Disclaimer: I don't own Furi Kuri or any of the characters and situations associated with it.

Too True

By LGR

Chapter Three

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There's something to be said for being yelled at when you didn't actually do anything wrong. I don't exactly know what that thing to be said is, but I'm sure it's out there somewhere. There must to be some form of verbal communication that can accurately portray the injustice of such an incident. Because I mean, the abuse was verbal, so why can't the description be too? Maybe my language skills just suck. Naw.

The one yelling is Superior Raharu, the slighted party being, you guessed it, me. Oh, and everyone else in the room. Raharu is an equal opportunity bitch; she likes to spread the abuse evenly. No racism or speciesism here. Unfortunately.

Kukurian or not you'd think she'd eventually explode or have an aneurism or blow a heart valve or…something equally stress-related and fatal. Haven't they done studies that say stress is bad for you? I'm pretty sure they have. No one likes stress to begin with so it's a shoe in for being bad for you. I know they have done tests on humans, but I'm talking about for aliens, too. And all life forms really. I'll get an intern to look it up for me.

Yes, we have interns, but only for research and filing-type stuff, we don't go to the trouble of putting them in positions that count as 'sensitive', mostly because it would be annoying doing the paperwork to get them security clearance. As if we don't have enough paperwork to do already without adding more on top of that, (which is odd considering we went to a digital system. I think paperwork is just one of those universal constants, like time, death and stupidity). I was never an intern; I got thrust right into the job. Yeah, I'm badass like that. I think we have five interns right now and they pretty much hate me because we're about the same age but I've got the job they pretty much want and won't get anytime soon. Probably doesn't help that I bust them for downloading porn on our computers at least every other week. Or one of them actually. That guy will probably be fired next quarter.

But that's beside the point for the moment.

You're probably wondering why she's yelling at me. I mean us. Sorry, being yelled at sometimes has the effect of distracting you from everything else going on around you so forgive me for forgetting. Superior Raharu just has a way of making you feel like she's talking directly to you even while facing a group of people. Like she holds you responsible for every fuck-up in the world and she will exact vengeance on you very soon. Mostly because every fuck-up in the world encompasses why she was passed over for the last promotion (whether you were responsible, only vaguely aware of the occurrence, had nothing to do with it, didn't even know she existed, or any other form of connection or distinct lack thereof with her current career status), but she'd rail on a child for coloring outside the lines, so don't go thinking she is in any way legitimate. Trust me, she's not.

Yeah, Raharu thinks that the 'superior', is some sort of reflection on her state of being compared to everyone else in the universe, rather than just an organizational title. Like people should have shrines in their houses so they can worship her, light incense and give offerings of salted pork or something. I'd almost have to say that she seriously thinks she's a deity. But rather than the slightly more benevolent monotheistic religions, Raharu is more in the tradition of the ancient Mayans and Aztecs: She ain't happy unless you're sacrificing some virgins to her, and usually not even then.

Hell, for all I know sometime way back she was worshipped as a goddess, albeit on some backwards planet where everybody's on crack Not even Earthlings are that stupid. Or labeled to be that stupid, anyways. I don't think we're that stupid. It's just a running stereotype among the Stellar Community. Sort of like how all nerds supposedly wear thick, black-framed glasses and pocket protectors, and all people that wear black are Goths or Emo. Totally not true right?

Right.

Because some nerds disguise themselves well. And some of those black-wearing-people are Punks, Scene Kids, Wannabe's or Matrix cosplayers.

Back to why she's yelling at me—Us why she's yelling at us…

The simple straight-forward answer would be I don't have a clue. I seriously don't. We're all sitting here in the meeting room (minus part of the wall), trying not to look at each other, or Raharu, or anything really, which is kind of hard when there's five people in a room with a giant holographic projection and you're surrounded by things that fall unmistakably into the 'anything' category. In fact, the safest thing to do right now would probably be to just close your eyes.

Ahh yes, the good ol'close-your-eyes-and-hope-once-you-open-them-you'll-realize-it-was-just-some-sort-of-strange-frightful-convoluted-dreammethod.

I don't think I really need to tell you all this, but that method has never worked for me and I'm pretty sure it never worked for you either. In fact, sometimes I'm having a strange, frightful and convoluted dream and I wake up to an even stranger, more frightful, more miserably convoluted reality. You know how certain physics theories predict infinite parallel dimensions in which every possibility is represented? Ours is the one where all the bad shit happens. No lie. I have it from a reliable source.

When we came in to start the meeting (which was every bit as bad as I thought it was going to be even though this isn't exactly the road I'd thought would be the one to take us to hell; it's a toss up as to whether Haruko or Raharu is worse…I seriously can't decide one way or the other), Amarao sat down at the head of the table like the badass executive he thinks he is and Kitsurubami took the seat on the left like a good little second-in-command.

I'm just a secretary so technically I should be standing there handing him pamphlets and looking up shit in his date book or sitting half-way down the table or in some corner unobtrusively taking notes…or is that the stenographer? Whatever. But anyways, like I've explained before, my job isn't really as advertised. There's some paper shuffling but that's not solely what I do. This being so, I sat a chair down from Kitsurubami, leaning back in it wishing I was doing anything but this. Even writing reports. Even yelling at Takinori! Anything would do, I wasn't picky.

Well, I am picky but at that singular moment in time, I wasn't.

