Stupid Cupid

See disclaimer in part 1

As the Emperor and the Queen emerged onto the unmanned castle wall, Yggdra wrapped her arms around her chest and shivered. The temperature had dropped another five or ten degrees, and it was surprisingly cold outside.

Gulcasa looked back at her with concern. "Are you alright? Here—" he removed his scarlet cloak and draped it around her shoulders, pressing the clasp into her hands "—wrap up in this, it's getting nasty out here."

Yggdra nodded slowly in thanks and closed the clasp, stroking the back of her hand against the plush fabric in admiration—Gulcasa had good taste. "B-but… what about you…?"

Gulcasa favored her with a slight smile and shook his head. "I'm fine. The cold—never bothers me as much as it does everyone else. It's because of my blood—dragon's blood is much warmer than human blood, so… my body temperature is higher than an ordinary person's, even in weather like this. It's no big deal."

"I… see." Looking up at him, Yggdra tugged his cloak a little closer around her shoulders and carefully pulled her hair out from under it. "Gulcasa… what did you want to talk about?"

He looked at her, then away, placing his hands on his hips and staring out across the horizon. "I…" He sighed and shook his head slowly. "I… barely even know where to start, or how to say it… but I know I have to try. Nessiah made me promise that I would, and I've always trusted his judgment a lot more than my own. Yggdra, I…"

She stood silently as he looked at the stone beneath his feet, then sat on the crenelations of the wall and turned back towards her with a wistful smile.

"You know, I… since I was a kid, I've always had a really bad temper. My parents always told me since I was little that I had to make sure I could keep it under control, though—after all, growing up in a time where it was dangerous even to be associated with someone of Brongaa's bloodline, if I got too mad and said something that could give me away, it would've been the death of me and my family."

Yggdra nodded. "…I heard about the purges organized by my father and the old Emperor. That must've been terrible for you. I'm… sorry I never—"

But Gulcasa was already shaking his head. "It had nothing to do with you. You have nothing to apologize for. Anyway… I learned young to keep my head where it needed to be, and keep a rein on my emotions. Usually I've been good about it, especially as I got older, got stronger. If I lost it with a weapon in my hands… Well." He shook his head again, leaving it to Yggdra's imagination to fill in a possibility. "There've always been times when it was too much—when even with all my control, I couldn't keep it together and ended up taking it out on people around me—but usually, my temper's not too much of a problem.

"But, Yggdra…" His voice trailed off, and he looked away from her again, staring at the ground. "I…"

Yggdra took another few steps towards him, shivering with a chill that had nothing to do with the cold. "What is it?"

"You know the Ritual of Soul Unbinding?" Gulcasa asked suddenly, his golden eyes piercing as he glanced back up at her for a moment. "It never really got explained to you back then, but… long, long ago, Paltina's heirs and their magician allies fought and defeated Brongaa, but even with the Gran Centurio, the dragon couldn't be killed. So they tore Brongaa's soul from his body and bound it in what's known as Lost Aries now, leaving him in eternal sleep beneath my country. That's why it's called Bronquia—Land of the Sleeping Dragon. Even we—Brongaa's human descendants—knew that it would be dangerous to try to wake him, so we chose to rule in his stead, but we've always known how, if we ever had to.

"You see, the seal in Lost Aries was meant to be broken by blood—by the blood of Paltina's line, the monarchs of Fantasinia, your blood, and the blood of Brongaa's line… my blood. That's why we took you captive when we knew we might have to call on Brongaa's strength to save our land and destroy your Kingdom forever."

"But Brongaa wouldn't have stopped with just us," Yggdra said quietly, staring at her shoes. "He—would've destroyed everything, Gulcasa. Your country, mine, all human civilization… and nothing could've been done to stop him…"

Gulcasa nodded slowly. "I know that now. But—like I said, I wasn't thinking then. I let my desperation rule me, and because of that, I put my own people in the worst kind of danger. All I can do is regret my actions then. I can't change them, no matter how much I want to. …Anyway…

"Anyway, after your blood and my blood were given to the seal, I carried out the rest of that part of the ritual, so that Brongaa's soul could be awakened and carried in a mortal receptacle. Me. Of course—we didn't need you after that. If your friends hadn't come after you, we probably would've wound up killing you. Aegina and Luciana were most adamant that we dispose of you once your role was through, since I'd refused to let them take part, in case there were unforeseen dangers to the people involved in the ritual that had been lost over the generations.

