The Moons of the Past

Sirius

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The sounds of books, filled to the brim with dark magic, were heard in the Order of the Phoenix's library. Remus, Mad-Eye Moody, Arthur Weasly, Nymphadora Tonks, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and Elphias Doge were presently searching through the old 'personal' library of Sirius. Really, the books in the 'personal' library were books that his parents had tried to get him to read. Sometimes he'd pretend to read them, when he was younger, as to not get into trouble. After he realized that being in trouble with his parents was more fun than being on good terms with them, he'd only stick them on a bookshelf to gather dust.

Remus eyed the leather bound book with interest. It was not nearly as dusty—or moss covered, as Tonks and Kingsley constantly pointed out—as the other books. In fact, it had relatively less dust than the others. Remus picked it up and glanced over the cover. 'Dark Spells and the Overly Pompous People Who Use Them' was the title.

'Sounds like something Sirius would have been reading…' Remus thought sadly with a small, nostalgic smirk on his face. He flipped it open and began glancing over the first page. It was blank, however. When he flipped through the entire book, but realized there was no words, he sighed and flipped back to the first page.

As if by a stroke of luck, the words "State the password, or the book of Sirius will blow your limbs to bits. It will then waste no time in devouring your remains, regurgitate them, and then return to its rightful place within the possession of the almighty Sirius, the dog of the night."

Remus snickered, and then thought it over. Sirius would actually back that up with a hex, so it was better just to try to open it himself. At least he, himself, had at a chance at opening it.

"Alastor, let me borrow your quill and ink," Remus asked Mad-Eye. He nodded gruffly and passed them over to him.

'I solemnly swear I am up to no good,' he scrawled on the page and waited.

DENIED

'Well, at least it only said denied…' Remus thought.

'Buckbeak.'

DENIED

'Padfoot.'

DENIED

'Prongs.'

DENIED

'Could it be…?' Remus mused to himself. 'Moony,' he tried, vowing it would be the last one he would try.

Suddenly, the words began flowing onto the page. Remus was shocked that he was the password, but he got over it quickly, for the interesting part was beginning.

----

'Dear Journal,

Why do people always start off entries with 'dear diary' or 'dear journal'? It's bloody weird. It feels like you're writing a letter to an inanimate object!

On that note, I think I'll name you Harry. It's my best friend's middle name, and if I get into a row with him, it won't make me feel so bad about it (which explains the name).

And, anyways, it's the summer in between my first and second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Why I'm writing in this blasted thing is beyond me, but all I know is that Remus told me to write in it. He says it'll help me get through the summer. I'd feel loads better if Harry's parents will just send their agreement to me staying at their place, though.

Here is bloody boring, and when it's not boring, it's because I've just done something to further besmirch the family name. Mum and Dad are really giving it to me now, since I've been sorted into Gryffindor. You'd think that they'd treat their own son better, but I sort of expected this from the moment I was sorted into Gryffindor. I 'spose that Mum was holding onto a small ray of hope when they sent me off to Hogwarts. After all, there is always a chance that someone will change their entire personality and character in just a matter of a train ride, right?

Right.

I've been going through the house again. It's the only thing I have to do, other than read up on how to make someone go mad with just a flick of a wand. There's nothing in my interests, there, however. I'd much rather risk my life going through the old cursed items my father seems to like hoarding, much to the disdain of that damn Kreacher…

I swear, that ruddy house elf is even worse than Mum about my being sorted into Gryffindor. He keeps whining to his mum, who'll go into a frenzy of screaming and wailing about the fall of the house of Black. I expect Mum'll be chopping her head off soon, she is really too old to work.

Aha! I've finally got the reply from James, plus a letter from Remus and Peter! Life is good—finally!

I'm going, I'm going, I'm going!,

Sirius Black

----

Ahh. He started writing way back then? Remus could have sworn he saw Sirius writing in his journal—which he so lovingly dubbed 'Harry' (Remus snickered when he read that part)—later on, in Fifth year and beyond, but to be as far back as that? And it was even charmed to only have as many pages as the entries, so whenever he wanted to write a new page, all he'd have to do was flick his wand and another would appear. Remus had seen those before, they were extremely popular.

Remus flipped further on through the book, to his first date at Hogwarts in his fourth year.

Dear Harry,

I'm finally going on a date.

Bloody hell, I'm nervous. My palms are sweating, and I know that I'm going to say too much about the secret passageways. James and Remus both helped plan out the date—something about flying after dinner and then having a light dessert on the roof of the school. It's actually very romantic, but somehow, it feels like it's… too romantic for a first date. They make it sound like I'm going to marry the girl.

Ha. I don't really 'love' her. It's more… more like I lust for her, honestly. She has a H-O-T body and she really wants to go out with me.

I kind of wish my friends were the jealous type. James is so obsessed with Lily that he can't see the beauty in other girls—meaning of course, their hotness levels—and Remus and Peter are far too supportive. I have a feeling that Peter is asexual, because he's never made a single comment about anyone's body or anything, male or female (not that I have a problem with gay guys, I'm not fully sure of my sexuality myself, but I'm not going to ask a guy out to find out). And Remus… well, I get the distinct impression he's bisexual, for some odd reason. He's like Peter, never commented, but… He just comes off as a bi guy.

Heh, not that you can always judge someone's sexuality from their personality or the comments they make on a specific sex. I mean, look at me. Half the girls at Hogwarts would be mortified to hear that I consider swinging the other way sexuality-wise (but, then again, the other half would be about a thousand times more interested in me… Might give me a bit of edge over James, sex god-wise).