Raharu was sitting half way down the long business table, her chair pulled out at an angle, sitting practically facing in the opposite direction as everyone else, one leg crossed over the other, her arms folded over her chest, face petulant as she pointedly looked away from us.

She looked sullen as hell, which is usually my job so I'm kind of irritated about that but I'm mostly mad about her being pissed at me when I didn't even do anything. (Seems like there's a theme here: Kukurian's hating me for no reason). She's got no right to be pissy right now, none whatsoever. I'm the one who just got bitch-slapped by an Electric Bass, for crying out loud…

Atomsk sat next to her, beaked face looking at the ceiling, one clawed hand tapping the table repeatedly, (and probably ruining the varnish, jeez…).

It suddenly occurred to me that this guy—this bird-thing—was going to be my roommate for the next…well I don't know how long, but probably a while. At least a couple weeks.

I hadn't shared a room in…god knows how long. Since the sixth grade when Haruko was pretending to be our maid, I think. I hadn't shared a house in about three years, either. Not since I moved out the last year of college and even before my dad was always working on his Zeen and my grandfather just watched soap operas in the back room and half the time I wasn't even in the house. I was out with my friends or hanging out under the bridge or manning the register in our bread shop.

So much for peaceful solitude; I'm going to have to put up with all kinds of crap now. What does Atomsk even eat anyways? Probably regular food, right? That's what he's going to get anyways, I don't cook interstellar crap. He can cook himself if he wants something different, and he can clean it up too. And he slept, right? He was an alien, so did he have a twenty-four hour day? If he didn't it sucked for him. I've never had a room-mate before. I have an extra room, but it's just got a television on a tiny wood entertainment center with my game systems hooked up to it and a set of shelves with nothing on it but my old college books that I couldn't sell back or thought I might need again, a file cabinet and that's it. It's pretty small, too.

Atomsk was surprisingly normal (so far), which really shocked me actually. He can speak Japanese too, which most Aliens don't. Sometimes, if they learn an Earth language at all, they'll know English, French or Spanish because those are the top 3 on the Weber's list of most influential languages. Like everyone else in Japan I had to take three years of English in middle school and three in high school but I tried to talk to my sister-in-law in English the first time my brother visited from the US and I sucked at it. I can't really understand it well even though I know all the grammar and everything, and apparently my pronunciation could use more than a little work. A complete overhaul actually.

(Her name's Veronica by the way. Don't know if I mentioned that. I don't think I did. Anyways, Veronica tutored my brother in English so that's how they met, and she knows Japanese of which I'm glad, and her name translates pretty well into katakana: Be-ro-ni-ka. I can pronounce it. Mostly.)

But none of that really has anything to do with my current problems. Not a moment after I realized my life for the next couple months (or the rest of eternity) was going to suck, did Haruko pull out a small mechanical thing and slam it on the table and Superior Raharu's Reign of Terror ensued via live-feed hologram projection.

She went through the usual: Our department is a bunch of primitive, jumped-up monkeys (I don't know if I really believe in Darwinism, but that still stings), a bacterium could do our jobs better than we do (um no: it couldn't), we weren't worth her time (apparently nothing is worth her time so this doesn't really bother anyone), we should all rot in our respective versions of hell (you mean this isn't hell?), and last but not least she was certain that our presence in this operation was only going to fuck things up but her 'superiors', (she said 'superiors' like a normal person might say 'pond-scum',) made her do it anyways, and she wouldn't come near us with a ten light-year long pole if such a thing existed which it didn't, (Raharu-babe, the feeling is mutual).

"—If I know you people (and I DO, miserably enough,) you'll somehow manage to screw something up DESPITE whatever I do, so I expect DAILY reports of your progress so I'll have time to FIX whatever FUCK-UPS you make before the inspection by the SGC Administrators! If this sorry excuse for an interplanetary relations operation does ANYTHING to jeopardize my standings with the brass, I will PERSONALLY make your lives a living HELL—!"

Okay, I'm getting really sick of this. I think it's been going on for about an hour now. Maybe longer. Yeah, probably longer.

At the beginning of Raharu's whole rant thing I was pretty bewildered, nervous, scared and surprised at the same time. But the whole surprised part wore off pretty quickly and after the first half hour or so, the scared and nervous did too, and I had transitioned back into my default emotion: sullen, cynical and mildly irritated.

And if you know the default version of Naota at all well, you'd realize he wouldn't take this crap lying down. And by 'he' I mean me. Why did I just talk about myself in the third person like that? Bizarre. Funny: if I were to blame it on aliens invading my brain it wouldn't even be far-fetched. Go-figure.

Speaking of aliens…

Interrupting her, I ask in a patronizingly innocent voice: "So what if YOU fuck up? Do we get to make YOUR life a living hell?"

Queue vinyl record backtracking sound-effect.

The eyes of everyone in the room were suddenly looking right at me. A split second's scrutiny and I knew that Amarao and Kitsurubami looked shocked and freaked-out; Haruko looked quizzical as if I was a dog that had suddenly done an interesting trick; Atomsk had only looked at me long enough to clarify who'd spoken, then shook his bird-like head and let it drop into his claws: a 'you just HAD to fucking open your mouth, didn't you…' gesture, if I'd ever seen one, (and I had).

Shit, I'm stupid.

