Four Letter Words

Naruto belongs to someone else

Heads Up-This is an alternate universe that started out simple, but has since taken on new weird frontiers. There will be a hermaphrodite Kyuubi, Jutsu wielding squirrels, crazy demon containers, and freaked out Kages. This is a drama/adventure/angst. Not for the faint of heart.

SOME SECTIONS OF THE STORY FOCUS ON ANIMAL OC'S. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THEM TO UNDERSTAND THE STORY. FEEL FREE TO SKIP THEM. I WON'T HATE YOU. SKIP ANY PARTS YOU DON'T LIKE, BUT DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM. THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON, AND IT WAS MY CHOICE TO INCLUDE THEM. READ ONLY WHAT YOU WANT. You have been warned.

Italics denote thoughts or emphasize words. But you knew that right?

Chapter 1: Fray

Naruto wasn't one for moping around. He believed if life gave you lemons; use them as ammo to bomb someone else. It was unusual to find the boy sulking, but after failing his exam for the fourth time he felt it was his right to sulk. The fact that he was the only student to fail this year was like rubbing salt into the wound. It hurt like hell.

Staring at the ground and watching his tears darken the dirt beneath the swing was how his blue haired teacher found him. Mizuki had been observing the boy for several minutes, and decided on the best course of action. He would approach the blonde demon container and tell him about a secret test for passing the genin exam. The idiot child was so gullible, only the mere hint of another option would draw him in.

Naruto quickly wiped his eyes on his orange jacket sleeve and glared at the man standing over him. "What is it Mizuki-sensei?" He asked bitterly. Not much of a teacher he couldn't pass the stupid test after his fourth go at it. Stupid rules...stupid villagers...stupid everything...

"No need to be upset Naruto-kun. I just want to help you." Mizuki gave the boy a small smile, which immediately put him on his guard.

Mizuki-sensei never calls me Naruto-kun. He probably wants to just make fun of me later. "Oh really?" Naruto said curiously. "How would you do that?"

Mizuki ruffled his student's hair and whispered, "There's a different way to become genin. It's harder, but I think you can do it. Come with me and I'll give you the details, Naruto-kun."

Naruto grinned wide and jumped off the old swing to trail after the man. All his fears were pushed to the side after being presented with this secret test. Wow. Mizuki-sensei's nicer than I thought. Imagine a harder test. But I can do it! Yup yup, I'll definitely pass this one!

Naruto's infiltration of the Hokage tower was surprisingly easy. Getting past the first set of guards was pathetically simple; they didn't even look at him as walked straight through the front door. Naruto supposed this might be because they didn't figure he'd get into anything with security. Too bad for them.

A quick substitution with a bucket from the janitor's closet got him into the higher security area. The blonde clamped a hand over his mouth when he heard someone trip on the bucket he switched with moments earlier. Naruto waited in the cramped closet for his giggles to die down, then listened to make sure no one was walking by. From here on out Mizuki-sensei said it would get more dangerous, any further and using the excuse he was lost or looking for the bathroom wouldn't work.

Naruto opened the door and slinked out. He didn't bother to close it for fear the click of the lock might alert someone. He hugged the wall and noticed shadows seemed to be getting bigger, most likely to aid in the hiding of traps like Mizuki told him. Naruto crouched on all fours and moved forward. His eyes scanned the ground and walls, checking for anything out of the ordinary. It's almost like a real mission...

His fingers detected the slight tremor of footsteps before he heard them. Naruto had ample time to jump up and wedge himself against the ceiling. He wished they taught wall climbing at the academy then he wouldn't be straining just to remain in place. His fingers barely reached the other side of the hallway, and the pressure was starting to get painful.

Quickly the ninja passed under the orange clad pre-teen, and Naruto stared in shock for a good three minutes before exhaustion finally overpowered him. He dropped to the floor with a thud and snapped out of his musing. An ANBU, the best of the best, just passed under me, and didn't even notice? That must mean I'm better than everyone! I knew I was good.