"And then all that remained was to return Brongaa's soul to his body, at the altar above the abyss where he sleeps—where the old Flarewerk used to be." Gulcasa's eyes went dark as he stared into the distance, smiling bitterly. "The last part of the ritual, that we knew we couldn't complete unless we really had no other choice. Because in order for Brongaa to be free to awaken…"

"…The receptacle would have to sacrifice himself on that altar, spill his blood into the abyss, and die… freeing Brongaa's soul to send it back to the dragon's body," Yggdra said softly. "…You truly did… mean to kill yourself there, didn't you…"

"But you stopped me. And I… couldn't be more grateful," Gulcasa told her, finally meeting her gaze. "Brongaa took advantage of my grief and my despair to propel me towards something I really shouldn't have done, but you stopped me. You saved me. You saved us all."

"Gulcasa…"

"I couldn't be more grateful," he repeated, then lapsed into silence for a moment before hanging his head. "But… because the ritual was never completed… Yggdra…" He put a hand over his heart, clenching his fist on his shirt and bunching the black fabric in his hand. "Brongaa is still inside me."

He looked up at her, and her heart ached at the sickened, desperate pain in his eyes. "And—and even though there's no longer any way for Brongaa to return to his own body, since the Chamber was destroyed when Flarewerk burned… Brongaa has a body now, and—wants to keep it.

"It's… every day is a struggle, a battle for possession of this body. If—if Brongaa gets control of me again, I don't think I'll be able to fight him off a second time. All my emotions—anger, hatred, battle fever, lust, fear—they're so much harder to keep hold of. I'm dangerous, Yggdra. There've been times I've been nearly overwhelmed with fury, with hate, so that I have to struggle just to hold back the urge to kill. And if I let the way I feel get away from me, then—Brongaa will take advantage of that. I can't let him win.

"It's like being five years old again and unable to keep my temper in check, but so much worse. Only time can tell if I'll learn, the same way I did then, or if Brongaa will keep getting stronger and stronger until the day I'm overwhelmed and too exhausted to fight back. And until then—I have to keep my distance from you, to keep you safe."

"But, Gulcasa…!" Yggdra shook her head. "I can help you, I know I can! If you're struggling, then with the right support, you can—"

"You don't understand," he insisted. "That day we went riding together, and those bandits attacked us—I came so close to losing myself again in that fight, I could barely control myself, and, and Brongaa was just right there ready to take over the instant I slipped… and then you were there, so worried, so helpless, and all I could think was, 'Oh God, what if I snap and I hurt her?' Don't—don't get me wrong, Yggdra. You're strong. I know how strong you are. But you don't have the Gran Centurio anymore. You've sworn an oath never to fight again, and even if you could break that vow—that scepter you carry everywhere would be worthless in battle. You can't protect yourself anymore. So I have to protect you, and stay away until I know there's no threat in my being near you."

"But, Gulcasa—!" Yggdra protested. He held up a hand to cut her off.

"I… I just can't risk it," he said with a shake of his head, his eyes intense with torment. "Yggdra, I—I love you too much to put you in that kind of danger. If you were too close when I lost my temper, you could be seriously injured or killed." He stood up and paced a few steps back and forth, stopping in front of her. "And—and the heavens only know—I need you so badly it's like a, a sickness. Don't ever think I try to stay distant because I don't…" Even now, deadly serious as he was, Yggdra could see he was embarrassed saying it in the light flush on his face in the cold. "I want you, Yggdra. I want—I need to belong to you, my body as well as my heart. But—the way I am right now, I… I could hurt you so easily. I'd never be able to live with myself if that happened."

"Gulcasa…"

"But I'm not giving up," he said stubbornly. "It would destroy me to walk away from you forever. I'm—a danger to you, in this unstable state, but I have to believe that one day I'll be able to stand beside you, flawed as I may be. So…" He sighed, then pulled something out of his pocket.

Something cold touching Yggdra's cheek distracted her, making her look up, surprised. "It's snowing…"

Gulcasa tried a smile. "All the better, then." He held out his hand to her, and Yggdra stared at what lay in his palm, her breath stolen by wonder. "This is for you, as a promise. You know what they say—a white ribbon on White's Day, when the snow is falling…"

"…Brings everlasting love," Yggdra finished, smiling as tears started to sting her eyes.

"Here." Gulcasa reached behind her and pulled her black ribbon loose, handing it to her before replacing it with the white one. "I'll fix it for you. Your hands'll be too stiff from the cold. Since I've looked after my sisters for so long, I know how, so don't worry."

