Life is a series of days. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and so on. But when he remembered his past year, made up of days both joyful and pain filled; it was her face that filled the recollections. It was when that happened that he usually took another sip.
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Hi, you've reached Logan Echolls. Here is today's inspirational quote:
"You can become blind by wseeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle." Paulo Coelho
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The first place he had seen her was at a soccer game. He had been dragged by Lilly and Duncan to a field. Duncan's game was after this one, and Lilly wanted to introduce him to her best friend.
As he watched a blonde girl run down the field, focused intently on the play at hand, Logan found himself entranced. This girl was everything: intensity, beauty, determination and good. He wanted to know this girl.
After the game was finished, the blonde from the game came up to Lilly, cheeks still flushed from running. And she ignored him completely. That alone was a sign that she was someone to meet. The other signs were Lilly's obvious affection for this girl, hands fluttering around her hair, picking up strands while saying naughty things as this pixie blushed furiously.
The most important sign though, was the look of obvious adoration on Duncan's face when the girl ran over. And that look he gave her put an end to the fantasies that had begun in Logan's head. This girl was obviously claimed by the boy who was quickly becoming his best friend. Even at twelve, he knew the rules. She was not out for grabs.
It was on this day that he learned her name.
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Despite the fact that he couldn't have her, she was still a part of his life. Lilly and Duncan had for some reason chosen this blonde girl out of the rest of the pack to be a part of their inner circle.
She was the one he could call in the middle of the night and she would talk to him, come pick him up when he was drunk. Duncan turned off his cell, not wanting to be bothered; while Lilly was out doing the things he complained to Veronica about while he nursed the bottle.
She was the rock that held them together, willing to do whatever it took to keep them happy. It was partly her that kept Logan coming back to Lilly, and vice versa. Neither one of them wanted to break up the foursome, no matter how much drama was had. Neither one of them wanted to force her to make a choice, for fear she'd choose the other.
But she did make the choice. And she chose Lilly. The minute Logan realized that Lilly knew about Yolanda's kiss was the minute that he realized Veronica had chosen sides. Her loyalties lay with the vibrance that was Lilly Kane.
It was on this day that she first caused him pain.
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If one were to inspect the foursome more closely, they would see that there were separation lines. It was Lilly-Veronica, Veronica-Duncan, Duncan-Logan, Logan-Lilly, Lilly-Duncan. Veronica-Logan was a pairing that became a 'friendly acquaintance' after the Yolanda incident. The Lilly-Logan dichotomy wasn't one that really put a strain on the bond. The two of them were forever breaking up and getting back together. The Veronica-Duncan bond was an entirely different story.
She and Duncan were the fairy tale couple of Neptune High. No one questioned the fact that they were in love. So in love that even sex wasn't an issue between the two of them. It didn't matter, there wasn't any rush. They had all the time in the world.
Until the day Prince Charming called him for a favor: keep him away from his Cinderella. And Logan did it without question. Well, without question aloud. Hours were spent wondering what it was she had done that would cause Duncan to stop seeing her. He kept expecting his best friend to explain the reasoning behind the shattering of the foursome. Give some answer for the solid half of the group to break apart. But nothing ever came.
Nevertheless, Logan made his choice. He walked with his best friend through the hall, only glancing back slightly as they passed the girl who had such a prominent role in his life. It was only then that he realized she didn't know either. Her tear-filled eyes showed that she had no clue why her now ex-boyfriend had just refused to say hello and give her a kiss. Why he had strode by without a word or a glance. And Logan had gone with him.
It was on this day that he first caused her pain.
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Greif over a loss is one of the most compelling aspects of nature. And the grief the two of them shared was astronomical. It had to be, considering the loss. Because if Veronica had been the rock, it was Lilly who had been the sun. And now the world was black.
It was her who called him with the news. With heart wrenching sobs, she blurted out that her best friend was found murdered by the Kane pool, bleeding into the water. She cried because she had lost her best friend, witnessed the scene. He cried because his love was gone, and the other girl in his life had seen her lifeless.
Together, the two of them spent hours reminiscing, crying, and trying to make sense of what had happened. She held him while he cried, he kept her standing when she couldn't breathe. The two of them ignored, for a moment, the issues that had arisen between them. Their choice over the other in favor of a Kane.
At the funeral, they had sat side by side, slightly behind the family in the spotlight. Him glad because he wasn't in it, her glad because she never wanted it. Neither of them fully comprehending the words being said, but each understanding the bleakness of that day. There, in the pews of the church, her hand found his. Their fingers entwined, and she didn't let go until the reception at the house.
