Authors note: Right, so Neji is an ANBU captain and Sakura is a jounin. Sasuke is where ever you want him to be. I didn't specify an age for our characters so I guess Sakura could be any age from about 17 to 22 and Neji could be anywhere from 18 to 23. I do have a few side pairings. Lee is with Tenten, Kiba is with Hinata, and Shikamaru is with Temari. Neji does not say "Sakura-chan" because I don't think he would call her that. Sakura, on the other hand calls him "Neji-kun" because I think she would. Besides, only Naruto calls Sakura "Sakura-chan".
Summary: NejiXSakura One-shot!!! There is not other way to put it, so I might as well just come right out with it. My boyfriend has a huge stick up his ass, but for some reason I do not mind so much…
Disclaimer: Don't own any characters, ect…
My boyfriend has got a stick up his ass.
There I have said it. There is no other way to explain it. I know it may seem harsh but it is completely true.
I love him, I really do, but sometimes I wonder why. Then I realize that he must think the same thing about me sometimes.
Admittedly he is not as bad as Sasuke, but Neji can be so uptight. I must be attracted to just about every emotionless twit that I come across. I've never figured out this anomaly. You would have thought that I had learned my lesson with Sasuke.
But no... I just had to fall for the overly predictable, I-have-got-a-stick-up-my-ass, prodigy.
I mean, is it that difficult to wear a color other than beige? It really is all he wears. I tried to buy him colored shirts. I literally dragged him shopping with me one time. After four hours of looking for a color he might wear, he finally settled on a white shirt, of which he has only worn once. Once!
Is there even a difference between white and beige? I know, I know. Technically there is a difference but sometimes you can hardly tell.
I also ended up buying him a black shirt so that, if he ever wanted it, he would have another option. He has not worn it yet, not that I expected him to.
But me being me, I could not help but ask him why he had not worn it. He said, and I quote, "I do not like colors."
Give me a break! Seriously, think about it. White is not really a color. And black, while it is a color, can hardly be considered stepping out of his comfort zone. His pants are black.
And further more, if he does not like color then what the hell is he doing dating me? I have pink hair and green eyes. I do not know how much more colorful I could get.
I could always dye my skin in rainbow colors… that would not be a pleasant experience. I am also pretty sure that he would not walk down the street with me after that. That adds to my next point.
He is lazy! He is a lazy, overly predictable, so-uptight-that-the-stick-up-his-ass-can-not-be-removed, kind of guy.
I swear I could strangle him sometimes! I had wanted to go to the market and pick up some food. Now, I understand that he does not always want to be dragged around town by me, but he had actually agreed to it that time.
We had agreed the day before that he would help me run my errands. So, I went over to the compound and found him in the Zen garden.
He spends a lot of time in that garden. I do not blame him. It is quite a lovely place. I happen to enjoy it when I get to spend time there with him. But that is not the point.
At first I thought he was meditating, but when I went up to him and his eyes did not open I knew he was sleeping. I admit to being a little upset, after all we were supposed to be on a date. So I took a few calming breaths and rationally decided that he must have been taking a tiny cat nap.
Well, that rational thought was thrown out the window when a small snore emerged from him. Let me tell you I was pissed, but not pissed enough to smack him. Under any other conditions I would have slapped him silly but he looked so cute sitting there.
About two hours later he woke up with me sitting in front of him. He was so embarrassed, though he would never own up to it. Apparently he had pulled an all-nighter guarding the gate, which was so tedious. I felt bad for him until I realized that he had forgotten about our date.
I mean, I understand that people forget about things but he forgot a date with me! He forgot he was going on a date with his girlfriend.
I know I should not get upset about those kinds of things but I can not seem to help it. Well, he had better not forget about our date tonight, which leads me to my next complaint.
He is insensitive. Neji is an insensitive, lazy, overly predictable, I-have-a-stick-shoved-so-far-up-my-ass-I-can-not-walk-properly, Hyuuga.
After three weeks of nagging and begging I finally got Neji to go to the movies with me. And believe me when I say that this was no small feet. He finally gave in and brought me to see this action/romance movie I had been dying to see, "The House of Flying Daggers".
