His cheeks flared dark red and they radiated heat so hot that he wondered if he didn't have some sort of fever. Damn that Yuuko! Whatever she had given him in his drink had totally screwed with his mind…no, it wasn't that it messed with his mind. It just suppressed control over himself. His mind had reeled in horror when he'd found himself seducing Doumeki Shizuka, and hearing himself admit innermost thoughts that he had only ever let touch the page of his journal once before. How could he have told Doumeki so bluntly about…about…
And yet, for as clear a recollection he had of what he had said, he could not remember a word of anything of Doumeki's responses. It was like his ears had been plugged. He could clearly remember seeing those lips moving, but it was as if someone had pulled the plug on the sound.
His hand shook as he held the pen and he stared at it, remembering so very vividly the feeling of Doumeki's arousal. The only way he didn't die of total mortification was to play it off like he didn't remember a thing about what happened. He had a feeling that Yuuko knew that he knew, but at least Doumeki didn't. And so long as Doumeki didn't act as if there was anything different, he'd be fine.
Watanuki slammed his head down on the desk repeatedly, wishing he could just undo that whole night. Then other times at night, when he found his hand touching himself and imagining that feeling of the night before, imagining that it was Doumeki's arousal pressing against him, he wished that night could have gone on forever.
Part of him hated Doumeki, that the archer hadn't reached out to touch him, pleasure him, as he was doing to his rival, and yet still more of him was glad he hadn't. He didn't want his first time to be when he was drunk and couldn't control anything of what he was doing. He wanted it to be consensual, something to treasure. Moreover, he wanted it to be with Doumeki.
No matter how much he yelled at Doumeki, he couldn't deny that he loved the jerk. Nevertheless, the only way he could deal with that knowledge was to "hate" him. He was so terrified of rejection and just because Doumeki had gotten hard with his taunting and touching didn't mean that the emotional feelings were returned, which is what he wanted above all else.
In a fit of frustration, he threw his journal against the wall and crawled into bed. Life just wasn't fair sometimes. Nowadays, the only real joy he had was sleeping, because when he slept, he could dream. And dreams were so divorced from reality that it didn't matter if they never came true. Almost as if embarrassed, even though there was no one there to see, his hand slipped down into his pajamas and he began to stroke, closing his eyes to imagine that handsome, sexy face…
"You still haven't told Doumeki-kun that you remember that night, have you?" Yuuko teased as she watched Watanuki make her dinner that evening.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" he hissed, but by how his face went from normal to red in 0.5 seconds told them both he was lying.
"Honestly, Watanuki!" she teased. He hated that leer of hers that he wished he could put some duct tape or something over it so he'd never have to see it again. "Don't you think he enjoyed it immensely?"
"Leave it alone!"
"Watanuki--"
"No!" he yelled, rounding on her. "It's your fault it happened in the first place! You put something in my drink when I was here!"
She didn't bother to deny it. "In my defense," she said, playacting being serious, as if she were facing a judge, "I had thought Doumeki wouldn't fight it so much and you both could feel good and then wake up in the morning and admit your feelings and then you'd all be lovey-dovey!"
"THAT WASN'T YOUR DECISION OR YOUR BUSINESS!" he roared, stomping out of the shop and leaving the food to burn. He didn't care anymore! He was tired of her teasing and her manipulating and he was tired of Doumeki and the whole damn world!
Yuuko stared in surprise as the front door slammed and turned to Mokona sitting on her shoulder. "Oh dear, did you think I went a little too far? He's going to let us starve."
Mokona's little mouth twisted in response and he glanced at the door too. "Watanuki hasn't been sleeping."
"Or maybe…" Their eyes met and they giggled madly, saying in unison, "Watanuki is sexually frustrated!"
The next day at school was nothing less than cruel. Every night since when Yuuko had gotten him drunk four days ago, his dreams had escalated until he didn't even sleep, but spent the whole night thrusting into his hand, imagining it was Doumeki holding him tightly. Dark circles ringed his eyes and he had a hard time keeping his eyes open during class.
Stupid Doumeki! Four nights ago had been the closest he'd ever had to knowing what Doumeki felt like and he desperately had wanted to know how those rough hands could soothe away his lust. Yet for all that, stupid stoic Doumeki had too much control to let him wander, even a little.
"Watanuki-kun, are you all right?" Himawari asked him at lunch that day. "Have you been sleeping well?"
"Oh, I'm fine, Himawari-chan." He worked up as much enthusiasm as he could, but ever since he had realized his feelings several weeks ago, he was hard pressed to find the energy to continue the charade. But he had to keep up that appearance, if he was to hide his feelings from Doumeki. He glanced out of the corner of his eye to the archer, but the boy seemed to be intent on eating the bento he had made.
