A/n: Welcome to the wonderful world of Maximum Ride! Heh. Just kidding.

I'm fourthelement, and this is my first-ever Max Ride fanfic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride. And I'm not pretending to be a bestselling adult male author. In reality, I'm an underage female writer who WANTS to be a real live author, but the agents are not returning her e-mails. Sigh. Max isn't mine. Fang isn't mine, he's Max's. Iggy isn't mine. Nudge is Iggy's, not mine. Angel is also Max's. Gasman is... not mine either.

I'm sure you've had your bad days. I know I've had mine. Today, for example, I've gone all day without eating anything, been attacked by half-wolf Erasers three times, almost dropped our talking dog into the Great Salt Lake, and gotten bitten by my crazed, recombinant, incestual younger Eraser brother. You know, your typical bad day.

You've had these sorts of days, right?

Yeah. Sure. Welcome to the wonderful world of Maximum Ride.

So here we are, the six - uh, seven of us: Fang, who took over carrying Total after my mishap over Utah; Iggy, who's messing with something in his pocket; Nudge, who's yapping as always, Gazzy, with that mischevious look; Angel, who's giving her brother a death look, and me, Max. We're flying over Montana now. It's almost summer, so it's really warm. Nice updrafts, too, to go with the warm air...

"Max?"

I glanced over at Iggy. Usually, when we flew, Iggy didn't talk to me at all. "Yeah, Ig?" I asked.

"Can we land? I... found something kinda funny." Iggy's eyebrowns were knit, and I wondered where he's picked up his magical mystery item.

Heh. Magical.

"Uh..." I glanced around on the ground and behind me. The sun was almost set, and, even though we all have pretty decent night vision, I like it when Angel and Gazzy get a decent night's sleep. Below us, it looked like a ranch. Or a farm. Or something. "All right," I decided.

Of course, I wasn't having sucha great day. So naturally I landed witha great, big -

SQUELCH.

"Oh, crap," I said.

Angel and Gazzy giggled, and Fang grinned at me. "Are you cursing," he said, "Or telling us what you landed in?"

"Shut up," I said grouchily. I was actually pretty crabby. I wonder why.

Nudge took the younger ones in search of a decent, crap-less campsite while I scrubbed off my shoes. Hey, I may not be a huge stickler for perfect hygiene, but even I can't stand having cow - er, crap all over my shoes. It wasn't until I'd finally de-cow-crapped my sneakers - damn, I'm gonna need new shoes - when I noticed Iggy and Fang whispering together.

Uh, suspicious much?

I'm just glad Nudge wasn't around. The last time those two were whispering, she told me, "Max! I think they're, like, talking about your butt!" (They were actually talking about her weird new hairstyle.) The time before that, she said, "Ohmigosh, Max, maybe they're gay! Maybe they're, like, secret lovers or something!" (That time, Gasman was standing behind us with a pair of water balloons.)

Yeah. Who knows what she'd say now?

"Hey, Ig," I said, yanking my gross-smelilng shoes on and walking over. "What was it you found?"

He turned his face up to me. "I - uh - showed it to Fang here and he, uh, explained to me what it was."

That was a little suspicious. But then I thought, Eww, maybe he found one of those... elastic guy things on the ground, that's disgusting, no wonder he wouldn't want to tell me.

Fang shot a look at Iggy, then whispered something. Iggy nodded.

Whoa. Maybe they really are gay. That would really suck. Why waste a perfectly hot guy like that? Fang, I mean.

Oh. Wait. I mean... oh, forget it.

At that moment, my stomach growled like, well, like an Eraser. Loud and unwanted. Exactly like an Eraser. I looked down at my stomach, embarassed. "It's too bad we lost our food in the first Eraser attack this morning." Actually, it made me pretty miserable, but I wasn't about to say that.

Fang shrugged. "I'm sure I can catch some kind of rabbit or something."

"No thanks," I said, making a face. Knowing Fang, he'd tell Nudge it was rats or snakes or something. Yuck.

Iggy, however, had moved around to look in his backpack. I heard a distinct CLICK, then he turned around. "I've still got some hot dogs and trail mix," he said. But he didn't have a few hot dogs and some trail mix. He had twelve freaking stuffed foot-long bratwursts and freaking six pounds of that puppy chow stuff! Home-made puppy chow!

We ate decently. Two... mouthwatering... cheese-filled brats and a pound of puppy chow each. After we finished eating, we all just sort of laid around. Nudge told Angel a story. Gazzy tinkered with something that looked electrical. I probably should've talken it away, but I was very busy with important details.

"Wow, Total," I said, watching the dog flip pieces of puppy chow off his nose and snatching them out of the air.

Okay, so maybe I wasn't busy. But Fang didn't have to do that! "Max?" Fang called sweetly. I looked over at him - and he jumped on me!

"What was that for?"

He grinned. Just grinned that cute Fang-ish grin. Tell me, somebody, why he's just so cute.

"Max," Angel said suddenly, "Tell Iggy to share."

I looked over at him. He was frowning, like he had no clue what she was talking about. Come to think of it, I couldn't see any reason to understand myself. But then, Angel can read minds... "Ig," I said finally, "What is it?"

He kept his head down. Then, finally, he tilted his head up, looking towards me. There was a broad grin lighting his face. "My Easy Button."

Wait. Hold up. What?

"What's that?" I stuttered.

"It's a button you push that makes stuff happen," Angel said, clambering towards Iggy and me. "That's where the food came from. Make him share."

"Oh, he'll share, all right," came a voice from behind me. "Share pain!"

Whirling around, I leaped up and smashed a roundhouse kick into Ari's chest. "U and A!" I yelled to my flock. Crap. Just when I was finding out about the Easy Button thingie...

Ari snarled, but stumbled back a few steps. I unfurled my wings, beat them a few times, and lifted into the air. I heard the rest of my flock take flight as well. Thank God. I prepared to take another swing at Ari -

- but suddenly, he was out of action.

In a moment, Ari was suddenly tied up: his wrists were tied, his arms were tied, his ankles and knees were tied, and his knees were tied to his chest. His wings were also tied - and clipped. You know, like they do to pet parrots and stuff. So they can't fly. His snout thing was tied too.

That was totally confusing.

I lifted myself further in the air. Angel was gathering our bags, and Fang snatched up Total. I called, "Report!"

All the flock replied, thankfully. Iggy grinned at me. "That," he said, "is the magic of the Easy Button."

I grimaced. There'll be no living with him after this. We started flying. We'd only been up in the air for a few minutes when I suddenly realized something.

"Why didn't you use that on my cow-crap shoes?"

So, whatcha think? Any good? Does this story need more chapters? It was just going to be a one-xhot XD but maybe it'll be a bit longer... dunno...