I do not want to give it away if you have not seen it but towards the end when the female role "dies" everyone in the theatre was crying. Everyone except Neji, who did not seem to be affected by the tragedy on the screen in front of him.
I decided to ignore him and kept on letting my salty tears fall. That is when he turned to me and asked me why I was crying. As if it was not obvious! I swear I had to spell it out for him. He just looked at me like I had grown a second head.
When he grabbed my bag and began walking out the door, I had not choice but to follow him. He seriously could not understand why I was so upset.
Could he not feel the emotions coming out of the screen?
What is more annoying than that was the fact that I did not get to see the end. Ino had to tell me the rest which got me really pissed off.
He could have at least considered my feelings and let me sit through the rest of my movie. His reasoning was that he does not like farfetched romances and if I really wanted to see the end that badly I could just rent it when it came out on video. Like I said, he is insensitive. And while I am bitching I might as well throw this in.
He is finicky! He is a finicky, insensitive, lazy, overly predictable, my-ass-has-a-massive-stick-up-it kind of guy.
The two of us can often be found at the ice cream parlor for dessert. Every time we have been there, in the whole year we have been dating, all he has ever gotten was vanilla.
Vanilla, may I remind you, is perhaps the most bland flavor known to man kind. I wonder how he is not sick of it after all this time, because I do not think I will ever be able to eat vanilla after seeing him eat it so many times. I have tried every flavor of ice cream the parlor offers at least twice and they are all good.
So one day I tried to get him to break out of his comfort zone and try chocolate. I was munching on a red velvet cake flavor. I could have easily asked him to try that but I was trying to ease him into something new.
He would not have it. He refused to even consider it. I understand playing it safe but this was ridiculous. It was only chocolate! Honestly, is chocolate all that much of a step up from vanilla on the risky scale? No, it is not!
Even his uncle likes chocolate. I found that out while raiding the Hyuuga refrigerator one afternoon. On my way back to Neji's room with a large bowl of chocolate ice cream, I ran into the Hyuuga clan lord. After taking a look at my bowl, which was filled to the brim, he chuckled.
We had a lovely conversation about the wonders that are ice cream flavors. I found that I rather like his uncle. Between you and me Lord Hiashi loves cookies and cream. So after about five minutes of ice cream chit-chat, I went back to Neji's room only to be stopped at the door by a wide eyed Neji. This leads me to my next point.
Neji is an obsessive compulsive neat freak! He is a neat freak, finicky, insensitive, lazy, overly predictable, stick-up-his-ass shinobi.
That day with the ice cream, he would not let me in the room. He made me eat outside. We literally had a conversation through his door! I did not understand why he would not let me in at first, but then it hit me. It was not me. It was the food.
The first time I saw his spotless living quarters I thought he was just trying to make a good impression. I soon realized that the room was always that clean. I have never seen his room in any other manner other than immaculate. I would not be surprised if he always disinfects the whole place after I leave.
Oh, I hate it when he gets all germ-a-phobic! Neji is a germ-a-phobic, neat freak, finicky, insensitive, lazy, overly predictable, I-can-not-walk-because-I-have-an-extra-appendage-near-my-rear ANBU captain.
We were eating out one night when a sniffing Naruto and a fidgety Hinata joined us. As it turned out, they had been training together when Naruto decided it was time to eat and Hinata had refused to eat ramen. Hence, the two friends ended up eating with us.
Yes, Hinata has been over her crush on Naruto for a while now. If you ask me, Kiba is a much better match for her.
Anyway, Naruto had a cold and chose to sit right next to Neji. Hinata only got more fidgety after that.
It was not until Naruto started coughing that I noticed Neji's discomfort. His shoulders stiffened up and he did not seem to be breathing. The coughing continued and Neji's eyes began to dart around as his hand grasped a napkin.
Suddenly, almost comically, Naruto's face was covered by a napkin which seemed to be stuffed in his mouth. Hinata quickly apologized, explaining Neji's condition to me as she tugged Naruto out the door.
