Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto… so there!
Note: it took my lazy ass a long while before I finally gathered enough strength to type this horrendous story… hehe. And I know most of my story line is cliché and I suck at writing but no need to rub that fact on my face, okay??
Warning: This is Yaoi; there is slight OOCness and lots of crap…
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DATE 102
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Chapter 1: The Document, Flyers and Parchment
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"Tsunade-sama here's the paper you need to sign," a young woman with short black hair entered the Hokage's office carrying a stack of papers on her hands.
Tsunade, a blond woman with pigtails, just nodded her head a little, her gaze at the window never wavering. She is sitting on her chair behind the desk, with her chin propped on palm.
The brunette was actually surprised that the Godaime is awake and not sleeping and drooling at her paper works. After all it's still very early and the blond woman is not a morning person as she had witnessed many times, so after putting carefully the papers on the table, she walked behind the Hokage and gazed curiously at the window too. She felt a smile tugging at her lips when she saw the town swarming with people, basked by the sun's early rays.
"It's beautiful isn't it, Shizune?" the Hokage asked wistfully after a minute of silence.
"Yeah…"
"…It's time like this that I surely am going to miss… but at least I still have almost two months before…" the Hokage trailed of with a sigh.
"Are you really sure about this decision?" Shizune asked looking apprehensively at the document on the table with the seal of the village of Konoha.
"Of course, besides I'm sure the Yondaime and the Sandaime would agree to this." Tsunade replied, darting a glance at the rock mountain where the figures of the past Hokages were carved.
"I know…" the brunette agreed with a smile on her face. She too, support the decision because she knew that the blond -living miracle- teen will do the best that he could to make sure that they and the whole village would be proud of him.
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A blond young man happily walked out of the door of his house. He looked upwards and smiled as the morning sun nearly blinded him. He tucked away his report on his A class mission in his Jounin vest then walked towards the Hokage's office. He had just returned from his solo mission last night and now he will hand out his report.
He hummed softly while keeping his gaze straight ahead. He saw the villagers from the corner of his eyes and he had to suppress a grin. Gone were the days of being ridiculed and hated. The whispers and glares were also gone.
Things get better after he fought and killed Orochimaru when he was sixteen and dragged the Uchiha brat back home. But he really earned the respect when he defeated the Akatsuki leader; though after the fight he was unconscious for two months because the Kyuubi being dead after the fight was not there to help him heal (the Kyuubi actually sacrificed himself giving him all the Chakra he needs to help defeat the Akatsuki). But he had acquired the demon fox's chakra and his senses had been sharper, not to mention his speed. So now at age 19 the villagers watched his every moved with awe.
Well, who wouldn't be awed at him? He is, after all, now a sight to behold. His soft blond hair, clear blue eyes, long eye lash, perfect eyebrows, adorable whiskered cheeks, and pouty pink lips. He got a lean body too, muscled but not overly so.
His outfit was very different from his orange jumpsuit or the black and orange that he wore when he was 15. It is now a tight dark blue sleeveless shirt that is accentuated by his sleeveless jounin vest. His baggy pants are black that hung snugly at his hips, showing his shapely ass. He also had a piercing on his tongue and a stud on his left ear and a loop on the upper part of it while his hitai-ate is tied on his left arm.
And he always radiated confidence and cheeky demeanor.
He really is a walking Sex-God.
"Naruto-sama!!!"
Naruto stopped dead on his tracks, eyes going wide and his heart starts to beat erratically. The sound pounding on his ears and his breath cut short.
And all of it is not because he saw someone he likes.
Far from that.
Far, far from that.
Because 'this' is a worst wish come true.
Sure he may have foolishly wished for it when he was a kid, but he never knew that it's going to be this bad.
"Narutooo-saaamaaa!"
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Based on the sound, the 'worst wish come true' is already near him.
Who the hell told them that he's back? Oh yeah, right, the stupid guard at the gates last night must have told them.
Idiot.
Wait, is it his imagination or the rumbles of the earth shows that their numbers have doubled before he left a month ago?
He chanced a peek and sure enough, they have doubled, like gremlins on a rainy day.
Damn.
"Narutoooooo-saaammmaaaa!!!"
Uh oh.
If he does not move fast he doubts he would survive this. He barely made it after the last 'attack'.
Better move now.
Taking a deep, deep breath he leapt up and ran away from the mob. Praying fervently that he wouldn't be caught this time.
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"Baa-chan!" a loud and panicked voice echoed on the office.
Tsunade inwardly smiled fondly for she already knows who the voice belonged to. She smirked as the door slammed open and in come a disheveled-and-worse-for-wear-but-none-the-less-still-scrumptious-Naruto. His hair is sticking out in every corner, his clothes is torn and rumpled, and his face and exposed body parts are covered in lipsticks.