He had already begun to put their empty lunch boxes away when the bell rang and Himawari bounced to her feet. "Time for class!" She seemed to take it as a given that Watanuki, who shared the same class as her, would follow.
Honestly, he had been about to, but Doumeki's hand on his arm stopped him. "What?!" he hissed in irritation. It was all this damn boy's fault that he wasn't sleeping at night!
Those golden eyes studied his face. "Has Yuuko been having jobs for you at night? Or have the spirits bothered you?"
"Huh?"
"Kunogi is right. You don't look like you've been sleeping."
He turned his face away, as if in annoyance, but it was only to hide his blush. "It's none of your business. Even if I have to buy new wards," he muttered to himself. He had forgotten about it. He had been meaning to several weeks ago, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to buy them at the nearest temple: Doumeki's.
"I'm coming over tonight."
"What?!" he yelped, forgetting that they would both be late if they didn't start to hurry to class.
"I'll bring some wards with me. Tomorrow, you can put them up."
As though that settled it, Watanuki only watched as Doumeki walked away. As if that wasn't enough, the wind even wanted to be melodramatic and swept by to ruffle their hair, blowing leaves and flower petals between them, like some shoujo manga. He barely made it to his own class before the final bell rang signaling classes were about to start.
Watanuki paced his living room, waiting for that telltale knock that would tell him he was there. Staying over?! Bring wards?! He didn't know if he'd be able to sleep with Doumeki there, especially since the last few nights, all he could do is moan in his bed in the throws of pleasure as he masturbated.
Yuuko had even let him leave early that day, after she'd pried out with tooth and nail that Doumeki would be staying over. He swore he saw utter glee in her eyes when she heard and he often paused at the windows, as if to make sure that she wasn't hanging from the outside windowsill with a video camera. If he didn't know better, he would swear Yuuko was a yaoi fangirl.
The ringing of the doorbell made him jump and he smoothed down his clothes before opening the door. There it was, that exquisite but annoying stoic face belonging to none other than Doumeki Shizuka. He scowled a little, for real, and stepped aside to let the archer come in. "All right, hand over the wards. I'll put them up now and you won't need to stay here."
There was a complicated look sent his way as the wards were handed over and he wondered if Doumeki thought of him as any different after what had happened. Did he, by chance, think of him as…as…He turned away resolutely and began to replace the older wards around the house. No, somehow he didn't imagine Doumeki thinking of him as a…well…a slut. Or maybe that was just his wishful thinking. It really hadn't been his fault! It had been all Yuuko's fault!
Most of the evening was spent in silence, doing their homework, but Watanuki could hardly concentrate with Doumeki sitting right across from him. Finally, those golden eyes intercepted his fiftieth glance. "What is it?"
He looked away and back down to his books. "I just wondered, since I can't remember," he lied, "what we did when I got drunk. I don't know what Yuuko slipped into my drink then, but whatever it was..."
For a moment, Doumeki didn't say anything. "Nothing happened."
"Nothing?" he repeated in surprise, not expecting that answer. Knowing what he did about that night, Doumeki had lied to him. Why? But he dared not ask why, as that would be giving away that the fact that he knew exactly what went on.
"Nothing. Why?"
Ack! He thought fast, so fast it made his head spin. "J-just something Yuuko-san was saying. And I wondered what might have happened."
For a moment where his heart beat a wonderful staccato throb against his ribcage, he feared that Doumeki wouldn't buy his ruse and that he had just given up the game right there. "Ah," he finally said and went back to his work.
If Watanuki had been smart, he would have left it there, but after chewing on his lip a little and staring aimlessly at the letters in his textbook, he asked, "Do you know how I got changed into my pajamas that night?"
Those eyes were slow to look up and when they did, they were piercing. He swallowed silently and suddenly knew with the same certainty a mouse feels when pinned by the stare of a predator that they had made a fatal mistake.
"Watanuki. Do you remember that night?"
"No, n--" Doumeki's gaze became sharper and finally with his cheeks as red as roses, he looked away and muttered, "Yes."
"Why do you keep asking about it then?"
"Damn it, Doumeki, because I want to know!" he yelled, clenching his fists.
"Know about what?"
"What you think of me after that! I mean, I really…I didn't…I couldn't stop myself! What I said, what I did…I didn't mean any of it."
There was silence for a few moments. "So when you said you loved me, that was a lie?"
Watanuki didn't think his face could be any redder and he squirmed under the archer's gaze. Did he want to lie and say it was? Or did he want to say it was true and really find out what his crush thought of him? Those impassive eyes and face didn't tell him anything and he swallowed thickly.
"…It wasn't a lie."
For a moment, all was stillness. "Do you remember what I told you that night?"
"No."
Suddenly Doumeki was sitting beside him and cupping his face between those callused hands. He gasped as those lips nudged his own apart to gently slide his tongue inside his mouth and he experienced his first kiss. It was gentle, sweet, powerful, and passionate, melting him instantly.