The moment I realize this, I hear ringing in my ears and the world starts swimming in front of my eyes and suddenly that disembodied feeling I had earlier while walking up to the DII comes back triple-fold. Once again I feel like I'm not really in control of my body. I think my brain got sucked somewhere through my N.O. channel. Yeah, that was a joke. But seriously I'm having a panic attack here.

Raharu looked like she was replaying what I'd just said in her mind, trying to discern whether she'd heard me correctly, because she couldn't quite believe anyone would talk back to her. "—What did you say—?" Raharu demanded, her voice low and dangerous.

Quick Naota, make something up! I tell myself, but I feel like I'm out of step with time somehow. As if my thoughts are coming both too fast and too slow at once. I've got too much time to think and not enough so I start raving in my own head: Why am I talking to myself in the third-person again? Or is that second-person? I think its second person, since I'm telling me to do something…I think…I'm not sure; whatever. I might look it up if I decide I care.

For some reason that I can't explain, I answer Raharu back, just as condescendingly as before. "I said: If we think you're a shitty boss who can't do her job, can we make your life a living hell? I'm justified; it's only fair."

Nooooooooooo-ho-ho-hooooo!

God I want to kick myself. It's too bad that is physically impossible.

I'm under some kind of surreal trance or else I would probably be running right now, because Raharu is fuming. She tenses up, her hands clasped into fists straight at her side, and her face contorts furiously as she spits: "—I am an EXCELLENT boss! How DARE you even ELUDE to the possibility that I might not be—!"

The hologram is slightly larger than real-life not to mention projecting from the table, making the top of her hologram about eight or nine feet off the ground. Which is pretty damn intimidating, I must say. I'm sort of used to the yelling at this point from having to put up with the almost identical, if slightly toned down, rant she'd forced us to sit through the last hour or so. I'm still flinching at some of the main words, but that's mostly reflex, rather than actual fear. I think most of the negative reactions are being blunted by my state of semi-consciousness.

"—I ought to FIRE you for even CONSIDERING such a thing—!"

Blink.

Fire me? She ought to fire me? HA HA-HA HA ha-ha ha ha…Wow, I'd like to see her try.

Is the fact that I'm mentally laughing in this situation indicative of my mental state? I sure hope not…I think this is another example of having too much time to think about things in my head…

"Go ahead: I don't work for you," I said wryly with a hint of a laugh. You know that tone of voice you get while patronizing an idiot who is trying to insult you and failing miserably at it? That's the tone I'm using right now. Or the one the alter-ego that's controlling my body right now is using. I think I will call him Bob.

Raharu splutters for a couple seconds before growling and finally stabbing her holographic finger at Amarao. "—AMARAO! Control your employee, I DEMAND restitution! YOU HEAR ME? DEMAND IT!"

Amarao jumps in his seat, startled at being addressed, as if he'd forgotten he was in any way involved, "Uhh…uhh…" he stutters, his fake eyebrows twitching a mile a minute. That's right Amarao, you aren't safe either. Welcome to hell.

Raharu seems to realize Amarao is vaguely comatose at the moment and not about to come up with a comprehensible response any time soon, and turns back to interrogating me. "—Who the hell are you, anyways? What are you doing here—?"

"Finally, a good Question. What the hell am I doing here? I should have just walked out ages ago. This was the most pointless meeting I've ever been too and I was at the meeting last month when the research department spent the entire three hours insulting Amarao's illustration skills when he tried to draw a Centuarian alien with dry erase marker on the white board. Ch-yeah. Entertaining, but pointless. This meeting wasn't even entertaining. I spent the entire time getting bitched at…" Blink, "Damn it, I just said that aloud." Shit.

"—INSOLENCE—!"

Well, in for a penny in for a pound…"Right back at yah," I reciprocate voice dull and bored. Or Bob does, anyways. Wish I could take credit for it. Why don't I? Henceforth anything said by Bob will be cited as if spoken by me: the less masochistic version of Bob.

…The dilation in my perception of time is creating the weirdest running commentary I've ever thought of before. I think I'm channeling Haruko or something.

Whatever I give up. Whatever the hell comes out of my mouth comes out of my mouth. I'm not going to bother being nice. Or as nice as I ever am, anyways. Or as sane as I ever am, at that. Fuck it; I've never been sane…

Amarao seems to have recouped enough to realize what exactly is going on i.e. the grave I've been digging this whole time has gotten as deep as the Marianas Trench and I'm jumping in head first while making a pretty good effort at dragging everyone else down with me.

"Shut up, Nandaba!" he hisses at me.

As I said before, I've given up caring what I say to Raharu. She deserves it, anyway. I sigh, "What's she going to do about it? Yell at me some more? She just did that for an hour. It's like white noise at this point: unintelligible, meaningless and mildly irritating."

God damn you Bob. You and your snappy comebacks and big talk…You would be cool if you had even the slightest amount of self-preservation…

"I really will have to fire you if she puts enough pressure on us, Naota-kun," Amaro informs me. I should probably feel nervous right about now. Odd that I don't.

"—I'm still HERE, you know—!" Raharu screams.

I say 'Good for you,' the same moment Amarao says 'That's nice.'

"I thought we went over this, Amarao," I tell my boss, "You're not going to fire me." I remember that we'd come to this conclusion over lunch just today. Was it just today? That increased perceptivity of time made it seem like such a long time ago. When would today be over? Or hell, just the meeting.