"What happened?" the blond woman asked, though judging from Naruto's state and his terror-filled eyes, she have already an inkling on what had happened.
"This gotta stop!! I can't take this anymore!!" the Jounin wailed, closed to tears and break down.
"Calm down Naruto, now tell me what happened?" she said coolly, trying to pacify the distraught teen.
"Baa-chan, I'm being molested! Make them stop!!"
"You know I can't stop them. It's not my fault that after finally seeing what a prick the Uchiha brat is, their admiration turns to you, but I must congratulate you, you have twice the number of fans than the Uchiha back then… though maybe one of the reason it is doubled is because of the number of your fanboys."
Naruto watched the golden-eyed woman who was snickering with wide eyes, "but I don't want this! I swear, if they touch one part of my body again…"
"You'll do what?" Tsunade asked with an arched eye brow.
"I don't know! All I know is that this gotta stop!" he wailed again, "do something!" he pleaded, and put on his best puppy eyes look on.
The lady just put a contemplative face and looks at Naruto silently for a minute. Naruto tilts his head on confusion as the woman's eyes looks at him from head to toe, holding his breath, waiting for the answer…
Finally, "All right, I'll help you."
"Yatta!" the blond cried happily, pumping his fist on his air because of joy, he did a happy dance complete with victory jigs and chants "no more molesting, no more groping, no more licking, no more, no more, no more!!"
After a few minutes of his happy dance, he stopped suddenly "oh yeah, here is my report from my last mission," he said, taking a scroll from his vest and hand it out to the woman.
"Thank you," The Godaime accepted the scroll, she read the report and she is really impressed at the result of the mission. She felt pride welling on her and darting a quick glance at the document on the table, she knew she really made a wise decision.
Smiling softly, Tsunade gave Naruto another mission that will take him two weeks before finishing; then assuring the blond teen that when he came back the problem will be resolved.
The teen giddily stepped out of the door, leaving the Hokage in deep thought with a wicked gleam on her golden eyes.
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Naruto rushed off the tower having mixed emotions. He was happy that the 'attacks' would cease but he had an uncanny feeling that asking the Hokage for help is not a good idea. He knew that the Hokage would help him rid his problem; he trust her implicitly that she would, the problem is just that the woman had just a twisted idea of the word 'help'. Take for example, the time when she first helped her fend off his fangirls, she told him to dress (not a henge) like a girl, as in a complete slutty girl. With mini skirt and halter top, with lip gloss and heels. And told all the bitches straight to their faces that he is gay.
The result is thousand of girls bawling, screaming, tears flooding, tantrums kicking in, and a lot of suicide attempts.
He couldn't have been happier.
Peace, at last. No more fangirls, no more girl stalkers, no more annoying girls blocking his way and asking him in sickeningly sweet voices if he was ok and if he wanted candies, juice, food, ramen (he had to control himself to NOT accept the offer), chocolates, dates, etc, etc…
But the peace only lasted 5 minutes.
Because the plan backfired.
And the result is worse.
Much, much worse.
Because stupid Kiba heard him say it, and announce it to the male population of Konoha.
And the result is rebuilding of the Fanclub… but the members are all boys.
Then the pussy stalkers became boys, the girls in tight clothes that blocked his way became men in leathers. The offers too change, instead of the usual candies and chocolates, it became offers of massage, backrub, lifts (as in piggy-backs ride), and sometimes kinky sex.
Not that he ever accepts the offer.
Though sometimes he had to fight teeth and claws before they understand that no means NO, and not 'yes, but I'm so shy and I have no courage to accept your offer so I will say no' no.
Unable to fend the fanboys off, he took a drastic measures, he announce that he was just lying and he is not gay, and never will be.
Thus, resulting in his fangirls coming back swooning to him again. But the stupid idiots known as the men in Konoha population refused to accept the fact that he was just lying, they said that he was just in denial.
So now his Fanclub consists of both men and women.
Life really sucks.
…
Unaware of his surroundings because of his musings, when he reached a crossed road he bumped hard into something that sent him tumbling on the pavement.
"Itte," he whimpered, rubbing his sore butt.
"Oh, sorry, Naruto," a deep and cool baritone voice floated in the air.
The blond teen blinked and looked up. He saw his jounin teacher, holding his infamous book and looking apologetically at him.
"Uhmm, it's ok, Kakashi-sensei. It's my fault, I didn't look at where I was going." He said weakly, he tried to stand up but his earlier 'attack' still made him a bit dizzy making his knees give way.
