That Complicated Brilliance
A/N: While reading a S/J story recently, my muse ran away with me to the unfathomable oceans of metaphorical storytelling. This piece, a strangely poetic story that I don't think I even fully understand, begged to be uploaded and read by as many eyes as could reach it. So I hope you will read and review my story, and hopefully appreciate its message.
I suppose this story is what you could call an experimental Art House fanfiction. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG-1.
It was never enough.
Brilliance is as much a curse as a blessing. To the simple mind, brilliance is a dream. To the brilliant mind, simplicity is a craving. And yet, when all things are said and done, simple can never quite satisfy the brilliant mind. Simple is never enough.
After ignoring all those years of the complicated brilliance I had found with him, I found simplicity. A simplicity that was right in front of me, so achievable, so reachable. So much closer than that complicated brilliance. So I took it.
But he was never quite enough.
The simplicity of our relationship, the depth of our love was all too accessible. It was too easy. A scientist always looks for the mathematical situation, the problem in need of solving. This equation was simple. Man + woman love. Too simple.
Sometimes I hate the scientist in me. The constant voice of reason when every other voice is trembling. To think that I believed my love for him to be purely academic. That I only thought I loved him because it was a challenge that would prove hard to solve. Of course, it was the scientist in me who decided that the simple was what I really needed. I needed a simple man with no strings attached. No complications. No brilliance.
But the road that was supposed to lead from A to B turned around and went back home.
Pete was never enough. His simplicity, adorable as it was, was never what I wanted. The scientist in me forced him upon the rest of my self, reassuring me with logic and clever calculation. It was wrong. For once in my life, my inner scientist was wrong.
I didn't want Pete. I wanted simplicity. And even when I had it, it wasn't enough. I wanted him more than I wanted a simple life. I needed him. I needed that complicated brilliance.
Sometimes the scientist in me makes me smile. It can woo me with logic and facts, but it is a thing of brilliance, all modesty aside. For the scientist within me knows that all things, when derived to their simplest form are just that – simple. That complicated brilliance, like all things, can be simplified to its ultimate derivation. It's simplest explanation.
I love him.
Simple.
Rules, regulations, propriety do not fit in the purest form of that complicated brilliance. They are the results of introduced variables, some beyond our control, and others within it. So I guess I do crave the simple, after all - his love.
To the brilliant mind, simplicity is a craving. To the simple mind, brilliance is a dream. I have always needed simplicity. But the simplicity of Jack O'Neill is brilliant, after all.
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