"It wouldn't be me firing you it would be the higher ups." Good argument, Amarao.

"Meh, once they realize you don't get anything done unless I'm here they'd just hire me back," I respond, (that Bob, he always knows what to say). And that's not even an exaggeration.

"—HEL-LOOOO—!" Raharu yells again but we ignore her; me because I'm just that much of a jerk, Amarao because he wants to convince me not to say anymore stupid stuff before he redirects his attention elsewhere.

"You're pretty full of yourself," Amarao says with a frown.

"I'm not bragging; it's just the truth. Do you know how much double-overtime I get because Kasami has to call me in on my days off because no one can get you to do anything?"

"Of course I don't, I don't write the checks, finance does!" Ain't that the truth.

"Well, let me tell you, it's a lot."

"—PAY ATTENTION TO ME, DAMN-IT—!" Raharu demands, stomping her foot like a three year old. She'd have broken the table if she was actually on it.

I turn to Raharu and giver her my most arrogant stuck-up voice, saying "Could you stop interrupting? It's rude."

Amarao flinches and grabs his hair like he's going to pull it out, "What's with you today, are you suicidal or something?" Suicidal, no. Schizophrenic, maybe.

"I just listened to Atila the Cosmic Hun over here rant for more than an hour. I'm surprised you're not suicidal too." Suicidal he may not be, but his mental health is still in question.

Shruggin, Amarao says, "That's a good point." I know.

Raharu is jumping around in her navy blue GSP uniform with it's her rank bars, like a petulant child. "—Shut up! Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!—"

It's getting kind of annoying. "You shut up," I tell her, "You're the one yelling." My God! Bob needs a fucking muzzle, I swear. The asshole won't keep his trap shut.

"—No, YOU shut up!—" Wow, that's mature.

Amarao groans, and starts rubbing his temple, "Don't encourage him, Raharu…"

The Kukurian rounds on Amarao, stabbing at him with her finger. "—That's SUPERIOR Raharu to you, Amarao! And I'll encourage him if I damn well want to—!"

I can't help smile at how ridiculous this is as I tell Amarao, "Yeah, you heard the lady."

His ugly eyebrows knit together in irritation. "Shut up Naota."

"You shut up," I tell him bossily, "You're the one butting into our conversation."

"—Yeah, Shut up—!" See, even Raharu agrees. With Bob no less, who was insulting her all this time. I think that means I'm right. Me and Bob are right.

"Oh my god," Kitsurubami pleads, speaking for the first time. She looks like she's about to have a panic attack. Or maybe whip out a revolver and start shooting. Or both. And I thought Amarao and I were unstable. "Everyone: Stop. Saying. Shut up.It's annoying."

Raharu glares at her. "—You're annoying—!" Hehe! That's funny.

This is so random. It's probably compounding my feelings of disconnection from reality. "My, what intelligent conversation we're having," I remark seemingly absently. I can't even think of a conversation I've had with my four year old niece that was this juvenile. Hell, we had more in depth conversations when she was two.

"—Fine, it's obvious no one wants me here. I'll just leave.—" Raharu says haughtily, crossing her arms, pouting and looking a hell of a lot like Haruko. Oddly, I'm getting the impression she actually thinks we care whether she leaves or not. Or rather, she thinks we want her around. The reality couldn't be further from the truth.

Halleluiah. "Thank you. Finally," I pronounce with feeling. Bob is just as happy she's leaving as I am.

"—I'm leaving—!" she says again.

"Great." Hurry up.

"—I really am going—"

"Okay."

"—I'm going to leave now—"

"You do that."

"—I'm going—"

"Good, go already." Fuck, I don't think she's leaving.

Raharu frowns, growling "—Fine! I will—!"

"Fine."

"—Fine—!"

"Fine."

"—Fine—!"

"Fine."

"—FINE! I'm GOING! You happy—?"

"Immensely."

"—Humph—!" she huffs and the hologram winks out.

Silence.

It starts with a smothered snicker and faint choking sounds, but by a few seconds later Haruko is full out laughing, one hand around her stomach and the other hand in a fist banging against the table as she collapses over it.

I was hoping once Raharu was gone that sense of unreality would break but it's still running, although the ringing in my ears has toned down a little.

"Damn it Naota, this is all your fault!" Amarao suddenly growls before letting out a strangled whine, slamming his head down on the table and hiding himself with his arms.

Maybe I don't trade clever repartee with Raharu everyday, but Amarao is another matter altogether. It's practically my sole method of entertainment around here day in and day out. I'm ready to retaliate without a second thought.

I snuff, looking away as I lean back in my chair. The muscles in my shoulders start to un-tense and it almost hurts. I respond, "If you mean getting rid of Superior 'pain-in-the-ass' Raharu, then yeah, I did. No thanks to you." For-fucking-real.

Amarao looks up from his moping to glare at me. "No, I meant screwing us six ways to Sunday, you asshole!"

I ignore the insult, instead saying, "You know, I never really got that expression." (Bob, go away; your services aren't needed anymore.)

Thankfully he gets the right idiom, (I half expected him to start explaining the concept behind the word 'asshole'). Amarao shrugs, "I think it has something to do with Sunday being the day of rest when Christians go to church and there being six other days besides that…or something…maybe…I dunno."

