Phew! We're here once again! I think I threw out my back moving all those boxes. But my new house is nice, the weather is cold and my heater is on, and I'm happily sipping my jasmine tea laced with rum.

Could I ask for more?

You guys did, and that's why this is here!! -Drum roll-

To unite or divide- Lustful Uchihas and big red buttons, oh my!

(super thanks to those who have waited patiently and have put up with my slow updating!! You guys rock!)

"Naruto-Chan!" the evil emo bastard shrilly screamed across the lawn of the Kazekage's home. Jumping nimbly over a beautiful bird bath, Naruto frantically looked for escape. The bird bath, which was faux porcelain, as Gaara would later admit, was promptly destroyed by the raging Uchiha.

After waking up to Sasuke lighting candles around in his room, Naruto, in a baggy undershirt and black boxers had been hiding ever since. Kyuubi was busy for the moment and spontaneously decided that Sasuke needed Naruto to once again kick his ass.

So with a kunai and a blessing, Kyuubi had made the classic "ram this kunai up his ass" gesture and left him on his own.

Which is why he was here trembling under Gaara's desk. Making Gaara's knees knock together as well.

It took a while for Gaara to notice the absurdity of this situation as he was used to Naruto doing these random things.

"What are you--?"

Sasuke opened the doors with a bang, quite rudely. Black rimmed eyes narrowed. So rude in fact that Gaara thrust his sand out and closed the doors with Sasuke outside having been evacuated forcefully.

"Try again."

Again Sasuke opened the door with a lot of pomp and got slammed back into the wall once more.

This happened 6 more times before the other shoe dropped on the Uchiha.

"Ow…what the hell? Why the fuck are there shoes falling in the corridor?!" That of course was a figure of speech the author randomly decided as she was finishing her English homework at this time.

As the opened the doors slowly, learning like a retarded mouse that the glowing crackling wall next to the cheese would kill if touched more than once.

Obviously he finally got it.

"Can I help you?" Gaara intoned. Sasuke narrowed his eyes before, smirking haughtily and strutting in like a chicken. Or a rooster.

"Have you seen Naruto?"

Gaara's eyes strayed down to his desk minutely before staring smugly back at the Uchiha.

Twitch. That was Sasuke, who understood the underlying challenge, repressing the urge to whip it out and compare.

Of course they were talking about a showdown between Chidori and Sabaku Kyuu.

Although we all know what it was really about.

Yes, there's the mental image that would have made Orochimaru pass out. Gaara, of course, would have won pants down--I mean hands down.

"You're lying, Sabaku." Sasuke hissed, face turning red and splotchy. Naruto froze underneath the desk, somehow feeling that a very amusing scene would follow this. The Kyuubi conscience that he had acquired through spending his life listening to the demon rant and rave demanded that he do something completely unexpected.

Something perverted enough to shove it in Uchiha's face. And he had just the thing. Reaching under the Kage robes Gaara wore, he moved up, relishing in the way Gaara tensed. Past his legs and brushing over the hipbones jutting out. Reaching the pale taut stomach he wriggled his fingers, the pads barely brushing skin.

Gaara, at the unexpected move made a choked off gasp. Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

A few better placed tickles and Naruto had Gaara supporting himself on the desk, his face suspiciously growing red.

Sasuke's face was also red, from fury as his mind, Itachi-brain washing and all, brought up pictures of what Naruto was doing.

Or what he assumed Naruto to be doing. And in his anger blinded fury he grabbed the Kazekage's desk and flung the offending piece of wood away. Naruto on his knees with his hands up Gaara's robe giving off the vibe in which he wished to say, "This-isn't-what-it-looks-like."

Gaara on the other hands was smugly glaring, saying," This-IS-what-it-looks-like-and-MORE" Sasuke brought his hand to his mouth, trying to choke off a sob.

The Uchiha, in traditional Uchiha manner, fell in an overly dramatic and girlish way. (In which all Uchiha managed to perfect by age 3)

In a frilly white dress Sasuke fell on the ground, sobbing into a white handkerchief. In the background shone a watery red sunset and splashing waves crashing on a rock.

"Oh you cruel man!" he wailed, weeping big fat tears that rolled down his face and onto his hanky. "I gave you all my love and you go and pull something like this!" he sobbed.

At this point it would be noted that Gaara and Naruto's minds had gone blank, they were totally blown away; it was so past insane it was back there again. So ridiculous that their minds did not comprehend.

But Sasuke was not finished.

"You played with my heart like..." he trembled probably exerting his minds, trying to come up with a word," like a toy heart!"

Gaara was blown away by the sheer stupidity spewing form the boy's (?) mouth.

Naruto, being the kind soul that he is, eased away from Gaara with a reassuring glance. He crouched down beside the weeping boy.

Ready to give one of his life changing speeches, the blonde wasn't prepared for the sloppy kiss the Uchiha gave out of the desperation. Sasuke pulled back and whispered harshly, "You're mine Uzumaki!

Crazed red Sharingan eyes gazed despairing into shocked blue orbs. The next minute Sasuke was slammed onto the wall by Gaara's sand. Naruto heard a bone sharply crack, clearly breaking; he was then roughly grabbed from behind.

Gaara, in his fury, made even Naruto forget who had more tails. (1) His eyes were lighter, flecks of gold scattered throughout his eyes. The jinchuuriki's skin paler stretched over his snarl of fury. His teeth were sharper and his lips twisted into an ugly smile of sadism. Naruto's breath caught in his throat, reminding him of the chunnin exams.

