A/N: I originally wrote this story for the November 2006 Scrivenshaft challenge, where it won the Eureka! award. I wanted to give it a bit more publicity, so I thought I'd post it here.
For all the fans of "The Ties that Bind," I'm working on the next chapter. Unfortunately, I'm also at the end of the semester, so I'm working on a lot of school stuff, so it could be awhile before it's done. I hope this story will tide you over till then!
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!
A house represents so much. It is more than a place to find shelter. The external structure, the furnishings, the decorations, even the people who live within its walls all stand on display as a model of how the inhabitants of the house view the world. As those views shift and change, so does all that makes a house a home. Pictures are replaced on the walls. Toys are moved from bedrooms and playrooms to attics and basements. Fragile knickknacks are stashed out of babies' reach, then are returned to their original places as the babies age. Children move away, and their bedrooms become guest rooms.
Yet, despite all the changes, the house remains a steady marker in its inhabitants' lives. It represents their home and their family, two of the constants within the swirling variables of life. It is the place to which they can always return to find acceptance and love.
Or so it is said.
Andromeda Black never found acceptance and love in her home – not once she let her true colors show. It was a long, difficult journey that ended quite explosively, but one that had to be made. Through all her parents' fits of temper, her sisters' tears of pain and her own pleas for understanding, the house stood as a symbol of all that they were, and all that she could never be.
It was a place she could never belong.
Years after the fact, as she sat in her living room staring at a picture of her childhood home, she thought of the time she had spent in its walls. Had she ever been happy there? If she had been, she couldn't remember it. For some reason, all that stood out in her mind were the bad times and the painful experiences.
Even so, the house had indeed always been a constant in her life. It had stood as a reminder of the family she could never understand – the family that she would ultimately leave, and who would disown her.
The picture dropped from her fingers to her lap. She looked down at it for a moment as though it were a foreign object. Then, closing her eyes, she remembered her journey from Andromeda Black, obedient daughter, to Andromeda Tonks, family outcast.
Christmas, Sixth Year
"You're going to tell them, aren't you?"
Andromeda shrugged noncommittally, and picked up her trunk as she prepared to step off the Hogwarts Express.
"Andromeda, you have to!" Emily exclaimed.
"No, I don't," she said defiantly, looking into her best friend's anxious face. "They don't need to know what I do while I'm here."
"They're going to find out," Emily said. "You know they will. Your sister will tell them if you don't."
"Narcissa won't tell. I know way too much about her to worry about her saying anything about me."
"I'm not worried about Narcissa. I'm sure you have enough on her to keep her quiet for the next three years. But, Bellatrix goes out of her way to make you and Narcissa look bad. I've seen her do it in class here! You can't tell me she doesn't do the same thing at home."
"Bella is done with Hogwarts," Andromeda said dismissively. "She's too busy playing wife to Rodolphus to care about what happens here."
"All right. Fine. So, she isn't here anymore to get the school gossip firsthand. But, she's probably heard about it. Remember, Paul is a pureblood. I'm sure he's already told his parents about you ending it, and I'm sure they'll tell yours, or, at the very least, everyone in our parents' social circle. You know how the pureblood families are."
Andromeda bit her lip. She had no regrets about breaking up with Paul Parkinson. She hated him, and wanted no part of being his girlfriend, despite the fact that their parents fully expected them to get married one day. She had felt nothing but complete and utter relief and freedom ever since the day the week before when she had promised to "hex off the one body part he cared about if he so much as looked in her direction ever again." Her one fear in all of this was that it would get back to her parents that she had broken up with the boy they had chosen for her to marry. She had never done anything against their wishes before – at least, nothing so serious. She was terrified about how they would react.
"I don't want them to know," she said in a little voice.
"They're going to find out," Emily said. "And, it would be better if it came from you."
"I guess you're probably right."
"I am," Emily said firmly. "You know I am."
Andromeda nodded as they stepped through the barrier that separated Platform 9 ¾ from the rest of the train station, knowing that she was in for the worst argument of her life.
"Andromeda, Narcissa! Over here!"
Upon hearing both of their names called across the station, Andromeda glanced back to see that her younger sister had appeared behind her. She gave her a smile.
"Where did you come from?"
"The train," Narcissa said vaguely.
Andromeda looked at her closely, noticing that her sleek, blond hair was out of place. She dropped her trunk to straighten it.
"Cissy, what have you been doing?" she whispered as she brushed at her sister's hair. "You're a mess!"
Narcissa's cheeks glowed pink. "Thanks, Andromeda," she whispered.
"Girls!"
Andromeda immediately pulled back from Narcissa as their mother approached. Mrs. Black leaned over to kiss each girl's cheek.
"Welcome home," she said. "Come, we need to get back quickly. Your father is waiting at the house with Bella and Rodolphus. They are visiting tonight."
Andromeda bit her lip. If Bellatrix and Rodolphus were visiting, she would have a full audience. Things were not looking good.
Narcissa kept the conversation going during the ride home from the station. She finally stopped for breath as their house came into view. As Andromeda looked at the towering house rising out of the cold mist that surrounded it, she knew she had to tell. And she knew that she had to tell her mother first in the hopes that she would soften the blow of breaking the news to her father.
