Author's Note(s): This is the tenth and FINAL part of a TEN part prompt challenge I am presently participating in; my particular claim is "RikuRoku," and a few details have been adjusted to make the coupling.. Possible? This collection of fanfictions, thus, may contain spoilers to the end of Kingdom Hearts II. Just be prepared for that.
And lots of Roxas-emo. :) Please review
This particular story's prompt: Welcome Home
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the Kingdom Hearts characters and the related universe do not, in any manner, belong to me, but instead to the respective creator's of Squeenix, and Disney. Kudos to them.
".. I didn't belong there."
It was a cold realization as Roxas existed in a singular realm, closed to the world that had once surrounded him. A world that had once delivered upon him unbelievable happiness, however at a price.
Locked deep within Sora's subconscious where the brunet could not reach him, Roxas thrived alone, and suffered alone, pulled into his personal darkness that he hadn't thought a nobody to compose. And it was here he could forget about his loss, forget about the life he could have had, a life he could have pretended to know, a life that was now beyond his grasp and forever would be.
A life he would nonetheless long to keep as his own.
It was in this life that he had come to know an unbearable truth, that love beyond all else was as painful as any wound, as scarring as any marred flesh, and as penetrating as the deepest frost in the dead of winter. And it remained, tearing at him slowly, reminding him that he was not meant to be happy, nor was he meant to exist.
Namine had told him so.
Here he could hear Sora's cries, countless times a day, numerous shouts of encouragement, attempting to draw him from this shell he had built around himself. Or perhaps it was the other's sick satisfaction to realize he had triumphed once again, silencing a bitter problem that may have come to hinder his and Riku's relationship--
Banishing the thought as quickly as it had come, Roxas could only groan within his dismay, realizing Sora would never cheat him of a life had he known he could offer it to him. Sora would have given him his heart, nearly willing the time prior, and never once consider the consequences...
How often in a day did Roxas recall the boy's memories, his only dependent resource to watch the interaction he had abandoned? Through Sora's eyes he could see himself, caught in Riku's arms as he inclined his head, lips quickly seeking Riku's with their features flushed. Then the brunet would call to them, interrupting this pale affection, and they'd turn from the other, frantic in their embarrassment for having been caught.
And yet as Sora would walk away to greet their company, he'd steal a glance back to find Riku taking Roxas' hand, kissing his knuckles with a tender, if not romantic nature.
No one in the world had known them to be in love.. Until that day.
But with Sora's heart had gone Roxas' longing for Riku, he nonetheless aware of his wrenching ache with every instant he witnessed his love within his Other's memories. It was to that extent he couldn't bring himself to surface, aware he couldn't look upon the other without grief, wishing to only hold him once more, to feel his warmth, his touch, his desire...
Yet it was Namine who had brought reality rushing back to greet him, reminding him that he was as heartless and cold as the next, his existence futile and without value. No amount of love would have been able to prove otherwise, he rationalized, biting aside his pain to the idea that perhaps one day, Riku would find another. Maybe then he could be truly happy.
".. I didn't belong there," Roxas reminded himself.
".. Is that what you think? You didn't belong?"
Jolted with panic, the blonde searched for the source of the voice, however unable to determine from where it had come. But it did not remind him of Sora, yet there could be no other to speak within the brunet.
".. Close your eyes, Roxas.. You know who I am.. You're just making yourself forget."
To forget the pain. Roxas wanted to reply, without the eyes to close at which they spoke, but nonetheless imagining his physical self cooperating. And there she was, as pristine and bright as day, smiling patiently at him in a manner entirely familiar. Politely, Namine waved, he lifting a hand in return, then pausing to regard the phantom limb.
"Don't worry.. You're safe here. We're some place we both should know." He could see it then, the long, white table that stretched before him, the walls an equal wash and littered with her drawings. He could recall a time where he had wandered this room, peering at her artwork in a curious fashion, attempting to recall a hidden truth only she could reveal to him. The witch.. A witch over memories.
".. What are you doing here, Namine?" he asked quietly, accepting a chair he sat in a time before, leaning forward upon a surface imprinted with the weight of his elbows. "Why did you come to see me?"