A sharp sense of pain ran through his heart. 'Don't lose him!' A little voice said at the back of his mind.

"Gaara..." Naruto whispered softly. The blazing green eyes were still focused intently on the Uchiha. The blond was in front of the Sand ninja now, gently grabbing his shoulders.

"Gaara." he said, again, sterner this time. Still his eyes seemed to be burning pools of hate. Those eyes slid to him, the only warning he had before the redhead harshly claimed his lips, teeth clashing, sharp hands gripping tightly, somewhere through the fog in his mind Naruto notice the pinpricks of pain, awakened something with in him.

The lips on him felt wrong, too unfeeling, more about branding. Naruto did not like this. There was a need for air, but Gaara continued to rape Naruto's mouth. Blue eyes, began to glow red, whiskers lengthened, canines grew.

CHOMP.

Gaara's eyes widened, as the taste of his blood filled his mouth, his arms wrapping tighter around the vulpine boy in his arms.

Waves of emotion passed through both of them, in what Kyuubi would explain as emotional orgasm. Gaara's knees buckled, Naruto's spent form had no choice but to fall with into his chair.

After regaining energy Naruto looked up to see Gaara looking back at him. The piercing gaze was tranquil, almost at peace. A stark difference to the edginess that was present since Naruto's Marking.

A strong, pale hand caressed his cheek conveying words, feelings that weren't' needed to be said aloud.

'I'm sorry...I love you.. .'

"Get your filthy hands off my Naruto, Sabaku!"

'But I effin' hate your teammate.'

Sasuke, staying true to his 'Biggest Bastard of the Year' award (which he stole from Orochimaru) was making a last attempt to reach the blonde in Gaara's lap.

Said blonde lazily looked over his shoulder at the Uchiha. Before grinning his devilishly eeeevil grin.

Turning back to Gaara, his face was free of any trace of malicious and evil intent. Lowering his eyelids and furrowing his brows Naruto breathed into the Kazekage's ear.

"Make him go away...please" Gaara moved automatically, with almost no control of his actions. Well, foxes were known for their manipulations, trickery and prowess in bed. At least, according to Kyuubi.

And out of anyone, Kyuubi should know, being a fox and all.

In his chair, with a tasty looking blond on his package to boot, Gaara truly felt at peace. The calmness was broken by an Uchiha. Not just any special and oh-so-wonderful Uchiha. The bastard of the all time, Sasuke Uchiha.

Retribution was in order.

Taking his trusty index finger, he jabbed a red button on his chair that Naruto hadn't seen before.

"I just had it installed." Gaara explained proudly.

ANBU guards marched in, with a fiery commander in front wearing a white coat over her ANBU uniform. "Inu Maru reporting for duty, Kazekage-sama!" she saluted in a strange way that Naruto found reminiscent of the far West's military.

Gaara locked eyes with her then sharply glanced to the pathetic lump on the ground. She saluted, "We will remove the Uchiha filth from your presence immediately, sir"

And then both Naruto and Gaara were treated to the satisfying sight of Sasuke being dragged away.

Inu Maru watched with predatory eyes, "Take him to...the Cannon" thunder echoed in the background along with maniacal laughter. As the Uchiha was dragged away, a woman in a jounin uniform appeared, reading off a checklist and adjusting her glasses.

"Kazekage-sama, the female from the Leaf is in the hospital. Apparently she was mauled by one of the recently formed (reformed) "GaaNaru Demon-Love-Love Forever!!" club 'GNDLLF' for short. This attack was led by someone with red--INU-CHAN!?"

The secretary had stopped her reading as she surveyed the room noticing the ANBU captain. Inu Maru's eyes got sparkly and the secretary threw her clip board, hitting Kakashi's face as he peeked in, having followed the secretary.

"HAKUO-CHAN!"

"INU-CHAN!"

Waves crashed behind them as they hugged, a beautiful sunset glistened in the back. Naruto sniffed and squeezed Gaara "I love happy endings."

The red head rolled his eyes 'I don't know why I don't fire them.' he looked outside where the Uchiha was being dragged away to Kakashi who was knocked out a currently kissing the floor. 'Oh …that's why.'

"Hakuo" Gaara said, slightly amused at how both females stood to attention, serious and awaiting orders. The mating mark on his tongue was itching to do something...private. He began to kiss up Naruto's shoulder before controlling himself, an amazing feat to achieve with a lap full of squirming kitsune.

"I need a new desk, not now though...please leave us." he said before kissing the mark on Naruto's neck.

The two girls sighed dreamily, at Gaara's glare, they ran out. 'Fan girls...' Gaara mentally snorted.

-

"I can't believe we didn't take pictures of that!" Hakuo exclaimed as they walked towards the shooting ground. Inu Maru held up a camera and wiped away the blood trailing fro her nose.

"How did you--"

"Turned the flash off."

Hakuo grinned and bumped shoulders with her, "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

-owari-

(1) This is an obstacle I've noticed some GaaNaru stories have overcome. How Gaara could be seme while Naruto has more tails. Honestly, I have no idea, but Naruto is a bit more kind-hearted and great uke material while Gaara loves to be a pain in the ass (lol). That's my justification.

Next up! What is the Cannon, and what looms in the distance on his fruity way?