AN: Am I the only one who thinks his name is hilarious? Honestly. His name is John Brown. I think the only way they could've made it more plain is if he was John Smith. Anyways, have a crack-inspired drabble, because there relaly needs to be GH fanfiction that is NOT just about Naru and Mai.
His name was John Brown, and he didn't think he was ever going to forgive his parents for that.
It wasn't that the individual names were awful. John was biblical and Brown was a family name, so it automatically carried history and significance, despite the fact that eight trillion other families shared it. It was just that together they made the most generic and forgettable name a human being could be called. In high school, he had looked up 'John Brown' in the phone book just to see what was there- turns out there were thirty-eight of him in Sydney alone. That was his epiphany. That's when he declared war on his name.
(---)
"It's a nice name," Masako said, covering her mouth with her sleeve in that cryptic gesture that John had never figured out. "I don't see what's wrong with it."
"Because it's foreign and exotic to you," he explained. "Back home, being named John is like not having a name at all."
She just tilted her head to one side and furrowed her brow, but didn't say anything for a long time. Then she offered a few nicknames which he refused.
He wasn't going to change his name. That would be giving it what it wanted. No, he was going to keep that boring name and drag it through the mud with him. He was going to be weird, freakish, and above all, memorable. Boring forgettable name be damned, he was a rebel now. It would start with his parents, of course, since they foisted this name upon him in the first place. They were Presbyterian? Well he'd be a Catholic priest, dammit. They wanted him to stay in close to home, so he'd attend seminary in Japan. They called it typical teenage rebellion. He called it revolution.
(---)
"What's with your car?" Ayako asked, slipping into the passenger's seat with a skeptical glance at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. He glanced over and smiled.
"It's a popular decorating trend in Australia," he lied, because he knew she was dense enough to believe him.
"It's ugly."
"Ah? I think it's interesting," he said, pulling out of the parking lot. "If nothing else, it's unique, right?"
"Oh yes," Ayako agreed. "It's unique. I'll remember it years from now as the tackiest car I've ever ridden in."
"Ah well," John sighed. "At least you'll remember it." If Ayako noticed his satisfied smile, she didn't say anything about it.
(---)
His apartment itself was an assault on his name. There was nothing brown in his living space. His kitchen was done in bright blues, the bedroom in vibrant greens- even the furniture. The bathroom was an orange that he hated, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the greater good and all that, so he tolerated it. It had even become a source of pride, because it showed that he was just that determined.
(---)
"Oi, John!" Takigawa called, leaning out of the laundry room. He clutched at the towel around his waist, which was John-sized and thus way too small. "Before I throw these in the wash, can we talk real quick?"
"Yes?" John rounded the corner and paused. "Are you alright?"
"Er, yeah," Takigawa said, avoiding eye contact. He looked a little flushed and kept twirling his hair around his fingers. "It's just, um, I appreciate you letting me stay here while my heat's off and all, but um, I couldn't help but notice your washer. It's, um, painted rainbow. With hearts."
"…Yes?" John asked, genuinely confused. Takigawa made a pained face, tried to speak, hesitated, rubbed his temples, and tried again.
"Kay, just wondering- are you gay? Cause it's fine if you are but I just feel kinda weird walking around your house in a towel so I'd just like to borrow some pants or something till mine come out of the wash- not that I think you'd be looking, I know you're moral and all, I'm sorry to imply- I mean, it's not you, it's just I'd feel awkward, but I'm really ok with it and would like to meet your boyfriend sometime and… ah…" he trailed off and stared at John, who was trying very hard not to laugh. "…You aren't gay."
"No," John said. "I'm not."
(---)
They weren't necessarily big rebellions. He understood that jumbling his Japanese on purpose and wearing mismatched socks every Thursday didn't make him Public Enemy #1. It didn't need to. He just needed to be distinctive.
(---)
"I can't believe you go through all that trouble over a name," Mai said. "I mean, everyone wants to be remembered. I understand that. But your name… you should be proud of it, because it's part of you."
He considered this for a moment, taking a long sip of tea.
"I am," he said, and was surprised to find that it was true.
"You just spent ten minutes telling me how you're at war with it," Mai pointed out. "That's not exactly pride."
"Maybe not. But I've put so much time and effort into thinking of new ways to hate it." He drained the teacup and smiled up at her. "Tell me, do you know anyone else so passionate about their name?"
"No…" she sighed and shook her head. "It still seems weird."
"Of course," he said. He rose and slipped on his jacket. "I have to get going now, but it's been good talking."
"Thanks for dropping by," Mai said.
(---)
It probably was ridiculous. It probably was a waste of time. It probably would be easier to call himself James, or Joseph, or anything but John. But his parents had named him John Brown, and he didn't think he would ever stop loving it.
It didn't turn out QUITE like I imagined, but I'm ok with it. It's my first GH fic. That's my excuse. Please leave me reviews! Love and muffins,
Jenx