Arms wrapped around his waist and without breaking the kiss or even jarring it, Watanuki found himself being pressed slowly onto the floor, those legs nudging his own apart until Doumeki was laying against his body intimately. The kiss was so long and so deep, slow and seductive, that he found himself moaning into those enticing lips that drew out everything he had to hide.
When they broke away to gasp for air, Doumeki's face hovered just inches from his. The archer shifted so he could support his own weight on his elbows on either side of Watanuki's head, and whispered, "I told you that I would never reject you."
His cheeks flushed deeper as suddenly his cock was pressing up against Doumeki's leg, hard and pleading. He turned his face away, embarrassed at how easily aroused he had become, and just what that told him he was. He truly did love Doumeki, but damn it, how was the archer to believe that? How did he make him believe that he didn't just want him for sex?
And then there were hips rubbing against his, another hardness being pressed against his and causing needed, pleasurable friction. Watanuki groaned, especially as those lips began to devour the skin of his neck in kisses so sweet it made him want to cry. "Sh-Shizuka," he stuttered, as he always did in his dreams. This had to be a dream, because it was too perfect to be real.
"Kimihiro," whispered that deep voice, so husky with pleasure and arousal that it almost sounded like a growl and when, amid their rubbing, covered erections, a hand slipped down into his pants and touched him, he knew it was no dream. Both of his hands were clutching for dear life onto Doumeki's shoulders and yet someone was touching him.
This was no dream!
He gave a cry, panting in anticipation, and suddenly realized just how inadequate he was at pleasuring himself. It seemed so much more potent and erotic when Doumeki was doing it and his eyes fluttered shut. A gasp tore from his throat as those lips moved downward to his chest and flicked a tongue at his nipples. When had his shirt been removed?
Doumeki didn't say he loved him, but suddenly Watanuki didn't need him to. It was like he just instinctively knew those feelings. He had said 'I love you' in the form of never rejecting him. And he had never wanted or needed someone as much as he did Doumeki, and not just physically. Amid his danger-strewn life, the one who kept him safe was Doumeki. The one who reminded him there was joy to be found was Doumeki. The one who allowed him to be free and not have to worry was Doumeki. The one he loved was Doumeki.
The archer had not been idle during Watanuki's introspection and his scream of pleasure when their naked erections rubbed slowly but insistently together was covered up by those enticing lips in a kiss so loving that it made him cry. But those callused hands wiped away his tears sweetly and then fell to kissing his shoulder gently.
"Shizuka…more…" he pleaded, his legs spreading further only to wrap around that muscular waist.
"Do…you have any lubricant?" his soon-to-be-lover gasped a little, always gently pressing their erections together, never ceasing the pleasure.
"B-bathroom…"
With a growl, Doumeki pulled away and headed down the hall. How he knew where to go, Watanuki had no clue, but he merely banged his head softly against the floor he laid naked on, still painfully hard. The warmth of Doumeki's body was gone and he missed it so terribly. It was like an actual, physical pain, but it didn't last long. Within moments, the archer was back and laying on top of him again.
No words were exchanged, but as those fingers pressed into him, gently working him wider, he cried out which were then reassuringly kissed away. After that, things became just a blur of pleasure as Doumeki readied him. He felt like a king when Doumeki did this…someone—
"SHIZUKA!" he gasped loudly in shock when he was penetrated, the other boy barely able to push himself in. He hadn't realized that Doumeki would be...well, so…big. Things suddenly came into sharp clarity again and he had the overwhelming impression, as his lover ever so gently pleasured him, that he was being worshipped. He was like some deity, being held on a pedestal of pleasure, to be entertained, loved, and worshipped by a follower so devout that not even one's own life mattered.
Watanuki didn't think his cheeks would ever be their normal color again and it didn't help that Doumeki's eyes refused to stray from his own, pinning their blue depths in place and unable to let him look away. One hand slipped down between them and cupped his erection and after that, he knew little more except that feeling of being worshipped as if his body were a temple.
His eyes slid open some time later after his climax, and Doumeki's, had made a mess of them. He heaved in breath, feeling sweat from their activity, stream down their still united bodies. Doumeki's face was buried in his neck and the only sound in the apartment was their heavy breathing for a long moment.
"Doumeki--"
"You called me Shizuka before."
He looked away, his blush only deepening. He hadn't lost it once during their love-making and he didn't think he ever would. "Shizuka…I don't know how to say this. I'm not just…using you for sex." His voice lowered. "You were my first in everything."
"I know." Those eyes pinned his again, but they were gentle and the kiss he gave him was so sweet it melted him once again. "I know."
What would happen now, what would happen at school, the next day, Watanuki didn't know. All he knew was that his feelings had been heard and accepted by the one person he valued the most.
End