Umm…"Even knowing that, it still doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me," I tell him, "Besides, I'm mostly an agnostic, but I practice Shinto."

Frowning in confusion, Amarao asks me: "Then how come you say 'oh god' a lot and 'god damn' and 'what the hell?'"

"Well, it doesn't have to be that god in particular. Besides, those are just expressions." Yeah, I bet Satanists say those things too.

"Right, well, the fact remains that we're fucked and it's your fault," Amarao tells me before letting his head go limp to bounce against the table, "Owe-owe-ooowwwies!"

It's times like these I fear for the survival of humanity and just as quickly ignore that fear as a manifestation of denial.

Haruko's laughing calmed enough for her to say: "Wow…I don't remember you guys being this amusing…or this stupid."

I'm still too out of it to jump at her voice, but I was surprised upon hearing it. She's been uncharacteristically quiet all this time. It's freaking me out.

"Haruko-san," Kitsurubami asks, turning to the pink-haired kukurian, "What can we expect from Superior Raharu in response to this?"

"Hmmmmmm, she's a cutthroat bitch twenty-four-seven sooooo I expect she'll be about the same. She's not really that imaginative," Haruko informs us apathetically, supporting her head with a hand.

"Yeah, now if Naota-kun can just do that every time she calls us up, you're covered," Atomsk says airily, "But no pressure."

"Gee thanks, I feel so relieved now that you've said that—not really," I inform him. I still feel weird talking to a giant bird. He's like a blazer-vision version of Big Bird. You know, what he'd look like if you watched Sesame Street while tripping bawlz.

If you don't know what blazer-vision or tripping bawlz is, don't worry about it. Your ignorance is a sign that you haven't been tainted by 'society' and 'the world' yet. Which is kind of sad, considering I know it and I came from Mabase. Really, what's that say about where you live? I leave that for you to decide.

"Yeah, I still think that was really stupid of you," Atomsk told me wryly.

I snuffed, "I could tell, you had this 'You fucking did not—Shit, you fucking did…' look going on before it lapsed into complete despair."

"That obvious?"

"Yeah, but mostly because I was telling myself basically the same thing, and then Raharu really started pissing me off so I was like, 'you know what? Fuck it, she's a bitch anyways. This is a response to her build up of shitty karma.'"

Wiggling his eyebrows in confusion, Amarao says, "I thought you just said you were Shinto?"

I shrug, "Buddhism, Shinto, same-thing." Actually Shinto did adopt a lot of Buddhist customs. Granted it is an exaggeration.

Amarao frowns, "Karma was originally a Hindu concept."

"Hindu, Shinto, same-thing," I say mostly just to piss him off. I think Amarao is a Buddhist, although according to him it isn't a religion, it's a 'guide to directly experiencing reality'. I'm sure Buddhism is great, I'm just equally sure Amarao hasn't gotten the knack of it yet. Or ever will.

Amarao frowns more. "Um no, they're not."

Psh. "Same enough," I declare—wait, that doesn't sound right. "I mean, close enough," I correct myself.

Amarao sighs, "You know, sometimes I think you're the smartest kid I know, and then you do something like this and I start to question." Aww, that's so nice…ish…okay, next subject.

"Did we actually have a meeting for a reason?" I ask leaning back in my chair with my arms behind my head, "Besides getting bitched at that is? As in something important?"

"Um, well," Amarao itches his head before shrugging, "I guess I'm supposed to give our legal aliens some kind of orientation and their paperwork or something but…I'm just going to give you guys your legal interstellar resident visas and send you home. Kitsurubami-san, Naota-kun, just take the rest of the day off," he said, then as an afterthought added, "And take your aliens with you."

Ha ha…that's funny.

"I feel so loved," Atomsk deadpans. It works even better because his face doesn't move. And I've yet to figure out where his eyes are.

"You'll be gagging from all the love tomorrow," I inform him, "It's a secret inspection day, which means the melodic ring of chastising shouts will echo through the halls and office cubicles." It is one of my most favorite days. Like a holiday really. Christmas or Halloween. Or something.

"Wow…I'm looking forward to it." Very sarcastic, this guy is. He seems a lot like me. But I don't think he's getting the point of Super-Secret-Inspection-Day and the joy it brings. Or maybe he's just not as vindictive as I am. Naw.

"You can help me yell if you want to," I offer, and he perks up. Yeah, he's totally as vindictive as I am.

"Oh okay, sounds good," says Atomsk, nodding his bird-like head, voice still emanating from seemingly nowhere.

Haruko, strangely silent till now, looks to Kitsurubami and pouts, "Kiiiitsu-chaaaaaan, do we get to yell at people toooooooo?"

"Yes, we do, Haruko-san," Kisurubami tells her uncertainly.

"Do we get to give out…punishments?" Haruko asks eyes wide in anticipation. From where I'm sitting it's fucking frightening. Scarier than Superior Raharu could ever be, because Raharu just does shit because she's pissed off. Haruko does shit to fuck around with your head.

Kitsurubami flounders nervously, "Um…I, ah…"

"Like there was anything they could do to deserve the kind of punishment you'd dole out," I frown, (it probably boils down to a glare actually), at Haruko as I answer for Kitsurubami.