It was on this day she showed him love.
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When he first heard the news of her father questioning Jake Kane, he had called her. She had seemed confused over the phone, apparently she didn't know who he was investigating. Then she had explained that he had to ask tough questions, it was part of his job. Logan had acquiesced, and they switched to a different topic.
After a while, she defended her father. Said that even though she didn't know why he was going after Jake so hard, he must have a good reason to suspect him of having a hand. That she had just flat out agreed with her father that Jake Kane, the man Logan saw as the perfect father, of murdering his own child flabbergasted him. There was no way that he could have done it.
The argument was glossed over, although their situation was made even more strained. Nevertheless, they spoke. He would call her if he heard a song on the radio that reminded him of Lilly. She dropped off an album of photos she had put together one especially difficult night. But both of them could feel the drift.
He gave her the ultimatum: either stand by Keith Mars- the newly ousted Sheriff, or the rest of the town- united in their outrage over the mishandling of the case. Her silence and refusal to meet his gaze showed her choice. Veronica Mars was no longer a part of his life. He was no longer a part of hers.
It was on this day they turned their backs.
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The fact that he had lost everything he held dear in one year almost killed Logan. His love was dead, his best friend drifting through life in a shattered state, and the girl he thought would hold him together had spat on the memories they had formed and cherished.
Only one of those things was in someone's control. And she had chosen to tarnish the times they had, the bond they shared. She needed to be punished for the pain he felt.
Walking up to her locker, he pulled out the marker from his pocket. Writing the word in clear block letters, he then waited. She walked through the hall cautiously, she had been for days. They both knew that things had changed between the two of them. But she never expected this. Reading the word staring at her in red, she searched the area for him. Knowing that this was his doing, but not fully believing it. Then he spat out the comment, looking directly at her. "I figured someone from your background would appreciate the free advertisement."
As he turned away, ignoring the tears that were brewing in her green eyes, he knew. He knew what he had just done. Everyone had been waiting for the signal that gave them the right to let out their anger over the loss of an icon. He gave them one in spades.
It was on this day he threw the first punch.
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She still didn't seem to get the hint. She knew that Logan's best way of dealing with pain was to become blazingly drunk. And the best way to do that was at a party. He drank at home, but it didn't give him the rebellious feeling that having a kegger at a friends house did.
There was a sense of disbelief when he saw her. She knew he'd be there. She knew she was no longer welcome. Yet she came. To shove her presence in his life, despite his attempts to drive her away in his face. The very thing he was trying to forget was there, trying her hand at being the tough girl who didn't care. He knew it was a lie.
He had walked away from her for a while, and then came back to see her on a lawn chair. Someone was on top of her, licking salt off her neck while she held a lime in her mouth. He was ready to tear the guy off when he saw her tipsy smile.
What right did she have to smile so angelically when she had just stabbed him in the back? If she wanted to act the flirt at a party she had no place at, he would give her a good time. Rage pulsed through his veins as he went and found his friends. The mere suggestions of getting even made them rise out of their seats. He was giving them permission to humiliate the girl who had come to personify the emptiness still felt at school. And so it began.
It was on this day the lines were drawn.
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Immediately, he could see that something had changed. Somehow, she had become stronger. Only she could take strength in a time where his life was a downward spiral. Even if she hadn't hacked off the hair, he would have noticed the difference.
Overnight, her entire persona had shifted. If he could see it, there was now a titanium wall surrounding the girl he had loved. The one who had betrayed him, he had to keep reminding himself. She wasn't wearing pastels, and her gaze was no longer one filled with pain when she looked at him. There was something else in those eyes when it came to them, him. Something darker.
She no longer stuck to the walls when walking down the hallway. Today she strode through the center, making people move out of her way. Looking at her locker appraisingly, contemplating something as she read the slur of the day.
Nodding her head sharply, she pulled out a marker. She strode over to his locker and left a token in return, in front of everyone. A fair trade. Where she had gotten 'TRAMP', he had gotten 'COWARD'.
It was on this day she hit back.
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When he had been appointed the unofficial ringleader of her anti-fanclub, things were reported to him. Hell, he reveled in hearing the things that were done to her. Primarily, it was the guys who did the actions. The vandalism and poster placements. The girls took care of the emotional breakdown. However, it had become slightly more difficult now that she didn't cry, or even respond.