"Mother, there's something I need to tell you," she said nervously.
"Yes?"
Andromeda drew a deep breath. "Paul and I broke up," she said in a rush.
Her mother's expression darkened. "What did you do to make him leave you?"
Andromeda caught her breath at the implications. "I left him, Mother."
"You what? Andromeda, what are you thinking? Why would you do such a thing? Why would you ruin all our plans for your future?"
Tears filled her eyes. "I was miserable with him, Mother."
Her mother laughed cruelly. "I never thought I'd see the day when one of my girls would be so disobedient over something so trivial."
Andromeda looked at Narcissa, who was looking at their mother with wide eyes.
"Misery is a state of mind," Mrs. Black said. "You have no reason to be miserable when you are with a man who comes from a pureblood family, who can provide for you and who is your social equal. You will apologize to him, and you will ask him to take you back." Her eyes narrowed. "You will do anything you need to in order to save your relationship and your future."
Andromeda closed her eyes and saw herself married to Paul. She saw herself as the perfect pureblood wife, hosting pretentious dinner parties and laughing politely at the "antics" of her fellow purebloods who tortured Muggles for sport. When she opened her eyes again, they were full of tears.
"No," she said firmly.
"What did you say?" her mother asked dangerously as Narcissa gasped.
"I said no."
"You will do it," Mrs. Black said harshly. "You will apologize, you will fix this mess and you will marry Paul."
"I won't do it," Andromeda said. "I won't marry him."
"And how exactly do you expect to live without marrying well? Without Paul, what is left for you?"
"I don't know what I'll do, but I'll make it. I won't marry him. I won't spend my life trapped in that world. I won't be you, Mother."
The smack of her mother's palm connecting with her cheek resounded through the car, making the driver jump. Tears filled Narcissa's eyes as she watched Andromeda lift her hand to touch the red spot that was blooming on her face.
"You can beat me all night if you want," Andromeda spat, "but it won't change my mind."
"You need to learn your place," Mrs. Black said through clenched teeth.
Andromeda met her gaze, her eyes glittering with anger. "I just did."
Early Fall, Seventh Year
"What's the matter with you?"
Andromeda threw the parchment she was holding across the breakfast table to Emily. "Look at what she sent me!"
Emily picked up the picture that had skidded across the table. She picked it up to see the Black house surrounded by mist.
"A picture of your house?"
"Bella sent it," Andromeda said bitterly. "Look at what she wrote on the back!"
Emily turned the picture over to see the message: Don't forget what you're giving up.
"What you're giving up?" Emily asked, frowning in confusion. "How are you giving up the house?"
Andromeda rolled her eyes. "I don't know, but I'm sure it has something to do with what happened last year. They're still mad that I haven't gotten back together with Paul."
"They really need to get over it," Emily said, returning the picture to Andromeda.
Andromeda put it down on the table in front of her and stared at it. Emily watched her for a moment.
"Are you trying to burn a hole in it with your eyes?"
"No," Andromeda replied, "I'm just trying to decide what exactly Bella meant about giving it up."
"Andromeda?"
Both girls looked up to see Ted Tonks standing next to Andromeda. Andromeda felt her face growing warm as she looked up at him. She had been nursing a crush on the cute Ravenclaw prefect for weeks, but hadn't told anyone about it – not even Emily.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," he said nervously. "How have you been?"
"Fine," she said. "You?"
"Good," he said. He twisted his hands in front of him. "Listen, Andromeda, I was wondering … I'd really like it if we could go to Hogsmeade together next weekend. Would you come with me?"
A smile broke out across her face. "I'd love to."
"Really?"
"Really," she beamed.
"Great!" he exclaimed. He glanced past her to where his friends were waiting to see how he fared with her. "Well, I need to run – but we'll talk soon, all right?"
"Perfect," she replied.
Ted left to join his friends, and Emily looked at Andromeda in shock.
"How long have you fancied him?" she asked.
Andromeda's face flushed a deep red. "Awhile."
"I can't believe you never told me!"
"Oh, Em, calm down. It's just one afternoon in Hogsmeade."
"Sure," Emily said. She grinned. "I saw the way he looked at you, Andromeda, and I saw the way you looked at him. This is going to be way more than one afternoon in Hogsmeade."
Andromeda smiled even wider. "Do you really think so?"
"I do," Emily said quietly, sobering. She looked down at the picture in her friend's hands. "Andromeda … is this what you want?"
Andromeda's smile faded as she, too, was struck by what was happening. If Emily was right, if this did turn into more than one afternoon in Hogsmeade …
"He's Muggle-born, Em," she said quietly. "They'll never approve."
"Are you ready to give it up for him?" she asked, gesturing toward the picture.
Andromeda remained silent, unsure of how to reply.
Christmas, One Year After Hogwarts
Two years.
It wasn't really a long time in the grand scheme of things, but it seemed like a lifetime. So many things had changed in that stretch of her life.
Two years ago, she had realized that she was her own person. Two years ago, she had realized that she could decide what to do with her life. Two years ago, she had stopped listening to them altogether.
