PETTY SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

first hellsing ficcie in a while. All I can say is blah and enjoy.

— Alu-chan's pov—

wishful thinking. Am I doomed, for my own mistake, to walk the earth eternally? Will I still be here as the earth erodes, falling to dust and scattering through the ever expanding space?

I wonder if I would die, if I had no blood to drink.

Would police girl still be with me? Would she ease my suffering the only way she knows? Will she lose that innocence I have grown accustomed to? Would she grow to regret her choice, slowly wishing she were dead.

Why must I be here, as the others fade away? Why can't I grow old and die. Why did I make such a mistake.

Vlad Tepes. That is my name. Once thought to have been killed. Why couldn't I have stayed dead? Why did I have to cling to the pitiful thing I once called a life. I was damned by the sun, and the only blue sky I see is in my fledgling's eyes.

She can still remember. She can still remember the taste of tea in the morning and meat at night. She can still remember the taste of breakfast cereal. She can still remember shafts of light shining down from the gates of heaven, that I will never reach.

oh petty suicidal thoughts. I scream for death. In my world of dreams. The dreams I dream during the day. In my world I am with my mother, I am a young boy, but my mother's face is blurred, her voice doesn't reach my ears. And I wake up. Once again alone.

And through our mind link police girl asks me. " master, are you all right?" she has begun to learn. Her new vampire days were long behind her.

I wonder how if she would be able to take care of herself... if I suddenly left. If I up and died or committed suicide. I wonder if she would care, or miss me. But then , who would miss me? Who is there left that I can call family?

Long ago, what I slowly learned to call family. Walter was, in his own way, the father. Taking care of everyone. Seras once called me the brother she never wanted, but loved in it's own right. Integra and Seras were sisters as well. And we were a family, happy and carefree. And in this family, I belonged. In this family I was something and I had people who loved me.

And then life all changed. Time wore on and walter and integra grew old and died. Leaving me and seras. Destroying our happy family.

A cold prince, I once was. I once taught myself never to get too close. When did I stop listening to my own advice? When I had someone there for me.

Seras tries to keep going. We both do. But those memories still haunt us, because a few hundred years make little difference to us. To we, it is still as fresh a wound as yesterday's cut.

I wonder, if I'll ever see them again. In heaven. A long time from now...

I wonder if they're still waiting, by the gates, for me and seras...

OWARI

blah. BLAH! Not that suicidal but sad none the less. With this story I think I came up with another. Enjoy. Not another hellsing coming along for a long time.