What If

I jerked up from sleep. Sweat covered my body. My breathing was coming in heavy pants. Nervously I ran my fingers through my messy black hair. The dream had been so vivid. The old fear that Soubi could actually do that to me came back again. The dream was of that night so long ago when I had asked my Fighter if he'd kill him if my supposedly dead brother commanded it. Closing my eyes I fell backwards and remembered with a heavy sigh.

'Soubi… if Seimei came back and ordered you to kill me would you?'

I remembered the shock on my Fighter's face at the question. He blinked once.

'Seimei is dead.'

'That's why I said, "If."… Answer me'

The older man had remained quiet if only for a moment even as I demanded answers of him.

'Probably,' he had answered.

'I knew it.'

I remembered struggling in his grasp trying to get away because the heartache that I felt coursing through me. I didn't want him to see the tears that were gathering in my eyes. For once I thought that he actually loved me that maybe I'd be able to be happy with him. His next words stopped my struggling.

'If such a day comes…I'll die first.'

'Soubi.'

'A life with you, Ritsuka…To me, that's...'

'You idiot,' I remembered whispering against his chest as I snuggled against him.

His scent was wrapping around me and it was a scent of comfort. He was trying in his own way to comfort me knowing that he loved me in his own way and not because my brother commanded it of him. He took my smaller hand into his own and we walked down the snow covered street. Sometimes I catch myself wondering 'What if my brother did come back and took his Fighter back?'. Where would I stand with Soubi if that were to ever happen? I didn't want to think about it but it comes up every now and then. Sighing heavily I sit up and rub my forehead. I felt a headache coming on again.

"Something wrong Ritsuka?" a familiar sultry voice washed over me.

A smile spread across my lips. Looking up I met the deep blue cat eyes of my Fighter. For some reason he always seemed to know when I needed him. With a felines grace I watched him move towards the bed. I scooted back until my back was resting against the wall to make room for him to sit down. Often I catch myself watching his fluid movements in awe. I blinked owlishly as I watched him yet again. His long slender fingers reached out and ran down my cheeks. With great embarrassment heat washed over my face and I knew I was blushing heavily. I always blushed when he touched me even in the most innocent manner. There was something about him that I couldn't quiet describe, a feeling that I couldn't put into words that happened every time he touched me. Of course I had a general idea what he was doing to me. For the life of me and as hard as I tried I fell in love with my Fighter. The world would see something wrong with that but the bond we share is something special that very few would understand or comprehend.

"Ritsuka what is it?" his Fighter's voice washed over him.

"Nothing," I breath softly.

"It isn't nothing. What's troubling you?"

In the time since that dream and now Soubi had become more shall I say loving not that I minded. I actually liked it, a lot.

"I dreamed of that night again," I whispered softly.

I don't know how he did it but the man broke down my defenses with sweet words and loving arms. As if on cue he wrapped his arms around him and whispered soft nothings into my ear. His warm breath fanned over my ear and neck and it made a pleasant shiver run down my back. He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. Somehow tears stood in my eyes now. Strange that I didn't feel the stinging sensation that normally comes with tears when they appear in my dark gaze. With gentle hands he cupped my face and whipped the tears with his thumbs.

"It was a dream," he reassured me.

"I know, but I can't shake…" I began.

His finger on my lips stopped me.

"It was a dream. You and I are together now."

"I know but I still can't…"

"Ritsuka," he began.

"What?" I asked.

"I love you."

There were those words again. To think that once upon a time I rejected those words knowing he didn't mean them. That it was just a command from my older brother to him. Now I know he means them.

"I love you too," I whisper back softly.

He smiled at me a heart melting smile that I know he saves for me and me alone. My ears twitched as his fingers moved up in my hair and began rubbing them. I melted into his embrace. I didn't know how he did it but every time he rubbed my cat ears I couldn't escape his grasp even though I wouldn't dream of doing so. A familiar heat shot through me as he rubbed my ears and his soft lips touched mine. He promised me that we wouldn't do anything beyond kissing until I was old enough by society's standards, but times like this I wanted to let loose and let him take my ears and tail. The crashing downstairs made both of us start. He jerked back from me and looked me in the eyes. There was a strange look in his eyes.

"Soubi?" I asked him.

He got up and pulled me up beside him and then pushed me behind him. The door to my room slowly opened. A tall shadowed figure stepped into the room. This figure had the familiar cat ears. Soubi had stilled. There was something wrong here, but I couldn't pin point it. My ears laid back. The air around me became oppressive and it was weighing heavily on my shoulders.

