-------------------

Swimming around in the darkness, he floated around, watching as shapes and colours began to appear in blobs, before melding together to create somewhere he could've sworn looked familiar. He felt himself being pulled down, his feet solidly resting on the ground, he wiggled his toes, testing them out.

Feeling someone squeeze his hand he realized his mother had materialized next to him, and the blurry image she was became clearer, as did her voice. Something about buying a happy bear for his birthday. She smiled and soon enough a small shopping street melted into the scenery. Walking past brightly coloured food stalls he took in the sights and the sounds, the smells of food making him nauseous with hunger, it all smelled so good!

With bright onyx eyes, he watched the world around him shiver, swirling softly before beginning to singe at the edges. He frowned and his mother began to walk faster, dragging him along, as the world of colour, light, food and good smells began to disintegrate, peoples faces melting as the orange flickering flames engulfed them, the people began to whimper and he clung tighter to his mothers hand, as the fire began to take her too, her long willowy hair puffing into choking black smoke. A particular high pitched squeak pulled him from the dream and his burning world returned to boring blank room where he'd fallen asleep. Damn. That had been a good dream, one of the less frightening ones.

Sighing, he realized that there was indeed black smoke billowing around the room, coming from the kitchen. His first thought: The faulty stove. Usually it needed some sort of provocation... Another shrill scream sounded and he realized the girl who he'd fallen asleep next to was not sleeping next to him anymore, which in turn meant Hinata must've been the one provoking the old stove... Shit.

Jumping to his feet, he growled, cursing his mind for coming to conclusions on such a step-by-step basis. He was better than that surely! He stopped thinking about thinking when he heard the heavy coughs from inside the smoky kitchen.

Sprinting round the corner, he ran into the black smog, swooping his arms around blindly to clear some of the smoke and to find the girl who'd started the commotion. He found her alright, his waving left hand slapping her squarely on the err... (butt)cheek. She squealed, and he drifted towards the sound, finding her, he swept her off the ground, carrying her out of the kitchen like she was his bride, the smoke clung to Sasuke, getting dragged out as he left the kitchen.

She coughed, and he shushed her softly, stroking her back to calm her. Damn he was getting good at this care-taker thing. Her breathing evened as the coughs died down and he set her softly to lie on the couch. Seeing the tears cling to her fluttering eyelashes her wiped them with his thumb, softly whispering a half-threat/half-reward.

"Don't make me resuscitate you."

She tried to laugh, but started coughing again, which reminded him that the lounge was starting to fill with smoke as well. He left to sort out the stove, satisfied that her pained look looked a little less pained.

Stomping into the kitchen, he cursed, waving his arms around again, hoping that he wouldn't slap another buttock on the way, because that would be annoying, and not to mention frightening at the thought yet another person, probably some deranged fan girl or even worse, the anime equivalent of Michael Jackson (Orochimaru), being in this kitchen, let alone his house without him knowing. Including the accidental lead on that they would follow if he did slap someone's butt. He shivered, he really didn't need to think about those sorts of things right now.

Instead his right hand managed to slam into the stove, it's buttons breaking off in pieces. He cursed. At least he knew where the stove was. He closed his eyes, drawing himself a picture of his kitchen inside his head, he readied himself, and delivered a kick so hard it could shatter bones right into the crotch of um... the stove. It's old body clunked, and the billowing of gas from its every pore stopped, and Sasuke gave it one more good kick, it belched out one last puff of burnt air and it was done.

The smoke clearing, he felt along the wall, finding the switch to the fan he flicked it and it all got sucked up and thrown out onto the rest of Konoha. Too bad, not his problem. What was his problem though, was that his kitchen and half of his residence was covered in soot. He grumbled. He hated cleaning.

He was still glaring hatefully at the dirty walls when Hinata walked into the kitchen, her usually clean face also smudged with soot.

"S-Sasuke? I-I'm sorry, really I a-am!! I w-was just trying to c-cook breakfast!!" He held his hand up, and her words died away before they could get out of her mouth. She expected him to scold her, so she braced herself. He turned, but his eyes were softer than usual, or maybe it was just the soot that powdered his face making him less intimidating. He was actually kind of cute. She giggled at the thought, and for a moment she thought she saw a smile. Hmm. Must be the lack of oxygen.

"Hinata, next time you fiddle with something? Ask first." She stopped laughing and nodded sternly. "The Uchiha's had a thing with explosions and fire, smoke, ash, that sort of business. Just be careful around things have tendencies to burst into flames." She nodded again, relieved that he'd apparently forgiven her, even though she felt sad for messing up in the first place.