I ought to add that Neji is incredibly stubborn. My boyfriend is a stubborn, germ-a-phobic, neat freak, finicky, insensitive, lazy, overly predictable, I-swear-the-stick-up-my-ass-is-not-uncomfortable man.
He refused to breathe. Even when he was turning blue and Naruto was long gone, he refused to breathe. I tried coaxing him into simply taking a breath, but no, he was not having it. In response to my coaxing all I got was a rather childlike shake of the head, which I must admit was adorable, but that is not the point.
I finally got him to agree on breathing through his shirt. I thought that would get him to act normally. How very wrong I was.
He refused to breathe with out his shirt covering his nose until after we had left the restaurant. And even then he insisted that I disinfect before touching him in any way.
I admit that I had not been comfortable around Naruto's coughing but not so uncomfortable that I would not touch my boyfriend afterwards. Hell, he was probably just as covered in germs as I was. He would not even let me hold his hand! That leads me to my biggest issue.
Neji does not do PDA, not even in small doses. Hell, he is not even particularly affectionate when we are alone! The love of my life is the unaffectionate, stubborn, germ-a-phobic, neat freak, finicky, insensitive, lazy, overly predictable, I-have-a-stick-impaling-my-innards portion of the male species.
I have so many examples of this rather frustrating complaint but I suppose the most recent occurrence was about three weeks ago. I was going to see him off for a mission.
There were not too many people there. Kiba, Shikamaru, and Lee made up the rest of Neji's ANBU squad. Hinata, Temari (visiting from Suna), and Tenten had come with me to see off their respective counterparts.
All I wanted was a kiss on the cheek. Even a hug would have done the job! I would not have complained at all. A hug would have sufficed.
Kiba and Hinata were sharing light sweet kisses. I was being told not to worry.
Shikamaru and Temari were flat out making out. My hair was being pushed behind my ear.
Lee and Tenten were in a tight hug whispering sweet nothings. I received a hand squeeze.
That is all, nothing more and nothing less.
Can someone tell me if I am ugly because I would love to know! I mean am I that unattractive? Does he just not feel the need to touch me ever?
I know Neji is not a touchy feely person, not by any means, but is a kiss too much to ask for? I do not think so. It was an A-class mission! How could he expect me not to worry?
He got back last night and called me right away. He is fine. As a matter of fact, that is when he planned this date.
Did I mention that I have been walking down the street this whole time? I guess not… well, I have been.
He had better appreciate all the effort I put into looking good tonight.
Do you know how uncomfortable this damn dress is? I will have to let you try it on one day. Between the hair and makeup it took me three hours to get ready and these heels are killing my poor feet.
Did I mention that I shaved? I know! I actually made sure to shave this time. That may seem gross to some, the fact that I do not always shave on a regular basis, but ninja and beauty do not always mesh nicely.
Oh, I had better start paying attention. This is one of the nicer restaurants in town and I just walked in. He told me he would be seated by the time I got here and sure enough there he is. His punctuality is something I can not complain about. I rather like that he is always on time.
Oh my… I think I am having a heart attack!
He is wearing my black shirt!
Well, not my black shirt, that would be weird. He is wearing the black shirt I bought him. You know, the one I thought would rot in his closet. Let me tell you, he looks great!
Okay, so maybe he is not as predictable as I may have previously ranted on and on about. Occasionally he does do spontaneous things. He would not be in ANBU if he was completely predictable. I am trying not to look too surprised as I sit down across from him but I get the feeling that I'm failing in my endeavor.
"How was the mission Neji-kun?"
His stoic expression did not change at my question but then I didn't expect it to.
"It went smoothly. There were no problems that were too serious. I called you as soon as I got back. I probably woke you up. Sorry about that."
Okay, so now I feel really bad. We can cross insensitive off of my list of things to bitch about.
While 3 AM is not the best time to call someone, he knows that I would rather have him call right away instead of waiting. He does take my feelings into consideration most of the time.
It is time to put up a reassuring smile and be a good girlfriend.
"It is fine. You know I do not mind. Did you rest at all today?"
I already know the answer. I might as well get it over with and admit that my boyfriend is usually anything but lazy. He is probably more of a workaholic than me, and that is saying something.
