Deserving and Useless

Author: MoonStarDutchess

Oneshot

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist and gain no profit from this fanfiction.

Deserving and Useless

The battle against the creatures and machines from the other world was over, the ordeal proving how horrible Central's defenses were, and the need for an overhaul of emergency plans. The dust rose into the air, the rubble falling from the still standing platforms of partially burn and destroyed buildings. The normally smoggy air of Central now had an itchy accompaniment, causing people to cough and sneeze much more than usual, and their throats to burn.

The metal of the flying machines were twisted into several, once beautiful, buildings, the firefighters of the city barely able to control the hot fury the gas and oil set.

Riza walked among all of the chaos, jumping across heaps upon heaps of brick and mortar that came from the buildings. As soon as she saw one of the machines, the one Roy was on, crashing to earth, she did the exact opposite of everyone else. Everyone else ran toward it. She ran away from it. She'd never run away from anything in her life until now. Nothing and no one had ever hurt her so much until that day.

She jumped from a pile of rubble onto a clear street where the damaged and undamaged section met. There were no soldiers guarding there to keep people away from the damage, then again, who would honestly want to go see such a thing. These events put fear into people; they wouldn't be rubbernecking.

She began walking once again. She needed to get away; it all was just too much. This day, no, these past two years, had been too much. Even though she had her friends around her, she'd felt so alone without Roy there. Now, he was back and proved that her need was one sided. He proved that day that he was just fine on his own, that he no longer needed her.

She wasn't a good enough reason for him to return. Edward was. Then, he went up into that balloon on his own, lying about there being room for only one. Years ago, when he went to that Northern outpost, he'd expressed how much he needed her. How much use she was to him. She was nothing.

She clinched the rifle in her hands until her palms turned red and she could feel sweat accumulating. She knew if she glanced down at her hands her knuckles would be white due to all of the pressure she applied.

Tears slowly built up in her eyes, threatening to fall in waterfalls down her cheeks. She bit her lip, willing herself not to cry. She was Riza Hawkeye, she didn't cry about anything. She wasn't allowed to cry!

"You alright?" a familiar voice said, causing her to quickly reach up and wipe her eyes. "The chief wondered where you were. You were the first thing he asked about."

She turned around and saw Jean Havoc leaning against a rock wall, cigarette perched between his lips. His posture was that of someone completely at ease, almost cool, but his face displayed concern.

"Why does he care?"

Havoc looked surprised at her words, his eyes widening in shock at such a question coming from her and her tone of voice. She wasn't speaking in the normal confident and strict manner he was so used to. It was a broken voice. A voice that seemed to have lost all of its self-assurance and hope.

"What do you mean why?" He asked, now frightened at how she changed in just a few hours. He began walking toward her but stopped upon hearing her next words.

"What use am I to him now? I'm just worthless."

"What do you mean by that?" Havoc questioned, his heart rate speeding up as she spoke such ridiculous words. He was growing more fearful of her actions every second. Riza Hawkeye never gave up and it felt as if she was about to tell him she had. "You shouldn't talk like that. He asked for you and you should go see him."

"Even if he did ask for me, what would be the use in me going to see him? He doesn't need me anymore. He's proven that. He's shouted that without speaking a single word. I'm useless and things would be better if I weren't around."

"That's enough Hawkeye," a stern and deep voice said. Havoc grinned as he saw Roy behind Riza, the woman not turning around to face the man she…loved. Oh, there was no doubt to anyone that she loved Roy Mustang.

Havoc saluted Roy then left the two of them alone to have a much-needed talk. As he left, he spotted Breda, Fuery, Falman, and Rebecca walking toward the area. He made sure to stop them and tell them what was going on. They instantly turned in the other direction and left.

--

Roy took a step closer to her, noting that she wasn't turning around to face him as she would normally. "What do you mean you are useless?"

Riza could barely breathe as soon as she realized that Roy Mustang was behind her. The man she'd dreamed about for two years, the man she worried for, was standing there, alive and uninjured. She wanted to turn around and embrace him like the women in her novels whose lover returned to them. However, she wasn't that type of woman and Roy wasn't her lover. Instead, she opted not to answer his question, instead speaking something else. "I should go."

She tried to take a step and found that she just couldn't take one. She couldn't make herself leave him no matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't leave until she heard him tell her that he didn't need her. Perhaps if she had that closure, she could move on with her life.