Are you sensing a little anger here? Yeah, me too. You have to remember, I'm a survivor of Haruko's patented torturing methods. So is Amarao. And just look how dysfunctional we are. And all because of Haruko. Sad ain't it?

Suddenly Haruko glares at me angrily, "What the hell happened to you? You used to be—"

"What?" I interrupt, "I used to be what?"

Silence.

Haruko's eyes narrow, and her frown deepens as our eyes lock and she glowers at me.

She growls disgustedly, pointedly turning her head away, "Ugh, forget it," she finally says, (Forget what? Maybe I shouldn't have interrupted her…), "Just forget it, Ta-kun," she repeats.

My breathing hitches. "Stop calling me that," I respond automatically, but I'm not angry, I'm mostly just miserable. I refuse to be called Ta-kun ever again.

Ta-kun is my brother and I'm not him. I don't want to be him; I don't want any relation with him. Its bad enough I have to put up with people around town comparing us. Even worse when strangers associate our surnames with each other and come up with the conclusion we're related. And Christmas is hell, when he comes over and he has his perfect family and his perfect job…

It's like I can't have anything that's just mine. And I want to hate him, but I don't. That's maybe the worst part about it all.

She rounds on me, spitting with rage. "I can call you whatever the hell I want, TA-KUN!"

"Fine," I'm depressed now. For once in my life I don't want to argue and set her straight. "Then call me whatever you want, as long as it isn't Ta-kun," I say.

Haruko isn't glaring at me anymore; she's just looking at me cryptically. I feel like she's searching my soul, when something just seems to click into place. She frowns but the heat is gone.

"Oh, that's how it is," she sighs, "Shit, I really wanted to be pissed off at you, you know? Whatever. Got any other nicknames?"

Oh my god. Haruko being reasonable? Call the police! It's an imposter! Oh wait, I'm sort of the police. Ha ha…

Blink. "Everyone mostly just calls me Naota-kun around here." That they do.

She leans back in her chair with her arms behind her head, crossing her ankles with her feet on the table. I can just feel Amarao having fits. For her part, Haruko looks at me disgustedly, "That's lame! I can't call you that. What the hell happened to creativity,sheesh."

I'm probably going to regret saying this but…"Make up whatever you want," I tell her exasperatedly.

More silence.

She narrows her eyes at me again like she's looking inside my heart. "You really don't care what I call you as long as it's not Ta-kun, huh?"

"That's what I said, wasn't it?" Yup, already regretting it.

"A man who says what he means—ha! Good joke, kid." I feel my face heating up. Crap, I can't even remember the last time I blushed. She ignores me, or so I assume. "Meh, I bet I could think of something worse than Ta-kun," she says.

I doubt that, Ta-kun has a significance that transcends rhetoric.

"You know why I don't like it," I say, and suddenly realize it's true. Out of all the people who've agreed not to call me Ta-kun, none of the really knew understood why.

But Haruko does.

"Yeah, I guess I do," she agrees, "Well, you did bitch Raharu out a minute ago; I guess you've earned some slack." She tilts her head and a sprouts a feral grin, "So let's seeeeeeeeeee, how-a-bout-I-call-yoooooou…Nao-chaaaannnnnn! Yay!" Oh, like that's any more creative than Naota-kun! Damn hypocrite.

"How come he gets a nickname!" Amarao whines. I blink back into reality enough to realize I'd forgotten anyone else was here. Or where here evenwas.

"Cuz Naota grew up into a MAAANN!" Oh. My. God. Kill me now.

It is really hot in here, you know? I'm burning up. I hope I spontaneously combust and burn down to smoldering embers before disintegrating into ashy dust. And then my molecules undergo deterioration, spout gamma rays and break apart into their various electrons, protons and neutrons. And then those in turn break down into quarks. And the quarks break down into vibrating strings of energy. And then those strings of energy release their power and explode.

The fact I'm still breathing proves that wishful thinking is a lie! A lie I tell you!

Amarao ignores the fact that all the blood in my body is going towards my face. "And I didn't?" he complains. Shut up Amarao! Stop enabling her!

"If you don't get it, then you don't deserve a kickass nickname like Nao-chan," Haruko informs his snootily.

"Who doesn't get it?" Amarao asks, "I get it! I can get anything he can get!" I don't even think he even knows what it is he's supposed to get. Much less what it means. His macho shit is really starting to piss me off.

"Haha, Nao-chan, you're bluuuushing," (Shit, she saw that.) "Maybe I'm wrong about you being a man. You still a virgin Nao-chan?" (I think my eyeballs just exploded; I sure hope so anyways.) "Huh? You AREN'T? Oh, who was it! Anyone I know? I bet it was Ninamori-san, huh-huh?" (Where is she getting this shit?!), "I think I'm riight. Oooowah! Nao-chan and Eri did the Fooly-Cooly! Furi-kuri-furi-kuri-furikurai! Furikurah! Ooowah!"

"Shut up…!" I growl urgently.

Haruko mimics an exaggerated startle reaction and pretends to be shocked, "Gasp! He tells us not to speak! But he doesn't say no! That means YES!"

What!? "Stop! We—"

"You don't deny it because it's TRUUUUUEEEE!" God how I wish I could say no right now. Fuck my dad for naming me Naota, he doomed me to this. I'm honest to the core. Brutally honest.

"What the hell do you want from me?" I ask, more like grimace. It's a stalling tactic and we both know it.