So he was surprised when someone told him that Madison Sinclair had taken it upon herself to ruin her clothes one day during gym. But he wasn't one to complain, and joined the crew as they waited outside the gym doors when her class ended. She was the last one to exit the locker room, her sweatshirt zipped up to her chin. Hiding whatever it was that had been done to her shirt. Then she saw them, the group of cronies and him. Waiting with anticipation for her breakdown. But there wasn't one. Walking towards them with her head held high, she paused for a second and opened the cover-up.
In a throwback to her original rebellion, she had chosen to turn the insult on its head. There, on her chest was 'WHORE' written in black ink. But that wasn't what brought one's attention to her shirt. What drew one's eye was the large red line running through the word. And underneath the crossed out lettering was a new item. 'BITCH'.
Smirking, she then removed the entire sweatshirt and continued her way down the hall. There, on the back of her shirt, was a message. Written in the same red ink as the editing on the front were the words: 'YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT'. She wore it for the rest of the day.
It was on this day that he realized they were matched.
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The fact that he had been asked to leave class for a locker search surprised him. The kids from his section of town were never asked to violate their rights. But there was nothing in his locker (this week) that he had to be worried about. So with the flair he had grown accustomed to handing out, the knob was spun, the door opened.
It wasn't until Van Clemmons and the un-named officer began talking that he realized something was wrong. Looking back inside, there it was. Standing in the middle of the metal box was a bong. A cherub smiling cheekily as it held some grass in its basket.
Knowing it was a plant, he looked quickly through the hall as the doors opened, signaling the end of class. The person who set him up would most likely want to see the showdown as it happened. In the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of blonde hair as it leaned around the wall. It was her. Of course. She would never miss something like this, especially if she planned it.
Incredulously, he stared. She had done it. She had pulled one of the greatest pranks that he had seen done, and organized the assistant principal and the police department along with it. Pulling his escort over to her, his eyes widened as hers glinted with wicked amusement as she faked a yawn in her hand. Smiling as he threatened her in front of an officer. He was pretty sure that if he had looked back one more time, she would have blown him a kiss out of sheer audacity.
It was on this day that he realized she might be winning.
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From that moment on, things were stepped up. Now that she no longer physically resembled his Veronica, he could take things to the next level. And she met him, toe to toe. He put her number on the boy's locker room, stating she was up for anything. After a day or two of her turning off her phone during class, he started getting calls. It wasn't until later that he found she had returned the favor. In the men's showers of the YMCA.
He slashed every single one of her tires. She wasn't seen for the rest of first half. But she was there at lunch, smiling to herself as she listened to music and ate a slice of pizza. He couldn't figure out what had her so amused until school was let out. She had replaced her slashed tires for his. While his car sat on blocks.
To her credit, she never acknowledged the things organized by others. She would verbally spar off with them, but never retaliate in the way she would when he was in charge. Their animosity towards each other was at a level that no one else could match. And neither of them went into the territory of the past. They knew the rules. They had made them.
Nearing the anniversary of their loss, they both toned it down. No big pranks, no new rumors. While they didn't go out on dinner dates, each allowed themselves and the other moments of reflection. Sitting in the room watching the videos through tears, he knew she was going to come in at some point. What he didn't expect was her coming back the next day, and handing him the tape. The tape of their last good night. The memory neither could forget.
It was on this day they began to remember.
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As she sat there in the hotel lobby rocking him, Logan realized that she had seen him cry more times than anyone else. More than his mother. He had long ago stopped shedding tears over the way things were at home. But she had stopped shedding tears too.
She had driven to the hotel, created a rouse that might have gotten them into the room in question. Despite it not working, she had come back to him worried when she found out he hadn't left. Sat with him after the filing of his mom's card fraud, waiting for the cardholder to come downstairs. His breakdown in her arms reminded him deeply of a time when had done the same for her.
Neither of them talked on the ride back to Neptune, except for her calling her dad and telling him where she was. But both of them could feel a shift in their banter. Dropping him off at his house, she had given him a soft smile. The smile he had tried so hard to extinguish over the past year. Then with a swallow, she drove away.
Looking back at the things they had done to each other, he could see that something had changed in her. Yet there were parts of her that were still there. The things about her he missed so harshly and at random times. Her willingness to help him right away had shocked him. When everyone, even his best friend, had looked at him wearingly when he had voiced his suspicion about his mother; she sat back and listened. Ignoring the hell he had made for her. The changes she had had to make.
It was on this day that he questioned his choice.