"I was training with Hiashi-sama today. We got some good work done."
See, I told you. I should have mentioned earlier that Neji only falls asleep during meditation if he is half dead. Honestly, he probably has more meditation focus than people with far more experience in that arena.
"That is good. Did you already order for me?"
If you are wondering, I am actually hoping that he did order my food. Some girls have a problem with their boyfriends ordering food for them. I do not. I suppose that is because Neji did not start ordering for me until after he got to know me. He knows I love tempura and this place is known for having some of the best.
"Of course, Sakura. You wanted the tempura, correct?"
Whose boyfriend pays attention to her? Me, Haruno Sakura! The girl who is grinning and nodding like an idiot. I really need to get a hold of myself.
"Thank you Neji-kun! Did you get to go to that great bath house in Waves that I told you about?"
Oh, I should have mentioned that he was in Wave country for this past mission.
His expression is changing into a bit of a frown. Thank the heavens it is not an angry frown.
"Unfortunately, no. The missing-nin we were chasing had us running night and day. I did find time to stay at your friend Tazuna-san's home for dinner. I did not get a chance to have a decent shower the whole time I was gone though."
Alright, I am coming clean about his hygiene. His preference is to be exceptionally clean at all times, not that I am going to complain about that. I suppose that his physically cleanliness moves into other aspects of his life. Hence exhibit number 1; Neji's room. But when push comes to shove he will forego his overall hygiene for the success of the mission.
Did I mention that the food has arrived? Well, it has and it is heavenly! My boyfriend knows me so well it is almost scary, but in a good way.
"That must have been rough, Neji-kun. Was the dinner with Tazuna-san nice?"
He just placed his tea down. I must have been too busy eating to notice him pick it up. I should pay more attention to these sorts of things. I am a jounin after all.
"Yes, dinner was quite pleasant. The young boy, Inari-san, was sick though. He had a bit of a cough."
That has got me a little nervous. I just hope he did not do anything drastic or worse… embarrassing.
"You did not stuff a napkin in his mouth, did you?"
He is chuckling. I should have seen this coming. Neji finds my antics and my pointless worrying amusing.
"No. Fortunately Inari-san knows how to cover his mouth."
I suppose I also forgot to tell you that Naruto never covers his mouth when he coughs. So maybe Neji is more polite than germ-a-phobic. I am just thankful he did not gag Inari-chan.
"I hope you do not mind, Sakura, but I ordered dessert already as well."
How much do you want to bet it is vanilla ice cream? Seriously, how much are you willing to put on the table? I will double it!
"Really? What did you order?"
Well, Neji is just full of surprises today. The way he is grinning at me is making me think that this is not my boyfriend sitting in front of me.
"I thought I might try chocolate ice cream since you have been so adamant about me 'steeping out of my comfort zone' lately."
Someone is using genjutsu on me! I must look like a gapping fish with my mouth hanging open like this.
Okay, so I suppose he is not finicky or stubborn; at least not all the time.
I am just going to assume that he is getting up to go to the bathroom. Did I tell you how good that shirt looks on him? Well, you get to hear it again.
My Neji is so handsome!
I think my mouth is still hanging down because he is grinning at me. What is going on around here? I must have something on my face because he is bending down…
Okay, the last time I checked my lips had always been on my face. Wait!
He just kissed me on the lips in public. Hyuuga Neji just kissed Haruno Sakura on the lips in public! He just kissed me on the lips in public!!!
This is monumental! I do not even know what to say.
Hold on. That is a lie. I do know what to say and you can forget everything I said earlier.
Hyuuga Neji, my boyfriend, the love of my life, is the most handsome, intelligent, talented, generous, sensitive, thoughtful, caring, and loving genius prodigy to ever walk the face of the planet!
…
But he still has a stick up his ass.
End comments: So I had a lot of fun writing this. I hope Sakura sounds like she should. I tried to put a little more of inner Sakura in her since it is her mind talking to you. I am trying to fix any grammar mistakes but I am not that great with grammar so please forgive me if I miss things. Anyway I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had creating it!