"Soubi," a familiar voice washed over me and my Fighter.

Both of us stiffened in shock. We knew who it was. Soubi stood up straighter and his hands fisted at his sides. I was getting nervous. 'Was Soubi going to abandon me now? Was he going to follow my brother and kill me?' Those thoughts kept running through my mind. Fear was rushing through me I didn't want to loose something that I've just learned to love. I couldn't stand the thought as I stood up straighter. My courage spiked as I was about ready to step in front of my Fighter to do who knows what considering my fighting skills were limited.

"Kill my brother Soubi," I heard the words that I had dreaded since I dreamed of it.

I couldn't move. My feet were frozen to the floor as I tried to tell my body to run. It wouldn't listen to me. Image after image flashed in front of my eyes as I watched my Fighter turn on me. No, Soubi was now my brother's Fighter again. He'd obey my brother now. This was going to be my end. I couldn't speak even if I wanted to, to refute the order my brother just gave. My heart constricted painfully. Something made me start though. There was something, a familiar emotion, swimming through his dark gaze. Hope flared in my heart, just like the phoenix rising from the ashes.

"No," Soubi said softly.

His voice was strained though if he was fighting some invisible collar.

"What?" my brother asked in a deadly voice.

"No, I can't."

"I own you," I heard my brother growl.

I decided to keep quiet if I spoke things might become more troublesome. I couldn't move to help my Fighter. Soubi turned his back on me, but I know that he was doing what he had to. He was fighting the old bonding that he and his Fighter use to have.

"No, I'm Ritsuka's Fighter now," he bit out.

"You belong to me. You two aren't even whole."

"We are together," Soubi insisted again.

Seimei laughed sadistically.

"He can't love," Seimei began through his laughing. "He is Loveless after all."

Soubi stood still and didn't rise to my brother's bait to protect me. That was my name but I deny it because I love my friends, my mother, and most of all, my Fighter. One day we'd complete our bonding by letting Soubi take my ears and tail which I was more than willing to give to him.

"Ritsuka is my Sacrifice."

"How easily you forget that you're bound to me."

There was a crazy glint in my brother's eyes. Before I realized what was happening my brother lunged for me. I couldn't move as a knife appeared in his hands ready to plunge the sharp object into my heart. I swore for a moment my heart stopped as I watched my Fighter get in the way and take the knife in the shoulder. A wet snap resonated through the place. Time spanned back to normal as my brother dropped to the floor. The clattering of the knife on the floor brought my gaze up to my injured Fighter, and brought me rushing to his side as he sank to the floor. His hand was trying to stop the blood flow. There was so much blood. I was afraid for him at that point. Soubi reached out and pulled me against him. His blood soaked my shirt. His lips somehow found mine. I pulled back and took off my shirt and placed it over the wound.

"Don't die on me," I sobbed against him as I put pressure on the wound.

"Don't cry koi," he breathed softly. "It'll be all right."

Those feelings from before came rushing back as my tears flowed down my face. I couldn't loose him now. He sagged against me.

"Soubi?" I cried frantically. "Soubi!!!?"

Tears blinded me.

I shot awake. My breathing was erratic at best. Thankfully I hadn't shot up and disturbed the man sleeping next to me. His bare chest was pale beneath the moonlight. The dark scar on his shoulder was the testament to the fact that the fight with his brother hadn't been a dream. My body was still sore from their play earlier that day. It felt good truthfully after the first few minutes of pain. They were completely bonded now not that they weren't before. Their sexual activities only cemented the bonding.

"Go back to sleep koi," a sleepy voice said startling me from my trance and musing.

"I was just thinking."

I watched as his eyes lazily came open. I was once again caught in their seductive gaze. He reached out and pulled me against him. His warmth always astounded me. His scent wrapped around me again comforting me. My brother had killed my mother that night and I was forced into the care of a relative. They didn't approve of my relationship with Soubi in any form be it friendship or what we really were lovers. I couldn't take it anymore because I had to be with Soubi. I left those people and now lived with my lover. After that night I never felt alone anymore. I was sixteen now, and I allowed my long time lover take my ears and tail. I didn't care what people thought. Even my friends accepted the fact that Soubi and I were lovers. I was once again brought from my deep thoughts by my lovers' voice.

"Ritsuka what is it?"

"Just thinking again."

Soubi chuckled softly as he pulled me against him tighter this time. I nuzzled against my Fighter's chest and ran my hand lazily through his gold locks. His skilled fingers ran up and down my back. It was a soothing motion that lulled me into sleep before. I smiled softly before sinking into sleep snuggled into my lovers embrace.