"Because Sora's been calling for you, and you weren't answering," she answered simply, brows furrowed with her concern. "We've been looking for you.. Waiting.. We thought maybe you had disappeared-"
"Like I'm supposed to? I'm a Nobody, remember?" Bitter, he sat back upon his seat, fingertips drumming against the arm rest as he supplied the nearby window a dark glance. But the pale silhouette of the forest didn't reside beyond the glass, a simple emptiness filling the oblivion. This room was a ruse, a mere meeting point for the apparitions to discuss, locked outside of a space and time that would allow them physical interactions.
"Roxas, I know you're hurt, and-"
"You told me I was a Nobody, Namine.. And I wasn't supposed to exist. I'm a part of Sora, a part he needs. And without me, he'll lose his heart again, right? I'll just take it from him. So I guess you were right. I wasn't supposed to exist.. And now I'm not."
Sadly, the blonde looked upon her friend as her hands laced together in her lap, she regarding him with a timid nature. Then slowly she shook her head, bowing her chin against her chest as her features only twisted with her grief.
".. I was wrong.. Nobodies.. They can exist.. We all can..."
For a beat, Roxas slipped into a heavy silence, staring hard at the girl seated across from him, the distance immeasurable as he felt it to only stretch. And then shaking his head, mirroring her gesture, he dropped his attention to the floor in his growing dismay.
".. I don't need it. I'm fine like this.. Inside Sora," he replied, slowly pushing from his seat as his gaze remained averted. Traveling to the nearest wall, he touched the sketch of he and Axel, fist clinching as he recalled his best friend's sacrifice.. For what? To save Sora.
Everyone was always saving Sora.
".. And Riku?"
Turning to face the girl, finding her focus upon him, he said nothing, contemplating for a short time; Riku had never been dependent upon anyone, something he had easily decided from his Other's memories. Strong, brave and a natural leader, he had advanced without assistance, drawn to the darkness by misguidance, and lead astray from the path of light. Why would Riku need him, a creature of shadows?
".. He won't miss me."
".. You're wrong, Roxas.. He does miss you... He misses you more than anything." Finding Roxas' back to her, she pressed onward, urgent that he believe her. "Search deep within Sora.. Look at his memories. Find Riku these past few days and see for yourself."
Yet the idea was beyond fathom, far too painful for the blonde to possibly comprehend; what if he was to do as Namine suggested, and he discovered Riku entirely content without the blonde, much as he expected?
To see him with Sora, smiling and laughing with Sora, forever ignoring the small aspect that nearly changed his life.. To see it absent, and to realize perhaps his Other's best friend didn't appear to acknowledge this missing quality.. It was almost too painful to bear, the thought stinging deep within his chest.
".. Please, Roxas.. Just look."
With a sigh, the blond slumped in his defeat, closing his eyes as he opened his subconsciousness to the memories he had resisted to accept. And as they flooded through him, visions of Sora dreaming, enjoying breakfast, visiting and holding Kairi, he could see times where he went to stay with Riku, longing to help his best friend with his unrest.
And there he'd be, seated upon the dock and staring into the distance, features locked from his thoughts as the privacy of his mind firmly guarded them. And while Sora would speak to him, attempting to encourage him for another activity, perhaps to settle somewhere else, the other appeared entirely lost within his own world, delayed on the occasion in reaction to where the brunet would only reign forfeit.
Roxas could see he was suffering, and thought it would have been better if he truly had been happy without him.
"He needs you, Roxas.. And I think you need him."
Still confused as to how Namine had managed to worm herself into his solitude, he ventured toward the next doodle, amused to find it replaced of one prior; it depicted Kairi with Namine, and a figure that suspicously resembled Sora, the trio holding hands.. Or so he'd assume.
"... Too bad I can't help him." Nor was he able before; it was up to Sora to remedy his best friend's pain, to fill the void Roxas had left with his leave. Trapped within his Other, he could do little else but admire his love from afar, an eternity to suffer and remember what it was he could have had...
A lifetime to try and forget.
"But you can," she replied quietly, he turning with abrupt surprise as a frown dirtied his features. ".. We found a way."