She felt him place both of his hands on her shoulders and squeeze them lightly. "Turn around," he said. When she made no move to do as he said, he turned her around so that she faced him, her body moving as he directed.

She kept her gaze focused on her boots. As she breathed his familiar scent of ash mixed with the other smells surrounding them, she felt the tears developing back into her eyes. She knew that he was there but to just smell his scent was enough to push the tears out of her body. It was like the ultimate affirmation that she wasn't dreaming.

He lifted his hand to her chin and pulled her face up so that he could stare at it for a moment, studying the tears that were running down her pale cheeks. It was a type of touch he wouldn't have attempted when she was under his command. Any amatory gestures would have been strictly forbidden. He couldn't count how many times he'd wanted to touch her in that way.

"I have to go," she said, and tried to pull away, only to be stopped when Roy gripped her shoulder tightly with the hand that wasn't touching her cheek.

"I need you still Riza," he said, directing his gaze into hers, letting his emotions convey wordlessly to her. He knew she would be able to see that he wasn't lying. "I need you for the rest of my life Riza. The question is not if I need you, it's whether I deserve you. The question is if I deserve your friendship."

Friendship…is that all he wanted from her after everything? She would take it if it was but she wanted to know for sure and she wanted to tell him how she felt regardless. Military protocol could go to hell as far as she was concerned. She dropped her rifle, took a step forward, grabbed his jacket, and pulled him closer to her, burying her face in his chest. She didn't care that the fabric of his jacket was dirty and ripped.

"I don't want friendship," she said, her voice muffled by the royal blue fabric. When he felt her tears soaking the fabric, he wrapped his arms around her. She looked up at him, her tears now streaming down her cheeks rapidly. "I…can't you see that I…" she couldn't say it. God why couldn't she speak those words she felt.

"Just come out with it Riza. You've never held back before," he said.

"I love you damn it. I love you so much it hurts when I think about it." Her voice came out as a whisper laced with pain and a tinge of fear. She hid her face in his chest once again, her hands tangling in his coat. She was so scared of how he was going to reply.

Finally, Roy rested his chin on top of her head. "I love you too Riza," he said. "But I don't deserve that. I don't deserve to be happy."

She moved her head and their gazes locked once again. "Do you think I do?"

Roy reached up to finger a strand of her hair before moving it behind her ear. "You deserve to be the happiest human being on the planet."

"You're the only one that can make me happy," she said.

"You could get over me," he replied. Her next actions were the furthest from what he actually expected. She pulled out of his embrace, reared back, and punched him in the face, causing him to stumble back. He reached up to his jaw and rubbed it before turning to look at her, his face displaying his surprise over the punch.

"How in the hell can you say that you bastard! If I could get over you, I would have done it in the last two years. I got plenty of offers from men! I want to be with you. I swear you can be the most frustrating man on this planet!" she yelled, her cheeks flushing and her eyes seemingly on fire. She was breathing heavily and her fists were still clinched tightly.

Roy couldn't help but grin at the sight before him. She was …perfect. Perhaps not by society's standards or the standards of most men, but for him there was no one better. "That's my lieutenant," he said with a grin, lowering his hand from his jaw. He took a step toward her and pulled her back into a hug. "I love you Riza. I hope I can make you happy."

"Do I make you happy?" Riza questioned. "Your happiness is important too."

"Yes, you make me happy," he said.

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, taking in every little part of the scent that she loved so much about him, and taking in the familiar warmth she treasured from him.

"I'll probably never be a leader in this country after what I've done," Roy said. "Hell, I'll probably be discharged. If not then I'll probably give it up."

Riza lifted her head to look at him. "If you quit or are discharged, I'll give it up too."

"And we could live normally for the rest of our lives? Could we do that?" Roy questioned.

"We could try," she said.

"You as my wife?" He spoke the question in a way that made the comment stun her.

"Are you asking me to marry you?"

"Depends on your answer," he replied, his gaze never leaving hers and a grin never leaving his lips.

Riza smiled brightly at him and kissed him passionately, expressing just how much she missed him. Wordlessly telling him her answer. It was the first kiss they ever shared and a wonderful thing amongst the rubble and fire engulfed hell of the city.

"Is that a yes," he questioned when they pulled away.

"You know the answer to that," she said and kissed his jaw, causing him to groan in pain. She pulled out of his arms and took his hand. "Let's get some ice on that." She led him toward the undamaged part of the city, intending to take him to her apartment.

"You have a hell of a right hook, you know that?" Roy questioned.

"So I'm told."