What I can do Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not mine so don't sue

Warning: AU set between ELAC and Bloodlust

A/N: So we have reached the end of the story, I hope you have all enjoyed the ride. I promise there is more to come on If Only soon. Now on with the story!

The room was bathed in early morning light when he heard a pounding on his door. Dean pulled the blankets off of him, struggling to sit upright as he barked out, "Come in already."

Bobby opened the door to the bedroom seeing the bleary eyed Dean sitting upright. "Where's your brother?"

"How the hell should I know," Dean growled, swinging his feet over the bed. "Haven't been his babysitter since he was twelve."

"Dean!"

"What!" he answered back in anger. "He's a big boy he can take care of himself."

"Yeah you'd think so, but I found this out of the table," Bobby said, holding up a note book before tossing it at Dean's who plucked it out of the air. "And I think something else is going on," he announced, hoping to get the fire lit under Dean's behind. He'd be damned to go through that again. "So where has Sam been bunking if not here?"

Dean looked guilty as he caught the book and flipped through the pages. After briefly scanning the words, his big brother instincts immediately kicked in and he was moving past Bobby into the hall. "He said he would sleep next door." Dean finished as he knocked gently on the closed door. "Sam? Sam, you awake?" Dean called as he turned the knob under his hand. The door swung open easily and a gasp escaped him as he took in the room.

Bobby stepped inside the room, finding it as he last remembered it. Sam was inside the circle knife still clenched in his hand and the wound on his left wrist was oozing blood. The candles flared and then sputtered out when Dean crossed the circle obliterating the symbols in his rush to reach his brothers side. Bobby moved silently to Sam's other side waiting for this to play out between the brothers before stepping in.

Dean dropped to his knees next to Sam, taking in his sickly pallor before checking for a pulse. He grabbed his brother's face, seeing the tear stains down his cheeks. Dean's heart raced as he looked around the room and then back to his brother. "Sammy? What the hell did you do?" He asked quietly.

Sam felt like his world was on fire, it wasn't supposed to be like this. Dean was leaning over him, talking to him.

He's not supposed to be able to see me. He thought blearily.

Sam pulled his eyes open further; a keening whimper coming from him. "No you're not supposed to be here, you can't remember me, have to forget about me," he said in a delirium. "They promised no one would remember me. It's a good trade." Sam stared at Dean, wanting to remember him before he forgot everything. "Go now, don't remember. It's a good trade, he's better than me," Sam babbled before he started a coughing fit that left him limp and breathless.

Dean instinctively knew that whatever Sam had been attempting it was to try and bring their father back. He pulled his brother up further into his hold, trying to assist with the coughing. "I can't forget you, Sammy, never. You can't do whatever it is you're trying to do. Dad's gone and this won't bring him back."

"Yes it will, it will," Sam said frantically, struggling to free himself from his brother. "Just walk out the door and he'll be back and I'll be gone. Everything will be okay again."

"No! Sam, it won't ever be okay again. Dad's gone and he's not coming back," Dean choked, actually hearing what he was saying. Understanding the words for the first time. "We… we have to accept that. You killing yourself won't change that."

"Please, it's all my fault this can fix this, end this…for you." Sam finished, struggling to raise a shaking hand to Dean's cheek. "You won't hurt anymore Dean, you'll never know I was gone, you can have Dad back…better than being stuck with too little too late..." Sam began another round of coughing that left his lips blue as his eyes rolled back in his head. The gentle touch on Dean's face fell away as Sam's arm fell limply to his side with a soft thump.

"Sammy, Sam! Don't do this! Open your eyes," Dean pleaded, as he stroked his brother's face, shaking him slightly.

"Come on, Dean. Let's get him back into the other bedroom. We can check him out from there and get him cleaned up." Bobby said gently, hoping to prevent the tragedy from going any further. He silently cursed himself for letting it get this far along. He had miscalculated how close they were to losing Sam the first time he used the spell. Bobby hoped they were not too late.

Bobby was relieved after listening to Sam's chest. It sounded tight with congestion, but it didn't have the telltale rattle that pneumonia always presented in the youngest Winchester. He and Dean had worked steadily over the three hours to get Sam cleaned up and situated into bed.

He let Dean take the lead, knowing it was cathartic for him to be in charge of taking care of Sam. The knife wound had been cleaned and wrapped and Dean had deferred to Bobby only when it came to listening to Sam's breathing, as Bobby had more experience in field medicine than he did.

"He's picked up a wicked case of bronchitis but I've got enough antibiotics around here to keep it from getting worse. We just need to keep an eye on him and get him hydrated again."

"Why'd he do it, Bobby?" Dean asked sitting in a chair next to his brother's bed.

"You're going to have to ask him about that, Dean," Bobby answered, giving a slight scowl to the young man. "But I think you both need to start talking to each other about your daddy and what his passing is doing to you."

Deans eyes welled up as he looked at his baby brother; his responsibility. "It hurts Bobby, everything all the time, it just hurts. I don't know what to do to stop it. I just miss him," Dean whispered, running a quick finger comb through Sam's hair.

Bobby rested his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Maybe that's what you need to tell Sam, cause he's feeling the same way. Got some awful guilt from what I can see. And somehow he got it into his head that trading his life for your dad's was something you wanted."

"No, I don't want anyone else to die for me. I have my own guilt," Dean murmured, looking up at Bobby, but not willing to explain further. "Thanks"

"No problem," the hunter replied, heading towards the door. "I'm going to make some soup for Sam. See if you can get him up. And don't forget what I said."

"I won't," Dean said watching the older man slip out of the room.

Dean watched Sam sleep; his face peaceful and at rest. He regretted the need to wake him, but Bobby was right they needed to talk. And the longer he put it off the more likely they were to have another one of these episodes. Dean didn't think he could go through this again.

"Sam, hey bro, it's almost lunch time lazy bones, time to wake up."

Sam grumbled in his sleep, but finally cracked open his eyes. "Dean? What's goin' on?"

"Bobby's making lunch," Dean began, looking at his brother, placing his hand on Sam's arm. "But before I subject you to that torture we need to talk, to keep what happened this morning from happening again."

Sam looked down at the bed refusing to meet Dean's eyes. "I .."

"No, Sam I want you to listen to me," Dean said, interrupting him with a wave of the hand. "Since dad…since he died, we haven't, I haven't tried to talk with you. I'm sorry, it's just I can't, I'm not ready, I don't know when I will be, but I promise when I am, I will talk to you about it, about him." Dean stopped himself, taking a deep breath and plowing forward. "I know you want to talk about how you feel and I want to listen I swear I do, and I need you to know that I need you here but please just give me some time. I'll get there Sammy I will." Dean's hand brushed against Sam's arm, feeling the shakes that still encompassed his brother. "But trying to kill yourself is not the way! If you're gone then I will be too. We're a team, we're all that's left and we'll see it to the end. You promised me that," Dean finished voice cracking.

Sam finally stole a glance upward to see the devastation clear in Dean's eyes. But he saw something he hadn't seen since that horrible day in the hospital; he saw hope.

While he knew that it would be a long road before Dean let him in, at least he knew he would eventually let him in. "I won't do it again Dean, I'm sorry too," Sam managed, breaking into a more controlled cough, but settling himself on his own. "After everything that… I thought it was what you needed. I just wanted to do something to help you and everything I've done just made things worse."

"Just be here Sam, just be here," Dean said pulling his brother into a tight hug.

"That I can do, that I can do."

Hope liked the ending!!