She stabs her finger at me judgingly. "I want the TRUTH!"

Blink. I think I've seen this movie before. "Is this where I say, 'you can't handle the truth'?" Unfortunately I'm pretty sure she can handle the truth. In fact, she wants to handle it. A little too much. Hell, way too much.

"Don't mock me, mister!" she snarls and her form is suddenly covered in shadows, her eyes glowing red, hand reaching towards her guitar with the implication being that ignoring her warning will result in probable injury. Haruko, unlike Raharu, knows when she is being made fun of.

"This is private information…" I mutter. Since when did her ultimate goal in life be to humiliate me? Oh wait, stupid question, that's always been her ultimate goal in life. Forget I asked.

"Of course it'sprivate! It's Fooly Cooly!"

Furi…Kuri…I can feel myself starting to twitch.

"What the hell is Fooly Cooly?!" Amarao exclaims.

Haruko smirks, "Just another thing you'll never understand in a million years, Taro!" She turns back to me expectantly.

"We were together for a while," I admit, "But we're not anymore, we're just friends."

"What!" Amarao yells. He probably feels cheated. He's been trying to tease me about Ninamori for years. "How come you never told me?"

I frown, "Why the hell would I tell you? You're my boss. Besides it was a long time ago. Like the end of high school. I hated you, remember?" I still kind of hate him…

"But you don't hate me anymore, right? Right?" Nope, still hate you Amarao.

"When you're not acting like this, no," I tell him, giving him a look meant to advise him to calm down and stop being irritating. I'm too nice for my own good.

"And aren't I more than just your boss?" He whimpers.

I can't help it, I snuff. "Yeah, you're that weird stalker guy that hired me to be his secretary and now he can't get anything done unless I'm there to hold his hand." Hey, he asked the question.

Amarao's lip quivers like he's going to cry behind his sun shades. Why is he still wearing those by the way? "That really hurts Naota-kun…" Oh man, I think he's actually sad…This is like Takinori all over again. Amarao is freaking emo.

This is making me uncomfortable…"Jeez, I'm just kidding," I tell him in what I hope is a pacifying voice, "You always have to take everything so personally..." He really does. He's like a freaking girl that way. No offence, girls.

Now Haruko butts back in again, somehow getting in my face from across the table. "So, what? You wanted more Fooly Cooly than she was willing to give?"

Not this again. "What the hell…"

She grins. "He won't answer: that's a YES!"

"No! That's a no. We just aren't compatible; we're just enough alike that our differences get on each others nerves. It was a mutual breaking-up thing."

"But you're still friends with benefits, right?" At benefits she wiggled her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

"What? No! At least, not how you're making it out to be…" Eri's the one getting all the benefits if you ask me.

"Then like how?" I think she expects me to give her juicy details. To bad for her it's nothing as savory as what she's thinking. Haruko and her dirty mind. Seriously, Fooly Cooly is all that goes on inside her head.

"She's a reporter; sometimes I give her our exclusives." But only because she bothers me until I do. Never underestimate Eri. She gets what she wants, no mater what. Plus, she's more vindictive then I will ever manage to be. Forgive but never forget is right.

"And what do you get out of it?" Haruko asks me. Why am I even answering her questions? Oh, the Rickenbacker bass strapped behind her back, riight…

I snuff automatically, "Heck if I know. A life of misery?" Seriously.

She shakes her head while chuckling, "Haha! Good ol' Ninamori…" I can't believe she even remembers everybody…

Narrowing my eyes, I look at her suspiciously. "Why do you care, anyways?"

She brushes off the question—"Why do you think? So who are you going out with right now?"—and goes straight back into the interrogation…

"Nobody!" I say indignantly, and I don't even know why. Like it's any of her business, anyways!

"What about Sameji? Weren't you guys like married or something?"

I am so sick of people saying that. "No. Mamimi lives in Okinawa, she's a freelance photographer."

"Oh come on…you got to have your eye on somebody…"

"I don't!" Why is she making me feel bad? I can like someone if I want to! Why does she care?

"What, you a workaholic or something? Don't you have any hobbies? Play any sports?"

I think for a second. Do video games count as a hobby? "I played tennis in high school," I answer after a second. Tennis: the only sport I'm good at. Suck at baseball, mildly okay at tennis. Go Figure. I mean they have the same mechanism; swinging. How can you be good at one and suck ass at the other? Fuck if I know. If you find out give me a call. I'd like to know.

"He played in college, too!" Amarao says proudly, as if he'd been the one to do it and not me.

"It's not a big deal or anything…" Yeah, so I made the college team, it's not like I was pro.

"Apparently nothing is a big deal to you," Atomsk injects suddenly; I'd forgotten he was there again. But what's he getting at? Oh wait, I apparently saved his ass ten years ago, and I just said it was no problem. I was being polite when I said that, meaning like, I'd do it any time because I'm a nice person that believes in the sanctity of life, it wasn't not a measure on how much his life is worth or anything like that… Man, leave no good dead unpunished and all that…

But other than that,jeez. So it takes a lot to get me excited. Big. Whoop.

I just shrug, "I guess not." Excuse me if after saving the world from a baseball shaped bomb when I was twelve, I find it hard to rank being on a tennis team as particularly grandiose. I'm sorry about that, okay?