… Okay, I think that's about it,

Sirius Black

----

Remus chuckled as he read the last bit, surprised that Sirius took their 'sex god competitions' seriously. He was about to flip to a new entry, when Mad-Eye came behind him.

"Molly says that it's time for lunch—wait. What's that you have there?" he asked, paranoia never ceasing to manifest itself in both his normal and fake eye.

"Oh, this is just Sirius' old journal…" Remus explained.

Alastor grunted and muttered, "It should go to Harry, then, shouldn't it?"

Remus hadn't thought of that. He looked sadly at the book and back at Moody. "But, as one of Sirius' best friends, don't I have the right to read it?"

Alastor grunted, and mumbled something about not caring before walking away. Remus followed him dutifully to lunch, else Molly and Tonks would surely pitch a fit about him not eating, especially with the full moon so close.

---

Remus flopped down on the bed, holding the journal outwards. He was full and content, and ready to read. There was little that needed doing, and there was so little to do in the room they were currently working in—the drawing room—that Remus could easily escape work without being missed.

He flipped open the book to a later page, much later on, actually, and began to read, stopping unconsciously on a page where he saw his name.

----

Dear Harry,

I can't believe it… Remus is a werewolf! It shocked the bloody hell out of me when I first heard, but on the other hand, it does tend to explain a lot. Why he's out sick so much, why he hates full moons, why he's never around on the full moon—yes, the thought of Remus being a werewolf definitely is not shocking in the least bit.

It's that someone so… so gentle can be a werewolf.

Remus has never wronged anyone, and he's always so kind to everyone he meets—hell, even Slytherins! He's helpful, and never reprimands James and me for being bloody idiots. I've only seen him fight once, and even then, he did it because he had no choice at all in the matter.

Another thing that shocks me is that he didn't tell us before now. I mean, we're his best mates, right? We've always told him everything…

Well, okay, the only big secret I have is that I come from a dark family, and that's no secret at all. And James' only secret is that he loves Lily, which he promptly proclaims every time he lays eyes on her. And as for Peter… Peter has grade-school crushes on random girls, gets turned down, and falls in love with another girl. That's nothing big, either.

So, I guess, compared to all of that, it is really understandable why he wouldn't tell us something like that. I mean, that's the biggest thing one in the group, and to be honest, I don't think I would have told yet, either. Of course, if it had been me, I wouldn't have been able to hide it near as well—they probably would have figured it out the moment I walked onto the train, in fact.

But, the sad thing is, I don't feel sorry for him.

Okay, Harry, I get it. "You mean bastard!" Right?

Well, you see, I've been thinking about it, and even though he's the last person that deserves that, he's probably one of the few people that could handle something as big as that.

Is still slightly in shock but mostly okay,

Sirius Black

----

Remus quickly wiped at his eyes, for tears were forming at the corners of his eyes. He continued reading, and flipped even further into the book.

----

Dear Harry,

Damn it all.

Damn it all.

Damn it all.

Is damned for eternity,

Sirius Black

----

This entry, of course, peaked Remus' interest, and so, he flipped to the next entry.

----

Dear Harry,

Maybe I wasn't clear on my last entry. I, Sirius Black, have fallen for one of my best mates.

But wait! Aren't all of my best mates men

Aha, and here we hit the problem.

The problem is this—I have finally admitted to myself that I, Sirius Black, maybe be in love with… with Remus Lupin.

The thought isn't all that bad, really. I mean, Moony isn't repulsive or anything—it's just that he's male. And I have no problem with that.

But that's what I have a problem with. Am I really gay? or is it just that I'm a guy that will swing both ways? Well, obviously, I can't be ALL gay, for else, I would have never wooed so many women on so many nights…

But the thought of actually love, and for it to be in love with a male is slightly disturbing. I have always known I care for my friends, maybe a little more than most, but to actually be in love with one of them? The idea is absurd!

But, then again, I suppose those feelings for Moony have always been lingering just behind the surface…

And there, there it makes sense. Moony was the one I trusted most, the one I felt like I had to protect the most… He was the one I confided in the most, and the one I talked, I mean, really, SERIOUSLY talked to the most.

So, maybe it's not so shocking, to admit these feelings.

But still.

I can never tell him.

He can never know, for I know I'd just be setting myself up for heartbreak. I know he doesn't care for me romantically.

The star-crossed constellation (1),

Sirius Black

----

That was all Remus needed—just confirmation of feeling from Sirius to him. He closed the book with a sigh, and let the tears silently fall. How come Sirius and himself had been such idiots? How come neither of them could just come clean with their emotions? Why did Sirius have to die before they could admit it to each other?

As if Tonks had been standing there all along, she silently walked next to him, and place gentle hands on his shoulder. She told him comforting words, telling him that it was okay to be crying, and that it was okay to grieve. He could have sworn that she was crying, too, but why she would have been crying was foreign to him, for she wasn't close to Sirius. She rocked him backed and forth, his head buried against the warm confines of her chest, as if he was a little child.

"It's okay, Remus. It's okay…" she whispered into his ear gently, kissing the top of his head softly.

(1) – Star-crossed (picked up from Romeo and Juliet) means doomed, and Sirius is a real constellation.

Well, that's the end of TMP! I hope you all enjoyed my four-shot, and I hope the ending didn't disappoint. Sorry if I used an over-used idea as my last chapter, I couldn't very well bring Sirius back to life (though I could have him thinking from beyond the veil, but that seems… odd to me). Review, please:D