Luckily, Kakashi hold his hand and hauled him up. There was a jolt on their combined hands and both quickly pulled away. Silence reigned for a moment before the man noticed his rumpled figure and lifted a questioning eyebrow.
"Err..." the teen muttered, "I was mobbed… again,"
"Your Fanclub ambushed you again huh?" the masked jounin asked, visible eye wrinkled in amusement.
"Yeah…" he admitted sheepishly. "So, uhh, how are you Kaka-sensei?"
"Fine, I'm about to head off at my new mission. It will take me at least a month before I finished it, I think."
"Oh, I'm about to go to another mission too tomorrow... which reminds me, I have to go pack, so see you soon, Kaka-sensei!" Naruto waved and rushed off to his house.
The silver-haired man is left standing there, staring at the dust-filled road where Naruto had gone. He turned around then walked away with a wistful smile on his face.
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"Are you sure about this Tsunade-sama?" the brunette asked the Hokage two days after Naruto had gone to his mission.
The Hokage is perched on her desk and a wicked gleam is on her eyes as she writes something on the paper. "Yes, of course I'm sure."
"But Naruto-kun may not like the idea…" she told the blonde.
Tsunade's inner self smiled fondly at the thought of the Kawaii blond. She stopped writing for a while thinking what had prompted her to do this thing. First, she could help her 'brother' get rid of his obsessed fans, make the said 'brother' happy, then have a good laugh and not to mention makes a lot of money!! Rubbing her hands gleefully on her mind, she schooled her features to stop herself from grinning wickedly. "This is a good idea not to mention fun." Tsunade said dismissively, "besides he won't know this until he's back."
Shizune could almost hear the sound of cash register on her eyes and frowned knowing that there is a hidden agenda on this plan "But he is going to be the next –"
The Hokage cut her off "I know, more reason for doing this. It will not be good image for him if he will be constantly mobbed by his fans when he is supposed to be the strongest ninja."
Waiting for the inevitable, the brunette just stood there and thought what will happen when the teen returned.
"Here it's finished, I want it to be printed 10,000 copies, and give away the flyers to the other countries and villages."
Shizune just shook her head and sighed resignedly, taking the paper and doing what she was ordered to do.
After the door in her office is closed, the Godaime leaned back on the chair and cackled madly.
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Alone on the forest, the ANBU/Jounin is currently settling himself on the tree where he is going to sleep. He had been gone days now, and he is on his way to his mission. He was about to dozed off when suddenly a feeling of dread crept up on him accompanied by chills. He shuddered involuntarily
He looked at the direction of the Konoha village and he knew, that something is about to happen.
And it is bad.
Very bad.
For he could feel his newly acquired 'rabid fans alarm' tingling.
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Naruto sighed blissfully as he entered the Konoha gates a week and a half later, the dread feeling that evening long forgotten "Ahh, it's good to be back home,"
He smiled as the view of Konoha on the dusk is revealed on his eyes. Suddenly a wind blew and a piece of paper flew and hit his face. He carefully peeled it from his face and was about to throw it away when a picture caught his eye.
He looked closely at the picture of a gorgeous nearly naked young man and wondered why he seemed familiar. The man had a well muscled built and his body is glistening with sweat. His baggy jeans hung low on his hips and show the top of his boxers.
He had blond hair and blue eyes and ---
WAIT A MINUTE!!
His eyes grew as he recognized the man at the picture. He quickly read the words imprinted below and his jaw hang open, he sputtered and read it again to make sure he hadn't been hallucinating.
Attention!!
Uzumaki Naruto (picture above), a delectable and handsome 19 year old elite Jounin is currently searching for a lover. If you think you are worthy of his interest (it doesn't matter if you are man or a woman), fill in the form below and go to the Hokage's office at 8 am in the morning of the next full moon to submit it and to have an interview. See you there!
Blinded with rage, the blond stomps to the Hokage tower.
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"What the hell is the meaning of this?!" a seething blond shrieked as he burst the door open. He growled threateningly as the blond woman seated on the chair behind the desk just blinked innocently at him.
"What do you mean?" Tsunade asked in a calm and curious tone.
The cerulean eyes narrowed and he slammed the flyer on the table, "this!"
"Ohh... that..." she acknowledge nonchalantly.
"What do you mean 'Ohh… that…'??!" the blond shrieked. "Do you think it's fun to make an advertisement of me?? Do you think it's funny to come back after a hard mission and find out that -"
"I did this because you asked me to." Tsunade said simply, shrugging her shoulders.
"And do you – WHAT??"
"I said I did this because you asked me too," she repeated.
"What are you talking about, you old hag?? I did no such thing! Maybe you have gone senile and --- ITTE!! What did you hurt me for??" he yelled furiously, rubbing his injured head.