"Personally, I hate ash and soot and dirty things. Smelly things are the worst." He grimaced and Hinata raised an eyebrow. Nobody likes smelly things.. that's why they're smelly..

"I-I could h-help you clean! I'm good a-at cleaning!" He looked her up and down.

"Perhaps you should get clean first." She made a silent 'o' with her mouth before dashing away to the shower, he stood there vacantly, before her head popped around the corner again.

"W-what about c-clothes?" He frowned. She had a point. He had no more clothes, usually he did have more, but they had all been sent to the Laundromat, after Hinata had retrieved them all, he'd sent them straight off, not knowing who had been touching them, they could've had some virus or disease or something, such as cooties. He certainly wasn't letting her wear her clown suit he'd first found her in, he'd throw up and get everything dirty again. Soot was preferable to spew any day.

"We'll need new ones." She nodded, a determined expression set firmly on her pretty face and then she disappeared around the corner again. Sasuke began counting the floor boards. 3 down, 7 to the left.

"Sasuke??" He looked up, squinting when Hinata was not there, but strangely her voice came from that general direction. Oh. A tiny portion of her head peeped out from the corner and Sasuke realized this must've been how she spied on Naruto. Suspiciously inconspicuous... Hm...

"Sasuke?" Sasuke snapped back to reality, and realized a little more of Hinata had appeared, the tips of her finger and most of her head, it seemed that every time he looked at her a little more of her body would appear. It was almost like a peep show! ... No! Hm...

"Sasuke!"

"Wah?!" A milky white leg appeared, and Sasuke stumbled back in shock, backing himself to the furthest wall away from the naked leg. No! Not a peep show! Bad dream! Bad dream! He breathed a sigh of relief when Hinata stepped out, dressed in Sakura's usual outfit. Oh yes... She had to wear something didn't she. Sasuke wondered if the little voice in his head was being sarcastic or not, but then decided all the smoke must've affected his brain.

"I-is it o-okay?" His eye twitched and he was rendered speechless as he checked- ahem, examined her physique. Legs were nice, but red didn't seem to suit her. Hips were nice, the red was still annoying. Tummy was nice, and bre- brea... Well they didn't look like they were meant to be there at all, they were much too large for the skimpy little dress.

"Uhm, Sasuke, I w-was thinking that we could g-go back to my p-place and I could w-wear my own clothes..." She squirmed and Sasuke tried to stop staring at Hinata's bre- brea... uh. "These are r-really u-uncomfortable..." Sasuke nodded, eye unfocused and Hinata decided that perhaps Sasuke had been born retarded, and was proned to short-term memory loss and losing sense of who he was or where he was. Hinata made note to stay close whenever this would happen, otherwise Sasuke could get hurt. Gathering courage she took his arm and led him towards the front door, explaining to him gently that she was Hinata, and that she would not hurt him and that she was a friend, when he watched her with a shocked and confused expression, a foreign shade of pink rising on his cheeks.

No worries, when Hinata was around, he would be safe, even if he was slightly retarded.

Sasuke's foggy mind registered that she'd reached the first goal, assertion, and then he couldn't seem to concentrate on anything, especially because Hinata had pressed his arm into her soft lady chest lumps. Oh boy. Sasuke vaguely wondered why he felt like this... but in the end it didn't matter, all that he knew was it felt kind of... nice.

---------------

Counting the coins that a deflated green cloth frog spewed out of its mouth, Naruto carefully counted, and re counted his coins. Hoping that miraculously another coin would appear so that he could pay for the large bowl of ramen he'd eaten, but his frog purse was slim, after the previous 14 bowls... The shop keeper growled at him and he looked up, laughing nervously.

A flash of familiar red caught his eye and he turned around to yell out to his beloved Sakura-chan how much he loved her so.

"SAKURA-CHAN! I LOVE YOU!!"

Hinata pinked, Sasuke growled and Sakura stood in front of her many mirrors, pinching a foreign piece of flab that had appeared on her chest. 'What the hell is this? ... Oh well, looks like I need more exercise...'

Naruto blinked, and blinked again. It seemed that Sakura had gone pale, almost like a ghost and strangely Sasuke hung on to her, limp and flapping in the wind like a piece of paper printed with Uchiha symbols. His brows furrowed and he scratched at the whisker marks on his cheeks.

