A NEW MOPE
By Serena Kenobi
A/N: EEEEP! (ducks flying cabbages and wooden rabbits) I KNOW I KNOW! I'M EEEVILLL! SO SO SO SO SORRY!! My funny bone wasn't working... DANG IT ALL WRITER'S BLOCK!! BUT I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCK!!
Chapter Seven: Who's Anakin?
"… So then I beat up a guy for saying I cheated at Candyland and so yah that's pretty much it." Ben grinned at Fluke.
Fluke gaped.
"Shut your mouth or I'll do it for you," Ben snapped irritably. He glanced edgily at Cheapio. "Are you gonna fix his arm or what?"
Fluke stared at the armless Cheapio. "No. Should I?"
"Aren't you supposed to be good at fixing things?" Ben shouted. "What do I PAY you for?"
"You don't pay me for anything!" Fluke yelled back. "You're crazy!"
"FIX THE DANG DROID!" Ben hollered as he slammed a hydrospanner into Fluke's hand.
Fluke sulked. "Fine. Be that way. I'm good at fixing things, anyway. Always was." He began to attach Cheapio's arm to the droid's head.
"Don't SAY THAT!" Ben suddenly shrieked. "DON'T REMIND ME OF ANAKIN!"
"Who's Anakin?" Fluke asked as he began banging Cheapio's arm onto his head with the spanner.
"Who's Anakin?" Ben asked innocently.
Fluke looked at him. "I just… asked that."
"Asked what?"
"Who's Anakin?" Fluke yelled, hammering on the arm with extra force.
"Who?"
"That's what I want to know!"
"Know what?"
"WHO HE IS!"
"Who who is?"
"WHO ANAKIN IS!"
"Who's Anakin?" Ben asked.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Fluke screamed as he whapped on the arm.
"Well I don't either. Why'd you mention it?"
"BECAUSE YOU DID!"
"Did what?"
"MENTION ANAKIN!"
"Who's Anakin?"
"THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU!"
"What are you asking me?"
"WHAT I JUST SAID!"
"What'd you just say?"
"WHO'S ANAKIN!"
"I don't know. Who IS Anakin?"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Fluke screamed.
Ben abruptly turned to Artu-tu. "Now, my little green friend… let's see where you came from."
"He's not green," Fluke said angrily.
"Who's not green?"
"Artu-tu."
"Who?"
"The droid!"
Ben looked around. "What droid?"
Fluke pointed at Artu-tu. "THAT DROID!"
Ben looked at Artu-tu. "Yeah, he's a droid. What about him?"
"HE'S NOT GREEN!" Fluke shrieked furiously.
Ben snorted. "Oh, I can see that. Thanks – I really didn't know my colors, there," he said sarcastically.
"Then why'd you call him green?"
"Call who green?"
"Artu-tu!"
"Why would I call him green?" Ben asked.
"I don't know!" Fluke hissed.
"Don't know what?"
"Why YOU CALLED HIM GREEN!"
"Called who green?"
"Artu-tu!"
"Who?"
"The DROID!"
"Which droid?"
"THE ONE I JUST POINTED TO!"
"Which droid you just pointed to?"
"THAT ONE!" Fluke pointed.
"Oh, him?"
"YES!"
"So? He's a droid. I knew that."
"HE'S NOT GREEN!"
"I never said he was green," Ben said.
"YOU JUST KRIFFING DID!"
"Did what?"
"SAY HE WAS GREEN!"
"Who's green?"
"NOBODY IS GREEN!"
"Then why'd you say someone was green?"
"I DIDN'T! YOU SAID ARTU-TU WAS GREEN!"
"Who?"
Fluke, being the calm one in irritating situations like this, calmly opened his mouth and quietly shouted: "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Ben smirked and glanced at Artu-tu. "So, what's up? How's life? Is Crabme still dead? Is Soda dead? I hope so. And how's Elevator? Still blowing up things. Always the joker," he chuckled. "You know, I just another postcard from him." He grabbed a pile of postcards off the table and put on his spectacles. "He says he's near Catooine right now… fancy that! Actually, he came over the other day for a nice chat and some tea and crumpets... He needed to talk about how he's trying not to strangle Governor Muff Barfin. I told him he should just put spiders in Barfin's bed and whoopie cushions on his chair - see how that goes. I'm expecting a call from him soon." He laughed again. "Hoo boy, good times." Before Artu-tu could get a word – or beep – in, he added, "Hey, lemme read it! Ahem. He says: 'Dear Benny-boy, wut up? Just got a fresh wax on the helmet – awesome. I look hot in it. If only Crabme were here to see it. Oh well. She was kinda cranky, anyway. Moving on – just got this new Death Planet or Star or Constellation or Rock or Something-In-Space-That-Twinkles finished. Should be purty cool – I GET TO BLOW SOMETHING UP WITH IT!! It's LIKE MY FAVORITE TOY EVER!! YOU GOTTA GET DOWN HERE! UP HERE! WUTEVER! SO YAH BYE!"
"Uh… my brain.. my poor, procrastinating, whiny, pea-sized brain," Fluke moaned as he began to wake up.
Ben hurriedly finished the letter, "And he finishes by saying: Geico! So easy a Jedi can do it." He laughed, then scowled. "IN THE NAME OF!"
Random. I know. SO SUE ME!
Uh, don't. Please??
- Serena