Yggdra stood still and let him tie it, basking in his closeness. She didn't think her heart had ever felt this full before, even after all the miracles she'd borne witness to.

"There." Gulcasa rested his hands on her shoulders and looked down at her, his expression so wistful it hurt. "This is a promise, you understand? I won't give up until I know I can be with you. I'll never give up."

"Gulcasa…"

"I love you," he said softly but fiercely. And then he leaned in and kissed her.

Oh, my, thought Yggdra as a bubble of nervous bliss exploded in her chest, for a moment too surprised to close her eyes. Then she did, with a soft sigh of surrender as she leaned into his arms. Time seemed to slow, and Yggdra tried to engrave every detail of every moment into her heart so that she'd never, ever forget a second of it: The achingly sweet warmth Gulcasa radiated, the faint tickle as strands of his hair brushed her face, the firm press of his lips on hers, his hand fisted in her hair like he never wanted to let go.

It was over in another heartbeat. Gulcasa pulled away with that same heartbreakingly sad smile, releasing her shoulder and stepping back so that her hands drifted off his chest, softly pulling his hand from her hair so that wisps and tendrils drifted off his fingers in a wheat-golden cascade. "Someday," he told her in a whisper, then turned and walked off, hands in his pockets.

As she watched him getting further and further off, something tore at Yggdra's insides. It was too much. It was just too painful, too final, and all she could do was stand there while her heart broke and he left her standing shattered here, her joy tumbling away in a rush.

"No!"

Her vision blurring with tears, Yggdra tore after him in a headlong sprint. He halted and turned at the sound of her voice, looking shocked, as she threw herself at him.

"Yggdra, what—" He only got that far before she went up on tiptoe and kissed him back.

After half a heart's beat of shock, Gulcasa eased her down, putting her arms around her and closing with gentle force as she parted her lips slightly against his. Yggdra shivered slightly as he deepened the kiss—apparently resolving to do the thing properly this time—and bent her back a little, shifting his lips on hers to give them a moment to breathe.

When they pulled apart and stared at each other, Gulcasa breathless and bewildered, Yggdra desperate and shaking, Yggdra's lips were throbbing slightly in time with her heartbeat. It took all her willpower not to reach out and start all over again—kissing Gulcasa was like breathing and drowning all at once, and more intoxicating than any wine—but she managed.

"Don't do that," she pleaded, her tears finally starting to spill. "Don't just say sad things like that and walk away! It—it feels like you're saying goodbye!"

"Yggdra—"

"I don't care," she exclaimed, cutting him off. "I love you. I love you! And I'm not letting anyone or anything get in the way of that—not the past, not the borders of our countries, not the people who are jealous, not the perceptions of what's 'appropriate' for monarchs like us, not Brongaa—nothing! I don't—think I can stand losing you. I love you. When you say you can't and walk away from me, I… feel like I can't face tomorrow anymore."

"I know—believe me, I know," Gulcasa told her, and his hands were shaking on her shoulders. "I just—don't want to risk losing you. I…"

"Fantasinia and Bronquia are no longer at war, but…" Yggdra shook her head. "This world we live in is still a dangerous place. Both of us could easily lose our lives just trying to rule our people, protect them, as is our duty. When we're faced with that… well, what else can we do but try? The thought of facing a future without you is frightening. Knowing that the thing that wanted to take your life away is still there inside you scares me even more. But—if we let our fear of making mistakes stop us from moving forward and taking what's ours, we'll only end up with regrets. So—if you want to wait before we, before we…" Yggdra could feel her face heating up and swallowed. "Before we—do anything like—going to bed…" There, she'd said it, and now both of them were the same color as his hair. "Well, then, that's fine for now, but—don't stop me from helping you fight the war you're waging inside yourself. If you fight alone… you'll only fall. And I won't be able to live with myself if I don't do what I can to support you."

"Yggdra…"

She looked up at him, saw the struggle on his face, then saw resolve settle into his eyes the instant before he leaned in and kissed her briefly.

"Gulcasa…"

"…Let's try it, then," he said softly. "Let's just try taking it slow, and see what happens."

"Okay," Yggdra said, giving him a teary smile.

Gulcasa took her hand and smiled back, then glared up at the sky. "…We should get inside before it really starts snowing and it gets too cold for us."

"…Yeah."

Hand in hand, they walked back inside. No matter what came their way, they were going to face it together.

Owari.