There could only be one explanation for this strange anomaly... Sasuke bastard had drugged Sakura so that she would love him and ignore the handsome, well built, love god that was himself and then Sakura had drugged Sasuke and then abducted him so that she could perform reverse rape without knowing Sasuke bastard was evil and that she was really heavily under the use of mind altering drugs...

That or he really needed to cut down on how much ramen he consumed... nAaaAHHhh...

Running off in the direction he'd seen Sakura-chan's beautiful nymph body fly off in, he ignored the angry rambling of the cheated shop keeper that became smaller and smaller behind him. HE MUST SAVE SAKURA-CHAN!!

---------------------------------------

"She's coming!"

Whispers ran through out the halls and down the corridors, the shuffling of thousands of feet were heard for a moment, and then silence.

One pair of eyes, with heavy bags the colour of soot beneath them, watched the doorknob, all his muscles tensed, she was coming, he could feel it.

Thousands of other eyes, peeked out from corners, nooks and crannies cautiously watching the obsessive genius, all holding their breaths for the moment he would snap.

Hanabi, crouched on the floor and around a corner, and fumbling with her pockets, managed to get a hold of her camera phone. With great difficulty she brought the phone in front of her, elbowing a few people who uttered soft ow's and aimed its focus on her cousin. Only a matter of time...

------------------

Slowing to a stop at the front door, she almost collapsed on the steps. Leaning on the door frame, Hinata sucked in a long secession of short breaths. It was extremely difficult to move, let alone breathe after you've sprinted half way across town via roof tops pulling a devilishly handsome retarded person behind you with tight red material restricting your lungs from taking in the oxygen needed for such a routine exercise. She glanced at Sasuke, the strange far away look floating on his face, she was sure he had something that would fix her problem...

She pulled him closer, reaching one arm behind him feeling for the pouch that he kept all his weapons in. He stiffened on contact.

'Surely it has to be back here somewhere...'

------------------------

Naruto walked slowly, eyes squinted, a small frown wrinkling the whiskers on his face. He couldn't see red anywhere.. Or smell the familiar rose that usually trailed after her... So he decided to walk around aimlessly, perhaps he'd find something fun to do. Or something that would help with his constant squinting..

Walking past the Hyuga compound he held his breath. Not that he'd ever admit it, but he believed in ghosts, and was terrified of them, and the Hyuga household was as bad as the Uchiha compound, if not worse.

He shivered, the mental picture of the Hyuga elders towering above him and enclosing him in a small tight circle, they're seemingly blank eyes flaring, the spidery veins around their eyes creeping up every now and then... it sent shivers down his spine.

He tried to shake the mental image away, and as the Hyuga elders dissipated in a comical fashion, he caught a glimpse of an awkwardly out of place Uchiha symbol. It looked like Sasuke, but kind of... not like Sasuke??

Naruto scrunched his nose, three things were wrong with the Sasuke imposter.

One, it was dirty, and the real Sasuke couldn't even stand squashed bugs. Naruto had found this out quite painfully when he managed to catch a fly, he'd smushed it in the process, and not knowing to do with the wiggly white muck, he wiped it on the nearest thing to him, Sasuke. Naruto chuckled nervously, details he decided he didn't want to remember blooming like black and blue bruised flowers...

Two, Sasuke looked like he was itching his butt, or groping it and Sasuke would never do that! At least not in public, especially not in front of the Hyuga, they were conservative people, meaning both Sasuke and the Hyuga. He scoffed, laughing inside at that one time when he plotted with Sakura to make Sasuke take his T-shirt off, of course it never worked.

Three, Sasuke didn't wear red. Red...

RED!!!!

--------------

"Ah ha!" Shouted Naruto, pointing with his finger at the turned Uchiha.

Sasuke snapped to attention, the sound of Naruto's obtrusive voice pulling him back into reality. Gently shoving Hinata off, he turned, pulling a kunai from his pouch, discretely hidden beneath his T-shirt, and prepared for the predictable head first charge.

Yoink! And the kunai was gone, Hinata happily slicing away at the red material with small satisfying rips. Sasuke shrugged, plucking another weapon from the pouch.

The stupid blonde charged, screaming with all his might, and a few Hyuga servants on the far side of the residence peaked their heads in interest, wondering where the bellowing sound came from and why.

Sasuke smirked off-handedly, ready to block and counter. Naruto's movements were always so obvious...