"What, hot college tennis-player chicks not good enough for you?" Haruko asks me and it sounds strangely hostile. What's her problem? Besides I was on the men's team, the only time I saw the girls was at tournaments and if they were using the courts before or after or during our practices. Which was a lot of the time…

Okay so I saw the women's tennis team a lot. I ask again: what do you people want from me?

A ridiculous idea came to me.

I stare at Haruko. "Why? Are you…jealous?" I think my brain just shattered.

She scoffs and looks all haughty and indignant. "Jealous? You're kidding, right?"

My brain is dead. My brain is dead. My brain is dead…

"She won't answer: that means yes!" I mimic her automatically, without even thinking.

The outcry is inevitable. "Noooo!" She whines, "You can't coopy meeee! Copieer!" She jumps on the table in a crouch, then stabs a finger at me while her other hand is reaching for her Rickenbacker. "Get your own phrases or die!" she threatens.

"But why should I go to the trouble of making up my own when I can just use yours?" I say. I told you my brain is dead. Think there's a warranty? I don't think the almighty creator will let me trade mine in for a new one even if I show him a birth certificate…

Her eyes narrow, "You'll never be Fooly Cooly enough, kid," she growls, "I fucking invented Fooly Cooly!"

"I believe it." I can't even show the Kami an MRI, X-ray or CAT-scan image of my brain because the only time I ever had one, was when I went to the hospital when I was twelve when Haruko was here, and my N.O. channel sucks in matter so when they took the photograph, it looked like my brain was missing.

"Damn straight you believe it!" She says voice full of fervor.

"Okay!" Amarao suddenly interrupts and Haruko and I both turn our heads to look at him, "Weren't you guys leaving?" he asks.

Huh? Who, me? Since when?

"Kitsurubami?" Oh. Now that makes a little more sense. But still, since when?

At being addressed Kitsurubami blinks, as if she just realized that she was involved. I think this is the second time this has happened today; the other time being with Raharu addressing her earlier. See what I'm talking about with the themes?

"I uh…" She stutters, and I can't blame her for getting engrossed. If I was on the outside looking in, I would probably feel differently than I do right now. Actually maybe not. This situation is like the storyline to every lame chick-flick on the planet. That is to say, all of them.

Amarao realizes he's getting no feedback from his Field Commander. "Atomsk?" he says turning to the only other not involved person in the room. Or person-like…thing in the room.

"No, I was watching this. It's pretty entertaining." Atomsk says nodding to himself.

"Atomsk?" Amarao says a little more forcefully. Uh-oh, he's gone all FBI/CSI/Whatever-acronym-I on him. Nobody can withstand those vibes. Not even politicians.

Atomsk suddenly shrugs. "But I mean we can go now, that's fine too." Haha. He sure changed his tune fast.

Oh wait; if he leaves I have to go with him.

I look at my watch and realize I've wasted another half hour here when I had permission from my boss to leave. Shit. What the hell am I doing hanging around here getting interrogated for? Stupid brain. It never fucking works right.

"Yeah, if we go now we can beat most of the rush hour traffic." I say and start getting out of my chair, "My apartment is half-way between here and Mabase."

Haruko smirks; she's still standing on the table by the way."Got your own apartment, huh? Where you Fooly Cooly? Is it sound proof?"

I roll my eyes, "Iwish." Not for the reason thinks though. The family below me has four year old triplets and a really expensive surround sound system. If you are not getting it yet, then I'll explain it to you in a way you should understand: can you say the Barney Song at ear-bleed volume? Of course it wouldn't be Barney it would be something else, kids today watch different yet equally retarded things, but whatever. Hehe, Atomsk is living with me. Sucker!

"Get off the table Raharu," Amrao says, but she completely ignores him.

"Ooooooo!" Haruko teases.

"Weren't you twogoing? Hm?" Amarao says again. His Eyebrows are twitching at the sight of someone standing on the table.

"Yeah, okay. Let's go. See you guys tomorrow." I say and me and Atomsk walk out of the room.

---

Reviews! Thank you everyone who reviewed!

Tipsyr you wanted more, you got it! Took kind of awhile though, sorry about that. Hope you enjoy it, and that I continue to capture the people well! I'm still worried about doing Haruko right, tell me if I did okay please!

Caladchbolg, here's your update! Uniquewriter, I'm glad you like the sarcasm! Hehe, it only gets thicker and thicker, I'm telling you that Naota has got a definite caustic streak.

Bunny Hood Bombchu Woohoo! You love it? That makes my day! Especially since your is one of the few totally-super-special-awesome FLCL fanfics out there, I'm honored! And mwahaha, wait till you see what guitar she pulls out of Naota's head! I dunno if it trumps the Rickenbacker in smexiness, but it's nothing to sneeze at.

Galasbad, I dunno if it's that well thought out, I watched the anime a couple more times and saw things I missed that sort of counter act things I put in the first chapter but I plan on elevating those so we'll see how it goes. And yeah, I like Atomsk too. He hasn't really gotten a chance to develop much yet but he will. I've already got certain things planned.

Impact-Megaton, whoa, this is your favorite? Out of all the stories on Wow, that's amazing.I'd be hard pressed to choose a favorite myself. Once again, I'm honored. You guys are so nice to me. A little more Atomsk and Haruko and a whole lot more Naota, tell me if I've lived up to the standards of chapters one and two please1