Continuing on his way Naruto lost much of his caution, but was still able to avoid the few that rushed by. The blonde had activated no less than five traps on his way to the jounin and up library, but luckily they were designed for taller and older people. Naruto was short for his age, so they flew right over his head. He hid behind a chest and observed the retired shinobi librarian.

He had white hair and wrinkles. He also had an orange book...Naruto grinned viciously as his plan solidified in his young mind. Naruto's hands became blurs in motion as he prepared the chakra for his best move. He may be only able to do mediocre henge and barely human bushin, but he always thought sexy-no-jutsu surpassed them all. After all, he was the only one he knew of that could physically change just by messing with the henge hand seals.

Naruto shut his eyes and waited for the burning feeling to subside. Clouds floated in place of clothes around him, now her, as she stepped out from behind the storage chest. Her hips swayed suggestively as she approached the gawking bookkeeper. Naruto blew a kiss at the man and bounced her breasts, he started gibbering in response and his gnarled hands twitched. "Ne, what do you want to do?" She asked innocently while fluttering her eyelashes. The clouds dipped dangerously low, and Naruto knew she almost had him.

Turning sideways, the well built woman stroked one of her pigtails and winked. The old man flew backwards with blood gushing from his nose. Naruto stepped daintily over her victim and checked his status. He'd be out for a while, lucky for him his old training would kick in and work overtime to replenish blood. A normal civilian would be out for a day or two. Naruto giggled and concentrated. He closed his eyes and focused on his stomach, loosening the chakra weave that held her form. With a poof of smoke a young, dressed, and male Naruto skipped around the service desk.

The lack of anything resembling a security system only made him shrug. Overconfident ninja must have figured it was impossible to get this far. Naruto flipped through the files before finding his goal. He jotted down the directions and jumped over several shelves.

Coming to a stand, Naruto nodded in appreciation at the large scroll he had come to get. The Scroll of Seals was nearly as tall as he was. Over a thousand techniques; Mizuki-sensei said he only had to master one. If Naruto mastered one of the thousand then it would prove he was at least jounin level, since only jounin could learn these, and not even all the ones in this particular scroll. Some were forbidden to everyone but the Hokage. Naruto shook as he lifted the heavy thing from its stand.

He struggled under the weight, but then found a length of cloth to adjust the scroll against his back. The blonde began to exit the library and glanced back at the old pervert who was starting to groan. Naruto started running back the way he came, setting off more traps he had carefully avoided on the way in. Speed was what he needed, and if he had to jump a bit every now and then it was good training.

Alarm bells had just started ringing as Naruto exited the tower and headed for the forest. Despite the loud blaring and shouts of 'the scroll is missing!' getting caught was far from Naruto's mind at the moment. He was not even thinking about what to read first from the weight on his back. No, Naruto was wondering what it was about naked girls that made grown men get nosebleeds. Sakura always hit people and they got nosebleeds, but it didn't happen just by her walking into a room. Then again, there was Miemi who graduated two years ago; she had worn a white shirt that one day. After getting wet from experimental water jutsu lots of the boys and even some teachers had nosebleeds.

Naruto slapped his head to clear it. He would stop questioning why it happened; all that mattered was that the move was effective. Besides, Mizuki-sensei said he only had a few hours to learn something and he needed to get to the training spot where no one would look for him.

Naruto looked like a dozen loaded carts rolled over him as he sat panting on the grass. His orange clothes were dirty and mussed, sweat drenched his body but he had a blissful smile on despite it all. He patted the scroll lovingly and rested. One jutsu. Check. When I show Mizuki-sensei and Iruka-sensei they'll pass me.

He leaned back and listened to the calming sounds of nature. Insects buzzed, birds chirped and squirrels chattered back and forth to...wait a minute where'd the squirrels go? Naruto sat up and closed his eyes to listen. He'd been exploring and playing in Konoha forests for as long as he could remember and the animal life usually accepted his presence, for the squirrels to just leave meant someone else was coming. "Naruto!"

The tired blonde whipped his head around and broke into a maddening grin. "Iruka-sensei! You caught me! I guess that means times up huh?"

"Naruto, this is no time to be playing around. Do you have any idea what that scroll you stole is!" Iruka shouted angrily.

"Of course! Mizuki-sensei told me."

