Grandpa Cyril

It had been three months since Cedric Sneer had married his girlfriend, Sophia Tutu (who was now going by Sophia Sneer). It was also one month after Cedric and Sophia had dropped a huge surprise on Cedric's father, Cyril Sneer. Sophia was going to have a baby. Cyril was shocked to hear it, but Cedric wasn't sure if he was happy or unhappy about it.

Truth be known, Cyril had mixed feelings about Sophia's pregnancy. On the one hand, he thought that having a grandchild might improve his image, and maybe he could make some money with this. On the other hand, he thought that having a grandchild would make him appear old, and people might start to think that he should retire.

Either way, Cyril didn't quite know how to handle the news. All he did know was that he had to put up with Sophia trying to turn one of the rooms in the Sneer mansion into a nursery. And that alone drove him a little crazy.

"Cedric, does she always have to run around this house the way she does?" he asked one day.

"She's just excited about the baby, Pop," Cedric said with a shrug. "Aren't you?"

"Eeehhh," Cyril said. "You've seen one baby, you've seen 'em all."

And with that, Cyril walked into his office to get some work done.

A couple of days later, Cedric was hanging out with Bert at the Raccoondominum, and the two of them were tossing around a baseball.

"So, have you and Sophia decided on what to call this kid?" Bert asked.

"We haven't really talked about it much," Cedric said.

"So you haven't decided?"

"Not yet."

"Good. Then I think you should name him Bert!"

Cedric immediately dropped the baseball upon hearing that. He gave his ring-tailed friend an odd look.

"I don't know . . . . ." he said.

"What do you mean?" Bert asked.

"Well, for one thing, what if the baby's a girl?"

"Simple. Name it Alberta!"

Cedric thought that one over. Alberta Sneer. That name sounded like something his great-great grandmother would have been named. But he didn't say so.

"We'll just have to wait and see," Cedric shrugged.

Bert nodded, and he and Cedric continued to throw around the baseball.

As the months went by. Cyril was doing all he could to avoid Sophia, but most of the time, it usually didn't work. Especially when the two of them ended up in the kitchen of the mansion at around the same time in the morning.

"Is it just me, or are you putting on a little weight there?" he would always ask, every morning.

"Very funny," Sophia always responded. Then she would just sit down at the table and eat whatever snack she was craving.

One day, Cyril found Sophia laying on the couch by the stereo. She was reading a book, and had a pair of headphones on her stomach. Cyril gave her an odd look.

"I knew you were a bit short on brains, Sofa Girl," he said to her. "But this! Really, I think you mis-aimed when you put those headphones on!"

"Actually, the baby's listening to music, Mr. Sneer," Sophia said. That's what she decided to call her father-in-law. She didn't have the nerve to call him "Cyril," and she had even less nerve to call him "Pop" like Cedric did!

"How can it listen to music?" Cyril asked. "I'm gonna have to tell Cedric you're one brick shy of a full load."

"I've read that babies can hear things even before they're born," Sophia replied.

"I don't understand any of it. If you ask me, it's just plain ridiculous."

Cyril left after that. Sophia shrugged, and went back to her book.

A few days after the headphone incident, Cedric and Sophia were over at the Raccoondominum. Melissa had planned a baby shower for Sophia. She was holding it at the Raccoondominium, because she was afraid to hold it at the Sneer mansion, because of Cyril's dog, Snag. She was worried Snag might try to bite off a leg of one of the Raccoons, or something along those lines.

"So did you think anymore about naming the baby Bert yet?" Bert asked.

"Bert, don't push them," Ralph said.

"Okay, okay," Bert said. "But once this kid is born, I'm gonna teach it all the basics! Baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer . . . . ."

"We appreciate the offer, Bert," Sophia said. "But can you at least wait until the baby's learned to walk?"

"Oh sure," Bert said, feeling slightly insulted. "If you want to do it the easy way!"

Ralph rolled his eyes as if to say "oh brother." In any case, Bert seemed to forget the whole thing. He left the room for a moment, and then came back carrying a hockey stick.

"What's that for, Bert?" Cedric asked.

"I bought it for the baby, of course!" Bert shouted. "I'm gonna turn him into the Evergreen Forest's greatest hockey champion! He'll be the next Wayne Grizzly!"

Cedric and Sophia glanced at each other, and then gave Bert a weird look. Ralph rolled his eyes again.

"Never mind Bert," he said. "He's just excited."

"I'd say he's almost excited about the baby as I am," Sophia said. "Actually, I wouldn't mind if the baby's the next Wayne Grizzly, as long as he, or she for that matter, learns to walk before he or she plays hockey."

"I'll have you know I was playing hockey even before I was born!" Bert shouted.

"I feel sorry for your mother if that was the case," Melissa said. "Having a baby in her stomach doing slap shots, backhands, checks, and all sorts of things dealing with hockey. Must have been a very painful pregnancy."

Bert threw Melissa a dirty look for that one. Everyone else laughed over that one. After awhile, Cedric and Sophia went back to the Sneer mansion. To their surprise, Cyril was waiting for them.

"I'm glad you're back," he said. "I have something for you two."

"What's that, Pop?" Cedric asked.

"Oh nut much," Cyril said. "Just a useful book for the baby, that's all."

Cyril handed the book to Sophia, and she looked over the title.

"How to Succeed in Business Without Playing Fair," she said.

"That book helped me succeed in business," Cyril said.

"Yeah, and all without playing fair, too," Sophia muttered under her breath.

"I heard that, Sofa Girl!" Cyril shouted. "And I'll have you know that you don't have to play fair when you want to be rolling in the mega bucks! In any case, Cedric has been learning the business to take over for me, and now this baby will, too. The Sneer name lives on, and so does the business!"

Sophia and Cedric just looked at each other, and said nothing. Cedric was used to this from Cyril. He was on one of his power trips.

A few more weeks went by. It seemed like a normal, run of the mill summer night. At least normal until three fifteen in the morning. Sophia had awakened from a pretty restless sleep that night. She took a deep breath, and then proceeded to shake Cedric's shoulder.

"Cedric?" she asked. "Cedric, wake up! It's time!"

"Time?" Cedric asked, half asleep. "What time? It can't be time to get up yet. It's still dark outside."

"No, Cedric!" Sophia shouted. "I'm going to have the baby!"