And then Naruto stopped his rampage, and his knife hand fell limp by his side, blood slowly trickling down is face. Sasuke cocked his head in confusion; he hadn't even touched the blonde moron, so why was he acting so weird? He followed Naruto's gaze and met with Hinata's back, she was jiggling the door knob, trying to get in, the tips of her ears pink.

Apparently she cut a little too much off the restricting red dress..

Sasuke, being as sharp as he was, scuffed his sandal on the steps, sending a sprinkle of dirt into Naruto's gaping eyes, served the pervert right. How dare he treat Hinata that way! Especially since it would unravel what little confidence and assertion he had helped her build up.

The pervert cursed, dropping the kunai to the ground, to rub at his eyes, and stop the blood that trickled out of his nose. Sasuke closed his eyes, slipped between Hinata and the door, held her close and bumped the door open.

The moment Naruto looked up would be one that would haunt him for a lifetime. Thousands of curious ghostly eyes peered at him, but one pair stood out, the veins lining their eyes next to exploding and a booming voice made Naruto's legs turn to jelly and his bladder wobble.

"YOU!" The wrath of Neji had come upon Naruto, and the blonde kitsune ran for his life. Neji followed close behind him ready to break balls, bones and to decapitate that boy that must've been responsible for the absence of his dearest little cousin.

The Hyuga household watched their genius disappear into a maze of streets, his perfect hair astray and standing on end, like a maddened porcupine. There was a silence, as the distant screaming faded away and then...

The halls and rooms and gardens of the Hyuga household literally exploded with laughter. Every member of the clan within viewing distance of the commotion fell like bowling pins, cackling as they rolled on the ground, holding their stomachs and feeling like their laugh box would explode. Sasuke took this opportunity of distraction to swiftly take his T-shirt off, and slip it over Hinata, covering her vulnerable chest, and protecting her from the exposure of embarrassment. Unfortunately for him, the reason he refused to take his T-shirt off would be finally be revealed.

"Enough."

The laughing died away, and all guilty of the raucous behaviour scurried off, Hanabi snapped her camera phone shut and disappeared. Soon the long hall was empty, just a rather pissed off looking Hiashi standing at the end, held in front of him was a wicked looking cane.

"Hinata, explain yourself."

She bowed cautiously in respect, hoping that the polished stick would not come crashing over the back of her neck.

"Father, I --"

"Hinata, you have disgraced our clan, you have made us look like fools, I have the right mind to disown you, you weak, good for nothing daughter of mine, I --"

"Father, you have not let me explain!" Hiashi clenched the cane, and Hinata clapped her hands over her mouth, realizing the mistake of her outburst. Sasuke watched carefully, stepping forward to nudge the small of Hinata's back, a soft encouragement to continue.

She shot a nervous glance at him and the look in his dark eyes pushed her on, turning back to the ominous aura of her father, she gulped.

"Father, I have been training with Sasuke-san," Hiashi's eyes narrowed, his face a hardened alabaster statue. "I have been training to – to become a better sh-shinobi, and a stronger p-person. I apologize if my a-absence has w-worried you o-or a-any other p-p-person." A few snickers were heard in the room next door, but they were silenced quickly when Hiashi growled.

"Boy, come here." He pointed at Sasuke with the evil cane, and Sasuke reluctantly met Hinata's father's eyes, and realized Hinata must've extremely brave to be able to face this every day. Sasuke walked as confidently as possible when your legs become cooked noddles. His arms folded across his chest, and he felt the small push Hinata's hands gave him. A smile flickered, but was replaced with a deep-set scowl that was prepared previously for Hiashi. (cooking show!)

------------------------------

With a poof, the shadow next to him disappeared. A mad Hyuga spitting out the smoke in his mouth, he roared, and the twelve Naruto's left started to sweat, not good! Not Good!! Eleven of the original three hundred diverged, the twelfth Naruto already caught, and yelped frightened, as Neji tried to yank it's blonde hair off, it disappeared with a poof, and the smoke slipped through Neji's clenched fist.

Naruto watched himself be hunted down once again and he began to pray for his life, not good! Not Good!!

------------------------

A/N Honestly, 3k words each chapter?! My lazy fingers have typed themselves to bloody little stumps, xD woo! Woo!!! I give myself a hug for my effort :D Also another thing, If you, as a reader think the story drags and that I'm making things happen to slowly, poke me into the butt or something, that's sure to get me riled and less lazy than usual. Anyway, I hope you lawl'd :)

...sad hmm, when Sasuke dreams