Iruka paused as the gears in his head turned. "Mizuki-sensei told you? What did he say?"

Naruto jumped up and spun around to show off the large scroll tied to his back. "He said if I can learn just one technique from this seal scroll thingy then I can be a genin!" The blonde turned back to his teacher and scratched his head still smiling like an idiot. "And I did it! I learned one!"

Iruka drew a kunai and started scanning the trees. "Naruto, listen to me. Mizuki lied to you he-"

"Oh shut up Iruka. You've lied to him just as much as I have." Mizuki called as he appeared above them in the branches.

Naruto's gaze wavered between his two instructors in confusion. "You...both lied to me? Does this mean I'm not going to be a genin?"

Mizuki laughed. "Always a one track mind, eh brat? No, you won't be genin, because I'll take that scroll and kill you right here!" He reached behind and pulled an enormous shuriken from his back, quickly tossing it. Naruto felt his tired body seize up as the spinning death closed in on him.

"Naruto!" Iruka screamed and pushed his student out of the way. Naruto went tumbling backwards as the shuriken went flying off into the distance. Mizuki sneered.

"I wasn't planning on killing you Iruka, but if you interfere that's what will happen." The man drew forth several kunai and examined the two on the ground. "You know, I don't see why you'd want to protect the thing that took your parents..."

Naruto stared up the man who was dripping blood and tears on him. Iruka was crying as he told his reasons for using his own body as a shield for the boy. "We're the same, Naruto. I took a while to see it, but you're not the demon fox."

"Listen to that drivel boy! He's just lying to you to get the scroll for himself! Iuka's been lying to you your whole life just like the rest of the village. Ignore him and hand over the scroll." Mizuki yelled as he walked over the where the boy and man sat huddled. His eyes held a crazy shine and he licked a kunai.

"N-naruto." Iruka whispered. He was out of practice but be damned if he let one of his students get hurt. "Please, listen to me."

Naruto scowled and peered at the scarred nosed man. He didn't know what or who to believe, though the demon fox did mesh in with how everyone always treated him...except for Iruka-sensei. Iruka sucked in a breath and his eyes bored into Naruto's. "Run. And don't let anyone take the scroll. Consider this...a mission from me. You don't know who could be working with Mizuki. Don't let anyone have it, it holds more secrets than even the Hokage himself. Don't. Let. Anyone. Get. It." Iruka rolled over and deflected a thrown kunai. "RUN NARUTO!"

Naruto jerked his head in a nod and broke for the trees. His feet pounded the ground as tears flew off his face. He thought about going back to the village and returning the scroll to the Hokage and to get Iruka-sensei help, but then he remembered what Mizuki and Iruka said. The entire village has always lied to you. You don't know who Mizuki is working with. Don't let anyone get the scroll...

He kept running further into the woods. Iruka-sensei was the only one he could trust, he was sacrificing himself so Naruto might have some time to run. He wouldn't let Iruka-sensei down. Naruto would protect the damnable scroll from any and all comers, even the Hokage himself unless Iruka-sensei said otherwise.

"Curse you Iruka. Now I have to hunt down that stupid fox." Mizuki spat has he jumped into the branches. Iruka Umino narrowed his eyes and followed, his hands picking up a log and beginning to shift through very familiar forms. Seconds later a perfect copy of Naruto was jumping through the branches on all fours like an animal.

Iruka would have smirked if his cover wouldn't be blown by the action. A transformed Mizuki approached and tried to convince 'Naruto' to hand over the scroll. As if. Iruka shoulder slammed Mizuki into a tree and fell to the ground panting.

"How did you know it was me?" Mizuki growled as his disguise vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Simple." Iruka answered. "I'm me and you're you." He grinned as he dispelled his own transformation.

"I guess the only way for me to progress is to take you down then." Mizuki commented as he calmly unhitched his last giant shuriken from his back. Iruka shifted into a better stance. The fight was about to get serious.

Meanwhile back in the hidden village of Konoha an old man sweatdropped. "Crap..." He murmured as he watched the two people prepare to battle in his crystal ball. He had been planning to watch Naruto so when all this cooled down he could easily find the boy and get back the scroll. The old man hadn't counted on Iruka's prowess with henge though, and had spent the last five minutes following the man in his Naruto guise.