Two years ago, she had grown up.
She stopped walking, and he squeezed the hand he held. She looked up at him.
"That's it," she said, indicating the tall, foreboding house that was just visible through the misty fog. "That's my parents' house."
He looked at it for a moment, thinking about the fact that his Muggle parents would never be able to see the house, wondering how people who could choose to live like this could produce such a wonderful daughter. "You mean your house, Andromeda."
She shook her head. "No, Ted. It hasn't been my house since I left for Hogwarts. Really, I don't even think it was my house before that."
"Andromeda, are you sure?" he asked gently. "Are you absolutely positive that this is what you want to do?"
She looked at the house, thinking of all that had happened during the past two years. She thought of her sixth year, when she had broken up with the pureblood her parents had fully expected her to marry. She thought of agreeing to go to Hogsmeade with Ted. She thought of the hours she had spent talking to him, studying with him, falling in love with him. She thought of the time she had spent hiding their relationship from her family, knowing that she would be disowned for loving a Muggle-born man.
"Yes," she said at last. "We need to do this. I need to do this. I love you, Ted, and no matter what they say, that isn't going to change. They need to know that."
"But, Andromeda, you have to think of what you're doing. You're walking away from your family! Are you sure you're ready to do that?"
"Why are you so unsure all of a sudden? You've been trying to convince me to tell them about us since we first starting dating!"
"Yeah, I know," he said, shifting uncomfortably. He gave her a wobbly smile. "I love you, Andromeda. I want to be with you forever. But, I don't want you to spend the rest of your life thinking that I've ruined it."
"Ted," she said, smiling up at him, "there is no way that could happen." She looked back at the house again. "Those people gave me my body. They put breath into it. Without them, I wouldn't exist." Her eyes swung back to his face. "They may have given me the shell of who I am, but you gave me life. They enabled me to exist, but you enabled me to live. You have given me a far greater gift than they could ever dream of giving."
He smiled at her, and leaned down to kiss her. "I just hate the thought of taking you away from your family."
"They're not my family," she said quietly. "Not anymore."
He pulled her close, holding her against him. "I love you."
"I love you, too," she sighed. She pulled back and smiled at him. "Let's get this over with."
"Wait," he said, grabbing her hand to stop her. "Before we go in, there's something I need to ask you."
"Okay," she said, frowning slightly.
He drew a deep breath. "If we're going to do this – if we're really going to tell your family about us – if you're serious about wanting to be with me forever …"
Andromeda's eyes widened as she realized what was about to happen.
"Andromeda, I do love you, and I do want to be with you forever. I've known that ever since the first time I kissed you, but, I'd like to make it official." He smiled nervously. "Will you please marry me?"
A beaming smile broke out across her face. "Yes!" she exclaimed. "Of course I'll marry you!"
Ted leaned down to kiss her. When he pulled away, he slid a diamond ring onto her finger. She looked down at it, then kissed him again.
"Okay," he said at last, "let's go. I want to meet my in-laws."
Andromeda opened her eyes and looked down at the picture in her hands. Her sister's writing was still visible on the back in glittering green letters: Don't forget what you're giving up. She turned the picture over to look at the front again. Lost in a sea of memories, she didn't hear the light footsteps entering the room.
"Mummy? Whose house is that?"
Jumping slightly, Andromeda turned to look at her nine-year-old daughter. "It was mine."
"Really?" Nymphadora asked with interest, taking the picture from her mother. "You lived here?"
"A long, long time ago."
Andromeda wrinkled her nose. "It doesn't look like a very friendly house."
"No," Andromeda agreed, "it's not a friendly house."
"But you lived there?"
"Yes."
"Why did you leave?"
Andromeda paused. "Because – because it wasn't home. I didn't belong there."
"How can you not belong in a house?" Nymphadora asked with a bemused frown.
Andromeda smiled and hugged her little girl close. "I hope you never have to know."
"Mummy, you know what?"
"What?"
"Sometimes, you don't make any sense."
Andromeda laughed. "And that, my darling, is why I didn't belong in that house. I didn't make sense there – and it didn't make any sense to me." She kissed her cheek. "I'm so glad I left. I'm so glad you'll never know what it's like to be in a house where you don't make sense."
Nymphadora returned the kiss and twisted free of her mother's embrace. "You're weird, Mum."
"So are you!" Andromeda laughed after her daughter's retreating back as Nymphadora skipped out of the room.
She looked down at the picture one last time. The fog swirled around the house, just as it did in her memory. Had there ever been a time when the sun had shone down on the imposing structure?
She thought of all the changes that she had undergone during her years in that house. She thought of all the pain that it represented in her life.
"I never belonged there," she whispered. "I was never a real part of that world."
She crumpled up the picture and threw it into the fire. She sat in silence for a long time even after the picture had turned to ashes.
She had just burned her last photograph of her childhood home. She had just destroyed the last thing her sister had sent her – her last sample of Bellatrix's handwriting.
She should feel guilt. She should feel sorrow.
But she didn't.
All she felt was relief. All she felt was freedom.