah, Luke told me you were supposedly witty. He seems to be stretching the meaning of supposedly." he said grinning. He suddenly turned and ripped a lizard man's sword out of his hand and threw it at me. I hit it out of the air with ease. Swords weren't made for throwing. And the unfortunate lizard guy, who was now standing right in front of me without a sword, found out what they're best for quiet fast.

" So, this is your plan?" I asked. "Wear us out, or demoralize us with your large army?" I looked to my side as Clarisse suddenly electrocuted four weird cow things with her spear. "Our torturing us with your presence? Because that's working at least." I shrugged. "You won't take camp half blood this way."

"Of course not." he said. "This is not the attack force to destroy camp half blood, this is force to capture you and Thalia. We need you alive remember. Ah, I see we have her, and now just you are needed." I looked to my side in shock as I saw three guy holding Thalia. The seemed to be wrapping some chains around her. And suddenly, a bronze knife sprounted through one, a sword cut the other one and the third started running.

"Gotta love baseball caps." I said, turning to notice the weird guy was standing right in front of me and his sword was swinging at my neck. I duck and rolled. This was going to get messy.

" I see you think you know what you're doing!" yelled the guy, hitting my sword and dancing around slashing and flailing at me with his sword. Huh.

" And I can see you're an inbred moron." I said, pushing him back. "Isn't that a hoot?"

"No, I think it's killer!" yelled the guy and slashed faster than a rocket powered turbo slug. And that's pretty damn fast. He missed my neck by centimeters. 2.3 cm to be exact

"Your swordsmanship is good but your repartee is weak!" I yelled, slashing back. "I have you now!" It might be a good time to note that this was quite possibly the seventh most difficult fight I've ever been in. And when your list contains monsters and Immortals, well, seventh is quite hard to get.

He started laughing. I think I'll call him Fredrick. "Die." he said simply, and pulled two throwing knives out of his pockets. He threw them, with considerable accuracy. I ran out of the way, in with considerable uh, dexterity. One still grazed my leg though. And with the blood came rage. I jumped straight at him, and slashed right through his sword. And with my free hand punched him so hard that he flew back three meters.

"I'm going to kill you and your face!" I yelled.

"Really? Most manage just one." he said, unarmed, surrounded by monsters and a lot of other people who want him dead. He calmly walked over to a fallen lizard guy and picked up his sword. I was one him again. The other sword, well, I was lucky there. This one, I could've shattered with a toffee hammer. Really, these giant armies don't go in for quality control. And yet, he was still laughing. I really didn't like this. He drew out a long knife. And we started again. Really, I don't know how to describe what followed. Think...the sword fight equivalent of thrash metal. That fast. Or the time it takes for a cat to reverse gravity and rule the world. That fast.

And it went on for only five minutes. Still, I really didn't have time to count. The fight was going insane, and the half bloods behind me were being pushed further and farther back. Wack. They actually are both words. I blocked his knife and swung my sword at him. he just stepped back. And further back. Though not farther back. And laughed. "Look around you Percy!" I yelled. "Give up now, and you won't see us kill your friends!" Okay, that was one of the weirder and more honest negotiate lines.

"What about no, you freaky bastard!" I yelled.

" Very well." he grinned. "If you want to see it..." He kicked a sword up into his hands and threw it, straight through one of the Apollo guys. I was about to attack him, when a flaming arrow flew right past him. And a dryad, huge, muscled and on fire jumped across, two blades in his hands. He effortlessly killed two monster and four more dryads joined him, one engaging in one on one combat with the weird guy. A tall one, whose horns were painted blue tapped me on the shoulder.

"Greeting Perseus." he hissed. "Lord Prometheus asks that you and your people retreat while we cover for you. This battle, is lost. You should not be lost too."

I looked at the huge muscled demon thing in front of me. "You think you can keep them back?" I asked.

"Easily." he grinned. "Now go!"

"Okay!' I yelled. "Retreat! To wherever you feel safe that is not camp half blood!"

"That leaves what exactly?" asked one kid, staring disbelievingly at me.

"We lost okay!" I yelled. "And we're not going to die! So run!" I thought for a moment. "Try Disney land."