The Hokage didn't have sound on his system, and gave a quick prayer that whichever one of them was loyal to Konoha would win. He placed his hand around the crystal orb and started his systematic scaring of the village and forest. Hopefully the blonde wouldn't have gotten out of range yet. Hopefully.

Iruka could feel his vision and reactions begin to fade. The academy teacher was starting to regret missing practice, as teaching was mostly a desk job. He was barely able to parry Mizuki's attacks.

"Give up, you know without me you never would have gotten where you are. I'm better than you, and once I kill the brat and take the scroll everyone will acknowledge it." Mizuki heaved out, he was panting with the exertion it took to knock away Iruka's many thrown kunai. Sometimes they ricochet off one another only to come at him from behind.

"I won't let you touch Naruto." Iruka snarled and jumped out of the way. He knew he didn't have much time before his stamina gave out. Let Naruto get away. Even if he has to leave Konoha altogether, let him escape this mad man. He stumbled on the tree branch and calmly waited for Mizuki to take advantage of his mistake. The crazed teacher headed in for the kill, laughing while calling Iruka a failure and a demon lover.

Iruka looked into his opponents face with eyes cold and emotionless, it was such a change that Mizuki paused in his mocking but he kept coming. "I may be a demon lover to you, but it's better than trash. We burn trash." Iruka's voice came out freezing, he didn't even blink or try to twist out of the way as Mizuki's blade came within inches of his throat. "Boom."

Too late the would-be missing nin saw the set of explosive notes set up between him and his target. They had been hidden within a henge. Damn Iruka and his basic jutsus...

The explosion rocked the forest and threw back the two fighters. Their clothes were shredded like the landscape, blood, wood, and bits of flesh were scattered around the area. Iruka would've given himself ten minutes to live had he been awake. The only reason he had that much was because he knew his homemade bomb would go off and prepared the best he could for it.

Mizuki's glazed eyes didn't match his face which was frozen in surprise. The man would never have guessed his rival would willingly sacrifice himself for a demon. His corpse cooled where it was speared on a broken branch.

Naruto didn't feel the explosion, but he heard it. Fresh tears sprung forth and he stumbled but kept running. Iruka-sensei...thank you. I won't let you down. I promise. He kept running, the direction didn't matter as long as it was away from Konoha. The scroll on his back beat against him in time to his erratic heartbeat. Naruto felt something inside him stir...and he felt his weariness start to retreat a bit. Naruto wasn't stopping for a long while.

Several ANBU dropped down to survey the carnage wrought by the two combatants. A goat masked female whistled and pointed. The mutilated body of a brown haired man could be seen hanging from the trees; his leg was wedged between some branches. "I think he's still alive."

"God...he can't have much longer. Get him down and to the hospital. Helios, run ahead and inform them to prepare the emergency room." Snapped a dog masked man.

An ANBU with a bird mask blurred as he headed back to town.

"Sir, what do you think happened?"

"I don't know. From the sound I'd say explosive tag, but they don't do this much damage. Do they?" Dog mask replied as he walked among the waste. He was careful not to step on any bits of warped metal sticking up.

"Sir, there's no sign of it or the scroll." A shorter man in a frog mask called.

Dog mask rubbed his neck. "Damn. Assume it is still in possession of the scroll, check for any signs of passage but don't take too long. Report back to headquarters in fifteen minutes. If we find nothing that man is our only possible lead."

The gathered ninjas saluted and leapt away. Idly the leader wondered why when they jumped away from the Hokage his robes billowed out, and when people jumped from him the natural vacuum created by their departure drew in his clothes. It defied logic.

The ANBU captain looked over the area one last time before leaving to write up a report. The demon container had the Scroll of Seals. He shivered; if the child learned the secrets it contained they would be in trouble. Best to hunt the creature down and exterminate it before it became a threat, but that would be left to the hunter nin. Dog mask disappeared in the direction of the hospital. He hoped the man made it, after all he was the only one that might know where to start looking for the demon.

END.