The Introduction:
Welcome to my cynical, over-analytical mind. Liked Inuyasha the first time around? Have a sense of humor past a fart joke? Think that maybe the phenomenon is a touch overblown? You could still hate me… I won't mind. This is the result of many cups of coffee (hence the hyper), muted 3 am reruns of the X-Files (hence the dark conspiracy undertones), a skipping October Fall CD (hence the chipper way in which I kill with sarcasm) and a silent resentment of that which I once so loved and my own fickleness for dropping it on its ass. Enjoy my circumlocutory (look it up) self-loathing. See? Cynical and over-analytical!
The disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha in any way, shape or form. I just like to notice sweeping commonalities between each and every plotline. That's Rumiko Takahashi's job.
The other disclaimer: If you don't have a sense of humor, don't bother. This is a work intended to be offensive, irreverent and all-around disrespectful of Inuyasha. I have all the respect of a raving lunatic fan, but I won't apologize for hurt feelings beyond this point. Lighten up.
It's another beautiful day in the Sengoku Jidai. But, in order to contrast and make the story interesting, everyone is miserable.
"Inuyasha! Why won't you LOVE me?"
"Cause, I'm involved with a dead woman and I want to milk you both dry before I kill you to run away with a transvestite hooker."
"But WHY? Even though I'm relatively liked at school and have the most popular boy there chasing after me, my entire self-image hinges on your opinion of me!"
"Wow. You're pretty pathetic, ain't ya?"
Of course, this is normal conversation for the most dysfunctional coupling of the last 500 years. Meanwhile, Miroku has taken the chance to feel up Sango, but we'll all laugh because we like Miroku and we're pretty sure Sango's screwed in the head anyway. Besides, Sango's either too love-deprived to care or she's a total slut. Either way, she's not pressing charges and we're still laughing.
Meanwhile, Shippo continues to be scarred for life by the dysfunctional adults around him. He'll look back on this when he's a raging demon with abandonment issues and a god-complex and probably laugh.
"Wait," cries Kagome in an overdramatic attempt to draw attention to herself because she doesn't have a daddy. "I sense a jewel-shard!"
At this sentence, Inuyasha regresses from a multi-dimensional half-demon with mommy-problems to a one dimensional psycho with an obsession with all thingy sparkly and giving immense magical powers. He grabs Kagome by the throat and demands to be pointed in the right direction.
Somewhere in the background, Sango is having a panic attack over whether or not the shard belongs to her long lost brother Kohaku. This will probably prompt a feel-good look for the sake of fan service or a heart felt talk later.
Kagome, running quickly out of oxygen has pointed in a general direction. Inuyasha drops her. "Is that all I'm good for?" Kagome whines in her best 'why-can't-you-appreciate-me' voice.
"No, no." Miroku interjects. "You also look sexy in a skirt."
"That's all?"
"Yes." The others respond. It's pretty much true.
And a new adventure begins.
Next Episode: Sweaters for the Homeless… or Mindless Violence!
Those with no sense of humor already have carpal tunnel. Flames will be used to build a fire upon which Shippo will be roasted. BAM! Right back at you, Flamers! Whoo-hoo!
Those with a sense of humor are invited to roll eyes, commiserate, laugh and/or defend my honor as a human being because those without have torn it apart. More is coming. BEWARE!