"I told you to never call me an old hag again, and I am not senile!" the Godaime yelled back and waved his fist threateningly. She took a few calming breaths and sigh, seating back again. "Listen Naruto, this is the only thing that would stop your Fanclub from harassing you."
"How is advertising for a lover will help me fend off them?" Naruto asked skeptically.
"Well, basically if you are taken, they will stop asking you to date them because you are already dating someone." She answered.
"No." the ANBU/Jounin deadpanned.
"What do you mean no?" the Hokage questioned.
"No, I will not date anyone." He answered coolly,
She smirked then said, leaning back comfortably "I'm sorry brat, but you have no choice,"
"What do you mean I have no choice?" he asked, eyes narrowing again in anger.
"Because this will be your new mission,"
Silence.
More silence.
Then, all hell broke lose.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY NEW MISSION??"
"Just like I said, you're going to date those who have passed the interviews and from them you will choose someone who you are going to get steady with." She explained. When she noticed that the Jounin's eyes are close to red (an indication of impending doom) she quickly said "don't worry, I've done the interviews myself and those who have passed are alright."
"NO! I am not going to do it! I don't care even if it is my mission!" the teen yelled and stomped of the door.
"You don't care even if I told you that this will be your last mission before you became a Hokage?" Tsunade asked with an eyebrow raised and a smile.
He stopped on his tracks and whirled around, "wh-what do you mean?"
The Godaime pick up the document that has been lying on her desks for weeks and show it to Naruto wordlessly.
"Oh my- oh my- all right! HAH! I'm going to be the Hokage," Naruto cried happily. Then finally remembering the situation, he groaned, "oh, damn…"
"So, are you going to take the mission or not? If you do, your inauguration will be exactly 2 months from now," Tsunade asked smugly, already knowing the answer.
Muttering 'black mailer old hag', he sat begrudgingly at the seat in front of the desk. Finally, he mumbled a soft "fine," while crossing his arms.
"Good." The woman nodded happily, she rummaged at the messy table and pulled out a very long parchment, "this is the list of who are you going to date, you are going to spend 5 hours each of them, since they are over a hundred -"
"What?? Over a hundred??" he asked disbelievingly at the parchment which is about 10 feet, "I thought you already interviewed them and sorted them out?"
"Of course I had, why did you think they are only a hundred. Thousands of hopefuls have come here on that day,"
"Thousands??" he squeaked.
"About eighty thousand, actually," the Hokage grunted, she can't believe that the whole Konoha will be swarmed by idiotic people whom are all imagining that they can be with the one-of-the-most-powerful-ninja-ever-and-most-shaggable-too coming from different countries. It has been chaos really, almost like the Chunnin exams almost 7 years ago. Some didn't even make it to the tower because they were ambushed, threatened or... sent back to their countries unconscious. While some of those who had braved the towers came back with damaged ears, lumps in head due to bashing, bleeding and injured body parts, and some were… traumatized and scared for life. Some even swore that they are never coming back to Konoha ever again. The Godaime can still recall the head ached that day caused. But of course after that she had gone celebrating with bottles and bottles of sake.
"But still, this is still too many," Naruto argued, when the Godaime had made no sign of relenting he sighed resignedly and saw the scripts at the parchment, "who are they? I can't seem to read the writings,"
"It will be a surprise that's why. Besides if you will know who is your date beforehand there is a chance that you may not come so the names will appear few seconds before the designated time of the date. And as you can see there is a space after the names so you can write what you think of them. If you don't like them, just cross out their name. I have another copy of the parchment and there is a jutsu that connects them. Whatever you write at this parchment will show at my copy," She explained handing out the long parchment to Naruto.
"How will you know that I've finally chosen one?" he asked curiously, getting the parchment and putting it on his vest.
"Well, at midnight before your inauguration you have to kiss the person at exactly 12 o'clock and the name of the person that you chose will glow exactly that time…"
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Few hours later, Naruto can be seen sitting at the chair on his apartment; he propped his head on his elbow and sighed heavily, he is on a deep shit, he knew it.
He took out the parchment and looked at it again. He saw that the incomprehensible names had ended in 101 but the numberings hadn't stopped there; there is still a 102 but with no name.
He sighed again; all the while wondering how will he survived this last two months having 101 first dates. But this is a mission, and he'll be damned if a simple mission such as dates will hinder his ambition to be a Hokage.
When he heard the clock chime 12:00 in the evening he stood up and yawns heading straight for the bed. But when he closed the door of his room, a bright red light suddenly engulfed the living room coming from the parchment, and when the light subsided; the blank number 102 is still glowing.
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T.B.C.