Akatsuki Job Interview

Some Background…

Itachi and Deidara have decided to apply in person at Dior downtown. There weren't too many other high maintenance men who were beautiful enough or sculpted enough to get this modeling job anyway. However, they also needed brains for this job too…well some brains…

It was 9:30 in the morning and Kisame was indulged in the paper in the kitchen. However, the scent of cologne pulled his nose out of the weekly K-Mart ad.

"Wow! You look….wow you look really sharp today! Oh you and Deidara have that job interview don't you?" Kisame asked eyeing Itachi's ultra classy white suit.

"Yes, we do. Now, where are my pills?" Itachi started searching kitchen cabinets for his rage medication. "Kisame where the fuck are my pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled.

"Dude, just relax, your pills are in that drawer." Kisame pointed to a drawer and then Deidara appeared in all his blonde glory.

"Itachi do these pants make me look hippy, yeah?"

"No they look nice. Wait isn't that MY shirt?" Itachi questioned.

"Itachi! This is no time for you to quiz me about whether or not you paid for this shirt. Just tell me if it looks nice, yeah!" Deidara said frustrated.

"Yeah, yeah it's fine." Itachi said absentmindedly.

"Deidara, seriously, it's fine." Hidan reassured him from the living room.

"Hey you know Tobi interviews at the bank today?" Zetsu asked anyone who would answer him.

"What the hell kind of job does Tobi think he's going to get at the bank?" Sasori asked.

"I don't know, but he's applying today." Zetsu said.

"Okay, Deidara do you have our resumes that Dana typed up for us?" Itachi asked.

"Yes, they are right here, yeah!" Deidara held them in Itachi's face."

"Good, now put those away, we have to go. Wish us luck!" Itachi said as he and Deidara hurried out the door.

"Those two will never get that job." Sasori said after they had left.

"Hey, I don't know, I think they will get the job. Dior needs those two; it means they will be in this apartment less." Zetsu said.

"That's such a good point you prove." Kisame said.

Now we'll shift our focus downtown to Dior…

"Now, Deidara, don't say anything stupid in this interview. Anything you say to make us sound like retards could cost us a hell of a lot of free clothes and the chance to get free stuff for Dana and Marisol." Itachi said before they walked through the doors of Dior.

"Itachi, I so never say stupid things, yeah. You can't get crazy angry the way you do, yeah!" Deidara warned.

"Come on, let's go…wait….how do we look?" Itachi wondered before they went inside.

"Itachi, I'm sure we look good, yeah." Deidara said with confidence. And with that said, into Dior they went.

"Now, let me do all the talking." Itachi whispered as they approached one of the current employees.

Meanwhile, back at the apartment Tobi was rushing around getting ready for his bank job interview.

"Tobi? What kind of job are you applying for at the bank anyway?" Zetsu asked.

"Teller! I can count really well!" Tobi said with joy spread over his face. Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He whispered to himself. He figured he would humor Tobi. After all it was nice that Tobi had the confidence to go out there and apply for a bank job.

"Hi, we're here for our interview, we're the models you're looking for. You can probably tell by the hair." Itachi said. Deidara rolled his eyes, and to think Itachi told HIM not to say anything retarded.

"Oh good! Come with me. I'll take you both to our boss; her name is Norma, nice lady." And so Itachi and Deidara followed this obviously gay guy to Norma's office.

"Norma! You're 10:00 is here! You're going to like what you see!" the guy yelled into the woman's office.

"Oh! Mark! Send them in!" Norma called.

"Go inside, and good luck!" the obviously gay Mark squealed and then he took off. Itachi pushed Deidara through the door and here they stood before the boss, who was in her late 50's.

"Hello! There welcome to Dior…wait….don't sit down…let me look at you." Norma got up from her desk and began to examine Itachi first.

"Just so you know, Norma, can I call you Norma? I'm one inch taller and 2 pounds lighter than him." Itachi said as he felt her eyes all over him.

"Hmmmm, you definitely have the sexy working for you, please sit down have a chai latte. Now, you…my god….tell me about this hair….is it….natural blonde?"

"Yeah." Deidara said sparkling all over.

"And how long is it?" Norma asked.

"Fourteen and one half inches, yeah!" Deidara said. Norma put her hands in Deidara long silky hair without his permission.

"Silky, oh, nicely taken care of. Sit down! Let me talk to you boys!" Norma walked to her desk and took their resumes. She put her glasses on and began to scan.

"You're job experience includes working for a super evil organization?"

"Yeah, it's good stuff." Itachi said. Norma was puzzled but she kept reading.

"And how does…being evil….tie into fashion?" she asked.

"Well, first off, we wear only Chanel no. 5 smoke violet nail enamel, yeah. We also have these robes that were designed by some guy for our leader, yeah. Oh, and our bedroom…is done in designer bedding, yeah." Deidara thought he had made a strong argument.

"Hmmm, well that seems logical." Norma said.

"Now, lets talk about what skills you two have because I don't see any of your skills listed here."

"Well, as you can see, I'm hot…I mean really hot. And I truly appreciate the value of good clothes." Itachi said.

"Listen…to….this, yeah!" Deidara's eyes sparkled. "Okay, I love art and birds, yeah! Oh, and I only use salon shampoo and conditioner, yeah." There was a long pause.

"O……K…..that's nice…..but what can you to DO. What kinds of skills do you have." Norma wasn't getting the answer she needed. Itachi and Deidara looked at one another and then back at Norma.

"What can we do? Oh god! Woooo! Yeah, okay, well I have three tongues. Three, yeah. Can you imagine what I can do with three tongues? I mean I could like give you my girlfriend's number and you could call her and she could…."

"That's nice Deidara I think she's heard enough!" Itachi cut him off by kicking the hell out of Deidara.

"Don't listen to him, now me for instance, I have Mangekyou Sharingan."

"And……what's that?" Norma asked.

"Oh, I can totally make people's lives a living hell just buy looking at them. I mean if someone comes in here wearing plaid….I can give them a look that says 'get that shit off your ass or else'."

"Oh nice, so it's like…..a marketing technique?" Norma asked. Itachi thought a moment.

"Sure." Itachi said leaning back in his chair.

"Oh! Norma, I'm really good with my hands, yeah."

"Good, good. I like what I hear. Now, we need to talk about your references."

We'll come back to this interview a little later, for now we should go check in with Tobi….I wonder how things are going for him?