Authoress: Clarification. No pairings. Just a fun, yet long fic!
Alucard: Then I can leave?
Authoress: (glares)You die first!

Disclaimer: If I owned anything having to do with Hellsing, trust me, I'd have a better computer!

I'm Not Asking for Help

Chapter 1: Bite Me!

Alexander Anderson had few options, to start off with. Things weren't working well with the current plan: attack, semi-kill foe, and get pulled away by the law or superiors. The game plan needed to be changed. And thanks to connections with more "holy" men and women, he had that changing factor. With that new plot point, our story opens.

Alucard's night was to be like any other working night: Go out, terminate, come home, pester the blonde females in his no-life, and then have dinner and get some sleep. At least, that's how his schedule was supposed to go. He didn't expect complications of any sort. What he got was Alexander Anderson and one trifle of a spell.

The master vampire's bullet zoomed through targets A and B, dusting the unworthy chip-creations in seconds flat. It was just one ego boost after another (and as you know, he really didn't need anymore of those.) The red clad King of the night turned to leave the decrepit scene when he heard the familiar chuckling of a rather lunatic priest and the crinkling sound of his paper annoyances flying through the air and "sanctifying" the place, which looked like you couldn't make it holy even if you dumped a ton of holy-water on it and had the pope bless it.

Behind yellow-tinted lenses the tall walking corpse raised an eyebrow and gave a silent challenge to the holy-man across the hall. To his amusement, the spiky-haired regenerator pulled out yet another piece of paper and while Alucard contemplated on mentioning the death of so many trees, the paper began to glow a bright white color as Alexander muttered a spell. The vampire smirked, believing he had absolutely nothing to worry about. Nothing could kill him, right?

Unfortunately for our favorite no-life king, this spell, enchantment, holy ritual, or bunny-hop (whatever you wish to call it), was not one that was going to kill the Nosferatu. It was one intended on sending the vampire far from the priest's sight. To an obscure location not even the caster knew of.

Alexander knew he would never be able to win or lose in a physical fight with his pale-faced foe, so he opted with the option of temporarily alleviating the pest of a vampire from the country, maybe even the continent for a short while, which Anderson hoped would surmount to quite some time. The spell was equipped with a strong power limiter. The little spawn of Hellsing would have no way of contacting her pet, and he would have no way of teleporting to her or for great distances, like he pleased.

To his utter dismay, Alucard also found that he had been reduced to an almost fledgling level of power. Talk about a ego-deflation. No bats, no fearfully thick black fog, no dark red and black illusions. In fact, the best of his ability could only bring about his hell-hound form, which looked very much like a shaggy black dog who had gotten into the liquor cabinet. Ah, the effects of dramatic irony. Though his power had been almost stripped, his biggest promblem was his current location.

Ever hear the expression 'Location, Location, Location?' So had Alucard. And he couldn't, for the no-life of him, figure out that key point of geography. When the blinding light cleared crimson-colored eyes opened to see dark greens, browns, and black. His expert skills of detection told him he was in a forest. How astute of him.

Trying to keep the rage inside of him, the vampire looked up to the sky and say the sky was a dark blue, but not yet black, and only a few stars peeked out from their heavenly bed. It was not late into the night, 7 at the latest. If a vampire could pale anymore, he would have. Though Alucard had not had to perform a math problem in quite some time, he knew at least a little bit about time zones and their placement. He guessed he was in America somewhere. That alone was a terrifying thought.

The master turned fledgling vampire let his mind reel and he tried to drink in all that had happened. Then he tried to contact his fledgling, then his master, then anybody! He slowly let his mind slip into panic station, but god forbid he let any of his frustration, distress, or panic show on his face. On his lips and in his eyes he still held that mask of indifference and the "I don't really care that I actually need help" look. If anyone was there to watch, it would have been quite amusing.

Slowly, panic turned into boredom. He let his mind wander. He was in a random location, in a country he had not stepped foot in, in… well, he wasn't sure he ever had stepped foot in the Americas, South America, not included. Luckily, his boredom was interrupted by a disturbance right outside his current haven of bark and pine needles and cones.

Footsteps, running. Panting, frantic. Someone was in more distress than him at the moment (though he highly doubted that). Instincts, duty, and somewhat of a twisted honor-code were some things he was not without and when a short, thin and flushed brunette of a girl came dashing by him, it took his mind all of half a second to register that if he didn't help……

"You helped me because you were bored?!" the girl asked unbelievingly. She stood in front of him with her hands on her hips and her hazel-green eyes blazing accusingly. He thought it rude that he had just saved her hide and she was glaring at him like he was he pursuer in the first place.