"We?" Roxas echoed, skeptical to her remark; had it not been she who said he couldn't exist outside of Sora, at least not to a safe degree? Perhaps had he desired to see the brunet changed into a heartless, as much would have been possible, he selfish in his love for Riku, to be with Riku, around Riku, simply near him.. And yet the blond had known that the subject of his affection would not be happy without his best friend there to marvel in his success, could not without him.
And so Roxas, robbed of his own opportunity to live, had sacrificed it to Sora once more, tucking aside his priorities and believing once again.. Perhaps he simply wasn't meant to be.
"Everyone.. Riku, Sora, Kairi.. Wakka, Tidus, Selphie.. Everyone is waiting for you.. And we have a way. But you have to come out of Sora again. You can't keep hiding. You have to face the truth-"
"That I can't be happy.. And I can never be with Riku." He had known the truth, all along, and had simply been too blind to accept it. He had been lost in the dizzying affects of love, blind to reason and logic, unable to witness the inevitable pain that Riku would be stolen from him.. Just as Hayner, Olette and Pence had been. Friends who had never truly been his friends.
Axel..
Sadly, Namine would only stare at him as he turned back to admire her doodles, longing to reach out to him and hold him in her lap. She could feel that he was suffering, watching as his shoulders gave a pale tremble before it subsided, he with such a firm control over himself. And she could do little else but shake her head and stare upon him with a sincerest amount of pity, nearly able to picture Riku waiting for him, without hope to avoid the disappointment he wouldn't come like the many times before.
".. He loves you, Roxas. With all his heart.."
Roxas stilled as his head canted to regard the nearest piece of art, inspecting it with a powerful intensity. Then slowly he lifted a hand to draw across the painted lines, fingering the details of a face now haunting him since his leave.
".. Do you love him?"
More than anything, Roxas wanted to reply. With the entirety of his person, his soul, his absent heart, he loved Riku beyond all else, beyond the realm of reason and logic, the hold of time and fate. He was Riku's and he wanted Riku to be his. And forever would he keep this private secret, yearning and longing, desiring and lusting, wishing to bury his face into Riku's chest and simply cry.
".. I do," he stated quietly, fist clenching against the wall. ".. I love him.. I love Riku.." And he could feel the tears coming again as they slipped down his cheek, and he refused to lean upon the wall, simply staring at the image of his tormented love with clouded vision.
"I.. I don't want to be without him.."
Tenderly, Namine placed her hand upon his arm, having roamed from her chair to join him. Smiling as he tried to turn away, she nonetheless leaning to peer into his tear stained face, and she would perform a simple shrug of her shoulders. "Then let's go see him. Together."
Listlessly, he turned to her, Roxas attempting to battle aside his rising hopes; he knew in the end, he would only be disappointed once more. There didn't seem to be a reason to allow himself the gravest belief that perhaps she was right, perhaps there truly was a way... But for now, he could humor her, slowly nodding in a numb fashion and his heart clenching all the while.
It was strange to feel the sunlight piercing through him as he accepted Namine's invitation to revisit Destiny Islands, peering blindingly across the bleak beach as his focus adjusted. And while his attention strayed toward the horizon he and Riku so often admired, he hadn't thought to search for Namine, lost in the reminder of a memory.
"Hey! Roxas!"
Bemused, the blond turned at the call of his name, feeling a slight streak of irate travel through him that she found it necessary to supply a second greeting. "Namine, I'm right-" Yet pausing as he came face to face with Sora instead, he would pinwheel in his surprise, tumbling back upon the sand before his Other could catch his wrist.
And what a firm grasp he had.
Pulling the youth to his feet with a laugh, though nearly stumbling himself in the process, he beamed at his friend as Roxas drowned in his confusion. He didn't understand what had happened, how he had come to be here so suddenly, or where Namine had gone. Hadn't she said they were going to see Riku, but here was Sora...
"See! I told you he'd be back! I knew my plan would work!" Sora called over his shoulder and stepped aside, allowing Roxas the overwhelming sight of the island children to peer at him. They chortled with a similar nature, wrestling amongst each other with what may have been relief, and he entirely lost to these sensations as his mind struggled to accept a sudden change in pace. "I told them my plan would work-"
"What plan?"
Peering at Roxas as though he were a curious specimen, the brunet could only blink, finding himself in an equal daze to see his Other lost. Then regaining himself with a friendly grin, he threw an arm around his shoulders as he began to pull him toward the crowd.