"And if they start chasing?" asked a girl.

"Then you run faster!" I said. "Now go! Go!" The thing about tactical retreats is this, they require planning. For some reason, we didn't even think that we were going to have to run. There was complete and utter chaos. People were looking for there friends, sometimes just to see them bleeding on the floor. Others were just running. As time past, more switched to that. Just running.

"Jackson! What do you think you're doing!?" yelled Clarisse. "We could've held them back!"

I didn't know what to say back. I just stared as a dryad went down with a knife in his chest. Man, that guy was fast. "Are you crazy?" yelled Thalia, looking exhausted, with sweat pouring off her. "We would be dead!"

"Then leave!" she yelled. "You can! I'm not going to!" She took something silver out of her jacket. And then she run back into the battle, killing several of the monsters.

"Time to go." I said, turning around.

Annabeth was standing there, staring at camp half blood. I know she wouldn't want to leave it either. "Shit!" I yelled. " Josh is still locked in my cabin!" I ran to my cabin, and flung open the door, Thalia and Annabeth behind me.

Josh was huddled in a corner, rocking forwards and backwards. "Oh, I left the toothpsaste out again?" I asked.

"Yeah." said Josh. "Yeah you did."

"Well come on!" I said, grabbing him. "We are leaving!"

"To where?" asked Annabeth softly. "This is the only place we've ever, ever really been safe. To where do you want to go?"

"I'm easy as long as there are no invading armies outside." said Thalia. Ha ha ha ha, aren't we all.

"Good. I have a plan." I said.

" We're doomed." said Annabeth.

"No it's a good plan." I said. "We can hide in Hephsteus's forge."

"Hide in the forge of one of the gods who wants to kill us?" asked Thalia. "Just by listening to it, I can tell it's your plan." Ha ha ha, dear me yes, we are witty today. Note how we engage in witticisms. Wow. Once again, I'm shocked that that actually is an word. An word? What the hell is wrong with grammar?

" Uh, I don't mean to be rude, but these invading armies, would they be the reason I'm seeing explosions all around the camp?" asked Josh. Hmm. In my previous monologue I appeared to use that twice. In my next one I should probably start beat boxing.

" Yeah, I can see the connection." I said. "Now, lets run!"

"But the camp..." began Annabeth.

"You know, if we're going to regret abandoning camp half blood, I'd prefer that we were alive while we do that." I said. Um, cha cha um nam na ema, um cha cha um, nam name ma, here we go! um nam na ema, Right now! Um nam na ema! Go!

"I hate him but he has a point." said Josh.

" You hate Percy?" said Thalia.

"No." said Josh. "We're friends."

"Then why did you."

"Um' guys, stop flirting we have some impending doom to deal with." I said, and started walking. "That way!" I pointed, and we started running.

"To what are we running?" asked Annabeth.

"The griffins!" I yelled, pointing.

"How do you know they're friendly?" asked Thalia.

"Well ,someone did spray paint "Alex was here" on their sides." Mused Annabeth. Huh. I love Muse.

" Hmm, you're right, this looks legit." I said. Too right it did. I'll now because I've seen many legal forms of griffin transport before.

"So these mythical creatures I can't see, I'm supposed to ride one of them to safety?" asked Josh.

"No, you're supposed to ride it to Hephsteus's forge." I said.

"Seriously Percy, why?" asked Annabeth. "There is literally no reason to go there."

"Except that in the forge is the remains of Alex's labs. " I said.

Author Notes: I'd like to apologias for the really long delay, but I had a whole bunch of issues that I had to deal with in real life, and writing humor is currently a lot harder. Anyway, the festive season is cheering me up again, and I'll be back on track soon. The next update will hopefully come before Christmas. Which is odd, since I finished Fall of The Sea God in three months and this one has taken me more than a year. Anyway, see you next time.

Hiba: Thanks for the rewievs. I will try to include more romance in the story, but Percy currently has a lot to deal with, and is still pretty much confused about everything.

Ocean of Dreams: Oddly enough, I'd did quite well on the govermently standerdisted test, expects for my essay where a tornado hits my house and my dad accuses me of smoking pot. For some reason, that did not go down well.