"To put is mildly, yes. And I am in need of knowledge and assistance, for I believe I am unaware of my surroundings," he said, using a flowing language to hide a certain truth that he did not wish to convey.

"You are lost and need my help," she said finally, giving him a curious look. He did not answer and simply gave a swift nod that said, 'You could say that.' She decided that he was one interesting character that didn't belong in these surroundings.

Letting her forest-colored eyes drink him in, she noted his attire, which really didn't fit. He wore a red trench-coat over a dark red vest and pants, which were over a white flowy shirt. The girl decided he looked like one of those men that had walked out of a dark Victorian film. So she asked the question he didn't want to answer.

"Where are you from?"

"I don't think you need to know that," the vampire responded stiffly.

"Well, let's see. Usually when one is lost, they are looking for their way home. In order for me to find your home, I have to know where you are from. Wow, you are a smart one," she said sarcastically.

Alucard was quickly getting annoyed by the fact that he had just saved this little twig of a teenager. Maybe it was a mistake pulling her into the shadows and letting the two men chasing her run past before giving up on the chase. Maybe.

"What is your name, girl?" he asked, breaking the somewhat tense silence. They stood in a clearing of the unnamed forest, which Alucard was starting to consider Hell. She stood a good ten feet away from him, obviously not trusting him in the least. Who walks around in the forest at night wearing that and pulling little girls into the shadows? Well, other than the normal weirdoes.

"Rachel," she answered, not giving a last name. Of course, you never knew who was an identity thief these days. It could be anyone: the garbage man, your next door neighbor, or some strange red-clad man walking around in the forest.

"Rachel, the beautiful young sister of Leah," Alucard muttered. Great, now he was even quoting that damn priest's bible. He made sure to promise himself that Anderson would pay dearly for this.

"You know the bible," she mentioned with a shrug. "Well, that's not my story, so you might as well drop that thought right now. I hang out with enough Lutheran's in my town as it is," she said with a chuckle. "So, do I get the stranger's name?" she inquired.

"Alucard," he said simply. The no-life king noted that she raised an eyebrow.

"Isn't the Dra-" she began.

"I'm well aware. Please just tell me where I am and how I can get back to where I came from," Alucard cut her off, yet again, purposefully failing to tell her where he came from. Never knew what kind of strange people roamed America.

Rachel tightened her pony-tail and let her eyes meet his, unafraid, and undaunted. She thought about the proposition ahead of her.

"Alucard, you are in Lanagan, Missouri, and if you want to find your way home, I'm going to have to come with you." she said firmly, still having no idea where he came from in the first place.

Alucard zoned out after she mentioned their location. Missouri? Of all the places Anderson could have sent the unholy being, he sent him to Missouri. Fate had a really sick, and comical sense of humor. Well, at least his decision would be pretty easy.

"Fine, you can come along, just get me the hell of out here," the vampire said in a very serious tone. The girl let a smirk slid onto her lips.

"Alright, Alucard," she said and took a few easy steps towards him. "You've got a deal. I help you get home, and you take me with you." The teen held out her hand to him and Alucard, after a rather annoying pause and stare at her hand, shook it.

"Deal."

"Now, where does a tall, dark, and creepy guy like you live? St. Louis? New Orleans? Pennsylvania?" she asked, all to ready to tackle this task.

"London, England," Alucard answered easily, his eyes lighting in amusement when the girl's smile fell. He guessed she wasn't expecting that little slice of the deal.

"L-London? As in G-great Britain?" she stuttered, not suddenly aware of what she had just agreed to.

"There is another London, England?" he answered her question of one of his own, letting one of the signature "This is too fun" grins plaster itself on his face.

"Well, that makes things a lot more interesting," the warm-blooded female American muttered as her mind rolled itself over all that information. "Any other surprises you'd like to let me in on?" she asked him, hoping he'd just say no. No such luck in heaven, hell, or earth.

"Yes. I'm a vampire."

Authoress: And CUT! SWEET! Finished it in one night… of course I have finals soon.

Alucard: You are such an idiot.

Authoress: I know! Anyhoo.. Some points to go over-

-I'm from Missouri (though I don't live there now), and I know what it's like. This is not an insult to anyone. I just had fun thinking of the most obscure place I could send a vampire.

-The Lutheran's comment was in no way an insult. I just got done reading "Wobegon Boy" and the Lutheran's thing was stuck in me head.

-Certain questions about the girl and how she got to where she is, and why she knows a little more than the average teenager shall be answered! Don't worry!

-Please don't get mad at the made-up spell. How else was I supposed to get Alucard there and not have him just pop right back?

-THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO PAIRINGS!! Unless the fans tell me otherwise. And with whom/whom is all up to you. Otherwsie, no pairings.

PLEASE R&R!!!