"Namine dreamed it up - she was visiting me in my dreams, I guess. I mean.. After I learned you disappeared because of me.. I kind of felt bad, you know? So we had to do something and.. She came up with it! Great plan! So I guess it really wasn't my plan, though I did think up a bit of it..." Roxas allowed his Other to ramble on as his mind accepted silence, gaze sweeping over those who waited patiently in their approach.
He could see Wakka and Tidus standing nearby, grinning sincerely as Selphie hopped from foot to foot. Kairi waited patiently for Sora to complete their advance, she staring into the distance of the crowd with a serene habit. And there... Nearly out of sight...
Riku watched him thoughtfully, arms folded across his chest with his features disconnected from his emotions. Briefly, their eyes met, then Sora was drawing his attention away as he rambled on with a growing verocity.
"-- And I guess if we connect all our hearts together a little bit, so you have a piece of all of us, you could come back!"
".. Connect all your hearts?"
"So you are listening," Sora remarked with slight disbelief, continuing to grin nonetheless as he nodded. Gesturing to those who waited eagerly, he added quietly, "We all gave you a piece of our hearts.. So you could come back. Can't you feel it?"
Frowning, Roxas directed his gaze to his feet, a hand ghosting to his chest as he attempted to analyze what Sora had explained; Namine had said that in order for him to exist, he would need Sora's heart.. But to take Sora's heart would render him heartless, a creature whose sole existence resided upon taking those of others.. And yet Sora had said they had all given him a piece of their hearts, an individual contribution to build together one entirely for himself.
Without endangering anyone.
Gripping his chest, he closed his eyes, feeling the tender rhythm as it beat against his fingertips. It was a healthy pattern, slow and calm, constant no matter how he waited for it to simple disperse. For it to be a fraud. A false hope... A shattered dream...
".. Thank you," he replied quietly, turning his gaze to Sora and then the other's. And they smiled in return, Selphie once again lost in her emotional turmoil as she cried with delight, nearly tackling Tidus in her need for a hug.
"So..." Tidus chimed quietly as he side-stepped, casting a weary glance at the gathered company, focus drifting to rest upon Wakka as the red-headed eyed him suspiciously. ".. Does this mean Roxas really isn't your distant cousin?"
While Wakka bounced a blitzball off the blond's head, collecting him into an arm lock to hopefully noogie some intellect into his thick skull, Roxas couldn't help but grin as Sora laughed whole-heartedly. And as the brunet answered Tidus, voice rising above his cries, Riku stepped forward from the group, allowing the other male an ample opportunity to flee if desired.
As he had before.
Yet Roxas kept his ground, waiting for the taller male to displace the distance between them, he finally pausing at an arm's length. Then folding his own across his chest, peering almost thoughtfully at the other male, a pale smirk graced his otherwise passive features.
"Thought you could get away without saying goodbye, did you?" he chided, brows lifting in slight before Roxas averted his attention.
".. I hadn't meant to--" And he found himself in the other's arms, pulled into an achingly familiar embrace as Riku held him tight. With the weight of his cheek against his head, Roxas was rendered motionless, abruptly lost in this display where he had believed the other to be cross.
".. Don't do that again," Riku murmured, voice taut with tension. Blinking, the blond peered dazingly toward the trees, admiring the island as his hands itched to come around his love.
Sora, spotting the pair as Riku hugged the other male, turned away as he shared a private smile with Kairi, warmed to feel her hand slip into his. Then lacing their fingers, they directed their attention toward Tidus and Wakka as they began to spar, the company otherwise oblivious to the reunited couple in their slight period of trouble.
"... I won't," Roxas assured as a hand lifted to touch Riku's arm, brows knitting as he felt his heart swell; his heart, his own, beating with a comforting pace against his rib-cage.. His to give to whomever he chose, whom he desired to be with above all else, whom he simply couldn't do without...
Whom had the name Riku.
"Welcome home," his love said as he sighed with his relief.
"I've always been home," Roxas corrected, finally bringing his arms to surround the other male. ".. It just took me awhile to find it."
And that's the end! Hope you guys enjoyed it, it was quite the ride. ;)