It's Not Funny
"Naruto?" Sasuke asked. Naruto yelped.
"N-nani? What do you want Sasuke-teme?" Naruto asked, as he peaked out of what appeared to be a mini fort.
"Why did you build an entire miniature fortress on a C-Rank mission to Lightening Country?"
"Heheheh...you never know when you might need to defend yourself!" Naruto said. "A ninja should always be prepared and look beneath the beneath and all that stuff. Yup! That's it." Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Suit yourself, but you should really take a bath. You smell weird even through that fort," Sasuke retorted.
"Shut-up Sasuke-teme!" Naruto's yelled. Sasuke rolled his eyes but did not comment further as Naruto barricaded himself in for the night.
"Ne, Sasuke-kun, what's the matter with Naruto?" Sakura asked as Sasuke returned to where Sakura and Kakashi were setting up their own sleeping arrangements. Sasuke shrugged. Kakashi chuckled.
"You know what's going on, don't you?" Sasuke accused.
"Maa, maa, let's just say Jiraiya told me a few interesting stories about what happened with Naruto while they were off training for two years. Just be prepared for anything, and remember that it's not their fault, so don't attack them," Kakashi said cryptically. Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other. Was Naruto going to be attacked? And if so, why was Kakashi so amused about it. "Good night!" Kakashi said before tucking himself away in his sleeping bag.
Sakura and Sasuke merely looked at each other again, thinking the same thing, 'What the hell is going on?'
As it was Sasuke's first watch for the night, he climbed a tree that looked well over the encampment, making sure to have a good focus on Naruto's little fort. 'What is going on with you dobe?' Sasuke mused to himself.
Everything was quiet.
For the first two hours at least.
Sasuke heard a ruffling noise, and activated his sharingan, more on edge than normal, feeling as though both Naruto and Kakashi had left out very important details about this mission and its possible dangers. However, when Sasuke turned to look at the source of the noise, it was merely a fox. The little thing scampered closer to the camp, but Sasuke did not see an exploding tag on it or anything, and so therefore didn't deem it a threat.
Two more ruffling noises from the opposite direction made Sasuke's head turn. Two more foxes had appeared. 'Maybe there's a den nearby?' Sasuke mused, but then, what Sasuke saw next made his jaw drop. No less than fifty foxes had all appeared around their encampment.
Sasuke dropped down silently, gently waking Kakashi and Sakura. Sakura's jaw dropped as she saw the foxes.
"What in the world?" Sakura asked bemused.
"Ah, there's not as many as I expected," Kakashi said, clearly amused.
"You expected this? And you expected more? What on earth is going ON Kakashi?!" Sakura whisper-yelled. Sasuke shook his head and went to warn Naruto about the weird occurrence, but Kakashi held out an arm to stop him.
"Yes, I expected this, and so did Naruto. This has happened before, and it's better to let it happen otherwise it can go on for a weeks," Kakashi warned.
"What will go on for weeks?" Sasuke asked exasperated.
"Kyuubi's heat, of course," Kakashi said, clearly trying hard not to laugh.
"..."
"What?" Sakura asked.
"Basically, the Nine-tails emits pheromones every so often, and foxes come from far and wide," Kakashi explained.
"Wait, wait," Sasuke said, his eyes twinkling, "You mean these are all female foxes that want to mate with Naruto?"
"Pretty much," Kakashi nodded.
"But, but-" Sakura began, clutching her side as she laughed, "but he's a human! Foxes and humans can't mate!"
"Try explaining that to a hormonal fox who doesn't understand you," Kakashi grinned.
"So, what does Naruto do?" Sasuke asked amused as they watched as all the foxes began to begin to rip down the fortress. "And what's the point of building that thing if you said it's best just to let it happen?"
"Well, basically, the foxes have to rip that thing apart, so they will have exhausted some of their energy. You see, it's the smell that attracts them. In order for the smell to go away - I thought I heard you tell him to get a bathe earlier, Sasuke - the female foxes will either rub up against him and therefore their combined scent will overwhelm his, or, well, excrete themselves on him to 'claim' him. Once the collective female smells overpower the Kyuubi's, then they'll start to go home," Kakashi explained.
"They piss on him?" Sasuke asked, knowing that he shouldn't find it as funny as he did. Kakashi nodded. The three of them watched as the female foxes ripped away at the well-built fort. Kakashi's prediction that there would turn out to be more of them ended up being correct.
Sakura's final count at the end of the night would be a staggering 467 foxes.
"Wow, Jiraiya wasn't kidding when they said there would be a lot," Kakashi said in awe.
"Shouldn't we try and help him or something?" Sakura said, biting her nails at the mass of foxes that had swarmed around where Naruto was. They couldn't even see his fort any more it was so crowded with vixens trying to tear at it.
"Naaaah," Kakashi said, "Naruto can take care of himself."
"Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Naruto hollered.
"I think," Kakashi added as an after thought.
"Looks like they got through..." Sasuke said to Sakura, his sharingan activated. "I think he henged himself and a bunch of other clones into, what is that, a pile of rocks?"
"Sounds about right. That way the females can rub themselves against the rocks and the clones instead of Naruto," Kakashi confirmed.
"How can you two find this amusing? Poor Naruto," Sakura said irritably, though her inner Sakura was snickering with laughter. They continued to watch as the horde of vixens began to indeed rub against what seemed to be a big rock pile.
"I think some of them are beginning to recede," Sasuke murmured. Ten minutes later, the mass of foxes had dwindled down to about two dozen.
"Wow, they sure cleared out of here fast," Sakura mused. Another twenty minutes later, all but one of the foxes had left. The remaining fox had curled up at the base of the rock pile.
"Ah, the victor!" Kakashi said, indicating the vixen curled up at the pile of rocks. With a lot of popping noises that indicated the disappearance of Naruto's kage bunshin no jutsu, Naruto also got rid of his own henge from being a rock. He appeared to be wearing a sort of poncho that had kept him free from being doused by the kitsune urine. He took it off, flinging it to the ground.
"Glad to know something can break Sasuke's poker up the ass attitude," Naruto grumped, seeing Sasuke holding back laughter. "It's not funny!" Naruto bit out when Sasuke only grinned wider.
"Naruto, nothing personal, but to watch a horde of female foxes go after a seventeen-year-old male to try and mate with you does have comical connotations," Kakashi said grinning.
"How about I treat you to ramen when we get back?" Sakura offered kindly.
"After you take a bath," Sasuke smirked. Naruto glared at him, but then grinned himself.
"You should take one too," Naruto said smoothly.
"Oh, and why is that?" Sasuke asked amused.
"Look down." There, squatting right by Sasuke's foot was the last vixen, happily peeing on Sasuke's foot.
"I'll treat you all to a trip to the bath house!" Kakashi offered.
"Yatta!" Naruto yelled excitedly.
"I hate foxes," Sasuke muttered, trying hard to look angry, but having trouble as the little fox nuzzled Sasuke's other foot (the non peed on one), and began to lick his toes through the sandals. "Hey, Naruto, I think your new wife likes me better," Sasuke grinned.
"That's not funny!" Naruto yelled. Oh, but to the other three, it was hysterical.
Poor Naruto. Hope you all enjoyed this story! Let me know what you thought. Was it funny? Or do you agree with the title? - JessWithNails