What's Happening In Hyrule – A Castle Town Chronicle Special
by Allexandra Radcliffe
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Oh wow.
It's been over half a year since I last updated this. Sorry! Things got me distracted...like all the Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII stuff, and going on a mad webcomic reading rampage, and school... But then I found that I'd actually written the next couple chapters a while back and forgot about them, so I have no real excuse.
In any case, a huge huggle to everyone who reviewed and faved! I swear I'll finish this! Just stick with me for a little while once I get my head out my OC world!
Disclaimer: Don't own Legend of Zelda or any other reference in this.
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While we were digging through our storage room today, we came across an ancient room – covered by a conveniently placed box – that was revealed to be a vault for the Castle Town Chronicle of ancient times! So in order to showcase and preserve our illustrious Hylian history, we have reproduced one of the issues for you.
The Castle Town Chronicle
Attempted Kidnapping of Princess Zelda Failed
The nursemaid/bodyguard of young Princess Zelda apparently lost track of the heir to the throne yesterday. Several citizens reported a small blond-haired girl playing every game in the Market with a young boy in green. An inside source in Hyrule Castle report the Princess and Impa had a minor argument that night about the boy in green, the Ocarina of Time, and a group of would-be kidnappers. Apparently, the boy in green protected her from the kidnappers, who appeared to be from the Gerudo tribe.
No one yet knows how this will affect the king's talks with the new leader of the Gerudo, Ganondorf Dragmire, or how several Castle Town merchants will recover from the loss of goods they gave the princess free of charge because "she was just too cute!"
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Applicants Wanted For New, Well-Paid Position
Responding to the complaints of numerous lazy Castle Town residents, the king is creating the new job of Royal Postman for the Kingdom of Hyrule. Applicants must be fast, reliable, and willing to work on a rigid schedule. Please inquire at Hyrule Castle if interested.
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New Shop In The Market!
Recently, the Happy Mask Shop opened in the long-abandoned building right next to the road to the castle. The Happy Mask Salesman greeted us with a strange, happy smile, and told us his story.
"I've been searching all over for this one very special mask, and when I reached this place, I sensed it nearby. I haven't been able to locate it yet, but this is a nice place, so I decided to stay for a while and open up a shop." His expression changed rapidly before he spoke again, leaving our reporter speechless. "I must find it, I must! Who knows what terrible fate could befall this world if I don't?" His original smile returned then, scaring our reporter even further. "I'm sorry, please forget that. Come buy a mask one day and fill your life with happiness!"
So go buy a mask and welcome another crazy person to this town of ours.
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Missing – Talon of Lon Lon Ranch
Young Malon of Lon Lon Ranch was seen by the fountain earlier, singing loudly and apparently searching for her father. Those who know Talon seriously doubt he's missing; he most likely fell asleep while delivering milk to Hyrule Castle. One would wonder why we haven't heard his ridiculously loud snoring, but he might have found a good place this time.
Update – Talon Has Woken Up
A little after sunrise this morning, the Hyrule Castle guards reported a loud rooster crow from near the service entrance. Half a minute later, Talon apparently dashed through the gate, nearly running over one of the guards in his rush to find Malon. Some claim the guards were sleeping as well, but no concrete proof of this exists. Except for the fact that everyone knows the Castle Town guards are completely incompetent.
Huge Sales In The Market! Today Only!
Hylian Shields, Only 80 Rupees! Limited edition, only a few in stock: buy one now or regret it!
One dragon for sale, 70 Rupees at the Bazaar.
Advertising Section
Do you like spitting at your customers? Enjoy charging ridiculous prices for useless things? Come join the Business Scrubs School of Commerce! We'll teach you everything you need to know to become a successful salesperson! (We regret that all applicants join at their own risk.)
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A blast from the past. I'll do my best to make these longer in the future!
Reviews please?